Chapter 8

Friday night presented the typical, lonely evening at home for Alex with Lili at her side. On Saturday, she found herself at the soccer field, watching Jeff and Kate's twins play in a tournament. Halfway through the tournament, Peter arrived on the scene.

Alex watched him as he approached. His wavy, dark brown hair glistened with sweat and curled up over the bottom of his navy Depot baseball cap. The afternoon sun had tanned his skin slightly more since the last time she'd seen him. She raked her gaze over the length of him. His clothes, dusty from the baseball field, made her yearn to watch him play. The sight of him sent a shiver throughout her entire body and her stomach fluttered. She wasn't sure she'd ever seen anything so sexy in her life.

Mental head slap. What am I thinking?

***

As Peter approached the soccer field, he couldn't help notice the sexiness of Alex's creamy, silky-looking skin; skin completely incapable of being tanned by even the most intense sun. The corners of his mouth tugged upward as he thought about how often the group teased her in that regard. They were sure that the more she sat in the sun, the more bleached out her skin became. But in reality, it looked heavenly to him, like that of an angel. He longed to touch it, to feel it pressed up against his, to taste it, to claim it. He locked onto Alex's gaze for a brief moment before he took a seat on the blanket on the ground next to her.

He looked at Jeff and Kate. "Sorry, I'm late. How are the boys doing?"

"So far they won one and lost one," Jeff responded.

"How was your game?" Kate asked.

"It was a great game. We won six to four."

Though he smiled about his victory on the outside, he blew out an internal sigh of sadness. Life on the ball field wasn't as it used to be. Not so long ago, he, Jeff, Ken, and Sam had all played on the same team. Eventually, Jeff and Ken became busy with the kids and gave it up. Sam was gone now, leaving only himself. For several years in a row, they'd won the city league championship. He recalled how they had so much fun playing together, and how the women seemed to have as much fun watching.

Sam played a mean third base. It was the only position he ever played, from Farm League on. Jeff held down the bag at first, Ken played center field, and Peter spent his days in left field. Many good days and nights had been spent at the ball field back in the day.

Peter snuck a glimpse of Alex. He longed for the day when she would come to his games to watch him play.

***

"So, was precious, perky Kimberly at your game?" Alex asked in the most sarcastic voice available to her.

"Why? Would you be jealous if she was?" Peter said with a grin as he nudged her with his shoulder.

"Why would I be jealous of that airheaded teeny-bopper? Screw her brains out for all I care - or have you already?" Alex snapped.

Oh my god, why are these awful, nasty words coming out of my mouth?

Alex threw her hand over her mouth, sprang to her feet, and walked briskly toward the restroom.

She didn't look back, she couldn't. She was so embarrassed. It was like she was intentionally trying to sabotage her friendship with the person who helped her the most.

She hid in a stall and sobbed.

"What's going on with you?" Kate asked as she pushed the unlatched door open.

Alex could only shrug as her uncontrollable sobs prevented her from speaking. A few minutes passed before she could somewhat regain her composure. She wadded up some toilet paper and wiped her face before she sucked in a deep breath and expelled it. "I think about Peter."

Kate flashed a puzzled look in her direction. "So?"

Alex sucked her lips into her mouth and chewed on them for a moment. "No. You don't understand. I think about Peter in a way that maybe I shouldn't. And then I feel so guilty because of Sam that I treat Peter like shit, and then I feel even worse. I just can't seem to control my nasty outbursts to him lately."

Kate's lack of response didn't surprise Alex. Kate always struggled with the softer side of emotions. Where was Beth when Alex needed her? Beth always knew the right thing to say. At any rate, she appreciated that Kate simply sat with her until she was able to pull it together.

Alex and Kate returned to their spot on the sidelines to find only Jeff.

"Where's Peter?" Kate asked.

"He left. I think he had another game this afternoon," Jeff replied.

Alex knew by the look in Jeff's eyes that was a lie. Peter probably just couldn't stand to be near her because she was so awful to him.

***

Though it had been days since Alex had treated Peter so poorly at the soccer field, she still dwelled on the incident. He'd left her several voicemails since then, and she'd picked up the phone countless times to apologize, but just couldn't bring herself to complete the calls. Her feelings for Peter, and her lingering grief for Sam, were more than she could handle. She feared hearing Peter's voice would just confuse her more. Yet, it about killed her not to see or talk to him for so long. She needed him. At the very least, she needed his friendship.

Wednesday rolled around, and Alex wondered if Peter would show up for their usual dinner appointment. As she suspected, he didn't. Why would he after the way she'd treated him and then ignored his voicemails?

Thursday came and went and still no word from him. Yep, now the calls stopped. This went on for several weeks. Her life became even lonelier than in the weeks following Sam's death. She found herself just going through the basic functions - eat, work, and sleep. She continued to attend the "couples" functions, and Peter continued to decline the invitations. The group never spoke of Peter unless Alex asked. Even then, they would just say that he was unable to attend the functions due to prior commitments.

Prior commitments, yeah right. He just can't stand to be near me because I'm so evil to him.