How to Ruin a Day off in One Easy Step

The next morning dawned bright and optimistic. Actually, the mornings in the pocket castle always dawned bright and optimistic, since the pocket castle existed in a separate dimension where the weather was always predictable and nice. It rained just enough to keep the plants happy, at regularly scheduled times. But mornings were always bright and cheerful.

Since it was a bright and cheerful morning, I decided to make the most of it. I knew in the back of my mind that there was a dangerous mission ahead of me. We had to spend an extended amount of time in an alternate dimension and raid Black Alice's castle in that alternate dimension. My plan was to do so without Black Alice, or Alicetroemeria, as she preferred to go by when in "I'm totally an ordinary mage" disguise. Since she was tethered to me somehow, I knew that probably wouldn't fly. But that was tomorrow's problem. Today would be rest and relaxation, except for a meeting scheduled to be held that afternoon to discuss the finer details of our plan.

I decided to do something I never did since moving into the pocket castle: make breakfast. I expected a crowd, but apparently it had been a super late night for everyone due to all the partying, so the only people who dragged themselves into the dining hall were monsters who slept little anyway. Alice was one of those. Throughout our marriage, Alice had always gone to sleep after me and woken up before me. Tamamo had been quite the change, always going to bed a few hours before I did and usually waking up sometime around noon. Tamamo's idea of a busy day during our relaxed centuries of marriage was being up eight hours and only sleeping sixteen.

Alice, along with a paltry few others, got to enjoy a superb Luka breakfast of French Toast, a breakfast that was new to all of them, as it apparently hadn't been invented on this world. Alice ate so much that I was worried that she'd be unable to sit still through the meeting later in the day, much less run it as she usually did. Candy, despite being a layabout, seemed to have a sixth sense of when sweets were being made, so arrived for breakfast promptly and managed to down two loaves of bread worth of my French toast. She expressed extreme gratitude, which meant I was probably getting eaten as well, at my earliest convenience. The promises she made were quite lewd, involving covering me in syrup.

So what does one do in a pocket castle on a day off? Besides getting laid, I mean? Not that getting laid was my goal. It's just that in a castle full of monsters, it's practically inevitable. But I would probably make it to dinner, since if I was in critical ecstasy there would be no dinner. After dinner, I was fair game. So what to do with my morning and afternoon? In the old days, I would have read. I had no books, although I'd been meaning to check out the pocket castle's surprisingly well stocked library. I would have played video games, but there were no video games in this world. Netflix? Forget about it. That left socializing. Which isn't a terrible idea when you're trying to build relationships with allies, and more importantly, turn questionable allies into reliable allies.

The most important of those questionable allies remained Promestein, so I decided to visit her first. Naturally, she hadn't been to last night's party, nor the dinner before it, nor the breakfast that followed. She'd been making progress at getting enough food and rest until she got her hands on that notebook from another dimension. Despite her promises to try to get more rest since she wasn't making much progress deciphering it, that promise had lasted all of two days before she went right back to staring endlessly at that notebook.

Sure enough, she was staring into the notebook when I found her in the basement lab.

"Anything to report?" I asked her.

"Oh, Luka, hi," Promestein replied blearily. "Actually, I have huge news to report."

The tone of her voice suggested that she was bored. I knew that she was actually just exhausted.

"Promestein, please get some sleep," I said.

"Ugh, fine. I've been up for three straight days. That's when what happened, happened. I've been obsessing over it ever since."

"So what happened?"

"There was this…. This device on my desk. I didn't recognize it. Some kind of tech I'd never seen before. It had a button, so naturally I pressed it. The curse of the intellectual is curiosity, after all."

"Nothing bad happened, did it?"

"Not unless you count not being able to do or think about anything else since," Promestein chuckled tiredly. "It was some kind of recording, but not just a recording. It was interactive. It invited me to join something called the Alliance of Wisdom. After I'd solved a ridiculous code that took me fifteen hours to solve."

"Alliance of Wisdom?" I wondered. "I wonder how this Alliance of Wisdom got the device to you?"

"That's not the difficult part. There are many ways. Probably teleportation. Anyway, I had to prove myself to be admitted to this exclusive club. I had to answer three questions of a scientific nature."

"Well, that should be no challenge for you."

"One would think," Promestein replied wryly. "But the questions were insane. The first I had a moderate level of understanding of, although not as sophisticated as these folks. The second and third questions I had no inkling about whatsoever. Just mindblowing stuff."

"Like what?"

"I won't tax your limited intellect with all three, but the second one was something about creating multipotent angelic stem cells. I didn't even think that was possible."

"Angels have stem cells?" I asked.

"Oh, you know what stem cells are? That's a surprise."

"Only vaguely," I admitted. "It was a common topic of scientific discovery on my birth world. But I thought stem cells were matter. Aren't angels made of holy energy?"

Promestein wearily got up, stretched and yawned, then approached me. She put her finger in her mouth and then stuck it in my ear.

"Hey! You gave me a wet willy!"

"Is a wet willy possible with only energy? Did you not feel my finger, and spit?" Promestein asked. "When I was jerking you off or blowing you, did that feel like energy, or flesh?"

"Flesh of course. Thank you for that, by the way."

"For the wet willy?" Promestein asked, arching an eyebrow. "Does it turn you on somehow?"

"No, it's just that Alice would hae demonstrated the point to me by slapping me."

"I considered it, but I get a sense of humor when I'm tired. So angels, that's what we were talking about. Angels are made of a type of holy energy that can seamlessly exist as both pure flesh and pure energy at the same time. We don't switch between the two states, we are both. That's why nothing that is made purely of matter or dark energy can harm us. Only holy energy can strike holy energy."

"I've never understood that," I said. "I could slap you right now, couldn't I? I mean, your body feels like flesh when I touch it."

"That's because it is. And it isn't. Holy energy is magic. Magic can do things that are hard to explain scientifically. Things that don't always make sense. Whether or not you can touch me depends a lot on your intent. If you tried to slap me, your hand would pass harmlessly through my face. Go on, try it."

