Stick in Line

(Scene starts in the Café with James, Luke, and Chad)

Luke: So I saw this tv program last ni-

James: Stop, I don't want to know.

(Chad nudges James on the shoulder)

Chad: Shut up James. Let the boy speak.

Luke: Thank you, sir, you know it's been a couple of days but I like you, that James fellow is really bumming me out.

Chad: Why thank you, Luke. You know I like you too. This James fellow is really depressing.

(Jen walks by)

Jen: Yeah that dork makes me miserable.

(She walks away)

James: What is this? I didn't know there was a holiday where the only way to celebrate is by insulting me.

(Jen comes running back)

Jen: We're making a new holiday where we all make fun of James?

James: No… it was a jo-

Jen: James whenever I feel upset I always look at you to make me feel better for myself. James, you're the only person I know that can make blind children cry. James, you're never getting with Mel if you keep acting like yourself.

(James is in shock, tears are streaming down his face)

James: Is that all you got? *sniffle*

Jen: Yeah, toodles.

(Jen walks away)

Luke: Your sister must really love you if she thought of that many insults. *smiles*

(James cries to himself)

Chad: Luke what did you see on T.V last night?

Luke: OOH let me tell you. There is this new ride at the pier called "Devil's Paradise" and I wanted to know if you guys wanted to go.

Chad: You bet I do! That sounds super fun!

(James has a bit of optimism in his eyes.)

James: Thank you, Luke, I'll love to go.

Luke: Oh. I wasn't inviting you, I was inviting Chad and that girl who has daddy issues sitting right behind you.

(Chad and James turn around and sees a girl with heavy eyeliner playing with a voodoo doll)

Luke: But since you look even more depressed than you usually do I'll invite you too out of pity. *smiles*

(James looks at Luke with a bored expression)

(Scene changes showing Jen, Emile, and Bruce)

Jen: Dear Lord, today was so boring.

Emile: Tell me about it. I'm just glad today is finally over.

(Bruce pushes Emile out of the way)

Bruce: Jen!

(Jen turns around)

Jen: Kill me. Yes, Bruce?

Bruce: Hi, Um, So you look very good today….

Jen: What, so yesterday I looked bad? Is that what you're trying to say?

Bruce: Wha- no! I mean…. Uh, you wanna go out on a date?

(Emile is still on the floor)

Emile: Very smooth Romeo.

Jen: Um… I already have plans for the weekend.

Bruce: You do? Like what?

Jen: I have to attend my little brother's party on Saturday and I have to go to church on Sunday, the whole day.

Bruce: How about next week?

Jen: I have to take out the trash.

Bruce: All week?! Uh… next Tuesday.

Jen: I'll be giving…. Birth…. Yeah, let's go with that.

(Bruce looks unamused)

Bruce: How about today?

Jen: Um… I'll be with James and his friends at the pier.

(Bruce gives up)

Bruce: Alright. I'll ask them later. (Bruce walks away)

(Emile gets up)

Emile: What a rude Individual-

(Jen pushes Emile and runs down the hall, she reaches Luke and pins him to the wall)

Jen: Listen you, Little stupid kid, invite me to the pier! Now!

Luke: *smiles* I am in so much pain right now. Okay, please do come, I need somebody that I actually like so I don't have to force myself to talk to James.

Jen: Oh thank God. (Jen is still pinning Luke on the wall)

Luke: Listen, Jen is it?

(Jen nods her head)

Luke: Can you please put me down? I'm starting to lose feeling in my shoulders.

(Scene changes to the pier with Luke, Chad, James, Jen, Emile, and GWC they're waiting in line)

GWC: Um Luke?

Luke: Yes my dear comrade?

GWC: Is this ride safe? I must warn you that I have a really weak stomach.

James: It's just a roller coaster. You get in the soiled car, scream if you want, maybe even throw up on the annoying little boy and get off. How bad can it be?

