Chapter2 Now it all Begins

Anyway, they were all assembled around the great table especially brought over from the house of the mystic to be used on such occasions with Dottore Mystero facing signora di Barbiere.

A white candle was burning on the center of the great table, slowly melting on an old silver candlestick, a bit tarnished by time rather impressive with a bit of decorative snake contributing to the foreboding feeling of coming doom prevalent throughout the entire span of that fateful night still present for many days after the incident I’m about to describe.

As soon as they all sat around the table holding hands and chanting strangely, fate had already begun to weave her strange web of fateful events. The practice used by the mystic for the summoning of souls was known to a select few and was discovered, some say, by a pact with the forces of Hades by a strange sect of evil necromancers. After attending all forms of dark rituals, the despicable doctor had acquired much of his dangerous knowledge and bizarre occult practices rooted in dark medieval mysticism. Those warlocks were posing as monks in a very secluded monastery when they were practitioners of dark magic. They often contacted demonic spirits to assume some of their arcane knowledge and drain powers and energy from the unclear source of the abysmal realm of the dead.

‘Oh, I feel shivers, brrr. This will be a most magical night, I suspect,’ exclaimed in her usual clucking tone Signora Beato… Or at least an icy one, she added, chuckling.’

Dottore Ombroso took a big breath, managing with some difficulty suppressing his urge to say something nasty to her. He had just begun to establish a psychic connection with the spirit world as required for the strange mystical event summoning the ancient imperial shade of Augustus.

A mysterious gust of wind blew out of nowhere, forcing the hanging lamb in the ceiling to move back and forth. An inexplicable dark shadow, unexpected as a cloud covering the sun on a warm summer day, hid everything as a thick veil of unnatural darkness.

‘Ladies,’ said the warlock, ‘I think we’ve managed to achieve contact. Remember to whisper the incantation of protection I’ve taught you till we make sure. It’s essential that you do. It’s the only way to keep unwanted netherworld denizens at bay.’

He had barely uttered those words when Dottore’s eyes became dark as two deep wells, and his mouth opened wide as he was gazing in ecstasy beyond the material plane into nothingness and beyond. A sudden jolt of unseen energy made his body tensed and motionless as a corpse. And from his chest escaped a scratchy, hoarse, and slimy voice reminding somewhat of the sound many toads of the swamp produce when they are gathered together in the mud during a hot night. This voice was anything but agreeable. But then again, if these particular ladies loved cozy and pleasant things in life, they would have done the right thing, stay at home knitting socks and sweaters.

‘Do we have the honor of addressing the Great Emperor Augustus?’ inquired Signora di Barbiere.

For a while, there was no answer, but suddenly the whole basement seemed to vibrate with energy so powerful one would think the earth itself trembled.

‘Is this an earthquake?’ shrilled signora Beato. I’m mortally afraid of earthquakes.’

‘I don’t think so,’ answered Signora di Barbiere with an overly enthusiastic smile goggling her eyes. ‘I think it’s the spirit of great Augustus causing it. Spirit, answer us, are you him?’

This second attempt had even more impressive results. The unnatural darkness became thicker and denser, and strange misty energies hid everything from sight, except for the candlelight that appeared to gain strength instead of weakening. It shed its aery brilliance confidently as if an equally determined force hidden in the flame was struggling to overcome the dark misty aura drowning every other shape and form in the basement. Yet this brilliance seemed to be contained by invisible barriers. It couldn’t get past the boundaries of the table.

The faces of the participants, especially lady di Barbiere’s, appeared more pale, bathing in the otherworldly brilliance of the light directly opposing the supernatural dark veil of pitch-black cloud gradually acquiring frightening form. Even more ominously, this particular form was no longer abstract and shapeless but rather like a gigantic immaterial face clearly distinguishable made of many ghost-like human figures and menacing tormented shadows twisting and twirling like trapped vipers spitting deadly poison to their attackers to be set free.

Finally, the answer to the question of the wealthy lady came from a dark evil sounding voice echoing like the blast of distant thunderbolts or a savage deep roar from the very bowels of the earth.

‘Yes, I am he. Once I was an emperor, but, in the place I am now, such things are of little significance. I inhabit the abyss, the eternal chaotic void beyond all life. No hope for me nothing here but solitude and torment.

‘Ask him if there are hairdressers and beauty salons there,’ hissed Signora Beato ‘oh... and restaurants.’

‘Don’t interrupt,’ said Signora Di Barbiere. I know what to ask; I don’t need instructions.’

‘Oh, all right. Keep your skirt on,’ said the silly hen sulkily, a bit offended that her brilliant suggestion was met with such disapproval.

Signora di Barbiere cleared her throat.