I did, and sure enough, my hand passed through Promestein's face.

"But flesh can't be created with only energy," Promestein continued. "We are biological creatures as well. And that biology is governed by the same things your biology is. DNA, stem cells, et cetera. Now making angelic stem cells is simple. I can do that in my sleep. But multipotent angelic stem cells? That's another thing entirely."

"Why? Are they more complex?"

"Immensely. Even Ilias can't create them. But she's made of them. At least the real Ilias is. The diminished version we travel with doesn't have those cells. Actually, she's in a weird place right now where her holy energy is so limited that she actually is flesh and blood and can be hurt like a human."

"So if Ilias can't create them, are they naturally occurring? Ilias is made up of them, right?"

"That's what I said," Promestein replied. "Ilias can split off parts of herself to make more angels with multipotent stem cells. Those angels became the Seraphs. But she loses those cells forever once she splits them from herself, unless she reabsorbs them."

"Is that what happened when Micaela died and gave Ilias the energy she had left?"

"Alas, no," Promestein answered. "In order to transfer multipotent stem cells, the giver either has to have the power to do so, which Seraphs do not, or the receiver has to be powerful enough to take them back, which Ilias would be at her full power, but as she was, no. All Micaela could do was fill her with more holy energy to increase her power somewhat."

"So what could you do with these multipotent stem cells?" I asked. "If you could create them."

"The mind boggles," Promestein said. "You could create a new god. Or become one. Or design hybrid beings with godlike powers. Fufufufu…."

"Promestein, I don't like where your mind seems to be going."

"Oh, sorry. For now, I've considered one of two possibilities. The first, is that they incredibly already know how to create these stem cells and simply want me to demonstrate that I have the intellectual capacity and creativity to do it myself. The second is that they believe I'm the only one in a position to create them, and that it's very important to them that I do create them."

"I can't imagine anyone smarter than you," I said. "You were literally created to be the smartest person alive."

"I've considered that myself, and the answer to the question of who is smarter than me is as intriguing as the questions I'm being asked to solve. My initial hypothesis is that Ilias presents a unique opportunity for experimentation. Although she has no multipotent stem cells in her current form, the potential is there. I'd originally thought it impossible to create them, but I never envisioned what Ilias is here and now. That has to be the key to this puzzle."

"Promestein, no experimentation without the subject's consent," I warned.

"Oh, I don't think that will be a problem. I'll just tell Ilias that if I solve the problem, I can restore her to her full power."

"Is that true?"

"Maybe. Fufufufu."

"Promestein, please go to bed," I ordered.

"Carry me. Fufufu…"

I deposited Promestein into her own bed. She was already asleep in my arms before I reached her room. While not a child, more of an older teenager, I found this version of Promestein adorable. She was a lot more earnest and open than the older, jaded Promestein I'd known for so long.

Next on my list of unreliable allies was Spider Princess. She'd pledged to not make any more trouble for me, and I knew enough to take a high ranking monster at her word when she gave it. Monsters had a deep sense of honor, although I knew from experience that you had to be careful. They didn't always interpret their obligations the same way humans did. But I knew that she would at least never act in a malicious way towards me again. That didn't mean we were true allies. She hadn't shown up for dinner and she certainly hadn't been present for the party celebrating her defeat. I had to check on her and gauge her state of mind.

I'd expected to find her brooding. Instead, I found her happily chit chatting with the Beelzebubs, while knitting! I had to admit, knitting seemed a natural hobby for one who could create silk from her own body.

"Hey, are you all busy?" I asked.

"Oh, I always have time for you!" Spider Princess said happily. "Here, I have a gift for you!"

"A gift?" I asked, nonplussed. Hadn't I just sealed her yesterday? Hadn't I only just ended her dreams of conquest, of using humans as livestock, and incidentally dominating the ant girls as well? Spider Princess's ambitions seemed too huge for her to be so happy at seeing them crushed.

"Yes, a gift for my beloved," Spider Princess said happily, handing me what looked like a sweater. She'd knitted me an ugly sweater?

"Is this a…. sweater?" I asked, leaving out the "ugly" part so as to avoid ruining her shockingly good mood. I decided to ignore the "beloved"for the time being.

"It can be," Spider Princess said. "but it's mainly armor. Spider silk is one of the best light armors one can wear."

"I've never seen anyone wear this in combat," I said, tentatively testing the fabric with my finger, as if that would tell me anything.

"That's because few are worthy to wear it. One doesn't find this in stores."

"I see silk in stores all the time," I countered.

"From silkworm girls, yes," Spider Princess laughed derisively. "While I reluctantly admit that their silk is the finest, ours is of a more rugged quality. And unlike the silkworm girls, we do not sell our silk. We only give it to those we respect and love. Since I love you, I felt it appropriate to demonstrate my affection with something that can help you in your quest."

"Thank you," I said. "But why are you being so nice to me? Weren't we at each other's throats just yesterday?"

Spider Princess had jumped to the place that I wanted her to be in just one day! I'd expected it to take weeks of buttering her up to get her to this point.

"Oh, so little you know about monsters!" Spider Princess laughed heartily. The Beelzebubs shared her laughter. "Any human that can defeat a strong monster is worthy of respect and admiration. In addition, we don't like to refight battles already lost unless we have reason to expect a different result. I have engaged you and your forces twice. It was one time too many."

"Then why do it a second time?"

"Oh, you said I wasn't a prisoner, and Black Alice told me that I shouldn't give up on my dream."

"Did she now?" I asked, my mood turning sour. Speaking of unreliable allies….

"Yes, she told us that you were too weak minded to be successful in your quest," Striga added. "So we decided that we would see who between you and Spider Princess was the stronger. We need no more convincing. You are strong indeed."

"My alliance with you is now official," Spider Princess said happily. "It will be even stronger when we seal it with our marriage."

"Our what now?"

"Marriage, of course. In order to marry a Monster Lord, the man must be stronger than she is."

