Fatherless Child

I'm glad I grew up with a father figure. Otherwise, I could have ended up like those Dream stans who make NSFW Gacha stories of their comfort streamers. Rather disgusting, I must say.

It's peculiar how Japanese people speaking English wrong sounds oddly weird enough by itself. But it also sounds the exact same when an English speaker speaks Japanese wrong for some reason. Many people agree with me on this statement I made during my shower thoughts moment.

Now that my father had died from prostate cancer so early, after six months after the last chapter. But I always remembered my father's last words.

"It will turn out very mentally damaging for you once I am gone, Klei. I know this because I know you. I've been taking care of you for seven years since you've been diagnosed with severe Bipolar Disorder. But I also know you, Klei, that you are strong and no matter what the circumstances, you will always be the goddamned strongest man I've met. You will be the man of the house now. Goodbye…."

I was about to give in to acting bat shit insane, clinically. But I didn't. Because my father gave me strength from those last words and will cherish them in his honour.

And that's where I met April. April was my father's birthday.

April and I felt close, and she's always been there for me no matter what. She understands me, gives me space when I need it, supports and cares for me genuinely. It was the only and healthiest relationship I ever had.

Regarding the fact that all of my exes were either toxic cheaters or "yandere's," weebs call it nowadays. Basically, yandere is an obsessive girlfriend who would force you to be with them and steal your time; otherwise, they will gaslight, manipulate, and guilt trip you so they can all have the attention and affection they absolutely want.

But they don't care about support, personal space, or don't even care about your problems when you vent; really, they'd shut down and stonewall you because they love you too much, but they don't care about your issues at all.

They want nothing but affection and lust. That's it. That's all. It's not real love. This is the term for limerence, and having this preference for a girlfriend means I have Stockholm's Syndrome.

For those who don't know, Stockholm's Syndrome is basically mentally unhealthy love preference to be in love with their abusers where they are victims of a criminal.

It is also considered Stockholm's Syndrome if you are in love with someone toxic who doesn't even care about you, only if they are hurting you on purpose for their benefit needs.

Such as a psychopath manipulating their girlfriend, and despite their girlfriend knowing, they are still in love with the psychopath.

I used to be a manipulative abuser in relationships because of how I grew up with this clinical ASPD. Aka, Psychopathy/Sociopathy.

But after I met April, I became less possessive. I stopped being manipulative. I stopped being controlling and abusive in relationships because of how she became a healthy girlfriend for me where our relationship is entirely healthy and has no issues.

It makes me feel scared because I'm not used to this relationship. All of my relationships had been toxic. Even though she had zero of my preferences, she is perfect for me.

It felt like God sent me an angel to reward me for all the good I've done in my whole life. She embodies all the kindness I've done for other people as the ultimate reward in one package.

That's when I started to slowly recover from Stockholm's Syndrome and the fact that she cares about my mental health and felt her empathy for my depressive emotions and attitude. I felt like I wanted to change for her, and she changed me and became a better person.

I started to take care of my own mental health as well rather than having to neglect it and give into insanity.

She was the only one I cared for and genuinely loved. This is the first time I have felt true love in all my life. I am still that manipulative evil narcissist, but I am entirely different towards her.

April helped me to be the better version of myself.