Wish 30: Chaos…

Two years have passed...

And I have turned 14 years old.

Just one more year and I will become an adult in this world's law.

Well, it's not like there is anyone who knows my true age, right?

In the past two years, many interesting events have happened, but first let's start from that night...

The night when something new began for me.

I don't remember anything after I lost hope in carrying out my revenge...

Or rather, I have now become more liberated to achieve it.

After being begged by the lord of the tower, the steward, to save him from destruction....

I don't remember anything else after that.

And when I regained consciousness, I found myself lying on the ground...

While my whole body was covered in blood and flesh and bones.

I was literally soaked in his blood.

It's safe to say that it opened my mind and reminded me of the difficult days I spent on the battlefields in my first life...

Where your life is spent in dirt and blood and the smell of metal scattered everywhere.

On that night, I finally understood a little of the power of my virtue.

The virtue of despair.

The power of despair!

I guess it's similar to what they call the power of friendship?

Well, something like that, but...

Despair...

What is despair?

I asked myself that question under the bitter sunrise.

Losing hope means that everything around you has been consumed by the abyss...

No words or feelings can destroy what you will feel afterwards...

Fear will penetrate you repeatedly in an endless cycle...

Only then will you feel the Nihilism...

And you will know how terrifying and captivating silence can be!!!

Every human or person of another race, it doesn't matter who they are...

They will need a meaningful essence and an answer to the reason for their existence.

Like most immortals who have an infinite lifespan...

You find them searching for something beyond their daily routine...

And some of them may accept death in order not to feel boredom.

So why?

Because that boredom will eventually turn into overwhelming despair!

Despair is nothing but fuel for Nihilism.

And the Nihilism sees the whole world and the universe devoids of any content or meaning, priceless…

In other words, nothing.

Yes, despair leads to nothing

And my duty as a virtue of despair is to discover something in Nihilism...

Only then will despair have meaning, and the virtue of despair will be formed to make the world a perfect place.

Yes, a perfect world!

In your opinion, what is the cause of wars, conflicts, and other things that may cause the destruction of everything?

It is the fear of that despair that leads to Nihilism.

Some may say that Nihilism is an absolute denial of something positive only, not what I think.

I say to them, taste the flavor of despair first, then come and discuss Nihilism.

Because I myself do not have a clear idea about Nihilism except that it is a belief that nothing has value, where all the principles that make up this universe itself are valueless.

Nihilism is silence, terrifying silence sneaking into everything but the only obvious way to it is despair.

Since I have not tasted enough despair, then I am not ready to accept my fate as a virtue.

So it took a long time to make a final decision about my revenge and what needs to be done.

In the end, what I want to do is the same as what I used to do...

Revenge first, despair second, and knowing the truth finally.

So I prepared a feast for tomorrow. This feast will be the beginning of my spectacle so that I do not fall into Nihilism before anyone else.

********

If there is hope and despair...

Then there is wonderful and terrifying, entertaining and horrible, noble and vulgar, and then good and evil.

Tomorrow, I will make them know the best of what they have done and the worst of what they have produced...

Or maybe the opposite.

"Sir! What are you doing up there? *

"My beautiful disciple, didn't I tell you to go behind Kugssa and tell her to come back?"

It really hurts me to see my disciple's tears, the truth is, emotions are contagious.

It didn't take long for me to believe that she is my disciple just like Kugssa and that I have to protect her and teach her what I have.

Maria has the personality of a fair ruler, harsh with her enemies and kind to her loyal followers...

Her personality reminded me of the days when I was just an ordinary general, with my soldiers and those who trusted me, fighting for the wish of a person who has no relation with me or them.

"Sir, I know you're hiding something from me, especially about the feast you suddenly decided to prepare, just tell me, what are you scared of?"

scared?

Did she say scared?

"Alright, alright, I have to meet those filthy nobles today, so..."

I jumped from the tree, changing my appearance to another.

"Let's talk about this when I come back, okay? *

"Okay, sir..."

I left the palace that was gifted to us recently by one of the nobles, Duke Francis, who wants to help me in my plan and is very loyal to my little disciple.

My destination after leaving the palace was the borders of the empire...

Where the evil of this dirty empire resides.

I know very well that it is not my right to say this...

But, in a world like this, sometimes you have to accept the law of the jungle and walk according to its rules.

Weakness is a mistake in a world like this, and at the same time, it can also be strength.

Where you find a person without fighting skills, with useless skills, following their human instinct to protect those weaker than them, their family, friends, and people they trust...

But you won't find this instinct in a strong person most of the time, and I am the best example of that.

Weakness can be strength sometimes because their instinct can bring them compassion from the stronger...

Or rather, it brings them pity from the stronger, and the best example of that is the saints...

Weak people who received compassion and pity from one of the virtues.

In this world, I think there is only one saint of the church...

I think so.

....

Time passes quickly, maybe I will be late for tomorrow's feast as evening has already come.

"Sir, Finally you're here!!

There's a problem in the Magic barrier you created sir!"

the barrier damaged?

"Did they come from there?"

"Sir they are terrifying i couldn't get close to the barrier"

I can't hold them back anymore

let's see what's happening

.... 

When I reached the barrier, I found them getting out from the hole and hitting the barrier with their head…

They lost all their humanity, those Chimera!

 I have to fix the barrier…

The time has not come yet.

"Sir, be careful!"

"Don't worry, he won't be able to hurt me at all... Grah!?"

Mana?

My sacred mana, it disappeared?

What the hell!!

Did he manage to cut off the connection between me and my source so easily?

That cursed chimera!

Without my mana, I am just a mortal in a paper body.

My body is tearing apart!!

"Arrgh... Aaaargh!"

"Sir! Forgive me, I don't want to die, aaah"

The scoundrel has escaped!!

Haaah..haaah...

"Release me, you scoundrel!"

Graaaaah

Haaah..haaah...cough..cough..

By thinking that..haaah.. the power of pride will save me from death...

Wasn't that it? The power of...cough..cough.. I'm choking...

The power of death haaah..

Death and life...haaah..haaah..

It seems I'm still far from you, oh pride...

Mana refuses to return to me...

My connection to the source of mana has been permanently severed...

It seems I will have to return again..haaah..haaah...

I don't want...

I don't want to die!

[The final condition has been fulfilled!]

It's painful...it makes you suffer...

I don't want to suffer again...

No matter how strong I am, death will always chase me.

I don't want… haah.. haah?

Light?

Chaos smiles at you, chaos has chosen to follow your path]

Chaos...?

[you have obtained chaos mana, the replacement process will begin]

Haaah?

I have fainted.