Again and Again

"Reincarnation"

Just like a clock, each hand's rotation will never end and it will just keep turning not until it breaks...

---

'Don't die... Amiya...'

I opened my eyes when I heard Solon's voice.

"Are you okay miss?" a woman in a white robe asked.

I couldn't talk at the moment as my body was in a lot of pain so I tried to look around.

I woke up in a white room which seems like a hospital and there was a lot of tubes connected to my body as if I was a lab specimen.

I tried my best to speak but all I could say was Solon's name.

"Solon... Where?"

The woman didn't answer and smiled bitterly.

I was scared... My heart couldn't stop beating fast as if I was hyperventilating.

Did he die? I thought.

The woman was trying to calm me down when another woman in her mid age barged into the room with tears in her eyes.

"Why are you alive!? You shouldv'e died back there! My... My son... How could you do this!" she shouted while crying.

She tried to remove those tubes connected to me but the woman who seems like a nurse stopped her.

All I could do was to watch.

"She needs to die!" the woman exclaimed.

I was confused with what was happening around me. I could not move an inch nor speak what I wanted to say and it was so frustrating that all I could do was cry.

Why would she wish for me to die? What gives her the right to say that?

While the nurse was trying to calm the woman, a little boy came and hugged her.

My eyes where full of tears so I could not see him clearly but he looked like he was crying too.

"Mommy stop... Please don't wish her to die... It's my fault!" the boy cried.

The woman finally calms down and hugs the boy.

"My son... Solon... It's not your fault..." she said as she continued to cry while the boy was in her arms.

I froze.

I felt a sudden chill from my spine and I feel like throwing up... The machine was beeping like crazy and I couldn't hear what they were saying.

They were also panicking and don't know what to do first.

It was a total chaos...

That young boy was Solon... The moment my eyes saw clearly how he looks like, he was definitely Solon. Solon when he was still young, about 7 years old.

Is this a dream?

Did I just die from that car accident with Solon and was reborn again in a different time line?

I wondered...

The boy named Solon walked close to me and held my hand tightly and said...

"Don't die..."

And there I saw him cry as I closed my eyes and took my last breath... Again...

---

I felt a cold breeze as I saw myself standing in a cold thin ice.

When I opened my eyes once again, I was in a frozen lake in a middle of a forest.

It took me a while for things to sink in...

"I'm alive..." I whispered to my self.

I couldn't help but laugh...

Did I get reincarnated again? I thought. There was no other explanation, right?

"Help me!" someone from a far shouted.

I didn't want to bother at first but because of my instinct, I came running towards the direction of the voice and there I saw a drowning boy.

I hesitated for a while weather to save him or not as I just died myself just a few minutes earlier.

I calmed my self as I saw my reflection on the ice and there I saw an older version of me. I looked like I was in my 30s now. Fascinating, I thought.

To think that I was still alive right now just proves that another death will just be another moment for me. I will definitely be reborn...

And with that thinking, I jumped over and saved that drowning boy.

When I successfully lifted him out of the frozen lake, he accidentaly pushed me deep in the waters...

He looked back at me with a worried expression as if he wanted to save me but was also afraid that he might die while saving me.

His face... It was Solon's too...

He made up his mind and tried to reach my hand but it was too late...

I was already sinking deeply... Drowning...

All I could hear was his voice slowly fading as he shouted...

"Don't die!"

It was cold and suffocating...

I smiled bitterly as I lose my consciousness under the freezing lake.

---

It was a continuous cycle of me, living and dying... The odd thing is, every time I was reborn, Solon was there. He was always telling me not to die as if it was a spell cast upon me to never die without him.

I was at the point of this shitty life where I just accepted the fact that I would never die... Not without Solon's permission.

I was scared... But what choice to I even have? It's not like I can die if I wanted to.

I've been reincarnated once more after the time I drowned while trying to save Solon... Then it happens again after that... Again and again...

There was a I life where I lived as a rich woman but died in Solon's arms because of an un-curable disease, then a life where I was a young child who was pushed by him on a cliff, a life where I was an old lady who saved him from getting robbed, a teen who forcefully drank poison because of him, a woman who sacrificed herself just to save him from some bad guys and many more...

I lost count of how many times I was born just to die for him. It just felt dull... Every time I woke up in another life time, I didn't even bother to invest any emotions to it at all as if I was just a doll for someone's entertainment.

I feel nothing... Everyday, I do all sorts of things as if I was programmed to do so. The only thing I hope now is that someday, I would finally close my eyes in peace and will never be reborn again...

The grudge I had for Solon was now long gone... It was gone along with the reality that I will die one day, happily with no regrets...

It was all useless anyway...

Those people whom I cherished before just keeps showing up as a different people. No relation and no feelings nor memories of me from when I knew them...

It was as if I was alone...

There was only me in this place who will know all those moments exist... It will only appear in my head now as if it never happened.

It will just be me...

All over again... In another life time...