Hospital Shenanigans

[Haaaaa gotcha ass. Thought we were continuing with the plot? Sike. Instead, have some light-hearted, comedic, very much canon filler for today.

All four scenes were initially meant to be omakes/extras for ch 49, but the first section turned out too long for an omake, so I just made the whole thing a separate chapter. The scenes are in no particular order. Enjoy :)]

--

--Flashback--"Miyuki-kun is in bed with a terrible headache," the nurse had said, "He's been cranky and sarcastic all morning, so I think paying him a visit will lift his spirits."--Flashback End--

Furuya, on a mission, slides open the door to Miyuki's room.

"Senpai, how are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm trying to sleep," Miyuki grumbles, covering his face with a blanket, "I'm not in the mood."

"I can help with that. You need me to sleep anyway, so move over."

"What are you—"

Furuya yanks the blanket off, shoves Miyuki to one side of the bed, and steadies himself as he climbs in next to him. He shuffles down a bit, their legs tangling as he positions his head on Miyuki's shoulder. It's a tight fit and Miyuki finally finds the words to express his discomfort.

"There is not enough space for this," he complains, "You're going to make my headache worse. Do you really have to do this? I can barely move around."

Furuya hums yes, mentally checking off a box in his mission's to-do list, "I didn't bother asking because you would have said no. I haven't seen you all day, so I put matters into my own hands. I miss sharing a bed together."

"That's flattering, but this bed is not designed to be shared. Two more pounds and it's crashing to the floor."

"What an exaggeration. By the way, I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Is it so important that you couldn't wait until I was feeling better?"

"Yes. We need to think of names for the twins. Their birth certificates are ready to be filled out."

Miyuki's interest is piqued, and he battles through his debilitating headache to indulge in one of parenthood's greatest first steps.

"Alright," he says, "do you have any ideas?"

Furuya nods enthusiastically, having spent the entirety of last night brainstorming possible names, though he fell asleep halfway through. He only conjured up a name minutes prior to entering Miyuki's room.

"For the boy, I was thinking Naoto," he suggests.

"Oh? Like the kid we met at the aquarium?"

"Mmhmm."

"I appreciate the sentimentality, but we can't just plagiarize his name, Furuya. We need to be original. We can modify it if you want."

"Naoki? Nao?"

"Hmm, I don't know. Our boy doesn't really give me those vibes."

"Vibes?" Furuya is pensive, visualizing their son wearing sunglasses, emanating a tropical aura and musical notes, "Vibes, huh? That's an intriguing way to put it. How about…Naokiko?"

Miyuki snaps his fingers, content, "Now that's pretty original. Nice one. Any ideas for the girl? And whose last name will they have?"

"I'll leave those to you," Furuya says, drained from the amount of brainpower he's exhausted, "As for the girl, she's definitely your daughter."

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

"She always cries when I hold her, but she's calm with you. I'm already dreading when she inherits your personality."

"You make it sound like that's a bad thing."

"…is it not?"

Miyuki rolls his eyes at Furuya's jab and says that he'll inform him when he finds a suitable name.

Furuya decides to shift the direction of the conversation, drawing circles on Miyuki's chest with his index finger, "Senpai."

The catcher knows where this is heading. Whether it was after sex or they were simply laying together, this was Furuya's quirk when he was preparing to ask an intimate question.

"Spit it out," he encourages with a grin.

"Okay. Something was bothering me when we "got married," and I couldn't quite figure it out at the time, but then I did."

"Where is this going?"

"You forgot the most important part."

"I'm not following."

Furuya points to his lips, "The kiss."

Miyuki sweat-drops, "H-Huh?"

"You know, the "you may kiss the bride" part. It's meant to be special, I hear. You didn't do it and I felt robbed, so it's only fair."

"I mean it's just a kiss," Miyuki says, struggling to turn on his side from the lack of space, "My head is killing me and I don't want you harassing me for it, so here."

He leans in and pecks Furuya on the lips, then retracts, "Happy now?"

Furuya objects, unsatisfied, "No. I thought it was supposed to be longer."

"Well, sorry, people don't normally tongue down each other's throats after getting married!"

"…but I want to. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, so I would rather take my time kissing Miyuki-senpai."

"How can you say stuff like that with zero shame?! You're insufferable, you know that?"

