16. Admitting my feelings

[Amsey's POV]

It had been two days since Ken tried to force himself on Cas. He was a bastard, I kept regretting not strangling him there and then.

Cas had begged me not to go to the police station to file a complaint against him, that there was no solid evidence against him.

It was hard for me to just let the matter go like that but she was right.

We had no evidence at all. It was our word against his and after all, he hadn't succeeded in carrying out his evil intention so what was the point of going to report?

I had visited his home though to give him a sound warning but his parents informed me he had travelled to spend some time with his elder brother in Asaba.

You can imagine what a coward he was... Someone I had taken like a sibling and a very good friend. He couldn't even face the consequences of his terrible deed, he had just taken off.

Cas had been troubled and worried. I had to tell her he wasn't going to ever come back, that he had left.

She had smiled but I knew she was still somehow scared. I mean, he had almost assaulted her. She had every reason to be scared.

She had told me that day while I cradled her in my arms that she had never felt so weak and helpless and she couldn't bear the thought of being taken advantage of again.

It made me wonder if there was something she wasn't telling me. Like, someone had taken undue advantage of her in the past.

She had barely smiled in the last two days and had been in deep thoughts. I couldn't even tease her to make her laugh.

She'd just get angry unnecessarily and snap at me. Also, she was looking weaker as the days went by even though she ate more than she used to in the past. She was just so different from her usual self.

I didn't think it was the 'almost rape' incident because I had noticed it even before that happened. I had just ignored it cause I felt it could be because of her menses or something. I knew women got irritable during that point in time and their way of life quite changed, but it had been over a week now.

Shouldn't one's period have already ended?

Also, I noticed pimples on her forehead yesterday. I had resisted the urge to tease her about it.

She was so beautiful and it was quite surprising she'd ever have something like acne.

That reminded me of a product a cousin to a friend of mine was advertising on WhatsApp that cleared spots, pimples and other annoying things that could appear on one's face.

I could get one for Cas. I'm sure she'd be excited about that or she may feel I wanted to insult her. That girl really felt like she were a beauty queen.

Well, she was actually a beauty queen, I'd admit but I'd never admit it to her. Never!

If I ever told her, she'd feel bigger than she was already feeling.

I couldn't let her feel so beautiful, it would also hurt my pride and I'd never ever swallow my pride for anyone in the entire universe.

I took out my phone to chat up the girl who sold the Acne product when a message came in from Victoria, the girl Ken had been so worked up about.

Couldn't she just leave me alone? I had cut all contact with her. I blocked her on all the social media apps I had installed on my phone, I blocked and deleted her contacts, but here she was again, that girl tormented my very soul.

How did I know she was the one? You may wonder. Well, she had introduced herself in the text that said, "Hey, it's Victoria. I miss you so much. I can't wait to see you again."

Didn't she feel ashamed or have the slightest bit of self-respect?

I had met her two months ago when she had come to the Cybercafe to print out her school work.

She wasn't ugly but she wasn't pretty either. She was just somewhere in the middle. Even Cas' friend, Rita, who had come visiting once, looked prettier than her and at least, had a beautiful diastema and a sweet stature unlike Victoria.

Victoria was short. Not sure she was even up to 5'3. She was fair but that didn't make her beautiful which was a rare thing for fair people.

Moral Lesson: Not all fair people are beautiful.

She wasn't fat but chubby and had fat round cheeks. She had red spots on her chin and neck and breathed heavily while speaking which quite disgusted me. She looked somewhat between the ages of 24-27 so believe me when I say I was terribly shocked when she said she was just 20.

Victoria was putting on a pair of blue denim trousers with a designer t-shirt and wore a pair of gladiator sandals and carried a backpack which contained her very expensive laptop that her school work was in the very first day I saw her. She had even come in her car, a red Mercedes Benz A-class.

She was rude and boastful. She came from a wealthy home, what else could you expect?

I never understood what Ken saw in her. He had always told me about a girl he liked in his estate and when he informed me she was the one, I looked all over for what he had bragged about but I didn't see a thing.

Love! Love is blind.

Anyways, Victoria ended up liking me. She told me she could change my life.

If only she knew who my father was. Speaking of my Father, Cas is a huge fan of his and is always talking about his donations and how good he is in the society and that he even helped renovate an area close to hers in Jos. She praised him so much to the extent that it made me jealous.

Back to Victoria, she tried all she could to get me to be her boyfriend but I couldn't accept to date her.

First of all, she was definitely not my type. Secondly, my employee and friend liked her for reasons best known to him.

Before things could get out of hand, I had informed Ken of her likeness for me and the advances she made towards me.

He wasn't happy but he then pleaded with me to put in a word for him to which I had quickly agreed to.

She had invited me to come see her so I saw it as an opportunity to talk to her about Ken. I had gone to her house on that fateful day and she had spiked my drink and then one thing led to another and we had ended up having sex.

Believe it or not, I was actually drunk and she had taken advantage of me. The world doesn't care about males being raped but I was raped. I'm not proud to say it but yes! I had been raped by that buffalo.

I had woken up to see myself sprawled out naked on her bed while she stared at me lustfully still naked. She didn't even look sexy while naked, very unappealing person. I was so upset and angry at what she had done and I had left her home in a fuss, but not without taking the umbrella she had offered because it was raining heavily.

That was the very day I had met Cas and taken her home with me.

I somehow didn't regret that day though. It had made me walk late at night and had made me know Cas. What if I hadn't met her that day? An unfortunate animal like Ken could have taken advantage of her.

"Is that the only reason you're happy you met her?" My head questioned.

