Chapter 1

I've struggled with my mental health since around second grade, when I attempted to take my life for the first time. I'm currently diagnosed with MDD (major depressive disorder), severe anxiety, OCD, and ADHD. I was recently put on medication but it doesn't work for everyone, and it doesn't really work for me. How my life has gone recently has been pretty hectic. I went to an IOP (intensive outpatient program) for 10 days, and when that didn't help, I continued to self harm for months until I was sent to a behavioral health hospital where I stayed for 35 days. I then went home for a day before going to a residential program for 37 days, then I was home for a week before going back to the IOP. I still self harm when my nights get bad because that's how it is. Programs don't always help. In all honesty, I managed to self harm inside the facilities. I understand that life can be hard and would like to start off by saying that if anyone who reads this ever needs to talk, to just put their gmail in the comments and I will respond as soon as I can and share any experience or company I can, because being alone sucks, but sometimes we don't want the help that the people around us provide, or if anyone has any specific question that they'd like me to address to leave them in the comments But back to what I was saying. Since I was in around second grade I have tried to kill myself 14 times, and I've been self harming for over 2 years. My form of self harming in cutting, and in my attempts I've tried everything from overdosing to asphyxiation. But it's been getting better for me lately. I'm not healed, but the nights where my thoughts get really bad have decreased. Some coping skills I use have been writing, poetry, fidgeting, drawing, reading, exercise, and distractions. But when I can feel myself slipping or using control, I contact my local police or SAFE team. A SAFE team is a team of workers who respond to mental situations and crises'. They are only operational in certain parts of the U.S. But the purpose of this book is to help others through their lives, not to educate you on different programs. Some advice I'd like to give you is don't isolate. Stay public or use opposite action, a form of keeping yourself safe through doing the opposite of what your urges are telling you. Now that I've posted the prologue and the introduction, the next chapter will be about urges themself and urge surfing.