"What does the Monster Lord have to do with this?" I asked, getting more and more confused.

"I intend to compete in the next succession battle," Spider Princess said proudly. "I originally wished to be queen of the insects, but once you defeat the Monster Lord, a new succession battle will be required. And with Alipheese the Sixteenth in no condition to viably compete, that means I must only defeat Black Alice and Alipheese the Seventeenth."

"Only? Do you realize how strong those two are?"

"I have a plan. They will weaken each other and I will pounce on the one who is still standing."

"I see. Let's circle back to this marriage thing. Why would I marry you?"

"Why wouldn't you? Am I not the loveliest creature you have ever laid eyes on?"

"No," I said bluntly. "Don't get me wrong, you're extremely hot in a dark, gothic way. But I've known gods, seraphs, ancestors, and high ranking succubi. I think you might be overrating yourself a bit."

"You'll come around," Spider Princess said confidently. "Once you see what I have to offer you, you will want to be married to me. But I can wait. I recognize that we were recently at odds, and it takes humans time to get over that. In the meantime, I must prepare for our wonderful day. I'm currently working on your wedding outfit. The Beelzebubs are helping me design it."

"You'll be dashing!" Medea agreed. Great. Another conspiracy against me.

"Look, Spider Princess," I said, trying to be diplomatic. "I actually want to be your friend, so a word of advice. If you want to be Monster Lord, you need to actually know about the people and lands that you're going to govern. You've been isolated a long time. So I'll make a deal with you. I'll show you the world and explain things to you that you might not understand."

"What could I possibly need to know?" Spider Princess asked haughtily. "My strength and intelligence are enough now."

Both were questionable, and even the Beelzebubs thought so, although they saw opportunity in what I offered.

"Don't be so sure of that!" Striga said. "What we've seen has been unbelievable. You absolutely must let Luka show you the wondrous sights and interesting people! Your love for him will only deepen as you share those experiences."

Hoo boy. That was likely to be an unwelcome side effect.

"Well if you believe such activities have value, who am I to gainsay my love and my new friends?" Spider Princess asked rhetorically. "Very well. I know that you have little time, but when you do, I will happily accompany you to wherever you wish to take me. I understand that you can instantly teleport to anywhere in the world?"

"Anywhere I've been, anyway."

"Excellent! The sisters have told me that Yamatai is a wonderful place! Can we go there first? It will be a pre-honeymoon!"

"Yamatai it is," I agreed. "Since you seem to be in such a great mood, can I count on you for kitchen help?"

"I'm very busy preparing, but I will assist when I can."

"Thank you, Spider Princess. And I'm very happy to see that you're doing well. I look forward to getting to know you better."

I turned to leave, but Barbarella stopped me.

"Luka?" she said. "Thank you for being so kind to us. No one has ever been kind to us. Not monsters, not humans. This world is strange and often scary to us, but I think I speak for all three of us when I say that it's nice to be liked. If you want to build a world of coexistence, we are with you."

"Make that four of us," Spider Princess said. "I am grateful as well."

Gulp. I might want to be careful about entering that room in the future. Insect monsters could be… freaky.

I intended to go see Sonya next, or perhaps Ilias, but my conversation with Spider Princess reminded me of another guest in our castle, one Carmilla the vampire. There had been so much going on that I'd forgotten that she'd been taken back to the castle. I needed to find out if Alicetroemeria had been in her ear as well.

I ran into Yuki, feeling the blast of cold air before I even rounded the corner to see her. I asked her if she knew where Carmilla was being kept. Sometimes it seemed that everyone in the castle knew things that I didn't. Yuki directed me to Carmilla's room, her sweet cool breath raising goosebumps on my skin as she spoke.

Finding Carmilla's room, I knocked and entered. Carmilla was sitting on the bed, reading a book. The title was "History of the Vampires".

"I hope this question won't offend you," I said. "But how much of that history have you been around to see?"

Vampires were one of those races that could be truly ancient. As powerful as Carmilla was, she either had to be a young prodigy, or quite old. Carmilla smiled, not offended at all by my question.

"Not as much as you'd think, but I've been around for quite a lot," Carmilla answered. "Probably… oh… the last twenty chapters. And no, I'm not going to tell you my exact age."

"I'm sorry I haven't spoken to you yet. With all that's been going on, to be honest, I'd forgotten you were here. You know, you can come for dinner in the dining hall. I imagine Alice doesn't want you leaving the castle, but you aren't confined to this room."

"We vampires don't eat a lot of normal food," Carmilla replied. "Like succubi, we live mainly off semen. In addition, we like to suck out raw energy. We can eat food in a pinch, but it's tasteless to us."

"Oh. Well as long as you're okay…. Look, I need to know if Alicetroemeria has spoken to you."

"Yeah, she came by a couple of times," Carmilla confirmed. "Alice and Alma Elma handled my interrogation after I was taken, but Alicetroemeria has been by just to chat about stuff. Do you realize she's Black Alice?"

"Yeah, worst kept secret ever," I chuckled. "So what did she say to you?"

"Oh, just what she said when she first recruited us. How we vampires are unjustly hated, how we have the right to rule. We deserve all the semen we can eat, yada yada."

"Interesting. And it didn't make you decide to go back to your people and renew your part of the conflict?"

"Hell no!" Carmilla replied. "I didn't believe in it from the start, and I got chomped on by an alligator girl for my troubles! Now don't get me wrong, I'm a loyal soldier and I do as my queen orders. And I love to chomp on a man as much as any vampire girl. But we vampires have never had difficulty blending in and getting access to males. Almost all of us can change our form and disguise ourselves. I saw no need for a war, and most vampires agreed with me. Our queen is pretty ambitious, but even she had to see the futility when we were so easily defeated in Sabasa. I heard she surrendered?"

"She did," I confirmed. "She wasn't about to fight alone after the other three monster tribes had given up. You're right about her. She's no fool. Since the vampires have surrendered, there's no need for you to be kept here. You can go back home if you want."

