Woman Of Sorrow

I stood there, confused. I was trying to make sense of what had just happened.

He held me in my room, made me laugh and all of a sudden, he became someone else.

I deserved it. Or maybe I did not and the universe just wanted to punish me for nothing.

It took me a while before I moved from where I stood.

I went to my room with the plate of food in my hand even though I had lost my appetite completely.

I picked my phone and called Alicia. I wanted to talk to someone as soon as possible. She took the call on the second ring.

'Alicia. Thank God.' I sounded very relieved.

'Is something the matter, Kass?' She was whispering.

They were probably still on the way to the prison and she did not want mum worrying about me so she had to whisper so mum would not hear.

'Yes. Nate raped George's cousin.' My vision was blurred. Tears had welled in my eyes.

'Who?' Alicia asked.

There was no time or opportunity for me to ask George what his cousin's name was. I was not sure I wanted to know who she was.

She was suffering so much because of my brother and now, I was suffering too.

'I have no idea, I could not ask.' I was crying.

'Are you fine? Do you need me to come home?' She was speaking normally now.

I wanted her to come home. I wanted someone to be with me. I needed a shoulder to cry on so badly.

'I'm good, don't bother coming home. I'll probably go to Lil- Emily's.' I almost said her name.

I just could not get used to the fact that she was no more.

'Okay. Stay there till we get back. We'll pick you up.' She hung up.

I was scared. What if George had gone ahead to tell the whole school about Nate.

Graduation was just around the corner and I could not show up as the rapist's little sister even if I got paid.

I just wished my school did everything like every other school. Now, I had more than my hairstyle to worry about.

I left the house and went to Emily's. The house was quieter.

Laura was sitting on a chair in the veranda. I touched her a little and she did not move. She probably knew what was going on too.

Emily was in the sitting room when I opened the door. Her eyes looked very puffy and her skin was white. She had been crying and probably starving as well.

'Kassandra! Come come, sit.' She smiled broadly at me and patted the couch by her left.

'Hi.' It was weird for me.

I was going to talk to Emily about Lily and not tell Lily what we said.

In the eleventh grade, Lily took some drugs for a little while and Emily always talked to me about it. She always said she was really worried and she did not know what to do.

Immediately we finished talking, I relayed everything to Lily who only laughed and said she was trying new things.

'This must be really hard for you. Well I know it is for me.' She was smiling but I knew it was fake.

I had no comforting words for her, I needed some comforting myself.

Emily wiped her face with the back of her palm. She was crying silently. It was that painful tear one sheds when they lose their only child.

'Lily was all I had, Kass.' She looked at me. I knew she only wanted me to listen to her, so I did just that and said nothing.

'When I was younger, everyone called me Emilily. I thought it was weird but when I had Lily, I knew she was a part of me and so I split my name in two and gave her the one half."

"Albert thought it was cute. She was so chubby when she was born.' She chuckled.

Albert was her husband but the divorce had been finalized so his status had been demoted to an ex husband.

'You know, when we found out why Lily could not keep anything down, Albert could not handle it."

"He went to Greece and found this Greek woman he claims to love more than his own Lily. He never came to see her. He never called. He never texted. I only got cheques every month for her medical bills."

"I had to file for a divorce. It was too hard for me to see his pictures with that woman everywhere.' She sighed.

Lily did tell me her parents were getting divorced but she never told me why.

She was probably just too disappointed in her dad to even want to think about it, talk more about telling me.

'She left for Greece last weekend and so he came over to the hospital. He saw her. They talked like old times. He even made her laugh. I thought she was getting better, Kass. I really did.' She buried her face in her hands.

It was time for me to tell her it was going to be okay and Lily was finally free from all the pain but instead of doing that, I cried.

'My baby said she could not take it anymore and so she signed those papers and I could do nothing about it. She is eighteen.' She cried even louder.

I understood how she felt. If I were in her shoes, I would be saying the exact same thing.

'I tried to talk her out of it, you know. I told her she was going to get better. I had faith that my little angel was going to get better but she had already taken the decision to go. I knew it was going to be selfish of me to make her suffer so I sat there and told my baby goodbye.' She slid from the couch to the floor.

I went to hold her. For the first time, I did not need to put myself in someone's shoes to really understand what they were going through. I understood her perfectly.

'Lily would not make such a decision unless she knew it was absolutely necessary. Let's be happy for the time we got to spend with her.' I did not know if it was the right thing to say but it was what I wanted to hear.