Jen: Actually I recently checked the reviews on this particular ride. Turns out some poor kids went through the stages of puberty after the first hard turn. Nice.

Emile: I also heard that some lady started coughing up blood once the ride was over.

Luke: Sounds like this ride is dangerous. Oh well, Life is just a simulation in the first place. One must look death in the eye and assert dominance. (Luke looks at the camera with bloodshot eyes)

Chad: I think you've been watching one too many movies pal.

Luke: No, this is my calling! I must be one with the dead!

James: I think we're losing him.

GWC: Nah, he's been acting like that ever since Natas gave him a demonic potion.

James: Oh that makes sen- what?

GWC: It's a long story. A long, painful, cruel story. *shudders*

James: Well I'm just glad that we're gonna do something actually fun for once.

(Everyone agrees)

James: Uh oh! I just had a terrible thought.

Jen: What, you might grow old, never get married, and die alone?

(James looks at Jen with a bored expression)

James: No, but thank you for pointing out that possibility.

Chad: What happened, James?

James: What if the ride isn't all that special?

(Luke pushes Chad out of the way and tackles James to the ground)

Luke: You shut your mouth right now.

Jen: My money is on Luke.

James: What? I'm just pointing out the possibility that the ride is just nothing but hype.

(Chad removes Luke off of James)

(Two people walk out of the roller coaster exit, they look like a mess)

Person 1: That was the craziest roller coaster ever made. It was like riding on a lion with wings through an electrical tornado.

Person 2: I puked out one of my lungs.

(They walk away)

Emile: You still think it's all hype, James?

James: Yeah we're definitely going to die.

Luke: That's the spirit James, as long as you're enjoying yourself being tortured nothing can stop you.

(A lady ahead of Luke turns around and Looks at GWC)

Lady: What's wrong with him?

GWC: No one knows.

Emile: I'll be back.

Chad: Where are you going?

Emile: I'm gonna use the toilet, I have to pee really bad.

Chad: We're almost at the entrance, can't you just hold it in.

Emile: I mean I'll try but since we'll be sitting in the same-

Luke, James, Chad: Go pee.

(Emile walks off)

(Jen gets closer to Chad)

Jen: If he doesn't make it back, are we still riding the roller coaster?

Chad: If he gets abducted by aliens we're still riding the roller coaster.

Luke: That's not very nice of you Chad. But since this is very important I have no choice but to accept that cruel decree.

(James looks at GWC)

James: What is wrong with-

GWC: No one knows.

(Scene Changes showing Bruce and Zack in the college gift shop)

Bruce: It's almost like she flakes on every date we settle on.

Zack: Bro, I'm just a guy who sells hoodies in our local gift shop. Why are you asking me for dating advice?

Bruce: Because no one wants to listen to me. My sister never returns my calls, Andrew ignores me, Chad is always doing something fun and I'm never a part of it, and Katrina is almost never in school.

Zack: And you came to me because?

Bruce: I'm desperate.

Zack: Well I can see that. (Zack goes back to counting his money)

Bruce: Zack please help a brother out.

Zack: I don't know what I can tell you, just stop being so odd. Wait, does Jen actually want to date you?

Bruce: Yeah, I'm irresistible. Have you not looked at me?

Zack: Okay, but does Jen even like you?

Bruce: Dude, I'm Bruce. Every girl wants to date me. I'm like a magician, I can make any girl fall for me.

(A girl walks inside the gift shop)

Bruce: Check this out. You're about to witness a real magic trick.

Zack: Good luck Houdini.

(Bruce walks up to the girl)

Bruce: Hey good looking, what are you up to?

Girl: Oh hi Andrew!

Zack: Well this got awkward real quick.

Bruce: *chuckle* Actually my name is Bruce and I was wondering if you would like to go out with me.

Girl: Aw that's so sweet *smiles* but I rather not.

(Girl walks away)

Zack: Nice trick Bruce, you made a girl disappear.