"You know, I kinda like you," Carmilla said with a sweet, if unnerving smile. "I haven't been told much, but I know you're on a pretty important quest. Maybe I can help."

"That would be fantastic!" I said enthusiastically. "A high ranking vampire on our team would be a great addition."

Carmilla rose from the bed and stood in front of me. "Then I'm proud to be part of the team! I'm in your care now. So how about we talk about feeding? Have you ever been fed on by a vampire?"

"I actually have not," I replied honestly. "I mean, I guess they've started to feed on me. But I never let them finish."

"Want the full service?" Carmilla asked.

Oh, but she was beautiful! Ever since her counterpart had sunk her fangs into me so many years ago as I slept, I'd occasionally through about her. I'd never met a prettier vampire in all my years and she was standing right in front of me offering to fulfill my dreams. Or nightmares.

"I guess it is my day off," I said. "But there's a rule around here. An unspoken one, but still a rule. I cook the dinner and all the other monsters love my cooking, so I can't be out of it until after dinner."

"Ah, I get it," Carmilla nodded knowingly. "I am pretty hungry, though. Maybe just a little energy?"

"Even one orgasm would make working in the kitchen a little hazardous for me," I cautioned.

"I'm not talking about an orgasm. We vampires can suck out some energy without making you come. Semen is our favorite food. We are monsters, after all. But a little nip can give me the energy I need to tide me over until I can more properly eat you."

"Oh, well if that's all…. What does this involve? Do you have a tail under that cape?"

"Haven't you ever read a vampire book?" Carmilla laughed, then moved some of my overgrown hair aside to better expose my neck. Oh.

Carmilla opened her mouth and gently sunk her teeth into my neck. In contrast to the instant of pain when Alma Elma had done that to me, I was assaulted with instant pleasure the moment her teeth touched me. A warm feeling extended from my neck to my shoulders and then down to my torso. The pleasure was only enhanced as I felt her swallowing, as if she was sucking my blood out. Was she?

She pulled away after a minute, wiping a small amount of blood off of her lips. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" she asked. "Just a little energy, and a little tasty blood to go with it. I plan to do a lot more tonight. Look forward to it."

With a fetching smile she returned to her bed and resumed her book. I definitely wanted to come back later tonight. As it turned out, I would be sidetracked.

I found Alicetroemeria's room with little trouble. Out of respect for her position as Monster Lord from another era, Alice had given her a royal suite. I knocked politely. Alicetroemeria bade me enter.

"Eight, what are you playing at?" I asked, forgoing the small talk.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Alicetroemeria replied sweetly.

"Advising Spider Princess and Carmilla to make war on the human kingdoms is what I'm talking about! I know you haven't directly told me that you're an ally. I know you're just tagging along for your own amusement. And I also realize that I can't easily get rid of you. But would it be too much to ask that you not provoke wars while you're here?"

"Wellll…. Maybe if I had something to do… I provoked those tea parties because you didn't bring me to the last two."

"I did that because you're a little too brutal for my tastes," I shot back.

"I followed your orders to the letter," Alicetroemeria countered. "You told me not to kill so I didn't. Against the spiders you gave me a green light, but preferred that I not kill. I followed those orders as well, not just in letter, but in spirit. Even though you gave me permission to slaughter them, I didn't, because I knew you didn't really want me to go that far if I could avoid it."

That stopped me short. Her brutality against the spiders had actually been ordered by me, although I hadn't been fully aware of the consequences of that order. Was I any different from Spider Princess, who also hadn't ordered killing, but had been unaware of what her attack on Grangold would inevitably lead to?

"So this is all about you feeling left out?!" I asked, switching tactics. "From feeding on me to getting involved in our fights, you've relied consistently on manipulation and blackmail to get what you want. I like to think I'm a nice guy. If you just ask, and play nice yourself, you'll find that you'll usually get what you want."

"You are a nice guy, I can see that. That's part of your problem. You're going to learn the pitfalls of that soon enough, I'd expect. Nice guys don't save the world. Hard men do."

"Is that what you're trying to do to Heinrich?" I asked accusingly.

"Heinrich?" Alicetromeria laughed. "I could care less if Heinrich is hard or soft, nice or mean. I just find him amusing. Sexy, too. I'm not 'trying' to do anything there except have a little fun."

"You're impossible!" I exclaimed. "What will it take to get you back to where you belong?"

"Introduce me to my counterpart. As fun as you are, you're no Heinrich. I'm already getting bored with you. I stay because I know that eventually you'll run into her and I want to see what my future looks like."

"I don't know where Black Alice is!" I said with exasperation. "We could run into her tomorrow, or never! My mission isn't to stop Black Alice this time. It's to defeat the darkness that's trying to consume the world! Our paths might never cross!"

"Well, I've been hearing through the grapevine that you know things. That you've encountered versions of me before. Where would you expect to find her, knowing what you know?"

"The place that I encountered her in our final battle no longer exists in this world," I said with resignation. "The other times I ran into her, she dropped in on me. I haven't the slightest clue where to find your counterpart."

"Then you're stuck with me," she said with finality, folding her arms in faux petulance.

"Fine," I said, putting my hand to my temple. I was beginning to get a headache talking to this woman. "From now on, you come with us for MOST excursions outside the castle. There will be times when I need to do something that doesn't involve you. I choose my team based on their talents for whatever task is needed."

"Fair enough," Alicetroemeria said happily. "When I'm fighting by your side, I'll continue to fight the way you want me to. I do the same for Heinrich, so I'm used to it. I promise I won't make any new trouble when you do decide to leave me here in the castle."

"Thank you," I said with relief. "Look, tomorrow we're probably going to be going on a mission that I can't involve you in. I hope you understand."

"Oh, you mean the assault on my castle?" she asked sweetly.

Ugh. There were no secrets in this castle. I didn't care so much when the castle only contained true allies. With people like Alicetroemeria around, we needed tighter control of information.

