Choices [2]

Staring at the empty ceiling above my couch, I was trying to organize all the crazy thoughts in my head.

I had sacrificed the creation of the full hero party by letting Sarah die, something that might inevitably lead to the end of the humanity of this world.

It was an intrinsically faulty decision, but for me, it had been the right one to make.

Why would I want the world to survive if it meant that I wouldn't get to live in it with the ones I cared about?

I fully understood that it was a thought that bordered on being sociopathic, a way of thinking that was in direct contrast to the common values of humanity. Still, I had made the only choice that I found reasonable.

It did make me wonder though, to what extent had the knowledge of the gods, Erebus, and the old one affected my decision?

If I didn't suspect that I was currently under supervision by the most powerful entity in this world, would I have saved Sarah? Had the old one already successfully influenced me to the point where I acted as he wanted?

It was all too confusing to me. Like trying to figure out where the web of a spider started and ended.

If the old one wanted this to happen, was James not supposed to defeat the evil of the world, or had this incident somehow become a necessary catalyst for him to grow stronger?

Had my presence at the academy caused the future potential of the hero to decrease?

Was there even a plan for what was to come in the first place? In the end, I couldn't find an answer to anything, so I gave up for now.

Trying to let my distressed mind rest for a while, I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

****

I was drifting inside my inner space, once again formless and ethereal.

This time I wasn't met by the purple female. Instead, a small garden started to spread out, filled with flowery bushes and luscious green.

In the middle of this little garden was a woman clad in a white dress seated at a small glass table.

For some reason, I felt my entity take its place on the other side of the table, almost as if I was sitting there with her.

The head of the woman was an enigma. Purple hair was flowing down her shoulders, but her face was blank. Not as in expressionless, but blank as in a piece of paper. And even without any orifices, she managed to speak to me.

"I'm sorry, child. It was never our intention for you to have to bear all of this pain by yourself."

There was a feeling inside of me that told me that something was different about our meeting this time, and so I acted on my intuition.

'Who are you?'

Even though I couldn't vocalize myself without a mouth, I had a hunch that I could somehow communicate with her anyway. And I was right.

"I cannot tell you that. He has placed strict restrictions on me, restrictions that I cannot break without risking your life."

'He?'

The faceless head nodded as she explained, "He, as in the one you know as the old one. The one true God of this world that was forced to accept the immigration of the part of your soul that comes from another world."

It was hard to understand what she meant, most notably the mention of God being forced to accept my presence in his world.

"I understand that you have many questions, but I am ultimately just here to let you know that you are free to live your life as you want. No matter what threads of the flow of fate that you walk on, he is not allowed to interfere. You don't have to fight, Miren. You don't have to struggle. You are free to just run away."

Her words broke something inside of me and a lot of repressed feelings started to emerge.

These weren't the words I wanted to hear, especially not right now. My struggles had already led to the death of an innocent girl, a girl who most likely should have lived long enough to help James save the world.

I wanted to save her. I wanted Sarah to keep smiling, to keep laughing, to keep living, but I had been stuck making an impossible choice, just because I had to be afraid of the future.

The shackles of knowledge had forced me to either risk the lives of the ones I loved the most or Sarah, a girl I had cherished and wanted to cherish once more.

And now this thing told me to run away?

'Don't fuck with me...'

"Miren..."

'So I should just accept that Sarah died in order for me to keep the ones I care about safe, and now I shouldn't even struggle to become powerful enough to live how I want in the future?! A choice I had to make without even knowing if the futures I saw would even come true?!'

"Miren, calm down..."

'No! I won't fucking calm down! Sarah died! I let her die! And I don't even know why I let it happen!'

I wasn't screaming at her anymore, I was screaming at myself.

I had no idea about anything. I didn't know if I truly made the right choice, or if it even mattered at all. There was a very possible risk that I let her die for nothing, and the guilt following that realization haunted me. However, there was one thing I had to ask her, forcing me to at least slightly calm down.

'Tell me, if I run away now, will the ones I care about survive?'

For some unknown reason, I already knew the answer. I just wanted her to confirm it, as she seemingly knew a lot more about the future than I did.

"They might not..."

Even without a face, sorrow could be felt through her appearance as her head bent down to the table.

Her answer was all I needed to reaffirm my convictions, 'Then I will continue to struggle with all my might. I will continue to be ready to see people around me die to make sure I gain the opportunity in the future to keep the ones I care about safe. Now, will you continue to help me gain the power to do so?'

I had already figured out that this entity was largely related to the cultivation of my mana, although it was unknown how or why.

Her head rose again, looking directly at "me" without any eyes to see.

"Yes. No matter what choices you make, I will always be by your side."

****

"Our forces have failed to bring down the bringer of light. They did, however, manage to kill a girl named Sarah Lindt, someone on our priority list as a potential military force in the future."

*BAM!*

A pale woman with red eyes slammed her fist down on the round table, her unblemished face filled with anger. Her bountiful body shook at the slight recoil.

"So we lost our chance just like that?! Didn't you say that your men would be fine, Faust?!"

A similarly pale man tried to calm the frustrated woman, "It's okay, Frey, there are bound to be more chances in the future. We knew that there was a risk that it would end in failure when we couldn't risk sending any of our stronger forces. At least we gained something out of this. As far as I understand, the girl who died had inherited the rize element. If she ended up being part of the lightbringer's group, she would have become an invaluable asset for him."

The other hooded figures kept their mouths shut, not feeling a need to intervene between the two demons.

Frey didn't particularly enjoy the diplomatic response from Faust. She stood up, letting her bat-like wings unfold from her body.

"You might be the one that Erebus trusts the most, but don't forget for a second that repeated failures are not allowed between us. This is our one and only chance to set our people free from the oppression of humans. If we fail, all of us will inevitably die."

Letting her actions speak, she exited the room, her alluring bottom half swaying as she walked out.

****

I woke up on my couch feeling two arms holding me from behind and as I turned my head, I could see Lindsey sleeping behind me.

Lifting her arm away from me, I sat up on the couch and noticed something weird. My cheeks were wet and my eyes were sore.

'I guess I was crying in my sleep...'

It didn't take much for me to conclude that she had come to see me, noticed that my door was opened, seen me crying in my sleep, and thus tried to console me.

I felt a bit ashamed when I realized that this young girl had felt the need to hug me as a way of comforting me. However, there was another much more powerful emotion that dominated it.

'I'm not going to let her die...'