Chapter 10: Listless

DAHLIA:

There was an indescribable feeling inside of my chest. It felt like someone was looking at me deeply in a curious manner.

I looked around and scanned the crowd. All eyes were on us. To be precise, all eyes were on the king and on Kaist, who was sitting to my right. No one was looking at me in particular, and yet the feeling that someone’s eyes were concentrated on me still persisted. What could this possibly mean?

“Our mate,” Eva whispered to me. “I think he’s here… I can feel him.”

My face colored up. Was Tristan really here, amongst the crowd? Was he here as one of the guests?

That can’t be… Papa won’t make a mistake. Even Sir Raleigh had been posted as one of the guards by the gate because he was insistent in catching my mate at the very beginning. He won’t make a lapse in judgment like so…

Well, that can’t happen unless he came here in a disguise… That’s highly possible, right?

The orchestra began to play a lively music. I had lost track of what was going on and what the king had said after the toast. Kaist stood from his chair and held out his hand towards me in a gentlemanly gesture.

“May I have this dance, my lady?”

I reached for his hand, but I didn’t say anything. I didn’t want to dance, but I couldn’t possibly refuse him even if I wanted to. I was still sore with him for following obediently along with his father and my father’s plan like a true lap dog.

We walked slowly into the center of the dance hall, the crowd parting on their own to accommodate us. I was still looking around, trying to see if Tristan was somewhere amongst the crowd, but I didn’t see him.

‘Are you sure he’s here,’ I asked Eva inside of our shared thoughts.

‘He is… I can even smell his scent, Dahlly!’

‘Then where is he? Where could he be?...’

Before I knew it, the song was already over, and Kaist bowed down as a signal to me, to which I failed to utter a word.

“Dahlia, are you alright,” Kaist said, holding me softly by the left arm. “You look pale and listless.”

“Um, yes… No, I mean I’m not quite alright, your majesty.” My head was spinning. Maybe I needed some air. “I’m going for some fresh air in the garden, sire. I’ll be right back,” I said. Kaist was about to say something, but I didn’t wait for him to voice it out. I was feeling absolutely dizzy.

Right then, right now, all I wanted to do was to see Tristan.

‘Perhaps if we run away from the crowd like this, he’ll follow us, right,’ I asked Eva tentatively. She shrugged and only wagged her tail towards me.

The truth was that I wanted to get away from Kaist even for just a moment, and maybe in the process I’ll go ahead and bump into Tristan. If that doesn’t happen, then I just have to follow my plan.

The lights, the sounds, and the look on people’s faces were all too positively suffocating. On my way outside, I bumped into several aristocrats who wanted to congratulate me or hear what my thoughts were about the engagement. I had to keep my modest appearance, to smile, and to converse with them. It pains me to think that after this night, I will be asked to attend more and more social functions and to smile at each one of them even though I hated it.

That’s the truth… I really hated this life that I am presently trapped in.

Finally, I was able to extricate myself from my social duties. I looked around at the silent garden and exhaled forcefully. Even at night time, it was still a sight to see. It was so calming… So utterly peaceful, and so detached from the complicated world where I existed in…

All I ever wanted was to live a simple life with the one that the Moon Goddess has given me, but why can’t I even do that?

There was an artificial lake at the center of the garden where lots of lotus flowers grow. It was one of the few things I loved about the palace.

I strode forward to where it was, still thinking about Kaist, about Tristan, and about escaping this life that was akin to hell…

Unlike on my previous visits, the perimeter of the lake was enclosed by a fence, obscuring the flowers that I loved. I sighed. Even this place had lost its appeal now.

Still, I wanted to get closer on the edge. I wanted to feel the water ripple against my fingers.

There was one part of the artificial lake where the lotus flowers grew the best. A thick collection had already gathered beautifully on one side as well as some other flowering bushes.

I immediately went there. It was my most favorite spot. It was also one of the deepest spots of the manmade waterhole.

I stood by the railings that reach up to my belly. I looked at the lotus flowers, and sure enough, three or four of them were already clumped into that side of the terrain, just a grasp away.

Whenever I feel sad, Kaist would sometimes pluck a lotus for me in here. I thought about this… It was the perfect plan.

If I fail, I’ll simply tell them I wanted to pluck a flower, and I accidentally fell down… If I succeeded, then there’s nothing to explain anymore…

I took a deep breath. This was it… I was going to do it.

Since there was no way for me to extricate myself from this arranged deal with the king, and even Kaist was not putting up a hard fight, I had no other choice. I must make my statement upon this matter clear.

I looked at the still water before me… I wonder if it would be cold when I plunge my body in there tonight.

Since I was a kid, I had a weak constitution, but I got by. Even if I don’t try drowning myself in the lake, I’ll probably catch a cold and die little by little from there.

This was it. I gathered my skirt and leaned over. I fixed my eyes on the most beautiful lotus flower of them all, and I reached to it with my right arm.

‘What are you doing,’ Eva shouted in my head. ‘It’s dangerous, Dahlly! Don’t reach for it!’

I ignored Eva’s pleas. I reached for it even further, tipping the center of my body forward.

‘Good bye, Eva!... Good bye, Tristan,’ I mumbled in my head as I felt myself going forward, half-way into tumbling through the cold water of the manmade lake.

I closed my eyes as a reflex. I didn’t want to die with my eyes open, so this must be better.

Suddenly, I felt myself being heaved away from my plunge.

“No,” I roared. “Let me go!”

I surmised it must be Kaist. He must have followed me back in here, worrying that I will attempt something like this.

A pair of muscular arms pulled me away from my goal. The flower drifted away from my grasp.

“No,” I said again. Damn it, why was even dying so hard to do!

“Love, don’t fight me this hard just to die! If you want to die, don’t do it in front of me!”

My heart stilled. That voice – it wasn’t Kaist. It wasn’t Kaist at all!

I twisted my neck to see who the person helping me was, but the necklace I was wearing got caught at one of the flower bushes, which tipped me forward and choked me too.

I coughed violently. I wanted to die a peaceful death, but this wasn’t what I was thinking. I didn’t want to get strangled and make these awful noises as I die. However, I’ve got no choice. The more that I was pulled upward, the more that I choked.

“The hell,” the wolf who was helping me sharply said. I had almost blacked out when I felt a thick collection of fingers coiled around the back of my neck, and then I heard the snapping of metals and glass. It was then that I realized that my necklace had broken into pieces.

Almost immediately, I was pulled roughly backwards and thrusted violently into my rescuer’s arms.

I felt heavy panting above me. When I opened my eyes, a saw a pair of misty, dark violet eyes framed by wavy locks of dark hair looking down at my reddened face. I heard him mutter under his breath.

“Welcome back, mate.”