FishSticks
(Scene opens with Luke on the phone, Chad playing games with Emile and James studying)
(Chad Has the volume high)
James: Yo Hunter!
Chad:
James: Hunter!
Chad: What?
James: Dude, the volume!
Chad: Oh, I'm sorry. (Chad raises the volume higher)
(James walks towards Chad, James turns off the T.V)
Chad: Dude.
James: Bro I'm trying to study for Ethan's upcoming exam.
Chad: Okay so?
James: Dude, this exam counts for thirty percent of our grade, I know you don't care but I do.
Chad: I care, Kind of, sort of, not really. Tests are for chumps. Come on, let's play.
Emile: Can I be player 1 now?
Chad: No
James: And what is Luke doing?
Chad: Luke is coming up with another get rich quick scheme.
James: Why?
Luke: Because I need money and I will stop at nothing to get it you big doofus.
James: Well excuse the crud out of me, rude.
Chad: Yeah, he seems to be serious this time, I never seen Luke with this amount of determination.
James: Well whatever he comes up with I want nothing to do with it. Every time Money is involved we either lose our jobs or get arrested. And why are we trying to get money all of sudden.
Chad: What do you mean?
James: Bro, this reminds me of a trio who will always come up with schemes to earn money from the kids in the cul de sac.
Chad: Are we trying to buy jawbreakers? No! I don't think so.
(Luke hangs up the phone)
Luke: And done, our orders will be here tomorrow.
Chad: Orders?
James: Our?
Luke: Do I have to repeat myself again bros. I just came up with an ingenious way to earn money.
(Emile stands up)
Emile: Well I'm going to go. If something goes wrong I don't wanna be around to see it. They always suspect the witnesses. Okay byeeeee. (Emile leaves)
Luke: I legit forgot he was here.
Chad: Luke please tell me what you bought.
Luke: Okay my dear comrade *smiles* I bought a month's supply of sandwiches to sell all over campus.
Chad: Luke can you just be a normal student? Not every episode should involve us doing something stupid.
Luke: But Chad, who honestly wants to watch us do something normal? Like look at him. (Luke points at James who is currently studying)
James: Hello?
Luke: Who wants to watch that loser study for his test?
Chad: You have a point but are these sandwiches (gets closer to Luke) *whispers* safe?
Luke: What do you mean? When are Sandwiches not safe?
James: Are the sandwiches legal?
Luke: James, Sandwiches don't have age of consent. And besides I made sure the sandwiches were not stolen, if I had a penny for every time I went to jail for smuggling illegal sandwiches I would have one dollar.
(Chad and James look at Luke, they are flabbergasted)
James: You're telling me that you were arrested a hundred times for selling illegal sandwiches.
Luke: Yup. Not proud of it. Still surprised that it happened more than once.
(Scene changes at the parking lot, James Chad and Luke are waiting for the sandwich truck)
James: The heart is the- crunch! I forgot.
Chad: Dude, relax.
(Luke receives a message)
Luke: Oh snap, they are here.
(A truck is seen pulling into the parking lot)
Luke: I wonder which truck has the sandwiches.
James: Gee, I don't know, maybe it's the only bloody truck pulling into the parking lot!
(Luke steps aside)
Luke: *heartbroken* Sometimes you can be very rude.
(Dawn gets out the truck)
Dawn: Hello people that always seem to see me before I lose my job. *smiles*
Chad: Dawn?
Dawn: That's my name.
Chad: What happened to your job at the arcade?
Dawn: Funny story actually. Ayuno found out who was responsible for the exploding arcade machine.
Chad: And now you're a truck driver?
Dawn: No, I'm a truck delivery driver. (Pulls out a clipboard) Now your order of a month supply of sardines is here. Please sign here.
Luke: It's about time they showed up.
Chad: Wait. Sardines?
Dawn: Yeah? I have the receipt right here. (Dawn pulls out a piece of cardboard with Luke's order information)
James: Luke?
Luke: Yes comrade?
Chad: Bro you ordered sardines! I thought you ordered sandwiches!
Luke: Did I? Oh poop. Oh well we have to work with what god gives you. When life gives you sardines then you contemplate life choices because sardines are ultimately useless and gross.
(Luke signs the paper)
Dawn: Awesome. Now here is your order.
(Dawn opens the trunk, a wooden crate falls on the pavement, sardines scatter all over the ground)
Luke: Five second rule. (Luke feverishly picks up the sardines)
Dawn: Aw man, well goodbye gents. (Dawn drives away)
(James and Chad look at Luke)
Luke: What?