"We need the blue orb," I said. "I'm sure you know what's at stake. If you do insist on coming along, it would behoove you to help us. Your life is forfeit as much as any of ours if we fail. If our world dies, your world dies. That future you're so curious about never comes."

"Then I will be delighted to help you!" she replied.

"Really? It's that easy?"

"Even easier than you think. Can you teleport directly to my castle?"

"No," I admitted. "I can only teleport to where I've already been. And even then, I have to have a clear picture of the place in my mind. The best I can do is return us to Succubus Village in your world. Then we have to get a boat and journey through a dangerous cave, then cross most of Hellgondo continent on foot."

"Wow, that's quite a quest! You should be glad I'm coming along, then! You don't have to do any of that stuff with me here."

"Really?" I asked. "What do you mean?"

"All Monster Lords can teleport, doofus!" Alicetroemeria laughed. "I just can't teleport between worlds like you can. If you take me to my Succubus Village, I can take you to my castle. A quest that would have taken you a week can be done in an afternoon if all goes well!"

That sounded too good to be true. I knew how hard it was for Alice to just let everyone take a day off when she was so worried about her mother. Intellectually, Alice understood the importance of a well rested, clear minded team. During the first war I'd ever been involved in, the Ilias War, she had forced me to rest even though people were dying while I did so. She knew how much it killed me to know that I was sleeping while people suffered, and I knew it killed her as well. But she knew that if I was weak from fatigue, the war would be lost and everyone would have died. But if Alicetroemeria could get us to that orb in an afternoon rather than a week, that would make Alice so happy! I liked Alice when she was happy. Good things happened to me when she was happy.

"There's just one tiny catch," Alicetroemeria said, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"Uh oh," I said. "I should have known."

"It's only a tiny one. I'm hungry. Feed me and I'll take you to the castle, no problem."

"Deal," I said, relieved that she just wanted a meal. I am so gullible sometimes. "Blow job again?"

"As tasty as you are, I want to do you properly. Take your clothes off and lay down on the bed."

"Wait, if you're not using your mouth, you don't mean…."

"It'll be good, I promise. And unlike my mouth, my tentacles and various openings aren't toxic."

"Various openings? You have…. Various openings?"

"What's the big deal? Your friend Nanabi has various openings."

She had a point. Grudgingly, I removed my clothes and laid down on the bed. Alicetroemeria climbed in and got on top of me. I could almost hear the tentacles under her skirt writhing around in anticipation. Why, oh why couldn't she just do me in human form? She'd actually started to rape me in human form once, a long, long time ago. That hadn't been so bad. I closed my eyes. Just enjoy the sensations. She's not lying when she says it will feel amazing. Just don't look. Probably best not to hear either.

I felt a tentacle grab me and pull me into something slimy, soft, and ribbed. Any Monster Lord would be highly skilled at pleasure attacks, as well as all other kinds of attacks, so it wasn't surprising that it sent me to a world of amazing sensations. But why did it have to be so revolting at the same time?

"It's chewing on me!" I gasped as whatever it was made toothless chewing motions on my cock.

"You know you like it," Black Alice laughed.

I had to admit I did, although I wasn't liking the smells or the sounds very much. I imagined I'd like it even less if I opened my eyes. The digusting nature of it was arousing in a weird way, though, as her orifice continued to suck me in deeper as it chewed, tugging at my penis continuously. It was like getting a hand job, blow job, and intercourse all at the same time.

I erupted into her weird orifice, it's stroking and sucking and chewing merciless as I came. The extra intense critical ecstasy that Black Alice inflicted on me took effect, nearly causing me to lose consciousness from just one intense orgasm.

"This is why only you can feed me the way I want to feed," Alicetroemeria said. "You're strong enough. Most men aren't. I've ended a lot of lives this way. Do you think that makes me an evil person? I guess it does. Does it help that most of the men wanted me to do it?"

'Most' was doing a lot of work in her rationalizations. While I was sure the men enjoyed it immensely, I doubt many of them wanted it to be the last pleasure they ever tasted.

"Let's see," Alicetroemeria said as a tentacle pulled me out of her. "How about…. This one?"

My manhood was shoved into another hole, this one less tight, but even more gooey and squishy. Were any of these her vagina? Did she even have one anymore? This one at least felt safer, if even more disgusting. The pleasure was less intense, not as tight. The smell was even stronger, however. I couldn't understand why a woman as beautiful as her wanted to do something like that to herself.

I drifted in and out of consciousness as her other weird orifice gently massaged me. Goo and juices whose compositionI didn't even want to contemplate were pooling around my crotch area, running down my thighs. I would definitely be needing a shower after this. The bedsheets would have to be washed as well, or better yet, burned. It felt amazing, but I really just wanted to finish so she could move on to something else, or better yet, just be satisfied.

I did come eventually, Alicetroemeria's eyes rolling back in pleasure as she absorbed my high energy semen. It may not have tasted as good that way, but it tended to hit monsters harder and faster when they ate from their vaginas, like a shot of heroin.

"Thanks for the meal," Alicetroemeria said, lowering her skirt back into place. "Ready to go?"

"Go?" I asked blearily, barely awake.

"To my castle. Remember, your mission?"

"Tomorrow," I said. "We were going to leave tomorrow. Today's my day off."

"Not anymore, hero! Did you really think I'd let you loose in my castle all full of vim, vigor, and vitality? Nope! If you want in my castle, it's as you are now."

That woke me up. "A human in the Monster Lord's castle?! While already in critical ecstasy?! That's suicidal!"

"Then I'd suggest you stay out of sight as best you can. Take it or leave it, hero. You can go fetch the blue orb with me now, or you can brave the tunnels and risk the lives of your friends. The castle at least has civilized monsters. You stand a better chance at avoiding a fight with them than you do hungry wild monsters."

"You can't be serious."

"Deadly serious. Those are the terms. Oh, and don't bother putting clothes on. You're going in nude."