Bruce: I need guidance picking up women.

Zack: You need spiritual guidance.

(Scene changes showing the Spedteers in line still)

Jen: What is taking Emile so long?

James: one Liter of apple juice can only get one man so far.

Chad: Luke you good?

Luke: Hm? Oh yes of course, I'm just preparing so I can show the other realm who's boss.

GWC: So we're just going to go on without Emile?

Luke: yes.

(Jen looks at GWC)

Jen:

GWC: No one knows.

Luke: There seems to be some confusion happening here. I do care for Emile, I really do, he's pretty average to be honest with you all. But now at this very moment I'm deciding to be selfish and not care for anybody.

James: at least he's being honest.

(Emile manages to reunite with the crew)

Emile: Sorry guys, I didn't expect the bathrooms to be packed.

(An angry guy from behind grabs onto Emile and begins to yell for security)

Man: Hey Security, this kid with the stupid hair is cutting in front of us.

Emile: What?! No! No! There must be some confusion here. I was already in line.

Chad: Yeah he's not lying that kid with the stupid hair was here with us the entire time!

Emile: Thanks Chad.

Man: Oh! So you're all cutting in line huh?!

James: What?! I never thought I'd say this but you're dumber than Luke. (James looks at Luke) no offense.

Luke: Eh, you're fine. After you say no offense I'm legally required to not be offended.

Man: So now you want to fight?! Come on, bring it fruit cake.

(The man tackles both Emile and James)

(The rest of the crew tackles the man)

(Security runs in separating everyone)

Security guard: What is this Tomfoolery?

Man: This punk and his group of minorities tackled me for no reason after cutting in line!

GWC: He's lying-

Security Guard: That's it, you're all going to the back of the line.

Jen: WHAT?!

(Security guard drags all of them at the end of the line but Luke isn't going down without a fight)

Luke: NO! No! I refuse! I was this close to showing the underworld who's boss!

(Scene changes showing Bruce, Zack and Rocky)

Zack: Okay Bruce. Now imagine Rocky is a girl.

Rocky: Aw, I wanted to be Bruce.

Zack: Focus Rocky. Now Bruce all you have to do is introduce yourself without sounding like a tool.

Bruce: Got it! *clears throat* Yo wassup gi-

Zack: *imitates buzzer sound* wrong. Just start off by saying hello, or hi, or hey. None of this try hard pick up lines.

Rocky: I feel somewhat uncomfortable.

Zack: From the top.

Bruce: Hello there, my name is Bruce and I was wondering if you would love to have a nice afternoon discourse.

Zack: Wow, intelligent and boring. I'm surprised you managed to pull that off Bruce.

Rocky: Discourse?

Zack: Just act natural.

Bruce: Fine, How's it going?

Rocky: *girl voice* Hello there, handsome.

Bruce: Please don't do that.

Zack: Yeah please don't say anything.

Bruce: You look very pretty, would you like to get a bite to eat and get to know each other.

Zack: Not bad Bruce. That was your best one yet.

Rocky: I know I can't say anything but I would love to go get some pasta.

(Zack and Bruce look at Rocky with confusion)

(Scene changes showing the Spedteers at the back of the line, everyone is looking at Emile angrily)

Emile: hey….

Chad: This close, we were so close to riding the greatest Roller Coaster in the world and you just had to pee.

Emile: Look I said I was sorry.

Jen: It doesn't matter, now that we're at the back of the line it's gonna take us at least 2 hours to reach the entrance again.

James: We're gonna get home so late.

Emile: Alright fine, next time I'll just hold it in until I explode.

(At the same time)

Luke: Thank you.

Chad: Smart boy

James: Now you get it

GWC: Okay all hope is not lost, we can still ride the roller coaster before the pier closes.