‘Great emperor,’ she asked, ‘as you roam there in the abyss, you wouldn’t happen to stumble upon a hair salon or dine in a reasonably priced restaurant with decent Italian cuisine?’

A horrible chilling growl followed by a bowel shuttering roar sounded tremendous and horrid as if Cerberus, the three-headed dog guarding Hades, or an ancient dragon was roaring.

‘I’ll take that as an emphatic No, said Signora di Barbiere. ‘How about french cuisine then? Oh, I enjoy french food as long as it is not frog legs or snails. Are there such culinary establishments where you are at? And, if there are no hairdressers, how do spirits trim their beards and remain presentable?’

‘We do not trim,’ replied the horrifying specter.

‘Oh, dear,’ said Signora di Beato, ‘they must all look like yetis, how dreadful! I doubt those shades even bother to bathe. That must be the reason the emperor is so obnoxious. Loud and well... low class, I dare say. One would expect a great ruler of the past summoned from beyond the grave would have some vague idea of what is considered a display of civilized manners for goodness sake and proper etiquette, savoir-faire, as they say in France. Yet he acts like a primitive vulgar peasant, a total brute, I dare say. Yet who can blame him? I’d probably act the same way, if I had to drag myself all over limbo looking like a walking, growling insult to anything remotely civil and decent, not to mention stinking like the repulsive putrid carcass of a diseased skunk left in the scorching heat to rot for days surrounded by an army of flies.

‘Very well put, bravo!’ said another lady, obviously of the same enviable level of intellectual capacity as signora di Beato.

That silly hen had just done what would prove to be a very costly mistake. She had blundered insulting words without thinking. However, this bad habit in this particular instance would prove costly since this was not a usual situation and occasion. This was a supernatural event, and while speaking out loud any trivial idiotic remark crossing her half-witted brain without any thought or sense of responsibility had no excessive repercussion in the past, but in this case, would prove hazardous to her health and desired longevity. Her insults would open hell’s gate, allowing all dark powers from the most insignificant little imp to the most dreaded demonic prince with all of his infernal abysmal legions to be unleashed not figuratively but quite literally and break out in a most...eruptive and impressive outburst of unholy wrath.

The basement began trembling and shaking, an array of horrendous hair raising howls echoed unbearably loud, and the entire floor appeared on fire. It was rapidly turning into a lake of flaming magma.

‘Ladies, we’ve been fooled!’ yelled dottore Mystero, ‘This spirit is in no way connected with the great Augustus. Most likely, it is a fiend, a demonic spirit from the abysmal realm. The incantation is our only chance to get out of here in one piece. Say the incantation of protection!’

‘Yes,’ shouted Signora di Barbiere, ‘All of you chant the incantation to invoke benign spiritual forces to aid and guard us against the fiend.’

‘Oh, bother!’ exclaimed signora di Beato, ‘I’m getting tensed you, know. I can’t remember anything when I’m tensed.’

‘We are doomed,’ shrieked another lady. ‘I want to live.’

‘Chant for all that is holy,’ shouted Signora di Barbiere.

‘Yes, keep your skirt on!’ said Signora di Beato.

‘Now, let’s see! I’ve learned it by heart.’

Half a kilo of baloney,

three kilos of oranges,

a loaf of bread,

olive oil,

a fresh salmon,

two cans of beans…

‘What is this you are mumbling, you chicken brained, good for nothing nincompoop,’ shouted Dottore Ombroso.

‘The incantation, of course,’ replied signora di Beato. ‘The one you gave us.’

‘Oh, no,’ said pale as a ghost signora di Barbiere. ‘She must have written the incantation on the back of her shopping list, and she memorized this instead.’

‘Oh, my, and I thought it seemed unusual for an ancient incantation,’ she giggled. ‘I’m such a scatterbrain.’

‘At least the others need to say the incantation. I hope you all know it by heart.’

‘Well, I’ve tried,’ said one of the ladies, ‘kind off. But learning foreign languages was never my forte. I had great difficulty learning french, and the incantation il dottore gave us was written… well, no offense meant, in gibberish.’

‘It was ancient Aramaic, you mindless, good for nothing she-turtle,’ shouted Rodolfo Migliore.

‘Exactly,’ she replied, ‘incomprehensible Gibberish! We could barely pronounce the damn thing, let alone memorize it.’

‘This is a disaster, a total Catastrophe,’ he screamed. ‘Under no circumstance are you to break the circle. Keep on holding hands until the supernatural storm subsides.’

‘But I feel my left hand getting numb,’ protested Signora di Beato and I need to be excused and go to the loo urgently. I think the boiled egg I ate for breakfast was not that fresh.’

‘Well, you should have thought of that before the meeting. Shouldn’t you?Now, there is nothing we can do.

‘But…’

‘No buts, I demand discipline and obedience.’

‘Oh, bother, sighed signora di Beato.’