"Nude? Not that it's unusual for me to have to fight in the buff, but I prefer not to start out that way."

"Naked and in critical ecstasy," she said firmly. "That's how it is."

Every sense I had warned me that I was in serious danger. My naked butt in critical ecstasy in Black Alice's castle would be like throwing a steak to a pack of wild dogs. But my brain told me that Alicetroemeria was amusing herself. She knew that my death meant her death. She was toying with me. She had a point about the monsters in the castle being civilized, More importantly, they answered to her. She had an interest in keeping me safe, although she would certainly not protect me from being repeatedly violated. But this was for Alice, as well as the fate of the world. For Alice I would let anything violate me as many times as necessary if it got me that orb without putting her and my friends at risk.

"Fine," I said. "Here we go."

With a thought, I went from lying naked on the bed in Alicetroemeria's room to lying naked on the ground in the middle of Succubus Village. Speaking of a slab of meat just deposited in the middle of a bunch of predators. At least six succubi that just happened to be strolling by picked up my scent immediately. Since the succubi here were still living undercover, they didn't try to be too obvious about it. But I knew several were approaching. I resigned myself. Let the multiple rapes commence!

Alicetroemeria had other plans, however. She let them get close, then snatched me away at the last second. I found myself on harder ground, right outside the castle.

"Well, are you just going to lay there, or are you going to get up and enter the castle?" Alicetroemeria teased.

"Give me a moment," I whined. "You're sexual magic is pretty strong. I may need you to help me walk. Are you at least willing to do that?"

"Sure thing," she said, hosting me up and supporting me with an arm around her shoulder. "But once we enter those gates, I'm going invisible. I don't want to be seen with you just yet."

That brought back memories. I noticed the lack of guards at the gate.

"Why is the gate open and unguarded?" I wondered.

"I don't have a lot of friends for some reason," she replied. "So you'll find it pretty easy to move around in there. If you listen to your little wind spirit well enough, you should be able to hide when someone gets close. You'll need to. I may not have a lot of friends but the ones I do have are strong. You stand no chance. Unless you want to unleash that power of yours. It seems you can use it even when you're critical."

"I can, but my control is pretty bad at the best of times, even worse when I'm in critical ecstasy. I'd kill someone for sure. Given how few friends you have, I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate me splattering them on your walls."

"The castle could use some new decorations," was her reply.

"I'm beginning to see why you don't have many friends."

"I have you now," she laughed. "Isn't this what friends do, play practical jokes on each other?"

"So where is this blue orb?" I asked.

"The grand hall looks a lot like it does in the pocket castle," she replied. "Don't go to the throne room. If you enter the throne room, something very bad will happen to you. Go the opposite direction. There's a treasure room there. The blue orb will be in a box labeled "orb thingie". To be honest, I didn't know what it was. It just looked pretty and emanated powerful magic."

I steeled myself as we entered the foyer. No one was around. I signaled that I could stand on my own and Alicetroemeria disappeared. She'd chosen the most powerful invisibility spell. I couldn't even detect her presence if I used Sylph to listen closely. That made sense. If she had powerful friends who she didn't want seeing her, she'd need sophisticated magic to hide from them.

Although the castle looked vastly different from Alice's, it still brought back memories of the first time I'd stalked these halls looking for the Heavenly Knights. That had been a terrifying and exhilarating day. I had been so young then, full of an adventurous spirit, and full of shit as well. Somehow I'd succeeded in spite of my limitations. But at least then I'd been full of energy. Today I felt like I'd gone six rounds with Alma Elma. I doubted I could defeat a slug girl. Or even run away from one.

I staggered forward, using the wall to hold me up, praying that I wouldn't encounter anyone. I listened carefully to the wind. I heard nothing. That didn't fully set my mind at ease. Some monsters could be hard to detect. Vampires were one example. Vampires were difficult to detect under any circumstances. Succubi could also shield their presence, using the very wind I relied on to hear their approach to hide themselves. And if there was one thing Monster Lord Castles were full of, it was vampires and succubi.

It seemed a miracle, but I managed to evade detection. There'd been many encounters, but I'd managed to slip into shadows or vacant rooms. Half the time, the monster would sniff the air, sure that she smelled something tasty. Then she'd wrinkle her nose. Perhaps having Black Alice's juices all over me was protecting me in a way. It made my male smells hard to detect when mixed in with her strong odors. The monsters probably just assumed I was a Scylla or something.

I peeked into the grand hall from around a corner. No one was around. I hadn't seen a castle this deserted since we'd first entered the Pocket castle and it only contained my core group plus Lime plus the imps. Alice's real castle had never been this deserted. How many people had Black Alice killed or alienated?

I was beginning to regain a little bit of strength. I knew I was in no condition for a melee fight. I was too slow, too uncoordinated, too weak. But at least now I had a reasonable chance of running away without falling flat on my face. I just had to hope that if I had an encounter, it was with someone slow.

I rushed through the wide open grand hall as quickly as I could. There was no place to hide, except lamely behind a column, which never works outside of the movies. Speed would be my stealth. To my relief, I reached the treasure room. All I needed to do was get in there, get the orb out of the clearly labeled box, and then teleport back home. I didn't even need to worry about Alicetroemeria. She was tethered to me and would return when I did, even if I wasn't aware of her location. Not that I'd consider it a tragedy if she got left behind.

I opened the door and my heart sank. My luck had run out. I had a sinking feeling it wasn't luck. Why would three powerful monsters be in a treasure room? Unless they were expecting me. That crazy bi-!

"Welcome, hero!" a vampire addressed me. "We've been ordered by Black Alice to keep you company today."

It was a set up. But why? What did Black Alice have to gain by this? I had foolishly not accounted for her insanity. She did it because she was Black Alice. No other explanation was required.

"We are the Three Nobles of Black," the succubus announced. "We are Black Alice's most elite knights. We greet you!"