Luke: That is true. If what Jen said about it taking two hours to get to the front entrance is true, two minutes to get prepared and buckled up, six minutes to ride the roller coaster, seventeen minutes to look for the car that means we'll be done by exactly 10:58 which is five minutes before the park closes.

(Chad and James look at each other with confusion)

James: Wait if you can figure all that out, why are you failing math?

Luke: Because this is important.

Chad: Look we can't just stand here and wait that long just to ride some stupid roller coaster. I already promised all my friends that there will be a party in my dorm before 12.

Luke: Okay let's see. It's a forty-minute drive back to the college dorms so that means we'll arrive at the college at-

James: 11:51!

(Luke looks at James, he's stunned)

Luke: Now that was rude.

Chad: Okay but seriously we have to make it back to the front of the line again.

James: Okay, but how do we get back there?

Chad: I don't know! You're the smart one here….

(Jen, Emile, and GWC scoff)

Chad: James think of something?

James: Bro really? Do you really think that In "dire" times like these I would just get an idea out of the blue? Like that doesn't ha- Oh my god I just thought of something.

Chad: Okay lay it on us.

(Scene changes with the spedteers holding onto GWC like he has a disease.)

Chad: OUT OF THE WAY OUT OF THE WAY!

James: THIS KID IS VERY SICK!

GWC: *Fake violent cough*

Luke: YEAH! He has….. He has….. Um…. line?

James: *mumbles* Make up something.

GWC: *more dying sounds*

Luke: This guy has the bubonic plague!

James: Yes he has the *sudden realization* bubonic plague!?

(Tons of people get out of the line running and screaming.)

(The Spedteers celebrate)

Jen: Nice one James. For once your plan finally worked.

GWC: I still don't like how I had to play a sick patient with bubonic plague.

Chad: Well it worked, that's the best part. Now, all we have to do is create more lies like that and we'll be riding the Roller Coaster in no time.

(A group of women run back in the scene with nurses and doctors. All of which are wearing nuclear radiation suits)

Woman 1: That's the boy with the bubonic plague.

Woman 2: Yeah that's the kid with the oddly shaped head, take him away docs!

GWC: What! No! I feel much better now, I think it was just a cough!

Luke: Yes this is the kid docs, he's been coughing all day!

GWC: LUKE!

Luke: Sorry GWC it's every man for themselves, you should've known better than to come to an amusement park with the bubonic plague.

(The Doctors drag GWC away, one looks at Luke)

Doctor: Do you know this kid?

Luke: Never seen him before in my life.

(Doctor drags GWC away)

Doctor: Come with me!

GWC: Luke what is wrong with you?!

Luke: No one knows! *smiles*

(Doctors drag GWC away, GWC's screams can be heard from a distance)

(Chad looks at Luke angrily)

Luke: Yes Chad?

Chad: Why did you let that happen?

Luke: As I said, this is important and I'm not going to let one sick individual ruin my day.

Chad: First of all, that sick individual is your best friend, and second he wasn't sick!

Luke: Look, we can argue about this later, and besides I didn't see you guys wanting him back.

Chad: *shrugs* fair point.

(Scene changes showing Zack, Bruce in the hallways of the college)

Zack: Okay you see that girl? (Zack points at a girl buying a soda from the vending machine)

Bruce: The one buying a pop?

Zack: Yes! Her name is Mel. She is the most beautiful girl in school and she's super popular. If you manage to get her attention then boom, you'll feel like the king of the world. And you'll be cool.

Bruce: I'm already cool. But I'll do it. (Bruce walks up to Mel with confidence)

(Rocky walks up to Zack drinking his apple juice.)

Rocky: Bruce is going to ask out Mel?

Zack: Yup.

Rocky: I give him a thirty percent chance.

Zack: twenty five.

(Bruce walks up to Mel)

Bruce: *confident* Hey Mel, how's it going?

Mel: Oh, hello there. My name is Mel, what's your name? (She's wearing a cheerleader outfit)

Bruce: I'm Bruce. I'm guessing you're a cheerleader?

