Blaming Everyone But Himself

Now he blamed money. If he had opened up to mum about it, she most certainly would have found a way around it but he said nothing because it was his guilty pleasure.

'When will you accept your faults? When will you take responsibility for your actions?' Alicia was calm again.

'Every woman I was with knew my struggle and none was there for me. None wanted to pick me up from my mess. What was I to do?' His eyes widened.

My brother was truly insane after all. He was clearly blaming his victims. A slap across his cheek was what he needed.

How could he utter such words? He sounded like he had every right to do what he did.

'So I am in the wrong for getting raped by you?' Alicia leaned over to him as though she was talking to a child and wanted to understand what he was saying.

'That is not what I mean. I really just needed understanding and a chance to be better but no one was willing to give me that. Not even mum.' He folded his arms.

He was stupid enough to drag mum into this. I was not surprised at all.

I just understood that it was going to get worse and he would never take the blame for what he did.

'Do not bring mum into this. She works round the clock just so we can have the life she could never have.'

'We expected you to be the dad of the house when he left but instead you mingled with the wrong gang.'

'No one was there to caution you anymore and you decided to make a fool of yourself and you would not accept going down alone.'

'You really had to drag so many people with you. You are very selfish.' Alicia sucked her teeth.

It was pointless talking to him. He was not helping at all and time was being wasted.

We decided to leave. I wanted to be away from him for as long as possible.

Alicia got up. She looked at Nate for a while then walked away. I looked at him too. I felt no pity whatsoever. I only felt embarrassed that a man like him was my brother.

'Kay, you do understand me, right?' He stood up and tucked my hair behind my ears.

'No.' I wanted to spit in his face.

My body vibrated with disgust. I did not want a dirty person like him touching me for any reason at all.

'Kay!' I was already walking away before I heard him call out my name.

'Say hi to mum for me, tell her I miss her.' He sounded very sad but I did not look back to see what expression he had on. I only wanted to leave before that feeling of guilt trapped me again.

Nate had proven once again that he was very unreasonable to talk to.

I could not help but wonder why the women remained in his life even after he revealed his issue to them.

Was it because of his amazing personality?

He was a great listener and he surprisingly gave the best advice.

He was my go to guy whenever Lily and I had a misunderstanding.

He knew exactly what to tell me and sometimes he went out of his way to make sure we got back together, he even gave me tips on how to get George to notice me.

He was an ideal big brother but it still did not justify why these women stayed with him.

'He blamed mum too. He really forgot to blame himself!' Alicia was driving very slowly.

She did not want her emotions to get the best of her and I was happy for that. She looked very angry and I did not want to reply to her, I just wanted to listen to all she had to say.

'He blamed me. What was I supposed to do? Dropout of school and use my tuition fee to fund his therapy sessions?' She hissed.

Nate was very unreasonable. He successfully blamed everyone forgetting that he executed the act himself.

I was angry too. I was angry that he managed to look past all of mum's struggles and he dragged her into his mess.

He even still had the courage to tell me he missed her. He was an animal in every sense of the word.

'Nate is an asshole, that is one thing neither you nor I should ever forget. We were blessed with an asshole for a brother.' Alicia's voice was calm again.

She was the one that suffered most.

Nate did not confess to bragging about his victims nor did he deny it so Alicia was going to walk around, ignorant of who knew her family's dirty secret and who did not.

My head was spinning. I was thinking about so many things at the same time.

I thought about all the people we were yet to visit. I thought about prom. I thought about George and Lily.

My mind kept racing and I could do nothing to stop it. I just wished I had a more normal teenage life.

I wish I did not have to clean up after my brother. I was frustrated.

'I think you'll look great tomorrow.' Alicia looked at me as pulled over at our house.

I needed those words. I needed to hear anything but Nate related issues. I wanted something to be about me and I had just gotten it.

'You think?' I chuckled.

'I picked the dress, so I am very confident about it.' She stopped the engine and turned in her seat to look at me well.

She looked small and beautiful. I was very glad she was my sister at that very moment.

'Fine, I'll trust you this time.' I laughed. I laughed genuinely.

Until midnight when Alicia left my room, we talked about her prom, she was stood up by her prom date and the thought of George doing the same choked me.

She told me to have all the fun I wanted to and try to keep my mind off Nate.

I knew it was going to be very easy to forget him as long as George was there. He made thinking happy thoughts very easy.

When I was with him I forgot all about my problems and everything made a lot of sense.

I could barely wait to see him and just because I wanted to look my best for him, without eyebags and stress lines, I forced myself to sleep immediately after Alicia left my room.