Chad: Sardines?
Luke: Chad I made a mistake.
James: Leaving the oven on is a mistake. Ordering a month supply of sardines is just stupid.
(Scene changes showing Jen, GWC, Bruce and Emile sitting in the café)
GWC: I have a weird feeling that Luke just did something stupid.
Jen: I have that feeling all the time, In fact in approximately one minute they will Burst into the cafe.
Emile: I just wanted to be player 1.
Bruce: So Tuesday night?
Jen: No.
Bruce: Thursday night?
Jen: No
Bruce: Wednesday morning?
Jen: What makes you think I want to see your face first thing in the morning?
Bruce: Friday night?
Jen: Oh my god, okay now please quit bothering me.
(Jen Leaves to her dorm)
(The Spedteers burst into the café)
Luke: Buy our sardines now!!!
Emile: Huh, they came in forty nine seconds. That's a first.
Luke: Buy our sardines!!!!
GWC: Run that by me one more time?
Chad: Luke messed up again and now he's trying to sell his sardines.
GWC: Oh, that still makes no sense.
Luke: Buy our sardines!!!
Emile: Luke, do you have brain damage now? Why are you repeating the same sentence?
James: I don't think the repetition explains his brain damage.
Luke: Buy our sardines please.
Emile: Why are we always the first ones to know about your guy's stupidity?
GWC: Yeah, why? And why do you guys think we'll buy your sardines?
Luke: Because you people are my friends. And you guys have no choice but to help a brother out.
Emile: So we have no choice but to buy your stupid sardines?
Luke: That is right! *Smiles*
Emile: Yeah, that is not happening. You guys can go bother someone else.
Luke: OOOOOOHHHHH! Like who? Who do you recommend?
Emile: Bro I'm being sarcastic.
(Luke slaps Emile with a sardine)
Emile: BRO!
James: That's a first, I thought I was about to be the punching bag for this episode like always.
(James also gets slapped by a fish)
James: BRO!
Luke: *Deep Demonic Voice* YOU DARE GIVE ME YOUR SASS?! DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO YOU SPEAKETH TO? THOU SHOULD PERISH TO THE WORLD OF GNASHING OF TEETH!!
(Bruce also gets slapped)
Bruce: Bro I didn't even say anything!
Luke: There should not be any witnesses!
(Scene Changes showing Jen at her dorm)
Trixie: Hi Jen!
Jen: *mumbles* Drat.
Trixie: How are you today? *Smiles, positive energy radiates*
Jen: Well my day was good.
Trixie: That's nice to hear! Did you hear the big news?
Jen: *Smiles* You're leaving Willstick University?! *Smile intensifies*
Trixie: No you silly goose. We're getting a new roommate!
Jen: *Smiles leaves* Oh no.
Trixie: Lighten Up. She could be cool. We'll stay up late! Paint each other's nails! Talk about boys! Watch Gossip Girls on Stickflix!
Jen: Is this what actual girls do?
(The door swings open, A girl walks towards her dorm room, a boy is holding tons of boxes)
Jen: Deja vu.
(The boy drops the boxes on the ground)
Paul: Here you go madam! Is there anything else I can do for you?
(The girl looks down at her minion, she pulls out a coin from her pocket)
May: Heads, I'll let you go. Tails, you have to stay a while longer and help me settle into my new dorm room.
Paul: Yes madam. Whatever you say madam.
(She flips the coin)
May: Dang it. Heads. You're free to go for now.
Paul: Thank you madam. *cries*
May: Now get out of here. You make me sick.
(Paul runs out of frame crying)
(Jen and Trixie look at May)
May: What?!
Trixie: Are you our new dorm roommate?
May: No. You two ponies are MY roommates. (May enters the room)
Jen: I like her already.
(Luke, Chad, and James run up to Jen and Trixie)
Luke: Buy our sardines!
Trixie: What?
Chad: Hey Trixie, Hey Jen.
Jen: You have two minutes to explain to us what the H is happening.
James: Luke bought tons of boxes filled with sardines.
Chad: And now he's walking all over campus trying to sell these dreaded fishes.
James: Fish.
Chad: What?
James: The plural for fish is just fish.
Chad: Ok, cool, I don't care.
James: I'm just trying to help you out.
Chad: Bro I'm not here in school to learn.