Miyuki sighs as he cradles the back of Furuya's head and pulls him close, "We're only going to be kissing, so don't get too excited. We're in a hospital, remember? It would be uncouth of us to do anything further. Can you control yourself?"

Instead of answering, Furuya smushes their lips together, impatient.

Simultaneously, two male nurses are peeking through the door's small window, blushing.

"Aww, that's cute!"

"Sh-Should we be watching this, though? They're kids, this feels wrong."

"Miyuki-kun is really into it, but Furuya-kun isn't backing down, either!"

"Stop! What are you, a sports commentary channel?"

"And there go the arms and legs around each other! And the tongues! How passionate, how youthful—oop?"

"What's happening? Move, I can't see!"

"Where is Furuya-kun's hand going?"

"What is he rubbing…EEK!"

The nurses scurry away while shielding their eyes, scarred by what they've just witnessed.

Strangely enough, after Furuya gives him a helping "hand," Miyuki's headache is cured, "releasing" him from the "throbbing" pain.

--

Omake/Extra #1

"Does…does this mean Kawakami won the bet?"

"Yep."

"Fuck!"

The team members groan in unison as they each shell out twenty dollars and reluctantly yield them to Kawakami. He pompously clears his throat as he counts his rightfully earned wad of cash, licking his fingers to flip through the bills.

"I should visit Kuramochi in the hospital and collect his share," he says to himself.

Furuya and Miyuki observe the transaction in confusion.

"What bet?" Furuya asks.

"On if you were having a boy or girl," Jun clarifies wearily, "He's the only person that guessed twins. Damn, I'm freaking broke for the week!"

Securing the money with a rubber band, Kawakami approaches the twins sleeping soundly in their parents' arms. He rubs their cheeks.

"Good work, you two," he whispers sweetly.

'You better watch your back, Kawakami,' Jun plots, pounding his fist into his palm, 'This isn't over.'

--

Omake/Extra #2

--Flashback--"Does a baby really need all this stuff?" Furuya mutters, checking the price tags with a sour face, "And they're expensive. Why does this crib cost four hundred dollars? It's just a bed for babies, I don't understand why the price has to be so high."

Like a flash of lightning, a thought strikes him.

'Wait. Do I…do I have to get a job to afford this stuff?! Miyuki-senpai, too? No, Mom said she would support us, but she already has other things to pay for, and so does Dad. Oh, no. How did I not think this through? I have to actually become an adult…I should see if McDonald's is hiring after I give birth.'--Flashback End--

The smell of burgers and frying oil pleasantly fills Furuya's nostrils as he enters a McDonald's. He looks around, seeing children stuffing their tiny mouths with fries and playing with their toys. A kid accidentally bumps into his leg and he smiles softly at them before making his way to the line.

Two people are ahead of him, but the wait is short and he's soon face-to-face with the cashier.

"Welcome to McDonald's, what can I get for you?" they ask politely.

"I don't want any food," Furuya responds, seriousness glinting in his eyes, "I recently gave birth, so I need a job to support my children."

The cashier cocks their head, unsure if they've heard him correctly, "You gave birth?" they repeat incredulously, "You, assuming that you're male, of course, gave birth?"

Furuya nods, planting his hands on the counter, "Yes. Twins. A boy and a girl. I need a job. Can I work here?"

The cashier slowly turns their head to their coworkers who are busying about, offering confused looks over their shoulders.

"Umm," the cashier starts, scratching their head, "w-well, do you have any prior work experience?"

Furuya thinks about the times he's helped out Kasumi at the bakery, and his laborious days of being a manager with the girls.

'Those should definitely count as work experience,' he thinks confidently, then relays his answer to the cashier.

The cashier begins sweating nervously, noticing that more customers were rapidly lining up behind Furuya, "Th-Those aren't really valid jobs…okay, kid! The hiring process is mostly online anyway, so you can apply there."

Furuya retrieves his phone, clicking on a new search tab, "Is that so? What's the website? How soon will I get hired? Please, this is very important."

"Umm—"

"Alright, that's enough out of you," a voice says.

Furuya flinches as Miyuki walks up behind him and snatches him by the back collar of his shirt.

"Senpai!" he says, startled, "How did you know I was here?"

Miyuki sighs in exasperation, "Because I knew you'd overthink being a parent and would try finding a job or something. I've been searching every major retail and fast food store looking for you."

