Chapter 20

"What do you mean, Dumbledore won't fire Lockhart?" Harry snarled furiously.

He was sitting in his favorite armchair by the fire ⎯ which had a view of the entire common room ⎯ with his friends, Draco, the twins, and Neville, sitting around him. The other Slytherins had gone completely silent at Harry's outburst, while Blaise cowered in front of him, looking both pale and outraged.

"I overheard him telling McGonagall that Lockhart was perfectly suitable for the job, my lord," Blaise responded nervously. "That he was incredibly intelligent and-"

The rest of his explanation was drowned out by shouts of anger and sarcastic laughter.

"He brought a fire salamander to class and almost drowned Harper with his over-powered Aguamenti charm!" cried a first year.

"He set Hestia on fire!" Flora Carrow snarled.

"He's an idiot!" shouted a fifth year.

Harry, who was cringing in his chair, cast the twins a pleading look, and the two instantly shot silent fireworks into the air. The shouts and laughs stopped.

"How are we supposed to learn anything with that lunatic?" Harry growled, relaxing slightly.

Draco coughed once. Harry looked over at him. "Yes, Draco?"

"Have you heard of Rita Skeeter, my lord?" Draco asked. "Harry," he amended at Harry's sharp look.

Murmurs had started up at the name. Several people were frowning. Some of them had obviously caught onto Draco's plan, because their eyes lit up.

"No," Harry responded. "Who is she?"

"She's a very well-known reporter, my ⎯ Harry," Draco corrected himself again. "She has many fans. She's known for having a grain of truth in her articles, while the rest is complete lies that usually destroy a person's reputation."

Harry slowly smiled, and the Slytherins exchanged excited looks. "How does one get ahold of a reporter?"

"You can write the publisher," Marcus suggested. "You're going to have to use words that will hook Skeeter's interest, because otherwise, she won't come."

The door to the common room suddenly burst open, and a familiar man with shaggy black hair erupted into the room, followed by an exasperated Remus Lupin-Black.

"Your favorite godfather is here, pup!" Sirius Lupin-Black crowed.

"I hate to break it to you, Uncle Padfoot," Harry said mock sadly, "but Uncle Moony is my favorite godfather."

Sirius gasped dramatically and clutched his chest, ignoring the sniggers from the Slytherins. "You wound me!" he wailed.

"Shut up, Siri," Remus snorted. "Hey, cub," he said, smiling at Harry when Sirius gave him a mock horrified look. "Sorry to burst in like this. We came for the job interview, but Dumbledore wasn't in his office."

"Unfortunately, we won't be getting a new Defense teacher ⎯ yet," Harry added. "Sit down," he said, gesturing to the empty chairs on either side of him.

"What happened?" Remus frowned as he took a seat on Harry's left. Sirius plopped down on the arm of his husband's chair.

Harry rolled his eyes at his child-like godfather and said, "Dumbledore refuses to fire Lockhart, so I have to take matters into my own hands."

"Why you?" Remus questioned.

"I can't tell you," Harry said after a pause. "Yet."

Sirius pouted.

------------

"Hello, Miss Skeeter," Harry said sweetly.

The woman smiled back just as sweetly, but Harry could see a greedy look in her eyes. "Hello, Mr. Potter," she simpered. "I was told you had the story of a lifetime for me?"

"Several," Harry replied, "but you're only getting one for now." When Skeeter frowned slightly, he said, "Let's say that this first time is a test. If you pass ⎯ if I approve of what you write ⎯ I will give you the second story. If you don't-" his voice became so cold that Skeeter paled, and behind him, Remus bared his throat, whimpering "-I will be forced to use another reporter. Do you understand, Miss Skeeter?"

"Y-yes," Skeeter stammered.

Harry smiled maliciously. "Excellent. Draco?"

The blond boy handed him a stack of papers and Harry rubbed his nose, glancing down them. "Let's begin with Abbot," he mused. "What do you know about Professor Nautilus Abbot?"

------------

DAILY PROPHET

Hogwarts School of Unqualified Staff

Yes, dear readers: you read the title correctly. Several of the adults hired by the esteemed headmaster have not been up to the standards of Hogwarts. Would you have Hogwarts teach your child if one of their teachers was an absentminded ghost who had been teaching for two centuries? Would you agree to send your child to a school whose medi-witch is so overwhelmed that the monthly checkups of students are abandoned? Would Hogwarts be your school of choice if the headmaster continued to hire Defense professors who did not have the required knowledge to teach?

When I first heard of this, my dear readers, I was a little skeptical. Isn't Dumbledore the wizard who defeated the Dark Lord Grindelwald? Who fought against the He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named? Isn't he supposed to be a wise wizard, one you can trust to make good decisions?

Unfortunately, my dear readers, the choices he has made regarding Hogwarts staff have caused many to question his wisdom. Perhaps he is getting too old for his post....

If you don't believe me, dear readers, you will soon see the truth.

Let's begin with Cuthbert Binns.