"Yeah." I responded.

"You're lying and you know that." My head said.

"Then let it be that way."

I couldn't bring myself to tell Ken what had happened but unfortunately, a week ago, he had found out when she had texted saying she wished we could have sex again.

He didn't take it lightly with me at all. I really couldn't blame him.

Any girl we both knew liked me and not him and I knew it hurt him but I didn't create myself, did I?

He wasn't ugly though. He could just go to a dentist to fix his teeth and learn the basics of fashion and every girl would be all over him.

I understood his anger but he had no right to transfer his aggression to Cas. She didn't know a thing about it.

Victoria texted me again. "You can't keep ignoring me forever. I'd be back soon and you'd have to deal with me." She had texted.

She had returned back to Ghana where she schooled in.

I simply deleted and blocked this new number of hers. If she liked, she could get a thousand SIM cards. I'd block them all.

"Ahhhhhh!" I heard a scream.

Was it Cas?

I quickly left my side of the bedroom to the parlour. There, I saw her staring at her face in a hand mirror screaming horridly at her own reflection.

I rolled my eyes. Did the pimples multiply or what?

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"Just look at my face." She yelled.

I looked at her face and saw that thankfully, the pimples hadn't multiplied.

"It's just the pimples on your forehead. What's the big deal? I asked.

"You knew about this?" She asked.

"Yeah. You didn't?" I retorted.

"No. I haven't looked at the mirror for the past two days. I haven't been in the mood." She sounded so pained.

"It's no big deal." I shrugged.

"How can you say me having pimples on my beautiful face isn't a big deal?" She asked, eyeing me.

I opened up my mouth to speak.

"Just keep quiet. You'd only make my matters worse." She said.

"Okay. I....."

"I said keep quiet." She thundered.

This girl was getting too bitchy for my liking. If I ended up smothering her, it'd be her own fault. How dare she tell me to keep quiet?

"Are you thinking of killing me right now?" She asked.

I looked stunned. "How did you know?" I asked.

"Ohh... So you want to kill me? You can go ahead." She said, dropping the mirror and standing up.

You can see what I was saying.

This was definitely not my Cas. Someone had tampered with her brain.

Your Cas.

I should really stop saying that. She didn't belong to me or anything.

I didn't know why I felt like she was mine.

"Why aren't you saying anything?" She asked.

"I'm just thinking about....."

"About different ways to kill me, right? You know...."

"Just keep quiet." I screamed. "I'm tired of having to deal with your sudden change of character. I don't want to have to deal with this new you. I get that what Ken did was traumatising but you don't have to get annoyed with me over that. I'm sorry about what he did but you have to change back to the Cas I know, the Cas that isn't bitchy, the Cas I enjoy talking to, the Cas I love..." And I wished I hadn't said that last line immediately it came out.

It seemed like time paused for a while. We just stared at each other, her eyes; stunned, mine; regretful.

"Love? Do you love me?" She asked, after what seemed like ages.

"No, that came out wrong." I said without hesitating.

"So you don't love me?" She asked, her tone of voice sounding like I should just scream I love her.

But I'm not that kind of guy, she should already know by now.

"You're not my type, Cas. I already told you, that came out wrong." I blurted out but all my being knew I was undoubtedly lying.

She swallowed. "You know, for a second there, I thought you were speaking from the heart from the very first time and I thought you actually meant it. I know I don't mean anything to you. I'm so sorry for thinking you'd ever change." She said and began walking out of the living room.

"You're a fool, Amsey." My mind roared at me.

"I know."

"What other reason do you have for being happy you met her?" The voice in my head asked again.

I sighed.

"Man up. Tell her the truth."

"Cas!" I said.

"Yes?" She asked, turning around, tears welling up in her eyes.

I moved closer to her.

"I... Um...."

"What?" She asked, her voice, gruffy.

"Are you happy you met me?" I asked.

"Yeah." She responded.

"Me too."

"Is that all?" She asked.

"Yes." I replied.

She nodded and began walking off again but I had to just tell her, right?

I grabbed her hand and pulled her close to me which made her look puzzled.

"I only ever loved one woman, my mother but you made me know how to love again. That's why I'm happy I met you." I said, looking straight into her eyes.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Numbskull. Can't you read in between the lines? I love you, okay? I love you, love you, love you. Like, I really love you. And you're not beautiful but I still love you." I said.

She looked baffled for a while then soon let out a chuckle. "You'd never change, will you? You can't even say you love me properly." She said.

"You should be thrilled that I love you. Do you know how may girls are dying....."

"Go and meet them then." She interrupted.

"Well, you've used a spell on me. They want me but I want you." I said.

She smiled.

"Don't ever cry. Always smile like this." I said.

"Why? Do I look pretty when I smile?"She asked.

"Of course not. You always look ugly, even uglier when you smile." I responded.

She laughed. "I know you're lying. I'm beautiful and you know that too." She said.

"Of course, you are. Come here." I said, wrapping my hands around her waist and looking down into her eyes.

She wrapped her arms around my neck. "I never thought this day will come." She said.

"Me too." I responded.

Our eyes locked. I felt her warm breath on my neck and the burning sensation in my stomach. Her eyes instantly closed and I brought down my lips softly on hers.

It felt like the first time. It wasn't just kissing. It was passion and it was overwhelmingly beautiful. It was a kiss I'd always live to remember.

We stopped kissing not because it wasn't enjoyable but because we had to pause for breath.

"I love you too." She said and placed her lips back on mine and I savoured every breathtaking moment.

It was beautiful.

And I didn't just love it.

I loved her too.