Back in Time

Many events in the past have been reflected back in my mind since seeing Victor come to pick me up in his car.

When we both entered the elevator from the hotel lobby all the way to the rooftop, I saw the reflection of my face and his face. There were already many differences between us. How to describe it huh? It is clearly visible the contours of the faces of people who have grown older.

When I got to the rooftop, when I saw the light glow of the restaurant on the rooftop, I felt that I was entering a different dimension. My daily life is more bitter than sweet. Besides, it's rare that I can see beauty. Victor took me to a place that made me even more aware of that.

The difference in scenery gave a difference in interpretation and a burden on my chest. Again I was at a loss for words to explain it. There was a feeling that I felt that this friend since junior high school was no longer the same person.

When we ate together, in the silence and enjoyment of the taste of food that permeated the tongue, I recalled the incident. The moment when we kissed. In various romantic movies or dramas that I have watched, kissing is the beginning of every protagonist who falls in love with each other. In my life, it didn't happen. Instead of a happy love life, what arises is precisely a mystery.

"So, what's the reason you brought me here? I feel like there's a big reason behind all this," I said during a pause. We are waiting for dessert to be served. The spotlight of the city became a decoration that looked timid behind his back.

Victor seemed to think. The harshness of his face contrasted with the friendly environment. Streetlight floodlights, high-rise buildings from all over the Jogjakarta area, cars passing by on the overpass, none of them threatened.

The patience of waiting for an answer from Victor made my feelings and memories drift back to that moment.

That day, after graduating from high school, we went to the beach and stayed at an inn. We didn't go alone, but with other friends.

I don't remember what caused me and Victor to finally be alone. Could it be because our friends were looking for food and drinks while we stayed at the inn alone that night or did the others choose a walk on the beach while we missed out. Because it was behind, it finally became lazy to go out. If I reflected on my character anyway, at that time I would have fallen asleep and then left for a walk by others.

I remember sitting on the porch and Victor came up to me.

"Where are the others?" He asked

"I don't know, I don't know either," I said with a double shoulder. "I guess I'm alone here."

"What's that?"

"Comics, Conan. I deliberately brought it, who knows I can't sleep. So this is for the sake of time, rather than disturbing the others in sleep," I replied. I showed him a brief cover of Conan Volume 10.

Victor sat next to me.

"After graduation where are you going?" He asked.

"I don't have a plan. I have a wish anyway, go to college, but right... You know, my family is in financial trouble," I said.

I thought hard about choosing which continuation of life.

"You can go to college while working," he suggested.

"Yes, I know," I said. "The choice is heavy, college alone is hard."

Victor was speechless. I turned to him and our eyes were tied to each other. It seemed that he wanted to say something but it couldn't be done through his mouth. The look in his eyes said something to me. The problem is I can't translate it.

What happened to the atmosphere that night?

I got carried away. Our lips kissed each other. And we're not dating. My actions seemed to be driven by the atmosphere that night. Everything just happened.

I'm not ashamed to do more. Until he finally pushed me. It was a shame to be pushed away from his arms. I felt it was his rejection.

Victor got up and walked into the room. I wonder if something is wrong? He returned my kiss. Why? Is he embarrassed? Or does he not enjoy kissing me?

I shook my head and looked at Victor who was now ten years older than Victor who had just graduated from high school. My lips had already lifted and I almost brought up the events of that night. My words were restrained because a waitress showed up delivering dessert. I haven't gotten an answer to my question either. Why did Victor bring me here? Eating at a five-star rooftop hotel?

My fantasies must be excessive. There's no way he's asking me out after such a long time. The events of that day made my feelings mixed with Victor. I want to deal with all this with an adult attitude.

I just want to hear the explanation. What did he think of our meeting after so long. What makes him think we can get back to being friends like we used to be.

"It's hard to answer? Why the hell? You want to take me with me for business or something?" I asked with a hand that began to move scooping desserts.

I'm trying to find a clue, what's the purpose? But there's not a hint I can read.

Maybe writing novels made my fantasies show a lot. This made me have to work extra hard to distinguish which events were my fantasy events and which were real world. I used to be annoyed at him. After ten years had passed, it turned out that time had made my annoyance disappear.

"Let's go on a date!" Victor said.

My ears must be in trouble. I didn't immediately respond to his words. Half my heart jumped but the other half held back to believe the two words that slid quickly from Victor's mouth.

I'm barking. So right, all this time I've been looking forward to it? My happy heart and suddenly light feelings are proof that I never hated it.

"I'm serious," he said.

I could see his seriousness from the look in his eyes.

"Dating? Suddenly?"

My hands trembled.

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

I shook my head. Don't have one. I use all my time to work. I didn't have time to ask someone out on a date. I once thought that dating could destroy my life's purpose. If it's too early to choose someone to date, that mistake of choosing can destroy a lot of things. I'm just being extra careful about my mental state.

The night passed slowly. The sound of vehicles on the highway became the background of the atmosphere between us. The restaurant also enlivens the atmosphere with soft music. The arrival of others around us suddenly became like extra actors in a romance drama.

"Well. Let's go on a date," I said. Maybe the atmosphere has helped me make a decision.

I raised the juice glass to ask him for a toast. "Official date," I said.

He smiled. It must have felt funny the way I formalized our relationship.

The lips of our glasses clashed. My lips smiled. The sound of the glass made my mood even more lively.

Is this the answer to my question 10 years ago?

Now, my first kiss became my boyfriend. Why ten years later?

Anyway, I don't want to get a headache. It all feels good. So let's just enjoy the atmosphere tonight.