Fear

Dodging to the right of the incoming dagger, I managed to get close enough to slash the goblin's throat, ending the last fight. After finishing our dive, we were covered in sweat, dirt, and blood.

We had spent a whole four hours in the dungeon now, continually ending the lives of the green creatures living in the forest. During these hours I had continuously slaughtered goblins and my emotions had begun to dull.

I did not get the feeling of exhilaration or accomplishment like the others, instead, I just felt more and more empty. It wasn't unfamiliar to me, no, it was more familiar than anything else as if regressing to the state of mind I used to have in my previous world.

My expectations that adventuring and challenging monsters would be fun had been incorrect. It wasn't fun, and although it had been exciting for a little bit, now it felt more like a chore.

The worst part was that I didn't even feel the angst that I did in the beginning, I just didn't care anymore. As if lives had lost their value.

"So, do you guys want to go out for a drink to celebrate?", The happy and content James suggested.

"Sure."

"Yes! Let's go!"

Sarah and Brad both wanted to go, and, as I was the only one to not answer, they looked at me. When they looked at me, something changed in their expressions.

A grain of doubt was planted in their eyes, and although they still had smiles on their faces, they weren't smiling.

'Is there something on my face?'

Unable to figure out why they wore such complicated expressions, I politely rejected the invitation.

"Sorry, I was thinking about relaxing by myself tonight. Maybe next week."

I wasn't sure why I turned down the offer. Even though I wasn't hungry, I still wanted to hang out with them and have a chance to talk about the day. But there was something about the way they looked at me. The familiar feeling of caution and apprehension created the thought, 'It's better if I stay away, and so I chose to do so.

We split up after exiting the dungeon, with them preparing to go out for dinner, and me going back to my apartment.

Just before I entered my door, I got a message from Misa, *Hi, are you busy tonight? I was wondering if you wanted to come over and have dinner?<3*

Unsure as to why, but something about meeting her right now scared me. Even with my dulled heart, it was terrifying, thinking about if her eyes also changed.

But I still wanted to see her, no, I needed to see her.

*Sure, I'll be there in half an hour.*

Thus, I hit the shower and tried to push away all my dark thoughts, at least for tonight.

****

"Did you guys see that?"

"Yea... we did...."

James, Sarah, and Brad were currently sitting around a round table at a bar, talking about what had just transpired.

"Something happened with his eyes... They are always black, but now they were... I don't know, it was weird. Almost as if they sucked the life out the space..."

Sarah wore a face of sadness as she spoke, still holding the image of the abnormal Miren they had separated with.

James added on, "And the way he fought... It wasn't on the level of fighting, it was just... killing..."

Taking a swig of his cider, he looked up at the roof.

"I don't even think he is that strong... on the battlefield, he is just... I don't know..."

"An executioner."

Walking towards the table, Mike was apparently also at the same bar, as always clad in his black suit.

"What did you say?"

All three of them were a bit confused at the words he had interjected with.

"Miren is an executioner. He can't really do assassination, nor can he scout. All he can do is kill."

Sarah hastily stood up and rebutted, "But isn't that just sad?! Even if he can't use normal spells isn't there something he could do? If not, isn't he just a tool?!"

"That is so."

A short and blunt response, wearing no guise of delicacy.

This time it was James's turn to speak against the words of their teacher.

"Then, what does he feel when he fights? Not struggling against an opponent, not fighting with your comrades, how could he feel good about this? Isn't it the same as just pulling the plug?!"

Without any emotion, they were met by Mike's words once more, "Probably."

He made a questioning gesture as if asking permission to sit down.

"Go ahead."

"If you guys are planning to keep on fighting with Miren, I think you should know this."

"What should we know?"

Having brought a beer with him, he took a sip to moisten his throat before speaking.

"Miren will become the most useless party member, not even able to carry his own luggage for a longer expedition. But he will also be the most efficient weapon. With his speed and spatial mobility, there will never be an enemy that can't be reached, and with the addition of the most deadly element, they will be struck down."

Taking a second to look at the downcast group of youths, he concluded his thoughts.

"The price he will have to pay for this is not light. I wouldn't be surprised if he has to numb himself unconsciously just to bear with it. He is not fighting like you guys. He is not on the battlefield, shielding his allies and supporting his friends. He is just killing."

****

I entered Misa's apartment. Standing in her small little hall, her smell surrounded me, making my body relax a bit.

Her lovely voice rang out,

"Oh, Miren? You are already here? I'll be right with you!"

*Sniff*

Something was weird. All of a sudden a wet sensation could be felt on my face. My breathing started to get a bit ragged, and it felt as if the air was devoid of oxygen.

*Guh!*

'What is happening?! Did I get poisoned in the dungeon?!'

My mind was still cold and calculating, and it spun, trying to find the reason for my condition.

That's when Misa came out from the kitchen, wearing a casual t-shirt and jeans, with an apron on top.

"Miren, what's wrong?!"

Panicking a little, she hurried to my side and bent down for us to be at eye level.

"I'm...Guh! Haa!"

She planter her hands on my cheeks and spoke once more, this time giving me the answer to my inquiries.

"Miren, why are you crying?! Did I do something wrong?! Did something happen?!"

At this point, the lovely girl was in full panic mode, trying to help me with the crisis.

'So that's what it was... I'm crying? But why?'

Unable to understand what was happening, I just let the streams flow down from my eyes, and looked at Misa.

Forcing on a smile, I tried to reassure her, "I'm fine. It's just been a long day..."

At that, she pulled my head into her embrace tightly, an action that caused my legs to weaken.

Noticing she was pretty much keeping me from falling, she lowered her body down with mine to the floor.

With me still sobbing endlessly, she just held me quietly. It didn't feel bad, in contrast, it felt refreshing.

It was as if all my repressed feeling of guilt and anguish arose, slowly evaporating into the air in the form of tears.

In the end, she just lifted me off the ground and moved us to her bed, a combination made possible because of my size and this world's level of average strength.

Now just quietly sobbing, I had gotten to a point of being able to speak again.

Weirdly enough though, even with my mind gaining some clarity from the unload, the words that came out weren't what I had in mind.

"I love you."

...

'What the fuck did I just say?! I have only known her for a couple of weeks?!'

As I was internally panicking, she started to panic externally.

She looked at me with a flushed face, completely caught off guard by the sudden show of affection.

"What?! You... Miren, are you really alright?"

Thinking about the scenario, I also knew it was crazy, and she probably saw it as me being in a state of exasperation. But the more I thought about what I said, the more I started to feel a sense of reliance on it.

"I'm fine. And... I know it's been a short time, but I love you Misa."

I said it again, not for the sake of expecting a response, but more to confirm the authentic nature of the statement. For both of us.

Tears started to well up in her blue eyes, accumulating a bit by the sides.

'I fuckes up, didn't I?'

"I love you too..."

'Or not!'