So they were Black Alice's version of the Heavenly Knights. Not good. I reached for my power, trying to use it to cure my critical ecstasy. I'd done it before. But it had only ever worked in times of extreme desperation. The threat was clear, and yet it didn't "feel" like that kind of situation yet.

"Do you know the penalty for invading the sacred home of all monsters?" the lamia asked. The threat was becoming clearer. I knew exactly what the penalty was.

"Can I at least know your names before you do whatever it is you're going to do to me?" I asked.

"Certainly," the vampire replied. "I am Black Rose. The lovely lamia is Black Mamba, and the luscious succubus is Black Dahlia."

All three were pretty, although their hairstyles and clothing recalled a more rustic time. All wore their hair shorter than would have been fashionable in my time, and their clothes were very medieval, rather than the mix of medieval and modern that monsters from my time preferred. Black Mamba was particularly striking, a Nefertiti lamia with beautiful ebony skin, her snake portion jet black.

"I'm only here for the blue orb," I said. "then I'll be on my way. I have no intention of hurting anyone."

"So you are a thief? How disappointing," Black Dahlia said. "Do you think that will lessen your punishment, admitting to such a petty crime?"

"I don't want trouble. I'm doing this for you. Your own lives are at stake. I am a hero, and I'm trying to save your world. With the blue orb I can do that!"

"That is of no concern to us," Black Mamba said. "We have our orders. We are to entertain you."

Did that mean kill, or just rape? I was ready for Black Alice to subject me to rape on this mission and I'd accepted that. If that's all this was, I'd submit and stumble out with the orb. But her insanity made me wonder. I couldn't very well entrust myself to these Nobles of Black. But could I fight them? I didn't see how. Even at full strength, I'd only be a match for them one on one.

They had no intention of challenging me one on one. My critical ecstasy turned out to be a moot point. Black Mamba was wrapped around me in an instant. I felt Black Rose's fangs enter my neck, choosing the opposite side of where Carmilla had bitten me. Since I was naked, it was no trouble at all for Black Dahlia to swallow my penis. Not even the strength Gnome gave me would have gotten me out of that triple bind.

"Alicetroemeria!" I called. "Nothing about this serves your purpose! Now would be a good time to intervene!"

I expected nothing. Alice would never have responded to such a plea on our original journey. I resigned myself to getting thoroughly violated. I had an out. I could teleport myself back, even while wrapped up by Black Mamba. I was confident of that. But if I did that, I wouldn't have the orb. It would certainly be moved as soon as I left, now that I'd foolishly revealed that it was what I was after.

I expected nothing, but to my surprise, Alicetroemeria appeared behind the Nobles of Black. She cleared her throat.

"My lord!" Black Dahlia said, spitting out my dick and standing at attention in front of her liege. Black Rose also turned, releasing her fangs from my neck. Black Mamba was already facing her, but did not release me.

"You are carrying out my orders quite efficiently," Black Alice said. "Very nice teamwork there. I put him in crtitcal ecstasy before bringing him here, but it looks like you would have taken him easily regardless. Impressive."

"We serve you always, my lord," Black Rose said, bowing her head. "Your orders were not specific in regards to what we should do with the hero. Shall we drain him and evict him from the castle?"

"Keep him as a sex slave?" Black Dahlia asked eagerly.

"In a moment," Alicetroemeria said dismissively. "Luka, it appears you're in a bit of a fix. Why don't you just get out of it? You have the power."

"He does?" Black Mamba asked with a worried voice.

"I don't have any control whatsoever right now!" I shouted. "If I unleash now it'll kill them! I won't do that!"

"Wait, what?" Black Rose asked.

"Would that be so bad?" Black Alice asked. "All of them have killed. They deserve it."

"My lord!" Black Dahila pleaded. "You would spend our lives so cheaply? Who is this human that he wields such power?"

"Oh, don't worry, he's not going to do it," Black Alice said, sighing. "He doesn't have the balls. Even with his own life and the world's at stake, he won't do it. Useless."

Black Dahlia looked back at me uncertainly. Black Rose stared at Black Alice in disbelief.

"This doesn't make sense!" I shouted. "Why are you doing this?! You need me! If I die, you die! If I get kept here a sex slave, you die! If I don't get that orb, you die!"

"And if you don't have the fortitude to do what's necessary, I still die!" Black Alice countered. "The orb is right there!" she yelled, pointing at a clearly marked box, just as she had said it was. "All you have to do is blast those three and it's yours! Isn't it worth it to save the universe? Isn't it worth it for Alice?"

I closed my eyes in despair. She was insane. She was putting me in an impossible position. Commit murder, or lose everything I cared about. I considered it. I considered unleashing with everything I had, in the hopes of taking out Black Alice as well. I hated her in that moment, more than I had ever hated her before. My power started to build inside me. It demanded release. It demanded Black Alice's life. Black Mamba felt it and became increasingly fearful.

"No," the lamia pleaded. "Please don't. I don't want to die."

Black Dahlia looked just as frightened. Only Black Rose maintained her stern visage, although her sternness seemed more directed at her master than at me. As much as these three might have deserved it, I couldn't do it. Maybe it was the sinister gloating of Renael that had made it easy. Maybe it was the way she had taken joy in the suffering of her victims. Lashing out in righteous anger at such behavior, such evil, felt natural. Doing it to people who were afraid, who were only following orders because of their fear, seemed wrong. My power died down. Black Mamba sighed in relief.

"As I said, useless," Black Alice said through gritted teeth. "Now I'll have to be the heroine of this story. I have tons of power myself, you know. I'll solve this problem. I may not have your power, but I have the will! I will do whatever is fucking necessary to save my world! What good is your power if you won't use it!?"

"Maybe you're right," I said with resignation. "But there are just some things I can't do. My power responds to my emotions. I just don't have the will to kill your Nobles. I saw the looks on their faces. These are not evil people. They've done bad things because you ordered them to. Maybe this is a harsher world, maybe that's why they are the way they are. But they can change. You…. I've known a few versions of you, Eight. All of them came to a bad end because they had no conscience whatsoever. Their madness, their lust for power, all brought them down. If for no other reason but self interest, you should want to choose a different path."

