Niki - Alone

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐛𝐨𝐲 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐨𝐥𝐝 𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐛𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐡𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐮𝐩 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐝, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐩𝐚𝐫, 𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐞𝐥𝐭 𝐥𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐥𝐲.

Niki and his hyungs were going for dance practice once again this week. Niki was not in his form that week, and his hyungs could notice. His dance form was not right, his was one beat off consecutively the past few days, and whatever they told him, he would just blank out.

Being the last day of the week, it was Friday. Like every normal person, the weekend was for working people to take a break. However, that week, that did not seem like the case for Niki. That Friday, Niki looked so stressed out, he couldn't focus on anything at all, his form seemed so weak, and he was too distracted to even improve himself, although, needless to say, he always strives to do his best, because his dancing is what got him to where he is today.

After nearly 5 hours of dancing, it was time for the group to leave, but the dance instructor was considerate and nice enough to let Niki stay behind, as the rest of his hyungs make their way to the van.

"Niki ah, are you okay? This whole week. . . You are off beat, off timing, and there is no strength in your moves." The dance instructor questions in worry, noticing the exhaustion visible on Niki's face.

"I. . . I am fine, seonsaengnim (teacher), I'm just feeling a little down-" "Niki ah, don't let your emotions control you, ok? Control your own mind, your own body. Don't forget, you are Enhypen's main dancer. You're Enhypen Niki, you have to be the best at dancing amongst them. You cannot continue like this, you understand? Go on, continue practicing for awhile more, and let them go for their meal. You know very well, with your standard, you can't be relaxing," The instructor's words just add more stress and pressure to Niki, but he knew what the teacher wanted him to do.

"I. . . I understand, thank you for reminding me,. . . have a nice day," Niki greets the instructor goodbye as he trudges back into the room. He notifies Jungwon that he is staying back to practice a while more, a long while more, and hangs up.

5pm.

6pm.

8pm.

9pm.

11pm.

1am.

The entire practice room was filled with his sweat and heavy breathing. Since his hyungs left at 5pm, he was so absorbed he didn't even realised it was 1am in the morning already. He knew his hyungs will be worried, and he thought they will at least call him, but nothing. 8 continuous hours of practice, and they were not worried at all.

Saddened at the thought, he felt like throwing a tantrum, but realise no one is with him. No one will understand him. No one will see him suffer, no one will see him cry. His hyungs only see him as a boy that is very mature for his age, a boy that will never cry, because his skills are so so good, there is nothing to be sad about.

Staring at his own reflection, the music starts again, and upset that no one cared that he was still dancing at 1 in the morning, he dances with utmost strength, until. BAAM.

The poor boy loses his balance, falling flat on his elbow.

"AHHHHH!" Niki screams in agony, as he felt excruciating pain in his elbow to his wrist. He was unable to move his right arm at all. He gave up everything that was happening then, collapsing in tears.

Nothing was going the way he wanted. He was beyond frustrated and paranoid, the anger and pain flowing through his body, as he cries. He felt so upset, and anguish.

That week, he got a call from his mother. He was so happy to talk to his family again, but was greeted to cries on the phone. "Mum, . . . what's wrong? Why is everyone crying?" Niki started to panic, as he knew something grave must have happened, deep down in his heart.

"N. . . Niki ah, just listen to what I have to say, and don't panic, ok? Everything will be alright," Niki's mother cries out. Niki was still silent, as the news drops on him, like a bomb.

"Niki ah,. . . Kononie,. . . your sister. . . she. . . she tried to kill herself," The wailing of his younger siblings could be heard, and Niki was just shocked, tears spilled like waterfalls, down his baby cheeks.

"W. . . what?" He was at a loss of words. His sister, just tried to commit suicide, and is in Intensive Care Unit.

Since that day, Niki's world just went dark. No colours, no laughter, nothing. No happiness, no sadness, nothing. Niki blames himself every night before bed, because he did not give his sister enough attention, he left his family too early. Thoughts ran through his mind like a movie, scene after scene, from the times he played with her, go to school with her, eat, sleep, grow up with her, she was his role model.

Why? Why did she do that? Why did she do this to herself? Niki could only blame himself for her harm, her self harm, she must've felt neglected, Niki thinks that way. These thoughts harass Niki's mind over and over again, be he screams in agony over and over again, in the soundproof practice room.

What seemed like an hour later, Niki's phone rings. Niki was so lightheaded, he could pass out any minute, with his head ringing like nobody's business, and arm pounding in pain. He sees the phone vibrating in his hand, and saw the caller id. Yang Leader.

He tries to swipe to answer with one hand, and finally does so, putting on speaker.

"NIKI!"

"Oh, hyung."

"Do you even know what time it is now!"

"2 am, hyung."

Niki sniffles, as Jungwon halts his scolding.

"Niki ah, you're crying???"

"Hyung. . . H. . . help. . . me. . . "Niki sobs, passing out on the cold hard floor of the practice room, finally giving up, to this cold, hard world.

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As soon as Niki passes out, Jungwon panics 100%. At the dorm, Jungwon frantically calls out to Niki, earning the attention of all of them, that are awake.

"Niki ah, Niki ah? Niki ah!" He quickly puts down the phone, and rush off to the company's practice room. Unsure of what was happening, the rest run along in their pajamas to the company.

Finally, after taking the group's van, Heeseung drives to the company, and they all follow a sprinting Jungwon, to their practice room they were in that afternoon.