"Great. We can apply together—"

"No, we won't, you idiot! We'll be fine, so drop it."

"But—"

"Did you forget your rich parents are taking care of us? Look, you're holding up the line, so drop it already!"

Furuya pouts, his dream of skillfully flipping juicy meat patties and frying up golden-brown French fries dissipating into thin air.

Miyuki sighs again as he apologizes to the cashier, "Sorry about that. He can be a bit intense at times, but that's what I get for marrying him. We'll take two #5 combos to go and then we'll be out of your hair."

Blushing, the cashier's jaw hangs open, partially spellbound by Miyuki's handsomeness, and partially astonished as they piece together the baffling puzzle.

'S-So, they're married? I mean, they do have rings on. And they have kids! How is that even possible? How old are they? Why is the one with glasses so freaking hot? Is he the father? N-Nothing's making sense…I'm gonna pass out…'

They sway side to side, lightheaded as they punch in Miyuki's order, "And wh-what drink would you l-like?"

"We'll take a large water…are you okay?" Miyuki asks concernedly, and the sound of his heavenly voice sends the cashier over the edge, fainting.

The customers and the other employees gasp, and Furuya gulps as he senses Miyuki scrutinizing him.

"This is your fault, isn't it?" Miyuki asks, tightening his grip on him, "You must've told the cashier that we have kids while you were trying to apply, huh?"

"…maybe."

"Now why on Earth would you do that?! Any sane person would pass out after hearing that a teenage boy gave birth! Forget the food, we're out of here."

"But I'm actually hungry, though—"

"Not another word!"

Miyuki huffs as he drags Furuya out of the establishment, ignoring the questioning stares they're receiving, "You're such a troublemaker! Do I need to put you on a leash? Jeez!"

Furuya sobs internally as he waves goodbye to the golden arches, hoping to see them again soon.

"S-Sorry…"

--

Omake/Extra #3

"He's gonna kill me, my ass! Hahaha!"

Furuya had indeed snitched, and chasing after him proved Miyuki had nothing to be afraid of.

Kuramochi glares daggers at Miyuki, barking, "You think this shit is funny, huh? You see me bedridden and the first thing you do is laugh?! I oughta strangle you!"

Miyuki clings onto Furuya, "Oh, my, I'm so scared! I'm shaking in my boots! Furuya, help me, all he's gonna do is yell at me because he can't move! Haha, it's a tad early for Halloween, don't you think? You look like a mummy! What happened?"

"None of your freaking business! What happened to your head?"

"None of your business either, pal."

Furuya rubs his chin, absorbed in thought, 'Halloween…Kuramochi…mummy…Kuramummy. Mummychi. Kuramummychi. No, Kuramummy sounds better.'

"This shit really ain't funny, man, I can't move!" Kuramochi gripes, stiffly gesturing to his bandaged body, "Breathing hurts, sleeping is a pain 'cause I'm uncomfortable as all living hell, the Inashiro game got canceled 'cause of me, and I can't jerk off! I haven't even been able to hold my godchildren yet!"

"Please abstain from mentioning my children and your private parts in the same sentence," Furuya advises.

"Sorry—" Kuramochi catches a glimpse of his ring and feels the lid on his already brewing temper pop off, erupting, "Is that a freaking ring?! Miyuki, you asshole, you married him? Wow, Furuya, did you actually come here to rub it in my face and make fun of me? Ridicule me? HUH?!"

"Normally, I would be intimidated," Furuya says, "but since you're immobilized, I'll just calmly walk out of here."

Miyuki winks at Kuramochi, mocking him, "Yeah, we married and able-bodied people have places to be. Unfortunately, you can't relate, so, see ya. Furuya, honey, would you be so kind as to push my wheelchair for me?"

"No problem, my dear. I'll stop by the vending machine and buy you your favorite snacks."

"Wow, really? You're an amazing spouse, Furuya. If only others were capable of reaping the benefits of marriage."

"I know, right? How sad. Let's go."

Kuramochi spews obscenities at them as they leave but starts whimpering when a sudden itch torments his leg.

"H-Hold up, can one of y'all scratch my leg cast real quick? Please, don't do me like this! It's killing me and I can't reach it! Come back! Guys? Guys!"