Hannah

Although it was temporary, it felt very fulfilling.

I wasn't going to bother about that tight feeling I had in my chest whenever I thought about Nate because I was going to draw it away into nothingness and make it an art only I could understand.

For the next couple of days, Mauve spent most of the day in our house.

She was energetic. She had a million things to say and she wanted to say them in a minute. She had a very lovable personality.

One morning when she came for her regular chat with Alicia, she suggested we go to see Hannah.

I knew there was no escaping. I felt weird about seeing Hannah. I knew nothing about her but something did not sit right.

Alicia agreed to go that morning so I could not protest against it.

The drive to Hannah's was long and tiring.

I could not sleep through it because Mauve kept playing her songs at the highest volume, an by mid afternoon, we got to her house.

It was a small brown building with high fences. I did not understand why such a small house was built within tall walls.

We made our way to the front door and Mauve knocked.

A tiny voice from within the house said 'hold on, I'll be there in a second.'

We waited for about a minute before she opened the door.

I had never seen anyone with such clear, beautiful blue eyes.

She looked from person to person and smiled. Her dimples were very deep and I could not help but stare.

'Hi, I'm Alicia, this is Kassy and Mauve.' Alicia said pointing to us.

'How may I help you, Alicia, Kassy and Mauve?' Her voice was tiny and very high pitched.

She looked like someone people only saw in fashion magazines.

'We want to see Hannah.'

Alicia was probably feeling the same way I felt. Astonished.

'I am Hannah. Is something the matter?'

In a flash, her face looked flushed and worry was written all over it. I realized she was a fragile person.

I wanted us to go back home and not speak to her about Nate.

'Well. Nothing is wrong. We just want to talk to you about Nate.'

Mauve had let the cat out of the bag. There was nothing I could do anymore.

'Nate? The lunatic Nate? Why do you want to talk to me about him?'

Now disgust was written all over her face. Her voice did not sound tiny anymore nor did she look worried.

'We understand you're his victim. We are too.' Mauve held Alicia's hand.

Was it something to be proud about? Why did she say it like that?

'I do not want to talk about Nate. I know you Mauve. You're the psycho girlfriend that endured his madness for months. I do not wish to speak to you or anyone about that crazy fellow.'

'I hope he rots in jail and in hell!' She slammed the door in our faces.

I had expected that. It was why I felt uneasy whenever the thought of seeing her came to mind.

She had spoken the truth. Mauve was a psycho for letting Nate have his way with her.

No matter how much one loves another, there should be boundaries.

'Hannah!' Alicia shouted and knocked on the door.

It was no use. Hannah had made her mind up already. She was not going to speak with us and a part of me was happy about that.

'Let's leave, we'll come back another time.' Mauve made her way to the car.

Coming back was not going to help anybody and I knew I was not going to agree to it.

Hannah seemed like a nice person and pushing her buttons was not a very smart thing to do.

'Yeah. we'll have to come back.'

Alicia looked at the door a while longer hoping it would open and Hannah would oblige to talk with us but that did not happen.

The ride back home was very awkward. They both realized that Hannah had said the truth.

'But I loved him. I didn't want him leaving me because he did not enjoy the sex.'

'I wanted to satisfy him.' Mauve's voice was dull.

She went through sexual abuse to keep a man that ended up leaving. It was unheard of.

'Mauve, relax. She probably did not mean what she said. She was angry. We all are.'

Alicia knew Hannah meant what she said. We all knew that. I could not say anything to Mauve but I pitied her.

My brother abused her and kept cheating on her. He was a lunatic, just as Hannah had said.

'Do you think we need to come back? I mean, will she be receptive next time?'

I wanted to know if they were thinking straight or if this new found hobby of talking to Nate's victims was clouding their judgment.

'I hope. She sounded angry. We need to talk to her. To let her know we're here for her.'

Alicia was not listening. Or maybe she only heard what she wanted to hear. She did not look at the big picture.

'Maybe she does not want us to be there for her. Maybe she just wants all of Nate's memories to remain her past.'

'Maybe we should respect her decision and just not see her anymore.'

I just wanted them to understand things from Hannah's point of view.

'Visiting everyone on that list was your idea. One rock in the road and you're giving up. Did you not expect this?'

Alicia's voice was raised. She was right. I had expected this.

'Yes I definitely did but I also want to respect the choices of these women.'

'If they don't want to speak to us, let's just back down. You don't expect to speak to all of them, do you?'

I was dragging the issue. Alicia had made up her mind and she had Mauve on her side. There was little to nothing I could do.