James: What the-! Then why are you even here?
Chad: To chill with my friends. Duh.
James: Bro you have to pay for the financial aid after you graduate.
Chad: Who pays for school? School is free.
(May walks out her dorm room)
May: Okay what on Earth is happening here? All I hear are two morons arguing about plurals and financial aid.
(May looks at Luke with his boxes of sardines)
Luke: Would you like to buy our sardines lady? They're delicious, and they will make you live forever.
May: What did I get myself into?
Chad: Please excuse our friend, he's not quite alright in the brain.
May: I can see that. And why is he trying to sell me dead fish?
Jen: *GASP* Finally! Someone else with common sense. *Smiles*
(Jen hugs May)
Luke: Are you gonna buy my sardines or not?
May: Of course not.
(Luke gets on his knees, pleading)
Luke: PLEASE!!!! Just buy my sardines!!! I made a terrible transaction!!! Please help me out!!! My family needs my help!!! Do it for the starving Koala bears in Wyoming!!! *Cries*
May: What is wrong with him?
(GWC walks by at the right time)
GWC: No one knows.
(GWC leaves)
May: Alright, I'll flip for it. Heads, I'll buy some. Tails, you can go jump off a bridge.
(May flips the coin)
May: Disappointing. Tails. Now leave me alone. (May goes back inside her dorm)
(Luke gets up)
Luke: Well that didn't go as planned.
James: You had a plan?
Chad: And you thought it would work?
Trixie: If you guys want to sell your sardines why not just make something out of it.
(Luke gets closer to Trixie, he puts his arm around her shoulder)
Luke: I'm listening. (Pulls out breath mints)
Trixie: You could always use the sardines as ingredients for other less disgusting foods.
Chad: Like pizza!
James: And burgers!
(Luke is seen applying gel to his hair)
Luke: Wow m'lady, you sure are one smart business woman.
(Trixie steps aside)
Trixie: Thank you, now please go away, you make me feel uncomfortable.
(Scene Changes showing the Spedteers in the cafeteria. Luke is wearing a chef hat, James is studying and Chad is preparing the orders)
Luke: Trixie is a genius! Why didn't I think of this sooner?
James: Because you can't think at all.
Chad: In ten minutes our customers will be showing up any minute. Time to get some washingtons! *Evil grin*
James: So the brain is one of the most powerful muscles in the body.
Chad: Bro can you stop studying?
James: Dude I have to get an A in this class.
Luke: James why are you here if you're not going to help us?
James: Dude I was here first, you two morons just followed me here. And even if I did decide to help you guys out which I would seriously question my mentality, what would I even do?
(Luke pulls out a fish costume filled with hot grease)
Luke: You would be our food chain mascot. I call him Sardy. Isn't he cute?
(James raises an eyebrow)
James: I just have one question.
Luke: Yes?
James: Is it true that the brain is the first muscle to detect pain?
Luke: I don't know. I thought you were gonna question why the costume is filled with grease.
James: Nah, that would've been too predictable, and I didn't want to fall into your trap.
(Luke looks disappointed and upset, James goes back to studying)
(A crowd of students enter the cafeteria)
Luke: Alright Chad. Showtime!
Chad: Yes sir!
(Chad pulls out a bullhorn)
Chad: Ladies and Gentlesticks starting today we will be serving our very own Sardine Pizzas.
Luke: I call it PaPa Lukie.
Chad: And it only cost ten dollars.
(The Students look at Chad and Luke)
Random Boy: Do you have a fish mascot?!
Chad: No.
Random boy: Then I don't want any of your pizzas.
(The Crowd begins to boo at Chad and Luke, they later proceed to throw tomatoes and lettuce at them, Chad and Luke grab James' textbook as a shield)
James: Why am I not surprised?
Chad: Why is there always someone that brings vegetables to an event?
Luke: It's my fault. I had spare ingredients in the kitchen that I didn't use. So I put them out in the front so Veinsaw would pick them up after he returned from the war.
Chad: What is with you and Veinsaw?
Luke: He's a sweetheart.
(Scene Changes to Jen's dorm, Trixie is studying and May is looking through her gadget collection)
Trixie: *hesitates* So what do you like to do during the weekend?
May: Well before I came to this wretched school I loved to study and understand basic human emotions.
Trixie: Ooh sounds interesting. Tell me more. Did you study happiness?
May: No. Fear.
Trixie: Of course.