Opening the door, they were greeted to a passed out Niki, phone in one hand, lying so still in the middle of the room, as music blasted the whole room. At that moment, everyone sprung to action.

"NIKI AH!" Jungwon runs over, with Heeseung. The 02'z go turn off the music, and everyone surrounds the poor boy.

"His arm, it's turning purple," Sunghoon points out, as the boy was out cold. They decided to drive the poor maknae to the hospital, before letting the doctors check him out.

Soon, Niki was assigned to a private room for their privacy, waiting for him to wake up, his arm wrapped in layers and layers of bandage, a cast on his right arm, thankfully he is ambidextrous.

Niki starts to stir, his faint mutters and whispers then turn in shouts and screams, as all of Niki's hyungs start to pat him, and get him to wake up.

"Niki ah, wake up, it's just a dream," Heeseung tries to comfort him like what a mum should do.

The news of Niki being hospitalized travelled very fast. As the members try to comfort Niki that was fast asleep because of the anesthesia, a lady rushes into his ward, looking very very worried.

"NIKI AH!" Everyone turns to the frantic woman that stood by Niki's side, unsure of what to do. "It's ok, that's Niki's mum," Sunoo explains, the rest understanding.

What they did not understand, or expect, was what she had to say. The poor lady sat right beside him on the bed, cradling his well hand, crying in her own palm. "It's all my fault, my son." As soon as she said that, tears leaked from Niki's eyes, as if he heard her, surprising the rest.

The mother tries to soothe her son's pain, crying softly, as they both knew, both Nishimura siblings were hospitalized, in this very hospital, as they moved to Korea not long ago.

The mother stands up with shaky legs, as she spoke facing the members, that bowed respectfully at her.

"I know I'm asking for a lot, but I hope you can take good care of my son. Please don't tell him that I told you guys this, but he has been through a lot this week. I'm hope you have noticed his condition lately, because. . . " She hesitates, but Sunoo still rubs her back, encouraging her to let it all out, and let the members know at the very least, that Niki is suffering.

"Niki. . . Niki's sister tried to kill herself on Monday." All of them were shocked at her statement, their hands brought to their mouths, unable to hide their emotions. "I'm sure you know how much Konon means to Niki, and. . . she's fighting hard. . . for her life now," The poor mother continues to sob, "I hope you can take care of him, and not let him fall into depression, just like what happened to my daughter, please," The woman pleads in despair, before hugging Niki one last time, leaving to go back to Niki's sister's ward.

Minutes after Niki's mum leave, Heeseung and Jungwon goes back to playing with his hair, and the rest caressing his body, so gently. "Niki ah," Jungwon calls out to the younger, that finally stirred, slowly gaining back his conscious.

Niki slowly wakes up, to a sore right arm, and a pounding headache, that still continued to ring. "Niki is awake, quickly call the doctor!" Heeseung commands, smiling at Niki painfully.

"H. . . hyung," Niki manages to croak out, his throat aching from all the crying he had the past week, and starts to sob again, lying back in the bed.

"Yah,. . . why are you crying again?" Jay jokes, playing with his maknae. Tears leak out of his emotionless eyes, as he turns to look outside the window. Just then, the doctor comes in.

"Nishimura Riki," he calls out. "Minor concussion, broken arm and wrist, and preferentially, psychological treatment." Niki was surprised at that term, which simply meant, he needed therapy.

"He needs to stay in for a few days, till his headache wears off, and come back for regular check ups on his right arm." The doctor reads, before leaving.

As if reality slapped him, he jumps up, and out of bed. "Yah yah, Niki ah, you just got up, where are you going-" "Konon, I need to see her, please!" Niki got on his unsteady feet, that made him fall instantly, Sunoo grabbing him.

"Niki ah, relax, relax, we will go see her, okay? Calm down, " Sunoo tries to calm the boy down, carrying him and placing him on a wheelchair. All the members were worried at Niki's behaviour, pushing him to his sister's ward.

Not allowed to go in, he watches the frail body of his sister connected to life support, the small thump of her heart barely moving. Just at that moment, Niki cries, once again, at the thought of his sister leaving, breaking the hearts of his members.

"It's all my fault, all because of me," Anger wells up in Niki, as he starts to pinch and scratch his own thighs with his hands in frustration, his members trying to stop him.

"Niki ah, NIKI AH!" Heeseung tries to stop him, but he could only scream in agony, in so much pain. Blood starts to stream down Niki's pants, scratching himself till he bled. Unable to stop him physically, Sunghoon could only wheel the poor boy back to his room, the nurse cleaning him up, with new clothes.

Back in his room, Niki did not speak a single word, too upset to do so. "Niki ah, what happened to Konon is not your fault-" "It is!! I shouldn't have left her, I should have listened to her, I should have been there to stop her, she - she must have been pressured, she. . . she can't die!!!" Niki hits his poor back against the pillow so hard, tears coming out even more.

At a loss, Jungwon could only embrace the depressed boy in a tight hug, as Niki struggles in his arms. "I'm so so sorry this happened to you, Niki ah. If only we knew, we would be there to help, baby. You have to calm down first, ok? Just, please, Niki ah," At that point, Niki finally realised his hyungs were crying with him too, not knowing what to do.

Defeated, Niki just lay in Jungwon's embrace, all the saddened feelings let out from inside, helping Niki to feel much much better. "We'll help you, Niki ah, just trust us on this one okay?" Defeatedly, Niki nods in exhaustion, too tired to do anything else.

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