Mel: How'd you guess? Is it my outfit or my pom poms?

Bruce: You know, I didn't notice any of that, I was too busy looking at your incredible green eyes.

Mel: *laughs* My eyes are blue.

Bruce: um… um… I'm color blind. *sweats*

(Rocky and Zack facepalm)

Mel: I see. You know you're like the third person to use that line on me.

Bruce: oh, how did it work out for the other two?

Mel: Not as well as it's going for you.

Bruce: I see. *smirk* I was wondering if you would like to go out. (Bruce leans on a wall)

Mel: *laughs hysterically and walks away*

(Zack walks up to Bruce)

Bruce: What did I do wrong? I was doing everything correctly.

Zack: Bruce… (Zack points out the wet paint sign on the wall Bruce is leaning on)

(Bruce gets off the wall)

Bruce: That explains everything now. I just bought this jacket.

Zack: I think you're a lost cause at this point, Bruce. I feel like you just have to give up.

Bruce: No way! I feel like I have a chance with Jen. I feel a lot more confident now.

Zack: Dude you can't even tell the difference between blue and green.

Bruce: It was an honest mistake. I was too busy on (Bruce leans back on the wall)

Zack: Bruce….

*Bruce looks down in defeat*

Bruce: Why don't they paint on the weekends! (Bruce gets off the wall)

(Scene changes showing Luke, James, Chad, Jen, and Emile in line. GWC is still missing.)

James: Truth or Dare?

Luke: Truth.

James: What's the craziest thing you've done?

Luke: Ha! That's easy! One time I threw away my family by accident!

(Chad listens in on the conversation)

Chad: How could you throw away your family? By accident?

Luke: I made cardboard cutouts out of them, they looked really realistic, but my mom told me to throw them away but I threw away my actual family instead. I lived with the cutouts for three days before I realized that my actual family was gone.

Jen: You know, every time Luke speaks I always think to myself "Maybe this time it will make sense", I'm always wrong.

Luke; My turn. Truth or Dare!

James: Dare.

Luke: Okay, I dare you to give me five hundred dollars!

James: I changed my mind, Truth.

Luke: Why are you miserable?

James: I don't know, maybe it's because I'm friends with two guys who make life a chore to go through. One has parties every night, *looks at Chad* and the other acts like he's missing half his brain!

Luke: That does sound tiring, who are these people you speak of?

(James is dumbfounded by Luke's question)

James: How do you dress yourself properly?

Emile: Guys I'm tired of waiting, are we almost there?

Jen: Yeah I can see the front gates. I think like in thirty minutes we'll finally ride the bloody thing.

(GWC walks by the crew wearing a patient robe, his skin is red and he's walking stiffly)

Luke: Oh hey GWC! *smiles*

GWC: "Oh hey GWC"? Do you know what I've been through?

Luke: No, but do tell.

GWC: You left me all alone so they gave me a chemical bath!

Luke: Oh yeah. How'd it go?

GWC: Oh it was actually really soothing especially when- OH IT WAS PAINFUL!

Luke: Okay what is up with the attitude?

GWC: Do you guys know what it's like to have a chemical bath?

*Luke shakes his head*

GWC: It burns everywhere!

Luke: Okay well next time don't come to an amusement park when you have the plague.

(GWC gets back in line)

Man: Hey this punk is cu-

GWC: Back off man, or I'll give you a chemical bath!

(The man shuts up immediately)

(Scene Changes showing the spedteers at the front gate. Dawn is the girl operating the ride)

Dawn: Hey guys! *Waves*

James: Dawn, what are you doing here?

Dawn: I work here now. *smiles*

Jen: What happened to your other job at the restaurant?

Dawn: I got fired, apparently the managers don't like it when I start messing with the kitchen stove.

Chad: Well whatever, can we please ride the roller coaster?

Dawn: Of course dude. *looks at GWC* What's wrong with him?

