6: Nightmare and Inner Battle

Heavy pants can be heard in deafening darkness. Nothing but screams of pain, fear, and cries of agony are the things that can be heard. My mind is blank and I can’t think of a place that resembles this one. My whole body is trembling. I'm fucking lost and it seems like it has no end.

“Hello?” My voice is weak, hoarse, and parched. It softly echoed and chills ran throughout my body.

The darkness formed into something bigger and scarier. I can see a glimpse of light but have barely seen it since something’s blocking it. That, itself, makes the fear tug my heart, making it fall into the abyss of loss and the unknown. Swallowing me slowly, drowning me deeper, and it left me stunned, frozen in my spot by the sight of what was in front of me.

A giant mask in just pure ink was smiling wickedly in front of me.

“Demian,” it called my name, “why did you hide me from the world?” it asked, looking down at me with such mockery. Just like how I belittle those people to fear me, to bow their heads.

I know what it was talking about, letting the warm glob of tears fall on the ground, making some droplets echo everywhere. Every teardrop holds a pain that I can't simply forget.

I shook my head, hiccupping from the restrained wails. “No. I swear I didn’t.”

Contagious deride can be heard anywhere, the ridiculing laughter thunders. The laugh can make you feel small and unwanted. That laughter soon drifted to wrath, pinpointing the sin to me that I didn't even want from the start.

“It was supposed to be you! You shall perish! Vanish pest!”

“It was your fault!”

“Death shall fetch you, unwanted murderer!”

“Useless killer! Worthless pest!”

The comments from unknowns are piling up, with no exact knowledge of who they were. Voices turned gibberish as they overpowered each other. Each word pierces through me like a blunt dagger, making it hard for me to breathe. It's better to die in a swift bloody situation, than slowly, yet painfully, dying from their words.

“I’m… I’m sorry. I'm trying my best, okay? I'm sorry.” I cried out loud.

Pain.

All I felt was pain.

“You didn’t! No efforts! It should have been you!”

The mask wickedly smiled down at me. “Everyone will be happy if you're gone,” it said and opened its mouth, ready to eat my whole being— alive.

“NO!”

I jolted awake once I heard my voice screaming, frightened, begging. My right hand is in the mid-air like blocking something.

I sighed. “It's… a dream.” But, it feels so real.

‘Is it just a dream?’ a voice asked inside my head.

I'm sure it was.

‘Then, say, why are you frightened? What is your secret that you kept on hiding from yourself?’ it asked once again.

“Nothing. I'm not–” I stopped, noticing something.

My forehead landed on my open palm once I realized that I was talking to no one else but myself. My thoughts were talking to each other, contradicting, like they aren't one. If this continues, I'll go insane.

I pushed myself out of the messy bedding, eyes catching the digital clock atop my bedside table. A sigh left my parted lips.

‘Five in the morning. Planning to go somewhere?’

‘Nah. I need to collect myself before heading to school.’

‘This early? Say, something's bugging you, isn't it?’

“Shut up!” I scolded to a voice, stupidly gripping each strand of my hair tightly.

Thirst made its way to my throat, making it dry, so I decided to clumsily make my way to the kitchen. It was located in the right area once the door in the bedroom opened. The lounge, kitchen, and bathroom are just outside my room packed in one small place.

I placed my phone on top of the table and got a glass, pouring it with cold water from the pitcher.

I was about to reach for my phone while drinking when my eyes caught the person in front of me.

‘She’s evil. See that girl? I was pertaining to her. Don't you think so?’

‘No. She did everything. She has been trying her best until now. Can't you see it?’

‘Those efforts are useless. She can’t find who’s at fault because she wasn’t doing her best.’

My thoughts were contradicting each other.

Clenching my fist, I threw the glass filled with water onto the mirror. Sharp shredded pieces of the mirror and glass scattered, lying down, on the cold stone floor. It was like gravity pulled my body, making me sit on the floor as I saw the mess I made.

The tears wanted to come out but it seemed like it was restricted to do so.

‘You deserve to feel it. You deserve to be like that. Miserable and pathetic.’

I sprang up and gathered the necessary things I needed. Marching my way into the bathroom, I turned the shower on. Each water that hits my body cascades rapidly, letting myself get drowned in its coldness. Not minding the clothes that aren't discarded.

~•°•°•~

“You’re as early as always. What does my first customer want?” Mister Castro asked with a smile on his face.

The corner of my lips twitched a little and dropped my orders. “Hot choco and chocolate dip waffles.” I handed him my payment. “Thanks.”

I shut my thoughts off once my buttocks kissed the cushioned chair near the entrance of the shop. It's better to keep my mind blank.

“Thinking that deep is overwhelming,” a familiar voice said, making me whip my head in its direction. “Here's your order, D-T.”

I nodded, weakly smiling at him. “It was, indeed. Thanks again.”

Mister Castro placed my order and pat my head gently. “If you feel the want to talk it out, I'm just on the other side of the counter.”

“Is there an additional tax?” I joked to lessen his worry.

His chuckles were hoarse and parched. Shaking his head, he answered, “None, young one. Turning serious times to bluffing made it easier to wither the worries.”

He sighed. “Alright, I'm serious about my offer, but I need to continue working to earn.”

I nodded my head and he turned his slouched back to me. Walking away with such a stiff stature.

After the short breakfast, I went ahead to the headquarters. I still have 30-minutes remaining on the clock and the HQ is the best option to rest.

I lay my exhausted body on the sofa, resting my head on the armrest, the same goes for my feet on the other armrest.

I’m too scared to close my eyes, even try to sleep or nap. My mind was fighting over once again as I headed here. It keeps on arguing in the back of my mind, making my head hurt.

‘I need to set myself free, but how?’