At that moment, an awful sound echoed all around, threatening and dark, and an unbearable, most foul stench filled everything.

‘O no, we are dealing with something really sinister, a most demonic force, and we are defenseless against it,’ wailed Rodolfo Migliore.

‘That was no demonic force,’ Signora di Beato said with a guilty look. ‘That was me. I’ve warned you. This was urgent. And it will get more urgent if I’m not allowed to be relieved.’

A second, equally loud noise sounded, followed by a stench so awful it brought tears to everyone’s eyes.

‘Oh, for all that is good and holy, woman, don’t you have any self-respect?’ shouted il dottore.

‘I don’t know what you are talking about,’ she responded. ‘That wasn’t me. I don’t know where this noise and stench came from.’

‘Oh, no,’ said il dottore. ‘If that wasn’t you, it can only mean that...’

The dark mystic didn’t have the opportunity to finish his phrase.

At that moment, the floor of the basement broke into many pieces like the shell of an egg

and the table was thrown away as if it did not weigh at all.

A monstrous dark figure of a fiend as huge and horrible as an ancient dragon from the depths of hell emerged and, with a thrust of its hideous head, threw them against the hard wall and knocked three of the ladies unconscious in a horrible state. One of them had probably multiple bones fractured. Another was bleeding profusely, and the last was motionless and didn’t exhibit any sign of life.

‘I need to be excused,’ shrieked Signora di Beato and attempted to run to the staircase to escape.

The fiend, after immobilizing her with its sharp claws and grabbing her with its strong jaws like a cat playing with a well-fed sewer rat, threw her in the chaotic depths of its mouth, chewing her bones and everything with unholy delight as if she was a crunchy little treat before gobbling her down with an evil grin to attack the rest of the assembly.

‘Do something, Dottore,’ shouted Signora di Barbiere, ‘I’m not ready to die and be doomed to an eternity without hairdressers, hot tubs, and french food. I beg of you, save me.’

‘Save yourself, you spoiled little brat, he said rudely with a mean smirk . ‘I have a magic medallion in my possession, but it can only protect the one wearing it. I couldn’t care less about you. I’ve had it with spoiled rich tarts such as you. Once I’m safe and secure, I’ll look for a different, less hazardous occupation where I won’t have to meddle with the supernatural to satisfy the whims of any idle rich matron like you who comes my way. Thankfully there is never a shortage of naïve, stupid people I can exploit without getting into harm’s way. As for you, I sincerely hope you’ll end up in hell and rot as you deserve.

‘Is that so?’ said Signora di Barbiere in a cheeky sharp tone. ‘Well, if you feel that way, take this, you repulsive little man.’

And with unbridled wrath, she grabbed a fallen piece of wood next to her and threw it to him with incredible velocity and speed. Signora di Barbiere, even if she shuddered before the possibility to spend eternity without bathing, was a feisty mean little woman in every respect. And quite strong, I might add. Her assault against him with the piece of wood was right on the mark, and it did not only hit the doctor on his forehead, but it also made him dizzy so that he fell to the floor, not totally unconscious but confused and disoriented all the same. This allowed her to jump on him, hoping she would take the magical medallion from his person and use its magical powers to survive in his stead.

‘Where is the medallion, you dreadful little poor person?’ she shrieked like a drunken shrew of the forest. You’ll regret what you’ve said. Don’t you know it can be hazardous to your health to challenge your betters? From now on, you’ll know your place. If you get out of here in one piece, that is.

‘Curses, leave me alone, you strutting, arrogant goose!’ Yelled Dottore Ombroso, covered in sweat and foaming like a rabid hyena.

‘Give me the medallion, give it to me, this instant. Do you hear? Screamed Signora di Barbiere half crazy by wrath and fear. You, deceiving, slimy reptile. I will never trust the likes of you again, you Low class, repulsive buffoon.’

He punched her brutally, and she responded with a mind-numbing ear bite. He screamed out of pain, and he almost feinted by anguish, yet he managed to stay conscious and pulled her hair with such hatred that a whole lock of them remained in his hand. She was raving and cursing, yet she managed to open his shirt and broke many buttons in the attempt. The medallion was sparkling and glowing with a strange and aery magical energy. She grabbed it and broke its thin silver chain. She lifted it high with glimmering eyes and laughed triumphantly. He tried to retrieve it, and he would be successful if it weren’t for the devilish fiend who had managed to eat all three of the unconscious ladies and two more, even though they had managed to hide behind some crates and remain unnoticed for a while. Yet, the demon finally discovered and gobbled both of them with devilish gluttony, glee, and satisfaction.

After devouring the rest of its human treats, he decided to deal with the two most obnoxious humans remaining, particularly happy that any chance they had to stay alive had been wasted while they were fighting. So the denizen of Hades's charged forth, employing all of its infernal abysmal rage and uncontrollable wrath to eliminate them.

