VIII: Canis Major

I am under þögn...

...this treatment feels like I'm isolated. Frozen, against my coven, family, those of the vampire society.

Blóð?

Oh, yes, they are aristocrats, yet they are beneath the common folk now. Right now, this is because I couldn't just do what was expected of me. Why couldn't I just give like my family all have at some point in their lives? Why couldn't I selflessly throw myself for others' gain?

How could they agree to this, and on top of it, hide everything from me?

How?!

I'm in tears, gripping the covers of my bed as I stifle a shriek into the pillow. They are not allowed to talk to me, no...not for a year.

þögn...

I shake my head in disbelief. It comes as a harsh reality when a knock comes on my door and I open it. It's like he's looking right through me. Eli speaks in an even tone, "Weekly feed, for those attending."

Yet, it is still expected of me to do everything without missing a beat. As if this isn't affecting me, as if it's my new reality of being nothing more than a waste of space. Why...why...?!

I want to yell, to scream, to hit Eli until I feel something.

In silence, I follow behind Eli as he walks down the hallway. I catch Odette out of the corner of my eye and the sadness in her eyes nearly causes my heart to break. She looks away, and I follow down to the front door before I follow my parents silently as well.

Not only did Prince Rune not choose me for his beloved...

...I will never have a beloved as anyone will choose me now. I'm tainted.

Prince Rune, in fact, was so traumatized by the incident...yes, he was traumatized, he didn't choose a beloved last night. No, he will need time to think hard about this choice.

He distinctly threatened me, "You took what should have been my happiness tonight! I will take everything away from you that makes you happy for the rest of your pitiful immortal existence!"

I...

Now I have no choice in the feeding grounds, I am not on rotation any longer. The theatre is a horrible place to find humans, though mother loves to see their memories of the fine arts. It's painful taking part in an intimate part of vampires every night lives when I can't truly be...

I'm shaking, trying to stifle my anger and rage. It hurts badly and when I step inside the house, father orders, "Everyone who lives here will stay in their rooms for the rest of the night."

It's an indirect, direct order for me that anyone else can break.

Tears trail down my cheeks as I rush to my room, slamming the door shut behind me. My nails break the skin of my palms as I dig them into my flesh. I need to feel something...my heart beats fast as I slide off my bed, lying on my back as I stare up at the ceiling. Breathing in and out slowly, I want to dissolve away, though I just continue to rest in this existence.

"Wanderer Odette?" I ask with confusion as the door to my room opens and she quickly steps inside before closing it. She looks around the room and her eyes rest on me.

Yes, I must address every, single vampire by their proper title...even if they choose to continue as if I'm frozen in time and don't exist.

I don't even know if she's going to respon—"Cut that title crap...Wren, I am so, so sorry this happened to you..." she drops to her knees next to me, looking me over as she wraps her arms around me.

"I want to vanish," my voice is barely above a whisper.

She tries to ease my mind, humming, and rocking me.

Tears are hot and fresh as they trail down my cheeks, begging, "I can't live like this."

"Oh, Wren..." Odette's painful edge causes me to chock on a sob. It's a few more minutes before she says, "I will silently be your forráðamaður...your guardian, I vow a Blood Oath."

She takes the palm of her hand and sinks her fangs into the flesh, my own breaking the soft skin of my palm. A Blood Oath she will keep...someone who has been here more for me in a short span of my life than my very blood.

"Thank you," I whisper back, Odette helping me to my feet as I lie down on my bed. Our wounds seal shut, evidence of spilled blood long gone. Resting on my bed, I hear Odette leaving, glancing at the clock as it's nearly, "Midnight..."

I lift up, looking around the room anew. Ulric doesn't know about my punishment, my society, he won't care, and I can find comfort in the presence of another. It's what I need right now, I can't stand another moment like this...I can't!

Quickly getting up off the bed, I change into new clothes before sneaking out of my window. I don't care if they catch me out of my room, perhaps, it won't matter to them if I'm gone now. It might be their silent prayer and I'm answering their wish on a shooting star.

Quickly crossing the street, I head toward Paramount Conservatory's observatory. Quickly making my way across campus, wiping the tears from my cheeks as I sniffle a few times. It's minutes before I catch two heartbeats around the corner, bringing them into view near the conservatory door...