May: You see fear is one powerful and trusted ally to humans. It's also very unpredictable. Want an example?
Trixie: Not really. I just wanted to know you better
May: Come on. It'll be fun. It won't hurt.
Trixie: I don't know. Sounds kinda sketchy.
May: Would I honestly hurt you? I barely even know you.
Trixie: I hope not.
May: We'll flip on it.
Trixie: NO WAIT!
May: Heads, I'll leave you alone, Tails, You'll do as I say.
Trixie: Do I have a say on this?
May: Lol nope. (May flips the coin)
May: Congrats. It's Tails!
(Trixie steps back)
Trixie: May please, I have a family back in Luck City.
May: Dude, I'm not going to kill you. (May pulls out a spray bottle and sprays Trixie with it)
(Trixie falls asleep)
(Scene Changes showing Trixie in a dark room)
Trixie: Hello? Is anyone there?
(Luke appears beside her)
Luke: Hey Trixie.
(Luke pulls out a rose from his pocket)
Luke: Let's dance mí princesa
(Trixie screams in terror)
(Back in Reality, Trixie is having a spasm on the floor)
Jen: How long has she been like this?
May: Two hours. This spray bottle makes someone's nightmares seem real.
Jen: Sounds interesting. Spray me.
May: You sure?
Jen: Yeah, sounds fun.
(May shrugs and proceeds to spray Jen, Jen falls to the floor smiling)
(Scene Changes showing Jen in a dark room)
Jen: Woah, this seems so cool. It's almost like I'm in limbo. No Chad, No Bruce, No James. This is heaven.
(Luke appears next to Jen)
Luke: Howdy lady, would you like to buy some of my sardines?
Jen: Is this supposed to scare me? Luke doesn't scare me, he makes me worried for him but not scared.
Luke: Oh! I'm not a part of this. I just wanted to see if you changed your mind and wanted to buy my sardines.
Jen: No! Now get out! This is supposed to be my nightmare.
Luke: Oh! I can help with that!
(Luke transforms into Bruce)
Bruce: Hello there Mrs. Richemont. Care for little Discourse?
(Jen screams)
(Scene Changes showing the spedteers in James' dorm room, James is still studying, Chad and Luke are bruised up)
Luke: I can't believe our plan didn't work.
James: I can't believe we always have to host meetings in my dorm room.
Chad: James you must wear the fish costume.
James: What makes you think that wearing a fish costume will increase your sales?
(Luke digs in his pocket and pulls out a dashboard and a chart)
Luke: (puts on glasses) Now, if you see the chart you'll notice that many places that have a mascot do well in terms of sales. Chuke e. Cheddar, Juice Aid Woman, and Chef Boyardee.
James: You didn't even bother making a parody version for the last one.
Luke: I don't need to, his pastas are legendary! (Luke sheds a tear) Oh Linguine. You were taken so soon.
Chad: The point Luke is trying to convey is that without a mascot for our business we won't be able to earn any money.
James: Okay, but this is not my responsibility. Luke was the one who screwed up and ordered a month's supply of sardines. I'm leaving.
Chad: James you can't leave. You're important.
(James leaves)
Chad: Dangit. I thought my lie would work.
(Scene changes showing May and Jen talking in the cafeteria)
Jen: You're telling me that your little brother Paul is your personal maid?
May: Yup that twerp is very pathetic. How about your brother, is he cool?
(May and Jen look at each other)
Jen: No.
(May and Jen laugh hysterically, Trixie walks up to them)
Trixie: Hey guys how's it going?
Jen: Oh hey Trix, May and I were just talking and talking about other people.
Trixie: Oh really? Did you two mention me?
May: We sure did.
Trixie: Good things right?
(May and Jen don't answer, they sip on their orange juice)
Trixie: Okay then, moving on. Can I sit with you two?
May: We'll flip for it.
Trixie: Do you always decide your actions with a coin flip?
May: Don't question it. (May flips the coin) Dang it! It's heads. You can sit here.
(Jen slams her head on the table, Trixie sits between the two girls, it gets really awkward)
Trixie: You like buying candles during the fall while eating avocados on toast?
May: I'm out of here (May walks out)
(Jen lovingly stares at May, she sighs)
Jen: I think I'm in love.
Trixie: With her? I thought you were dating Bruce.