If I don’t get out of here alive, you rabid hug shrieked the mystic. I’ll make sure you won’t survive this either, and with an abrupt decisive blow, he threw the medallion off her hands as far as he could to make sure it would stay out of reach for both of them.

‘Why you...vengeful, conniving dog…,’ tried to utter Signora di Barbiere, terrified, but she never finished the sentence. Everything went dark, and the last thing those two petty, malicious pawns of fate would ever hear in the mortal plane was the sudden snapping of heavy jaws.

The monster looked around with abundant pleasure. The basement was now silent and still as a grave; it resembled a chaotic battlefield with mostly gnawed and bloody human remains. The fiend was quite pleased with the havoc and mayhem it had caused and ready to descend into the fiery realm of death, perdition, and wickedness whence it had slithered uninvited into the domain of living souls. Then something funny and peculiar happened. The magic medallion began to glow in a strange manner as if an eternal, powerful force or energy of sorts was trapped in it and was attempting to capture the unholy fiend’s attention.

What was that?

Since demons possess every vice found in our flawed human nature, it won’t come as a surprise that the evil thing also possessed significant curiosity. It felt the uncontrollable urge to go closer and examine this shiny, glowing thingy, this ancient object emanating green luminescence and magical brilliance. Perhaps there was power to be acquired in it, and like all hell-spawns, this unholy beast craved power. So how could it resist?

As the monstrous beast was nearing the medallion, the magical object began to glow with greater force of clearly supernatural origin and with some form of clear conscious intent as if it were alive and intelligent.

Suddenly an eruption of bright, powerful green energy blinding and bright created some form of a whirlwind of dazzling swirling fire. This most potent energy fell on the beast and burned it. It growled and moaned in a dark, unnatural tone of voice so deep and hoarse that it would bring shivers even to the bravest heart and exploded into a million red sparks bright yet deep. However, the battle was far from being over because the energies of the medallion and the demon mingled. They were both evil in nature and highly aggressive, so they both were being neutralized. It’s a strange concept, I know, yet one needs to note that when light forces and powers coexist, they complement each other. Negative forces though often negate and strive to exterminate any other force regardless of its nature. This is the main flaw of evil. It can only act with counterproductive hate; it can, therefore, never indeed win in any situation. It can only serve its destructive purpose and goal when it destroys and eliminates everything around it. Yet if the light is not there to build something for the dark forces to destroy, they are completely apathetic and without the slightest form of goal, purpose, or destination. This barren nothingness is depressive and filled with the pain connected to its uselessness and lack of energy, purpose, or direction.

As a result, suddenly, a massive burst of light and energy filled everything so powerful that the veil of time and space was severed. Through it, unborn entities filled with energies crossed the boundaries of birth and death and swarmed violently into the material plane. Next thing I know, something monumental changed regarding my own state. It was as if I was violently awakened and from then on nothing would be the same.

Instead of being a silent, passive indifferent, and soulless house, I became a cognizant living being filled with unfamiliar emotions, thoughts, and sensations—quite a traumatic experience, to say the least. Birth is never pleasant for any entity. Human babies experience something genuinely traumatic and painful. Loud noises, blinding lights, undesired touches. We all know that a new person’s coming is a glorious, miraculous, wonderful experience for the parents, grandparents, and other family members. Everyone usually feels quite happy about this new life except for the newborn babies themselves, who, if asked, would most certainly choose to remain warm and peaceful in their mother’s womb forever. Yet life is a challenge, opportunity, and privilege. As soon as we are through with the messy trial of being born, we learn how to enjoy it to some extent and navigate through this unknown sea of existence with our limited yet satisfying senses as best we can.

In my case, however, it was no ordinary birth since I did not possess an actual body. I was nothing more than a piece of property, not a person, at least not in the usual literal sense. I had much trouble getting comfortable with my new state. Yet, as it happens more often than not to most of us, I too, eventually accepted my condition and grew accustomed to it to find some joy in my everyday routine. As the years came and went, I’ve learned how to function reasonably well, appreciate my being present in the world, and harness my amusing supernatural power to become reasonably functional and content.

Now, one of the basic mishaps and a significant downside of being a living thinking house is the restriction in mobility and movement. I had no legs, so I wasn’t free to walk merrily around and explore my surroundings. I couldn’t seek new exciting adventures and experiences, but I was obliged to wait for situations and events to come to me if that makes any sense. In the beginning, I was so bored I often felt the need to scream. However, things changed rapidly once I acquired and secured the service of some supernatural helpers, as I tend to call my dear monsters and other strange creatures living in me. As my story progresses, I’ll have the pleasure and privilege of introducing them to you.