Black Alice seemed to consider my words. Then she simply huffed and turned her back.

"Drain him dry," Black Alice ordered. "And just before he's about to die, Black Mamba… Swallow him."

"But my lord!" Black Mamba pleaded. "You know I don't swallow!"

"You do today. This man is a criminal of the worst sort. He refuses to do what is necessary to save us all. He's no hero. He's a weakling. Weak minded, weak willed. All his power can't make up for that. Eat him like the pathetic man he is."

With that, Black Alice vanished. I sighed. What a waste of time. I still had an out. I could just leave. But I needed that orb. I tried to reason with them one last time.

"She doesn't care about you," I pleaded. "I do have the will to save us. I won't kill you because I consider your lives as important as everyone else's. I believe you can change. I saw it in your eyes. Let me go, let me take the orb, and I promise you I will save us!"

"Chaos has been spreading," Black Rose responded. "I have faith in our lord, but she has thus far failed to take effective action. She's been amusing herself with the hero Heinrich."

"Maybe we should let him go," Black Mamba agreed. "Even Black Alice admitted that he's a nice man."

"No," Black Dahlia said, sighing. "We must carry out our master's orders. We must trust her. She had her reasons to test the hero. He has failed the test. She's right. It's up to her to save us now. She will need our loyalty in the trying days ahead."

Black Dahlia fell to her knees. "In thanks for your mercy, you will taste the finest of pleasures before you die. You will feel no pain. Even in Black Mamba's stomach you will feel only pleasure."

"I so don't want to do this!" Black Mamba said with anguish.

"Black Dahlia is right," Black Rose said reluctantly. "We are who we are. We serve the Monster Lord."

I'd lost. The day had been a complete bust. With a thought, I teleported out.

I collapsed in exhaustion in the hallway of the pocket castle. I was devastated. The orb would be moved, forcing us to search an entire alternate world for it. Worse, I'd seen Black Alice at her darkest. There had been brief moments when I'd dared hope that even she could be changed. Those hopes were dashed by the casual disregard she had for life.

"You are so pathetic," I heard Alicetroemeria say behind me.

My power surged within me. My critical ecstasy, my weakness from having energy drained by Black Rose, was gone. My rage was all encompassing. I wanted to kill her. The only thing that held me back was that she wasn't resisting me or threatening me. I grabbed her and lifted her off the ground, slamming her hard against the wall.

"Ach!" she grimaced in pain. Then she smiled wickedly. "Where was that fire a few moments ago?!"

"I hate killing." I said, my rage fading, along with my power. She regained her footing as I was no longer able to hold her weight. "You're wrong about me. I've saved worlds. I've saved universes. This isn't my first rodeo, you know. How many worlds have you saved?"

"I don't know what a rodeo is," Alicetroemeria responded. "But I can answer your last question. I haven't saved any worlds. But my lack of experience doesn't change the basic logic or your situation. You're going to face incredibly powerful forces on this quest. What you've seen so far doesn't even scratch the surface."

"How do you even know that?" I shot back. "This chaosization is a natural phenomenon. The solution isn't going to be had by beating people up or murdering them. As a matter of fact, all the fights I've been in have been a supreme waste of time! No one should be fighting me, least of all you and your lackeys! We need to put our heads together and figure out what's going on! I have tons of power, like you said! But that power doesn't need to be used to blow people up! It needs to be used to repair the multiverse!"

"Are you done?" she asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, I think so. Dammit, Eight, why are you…. You?"

"You really want to know?" Alicetroemeria asked. "I don't know what kind of world you grew up in, but my world is hard. It's merciless. Maybe I don't have to be as bad as I am. My sister isn't so bad. In fact, she should be Monster Lord right now. You know why she isn't?"

"Why not?" I asked, not really caring.

"Because I was willing to go to any length to be stronger than her, so that I could be the Monster Lord! Sure, I did it for me, but I also did it because the world needed strength! The world needed order!"

"Nothing about your personality suggests order," I countered.

"Okay, fair enough. I'm a little tweaked. I own that. My point is that I needed power not just so that I could be powerful, but because the threats facing monsters are powerful. The Dark God is sealed on my world. So are the Ancestors! There's just the Goddess Ilias, legions of angels, and there's fucking me! You know how I fight that kind of ultimate power?! With ultimate power of my own!"

There was a lot about that situation that she didn't know, and I wasn't prepared to enlighten her. She could not be trusted with knowledge and she already had too much.

"And what makes you think that some power is behind this?" I asked. "I'm sure that's where you're going with this line of argument."

"I KNOW someone powerful is behind this! This smells of intent. Maybe there was a natural occurrence that triggered chaosization, but that shit is being controlled by someone! I know what chaos looks like! I live for fucking chaos! I am the all time expert on chaos! This is not true chaos! This is a plan! Natural chaos doesn't produce powerful beings like that Adramelech you encountered back in a dying world! Someone's pulling Adramelech's strings! Someone's pulling all the apoptoses' strings! And it's going to take every bit of power you have and then some to destroy that entity! If you hesitate, we all die! If you don't have the balls to use your power as it was meant to be used, give it to me! I'm sure there's a way!"

"You've given me a lot to think about, Eight," I said. "If you'd be so kind, I'd like to go think about it now. Alone. Thanks for ruining my day off, by the way. It's easy to see why you didn't have friends when Heinrich killed you."

"From what I heard, Heinrich had to fight the Nobles to get to me. Turns out you've been misinformed."

"Whatever," I said. "Just leave me alone."

"Fine," she replied flippantly. "You'll want this, then."

Casually she flipped me the blue orb. I caught it instinctively and stared at it.

"While they were holding you and deciding whether or not to obey my orders, I went and fetched it. I still don't think you're fit for this job, but for now, you're all I've got. So there's the orb. Enjoy the rest of your day off."

I just continued to stare at the orb as Alicetroemeria walked away.