(Jen stares at Trixie with hate in her eyes)
Jen: Never say that again. (Jen walks off leaving Trixie by herself)
Trixie: Well I guess it's you and me Avocado toast. (Trixie pulls out her avocado toast)
(Jen walks back)
Jen: And just for the record, I do love me some Avocado toast. (Jen steals the toast and walks away)
(Luke, Chad walk in the cafeteria)
Luke: Ready for Round deux my dear mortal comrade?
Chad: Yes and why do you randomly speak in French from time to time?
Luke: Don't worry about that. We have bigger fish to fry. HA! Luke Pun!
(Chad sighs)
Chad: That was a good one, I can't lie.
(Chad and Luke fist pump each other, they place their sardine pizzas on top of a table)
Luke: Perfect! And now these stupid students will have no choice but to buy our pizzas. I'M A GENIUS!!
(Bruce walks in the cafeteria)
Bruce: Yo.
Luke: We can "Yo" at a different time, right now you must put on this fish costume! Now!
(Luke chucks the costume at Bruce)
(Scene changes showing James, GWC and Emile inside Ethan's class)
Emile: Where is Chad?
GWC: Where is Luke?
James: Where is my patience? Why are you two asking me?
Emile: Because Chad is too busy hanging out with his "other friends" and he barely has time for me anymore.
(James and GWC look at Emile)
Emile: What? He doesn't.
James: Yeah, we heard you the first time.
GWC: But why did you say it like that?
(Ethan enters the classroom)
Ethan: Sorry Class. I know I'm late, I was just at the cafeteria and they are selling some killer pizzas. Delicious. After eating this pie I will like to inform you that the test is officially canceled. Now leave my classroom immediately. I want some "alone" time with this pie.
(The class leaves, James is enraged)
James: Oh. My. God!
(Scene changes showing James, GWC, and Emile walking inside the cafeteria, students are eating their pies and Luke and Chad are making it rain)
James: Luke! Chad!
Chad: Hey James! Hey Emile!
Emile: Why was I mentioned last?
Luke: Hey G mans! What brings you in today?
James: Bro, you actually managed to make a profit out of your stupid sardine transaction!?
Luke: Yeah, you want a slice?
(Bruce walks in)
Emile: Bruce?
Bruce: Hey g- OW THAT STINGS! Hey guys! OW THAT BURNS!
Emile: What are you wearing?
Bruce: DEAR GOD! I'm wearing a fish Costume with- AAAHHH! With hot grease.
GWC: Why are you wearing that?
Luke: It makes him dance better. Anyways what do you want James?
James: I can't believe that a stupid fish costume was enough to make everyone here buy your stupid pizzas.
Luke: The chart never lies.
James: This is unbelievable! I studied until my brain split in half all week for this stupid test and now your stupid sardine pizzas made Ethan cancel the test.
Chad: See, what did I tell you? Tests are for chumps.
(James lunges at Chad but both GWC and Emile hold him back)
(Scene changes showing Trixie, Jen and May in their dorms)
(Trixie is lying on her bed while May and Jen are playing video games)
Trixie: (defeated) You guys wanna talk about boys?
May: Nope.
Trixie: (defeated) You guys wanna make friendship bracelets?
Jen: No not at all.
Trixie: (you know already) You guys wanna watch a romantic comedy?
Jen and May: Naw.
(Trixie gets up from her bed)
Trixie: Alright, I had enough. You two have got to be the worst roommates anyone could have!
(Jen and May look at each other)
Trixie: No, I'm serious! I would rather go on a date with Luke than spend any more time with you guys!
(Luke's head breaks their window)
Luke: You mean it!?
Trixie: No, I'm exaggerating.
(Luke leaves disappointed)
Jen: Trix. I-
Trixie: No! You shut your mouth for once! I tried everything I could to hangout with you guys but you two suck! YOU TWO SUCK!!!!
(Jen gets up and walks towards Trixie)
Trixie: (nervously) I didn't mean it when I said "shut your mouth".
Jen: Not bad Trixie. I knew you had it in you. I like you when you're angry.
Trixie: What?
May: You finally stood your ground. Impressive. You're not as bad as we thought.
Trixie: Really?
May: Yup!
Trixie: You guys wanna go to the mall and buy candles?
Jen: Will there be any Avocado Toast?
Trixie: Um… I could make some if you want.
Jen: Go make us some.
Trixie: *happily* Okay! Ooh this is gonna be so much fun! I'm gonna get the bread. BRB!
(Trixie leaves)
Jen: Quick lock the door before she comes back!
(That's it, now it's time for twelve)