GWC: You don't want to know.

(Dawn opens the gate, the spedteers get inside)

Dawn: Alright you know the drill, keep your arms and legs inside the blah, blah, blah. Also I should warn you that I modified the ride. It now goes crazy fast.

James: Wait what? How fast are we talking?

Dawn: Let's just say that you might feel whiplash, pain, dizziness, airblast at every turn, some of your bones might break.

Chad: Why would you do that?

Dawn: To give you the best experience imaginable.

Luke: Now that's what I'm talking about! Crazy lady Start this RIDE! WOOOO!!

Dawn: What's wrong with him?

GWC: No one knows.

(Scene Changes showing the Spedteers after riding the roller coaster they are in a trance)

Chad: Oh

James: My

Everyone: God.

Jen: That was the greatest Roller Coaster ever made.

Emile: I don't care that I died for a brief moment.

GWC: I'm still in crucial pain, but that ride made me have hope for humanity

Luke: It's better than love.

James: It's better than Parties.

(Chad breaks out of his trance)

Chad: Okay let's not get crazy.

(James looks at his watch)

James: Okay it's getting late.

Chad: Yeah we should probably get going before it gets even later.

(The Spedteers start running off, they run past a group of cute girls. Chad runs back to them)

Chad: Hey wassup. I'm Chad.

Cute Girl: Hey.

(James runs back to Chad and pulls him away)

James: Come on, you incel!

(Scene Changes showing the spedteers at their college dorms. They get out of James' car)

GWC: I'm beat, I'm gonna go to bed and hopefully not die.

James: Same here. Good night losers.

Chad: Well there's only one thing left to do. PARTY TIME!

Luke: Ooh, my favorite part of the day, more dangerous party games where I'll rig the rules so I can win by default.

(Chad, James, GWC, and Luke walk away)

Emile: Well, nothing left to do. I guess I'll just go to the library and feed my brain with knowledge. Goodnight Jen.

Jen: See ya dude.

(Emile walks away)

(Jen starts walking to her dorm and can already hear party music outside of Chad's dorm)

Jen: Dang he's fast

(She can hear Luke doing the Macarena)

(Bruce walks up to Jen, Zack is watching from inside his car, Rocky is there too)

Zack: Rocky, we're going to witness a murder.

Rocky: Can we leave, the police always question the witnesses.

Bruce: Hey Jen.

Jen: Hello Bruce.

Bruce: How was the park?

Jen: It was fine, but those guys always drive me crazy. I'm just super tired right now, I want to go to bed. Goodnight. (Jen starts walking away)

Bruce: Wait! There's something I've been wanting to tell you.

Jen: Kill me. *Turns around* What is it Bruce?

Bruce: Would you like to go on a date with me, next Friday?

Jen: *sighs* Do you really want to go on a date?

Bruce: Yeah. I do.

Zack: This is painful to watch.

Rocky: I kinda feel bad for that guy.

Zack: Well he'll learn.

Jen: *sigh* Fine. Let's go on a date.

Bruce: Really!?

(Rocky spits out his Apple Juice)

Zack: Woah, I didn't expect that. Rocky, you owe me a new seat cover.

Jen: Yes really, but if this date goes haywire then I'll never talk to you again.

Bruce: Trust me babe it won't.

Jen: Don't call me that, take it easy tiger. I'll pick you up at eight.

Bruce: Wait, you're going to pick me up?

Jen: Yeah, is there a problem?

Bruce: Well I just thou-

Jen: You thought wrong, I'm picking you up, and don't make me wait. (Jen walks away)

(Zack and Rocky get out of the car and run up to Bruce)

Zack: We saw everything!

Rocky: How do you feel?

Bruce: I feel very confused.

Zack: Why? You got the girl?

Bruce: I think she got me instead.

(Luke can be heard screaming inside Chad's Dorm)

(Episode ends like that, now goodbye)