Freedom Alas!

That was the plan actually… I just had to kill a few people, just so I can get into court, plead insanity just to be free to the streets successfully while telling my defence of my dramatic backstory of my father's abuse just so I can be away from him. He lost custody of me and was given a restraining order far away from me. The only one taking care of me? My brother, and ALAS, I finally got into North Carolina, and not some fantasy I wrote in a book just to cope with the fact I'll be inside that damned house for the rest of my goddamned life.

My brother doesn't take me to college like he planned. Instead, he wanted me to be a bestselling author by submitting a book that had been successfully published, rather than having to go to WebNovel and be a slave for them, really.

Everything of the rest of the story before this is none but a fantasy, a delusional world, and an illusionary universe that I made up just to cope with the fact that I am none but a failure, a waste of oxygen in earth, existing without purpose.

The judge at court didn't see behind the facade that I purposely killed those people just for a short-term plan of having my father be given a restraining order away from me. And having myself to go to the country I deserve to be in. It is The American Dream!

North Carolina is sure always been cloudy around here. It's even barely sunny around here. Always the gloomy clouds like I've always wanted for a good weather, for someone who pretends to be a vampire like myself, I could live with that.

If I were to get to a mental asylum, I can always prove I am sane just to get out of there. Because, in fact, I always have the mask of sanity beyond the face of madness I have within me, really.

That's when I finally got myself back on my feet and be the charismatic and charming man I've always been since 7th grade, and not some psychotic lunatic that pretends to be in a world that never existed just to cope with the reality of being locked up inside some cage like a mad dog.

Having there, I smoked a pack of cigarettes all day, trying to control myself from getting too much caffeine in my body, but with the right amount, around just one to two cups of coffee to keep me from withdrawal symptoms. My brother even told me to stop taking the medications and just go to a psychologist that does actual therapy that does not include medications. Because the drugs have ruined me and my mind, especially my life. It's the poison of my soul.

The fact that given medications to a depressed person without even having to drink them convinces them they are actually insane. That is the poison of the antipsychotics, it makes them think they are mad, bat shit insane, even if they're not crazy and they will go acting crazy just because a psychiatrist gas lighted or tricked them into thinking that.

The medications are not the poison of the mind, it's the gas lighting effect of convincing them they are, even if they're not. That is what exactly happened to me during those days.

The only thing crazy about me is that I am a complete sociopath and not a lunatic that is delusional or hearing voices. I do not hallucinate or hear voices. I just have a conducted behaviour of delinquency and juvenile/antisocial behaviour.

I do it for fun sakes, but knowing the fact that I've grown old as an adult… I can no longer do those anymore and thinking of my future, adulting and maturing. And I've gone depressed. The fact that I've done too much harm to my future self in the past makes me all depressed.

And all of these are what I told to my new psychologist, except for the one that I killed people on purpose pretending it was a split personality. No, no, no! I am that personality. I just have multiple personas of myself that could fit in every situation and am completely aware of my actions.

Except for the times I am completely dissociated for some reason. Or when I blackout and don't remember what I did.

Or we may never know, the reason why I am acting like an entire different person in this chapter now is because this is a new dissociative split personality because this is my way of coping from what I did and what just happened, especially that I am far away from my father and in a new place that I recently moved in that is far away from home.

That is what my psychologist said. I am a new split personality because of the trauma of what happened at court, too much stress knowing the fact I am going to jail to the point I had to make up a new self and have that person front so I can protect myself from the stressful event of what is happening.

She may be right, but we may never know. It's either I am lying to others or lying to myself.