The History of Magic professor has had this post since 1795. He died on September 12, 1915, but, according to the students, he "didn't realize he was dead" and continued to teach. His classes are so mind-numbing that eight out of ten students every year find it nearly impossible to stay awake ⎯ and he doesn't notice. Very few students stay on after sixth year. As you know, some jobs require History of Magic NEWTS ⎯ but how are children supposed to learn from a ghost who is better at putting them to sleep than teaching them?

Still not convinced? Let's look at Professor Sybil Trelawney.

I'm sure you recognize the last name because of Cassandra Trelawney, celebrated Seer. Professor Trelawney claims to be the great-great-granddaughter of Cassandra, being the only descendant to claim her gift ⎯ but is she truly a Seer or a fraud?

Her students tell me that she has never Seen anything, only predicting things anyone could predict. For example, she predicts each year that a student will leave her during Easter ⎯ which, inevitably, someone does, losing their temper with the teacher and asking to take a different elective instead.

But this, readers, is not the worst this woman has done.

During the first class of each year, Professor Trelawney predicts the death of a student. May I remind you, dear readers, that her class begins with thirteen-year-old children. I shudder to think of the scars these poor things have because of this woman!

I am sure that many of you are now convinced of the staff's inefficiency, but there are horrors that none of you know, and I must endeavor to reveal the truth.

Every other magical school has at least five medi-witches or -wizards. A requirement many of the schools have is monthly check-ups, in case a student has wounds no one knows about. Since there are several hundred students in a magical school, it is much easier for one to have five medi-wizards or -witches on hand.

Unfortunately, Hogwarts only has one medi-witch, Madam Poppy Pomfrey. She is a skilled and popular Healer, and all the students adore her, but she herself admits that she is not talented enough to work with several hundred children.

"I've repeatedly asked Albus to hire more medi-wizards," Madam Pomfrey says as she tends to a sick student, "but he insists that I am more than capable of doing this on my own. I even send out letters to my colleagues in the medical field, but they never reply. I sometimes doubt if my letters arrive at all!"

Many students have complained about the lack of medical staff as well.

"I went to ask Madam Pomfrey to treat a burn from Professor Lockhart's class," says Hestia Carrow, a Slytherin, "but she was already treating five people from Care of Magical Creatures, and told me to go to Professor Snape for burn salve."

I was curious about why she'd gotten burned in Defense, a class that is arguably the most important, considering that there are still Death Eaters out there, as well as many dangerous creatures. I was curious about why Professor Lockhart didn't heal the burn himself, and I inadvertently stumbled on a secret.

"Are you kidding me?" Flora Carrow, Hestia's twin, exclaims when I ask. "Lockhart can't perform any spell and when he tries, someone gets hurt!"

"At least he's better than Professor Abbot," Hestia says, shuddering. "And Professor Quirrell ⎯ he had Voldemort on the back of his head!"

I was astounded. Dumbledore had hired a professor who was being possessed by You-Know-Who?

When I asked the students about their Defense teachers, they all said the same thing: that they were either incompetent or a danger to children, and something terrible happened to them at the end of every year that forced them to leave.

I began to be worried. Surely the teachers weren't that bad?

"Well, other than Professor Abbot, who was a child predator," says Marcus Flint, sixth year Slytherin, sarcastically, "or Professor Winthrop, who brought his pet venomous anaconda to class every day, or Professor May, who shouted students to tears, or Professor Wayfield, who was a vampire ⎯ yes, they weren't that bad, totally harmless."

A vampire? A child predator? I was questioning Dumbledore's sanity when I heard Marcus' speech. I decided to go deeper.

It turns out that every single Defense professor since 1950 has been 1) only been hired for a year and 2) been the worst teachers a child could have. One of them was clinically insane!

But, you may protest, the current teacher, Professor Gilderoy Lockhart, is famous for being the most powerful wizard in the world, second only to Dumbledore and Voldemort. His deeds are well-known, from banishing the Bandon Banshee to turning a werewolf back into a human on the night of full moon.

But is everything as it seems?

When I questioned the students about the new Defense professor, I was immediately met by pleas for help.

"At first," says Dean Thomas, second year Gryffindor, "we all thought he was funny. His stupidity wasn't really hurting anyone, it just made most people laugh. But then he started bringing dangerous creatures to the older classes, and suddenly a lot of students were getting hurt."

"At least with the first and second years, he was telling us about his 'adventures,' but some of them weren't even remotely realistic," says Parvati Patil, second year Gryffindor. "I mean, the only 'cure' for a werewolf is the Wolfsbane potion, and it just lets the werewolf keep his human mind during the full moon."

"We all want him to go," says Neville Longbottom, second year Hufflepuff, fearfully, "but Dumbledore refuses to fire him, even if there's another applicant who is a lot more qualified to teach."

Are the students of Hogwarts the only ones worried about their magical education? Are they the only ones frightened about what new teacher will be hired to teach the next generation? I, for one, hope that someone will step in to save our little ones.