...Ulric.

My heart skips a beat the second his eyes land on me. It feels...his stare, I fight back fresh tears that threaten to fall. Swallowing them down, away pushing it deeper, Ulric introduces, "Hey, Wren, so nice you could join us." He pauses and turns to the man next to him, "This is Lux."

"Hello," Lux smiles and nods, "Ulric has told me a bit about you and how you're into stars?"

"I...y-yeah," my voice is a lower pitch than normal, feeling my words catching in my throat. It's difficult to speak and I don't know if Ulric picks up on this as he looks over me with what appears is confusion or curiosity?

Lux nods his head and opens the conservatory door before the double doors slide open. My fears, my lies, fade away as I cross the threshold, looking around in awe while it's comforting having Ulric's presence behind me. Him so close to me...I feel...safe.

Lux brings me to the telescope, and I'm able to truly see the beauty of the constellations. He even mentions as he further educates me, "The brightest star in any constellation is usually given the designation alpha, represented by the Greek letter α, while the second brightest is beta, β, and so on. These Greek letters are known as the Bayer letters."

"Wow..." I'm staring in awe while Ulric also takes a look through the scope as I lean back. My gaze rests on the back of his head as he looks to the stars, glancing away when Lux begins speaking again.

Lux continues, "Sirius (α Canis Majoris). It's easy to use Orion's Belt to locate Sirius, the brightest star of the nighttime sky. Sirius is well known as the Dog Star because it's the chief star in the constellation Canis Major, the Big Dog."

Oh...an interesting choice of a constellation.

The night seems so young, even when Lux says it's time he closes up, locking up behind us while Ulric waits at the top steps. He nods at Lux and says, "Thanks for setting this up," he pauses and looks at me, "I'm glad to have seen Wren in her natural element."

My cheeks heat with embarrassment, glancing away and nervously shifting. Lux chuckles and waves, "It was my pleasure. Great to meet you, Wren! I would love to pick your brain one of these days about the theories of how we see the stars."

"I'd love that," I wave back shyly at first, under Ulric's eye without realizing as he smiles.

Before I take a step away to leave as well, Ulric reaches out and grasps my upper arm. That feeling of...I quickly pull away, whirling around and nearly tripping down the stairs. He quickly reaches out, his arm around my back as he pulls me upright, my hands braced against his chest.

"I..." my voice is barely above a whisper.

"Are you okay? You don't seem your usually sparky self," Ulric's deduction nearly brings me to tears once again. I look down, staring at his shirt as my chest rises and falls softly. My hands suddenly grasp the fabric of his shirt when his fingers entrap my chin and bring my gaze to lock with his. His eyes search mine as he asks, "Wren?"

Perhaps...

...I'm burdening this human as much as I have my own society.

That's unfair of how cruel I've been taking advantage of him and his world.

I never stopped to think of this possibility. Once again, selfishly caring only for myself...no wonder I'm on the edge of a fault that I'm ready to fall from. It can take me, have me all at once.

I bring one of my hands to touch his that desperately holds onto my chin delicately, yet firm. As I touch him, I shake my head and whisper, "It's alright. Please, don't worry about me. I don't mean to cause you distress. I'm sorry," it feels so...distant, "I—"

"Can I kiss you?" Ulric cuts me short, the air catching in my lungs as I inhale sharply.

Furrowing my brows, I ask, "What?"

"May I kiss you?" His voice resonating a second time causes my heart to skip multiple beats, an awkwardly silent nod my only response as I can't find my voice.

It's lost, and I don't want to find it now as Ulric's lips claim mine. He kisses me softly, though with a gentle passion that slowly builds a wildfire through my soul. I feel how warm his skin is, the way fire skates beneath my flesh as I release the fabric of his shirt slowly.

With the death grip gone, one of my hands touches his cheek while another rests on his shoulder. I feel safe, I feel...I feel something...

A calming rush settles over my being when Ulric gently pulls his lips away from mine. It might seem reluctant that he did this, especially when he's only a few inches away, looks me in the eyes and his gaze flickers to my lips once more.

I didn't realize I wasn't breathing, slowly releasing the air from my lungs as I inhale sharply. His lips slowly form into a smile, softly resting as he asks me, "Would you like me to walk you to the front of the school?"

"I'd like that," I reply back softly.