Not your fault

SUMIRE

To avoid too much awkwardness, she hasn't practiced a lot with the girl. They don't meet up out of school unlike the other participants dp with their accompanists. Instead, she has been practing a lot with Toh.

Amid the song, Sumire catches Toh staring at her. A warm and gentle gaze, but there was something else there. Something passionate- it takes her a moment to realize why. She was still wearing the flimsy nightgown he gave her.

Sumire coughed. "Stop staring."

Toh chuckled. "Am I making you nervous, beautiful? I wonder what delicious thoughts you're having right now."

"I-if you peak at my mind now, I will get mad." Sumire stammered.

She always ends up a flustered mess whenever he teases her. Other guys have teased and flirted with her before. But, she has been able to ignore all of their advances. On the other hand, she has been struggling to do that with Toh.

Is it because they are dating? But, it wasn't like this with Sano. Actually with Sano, she was more cautious whenever he flirted with her.

All she felt when he said those words were cold, sick dread. No love, relief or even embarrassment. Just coldness.

Her thoughts break off seeing Toh's gaze flicker onto her scars.

"It doesn't hurt." Sumire insisted. Actually it did, especially now she is moving her arm a lot to play the violin.

"Come here."

Just two words but her body obeyed. She walked over and Toh takes the violin from her and places it in the corner. Before pulling her onto his lap. He gently massages her wrist, careful not to press on too hard.

"Sumire." Toh said softly. "If you ever get the urge to do this. Tell me. I know you're not in control of your mind when you get this way. But, I hope we can agree on some kind of signal regardless."

She understood even with him choosing his words carefully. He hates seeing these scars, hates knowing that he could have stopped her had he been in the right place at the right time. Had he not left the room.

"Even though I was so close, and even though I gave Tsueno hell for that other time." Toh shakes his head. "This shouldn't have happened."

Sumire lifted her other hand and caressed his cheek. "Don't blame yourself for this. It's not your fault that I am a mess."

It's not Toh's fault.

She was broken before they even met each other. So, why does he have to blame himself?

"But your not broken." Toh mumbled against her lips.

Sumire paused hearing his words. He has never said that to her directly before, probably because he knew how she would react. However, right this moment, she can't get angry at him for saying that. Why? Because he genuinely believes it, and he genuinely cares for her.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. "When I am with you, I feel safe. That is enough."

This is the first little episode in a long time. So Toh should be praising himself for keeping her sane for so long. Normally by now there would have been several other attempts.

"Sorry." Toh mumbled. "I guess I have been feeling a bit insecure since we haven't seen each other much. When we do meet, well we've been focusing on intimacy." He trailed off and ran his hands through his hair awkwardly.

Sumire could only stare at him surprised. This is her first time seeing this clumsy side of him. It feels refreshing. Toh is different from anybody else she has met before. However, that doesn't mean he doesn't have sides that any average person would have.

So clumsy and adorable.

She leaned forward and kissed his cheek softly. "Thank you, but it's really alright."

'I know him well enough now to know that he won't behave like Sano.'

Toh's gaze softened, and then suddenly a devilish look flashed through his eyes. "Is that all I'm getting? I thought we were closer than that." He lifted her nightgown slightly. "Do you know why I picked this for you?"

"Uh." Sumire laughed nervously. "I can imagine why. You do have very inappropriate thoughts about me."

"I am relieved that you know me so well." Toh carried her and exited the room. Sumire didn't say anything but she did play with his hair, as they walked down the hallway and back to his room.

When he placed her down on the bed, Sumire felt her heart beat increase. She already knew what was going to happen. The past two weeks have taught her enough about Toh and his habits. It's still difficult for her to recognize the signs of when he wants to do it with her.

But, there are moments like this where it is obvious. She watched as he unfastened his pants. She continued to watch him, removing his pants, undergarments and shirt.

Sumire knew even without looking at a mirror that her mouth was wide open. Her gaze fell on his muscled torso. She has to admit that she does like what she is seeing. They have already done it countless times. But, how can a girl get used to being touched by someone like--

Toh catches her gaze and he smirks. "What are you looking at beautiful?"

"Something nice." Sumire kept her gaze on his torso. Making sure her eyes didn't stray below. If she looked below, well she knew her thoughts would stray onto rather dangerous topics.

"Nice huh. You have to be more descriptive than that beautiful. I thought literature was your forte."

"It is. I can get very descriptive when I want."

Toh's grin grew bigger and he eventually stood in front of her. He is watching her carefully. She suddenly becomes self-conscious that she is the only one wearing clothes. Even if wearing this nightgown is the same as wearing nothing.

Sumire begins to slip of the gown, but Toh stops her. "No need."

She looked at him confused. Toh pushes her down onto the bed until she was comfortably resting her head on the large pillow. Toh hovering over her, naked.

"But, it will feel weird."

Toh laughed. "I thought you would prefer it this way."

"It doesn't seem fair."

Toh looked even more amused. She wonders what is so funny, she is only telling the truth.

"Didn't I tell you that we will try new things?"

Right, he mentioned that. But it's not like she is uncomfortable with how things have been so far.

"So, can we do this with me wearing clothes?" Sumire asked.

Toh nodded. "Just leave it up to me." He trailed off. "Do you trust me?"

Is he really going to ask her that after all that has happened between them? But, she understands. Toh wants to continue treating her preciously.

*Unedited*