Once Upon the Spiders' Woes

"Listen here, Shiro. If you let anyone threaten Nayami again, I'll lay your body on a dining table and you'll be feasted upon by my spiders."

That one time, I received an unsettling stupid threat.

A wryly stupid warning.

A gorily stupid precaution.

An utterly stupid admonition, but still a threat.

A fork-skewered octopus-cut wiener, but still a threat.

"I don't like spiders."

"Ayase really said something outrageous, huh?"

Narumi Narukami: high school teacher for almost two years now, tyrannical and rotten to the core─the stereotypical injurious witch.

"Yes, Aya said something outrageous," I parroted.

Naru and I looked at each other, explicit hate absorbed each other.

Of what should be accumulated until we become each other's nemesis.

For now, we share the common relationship as teacher and student intertwined to being neighbors.

"She's not done yet, though."

Naru raised her eyebrow, slightly annoyed over the obvious claim.

I don't despise the notion.

I said conclusively before, but I will never be sure if she carried the howl of the majority. I'd also not follow the idealistic viewpoint that not everyone supports her claim. I needed a second opinion.

What came to mind was our homeroom teacher.

Simply enough, because she knows Miss Ayanami more than I can acknowledge for myself.

Whether or not she wanted my presence, I would still appear before her.

It's only a bonus that our interests align.

For such an extent that her sigh emanated in the room as she dropped her lunchbox at the edge of the table.

My inner sight tore apart following the mountain of food.

Egg roulade, thick bacon strips, wieners, pork cutlets, and most importantly, rice amounting to two bowls. The lunch almost rivals the amount of food in Osechi's Wikipedia page. I'd started to worry even though it was unnecessary. Albeit redacted not for you to frown upon, my mind bickered so much─it can break.

I'm not supposed to pick on calories, although now, in the first place, I don't even know how many calories each of those have, do I? Makes me some kind of a clown, but it's basic enough to say her lunch set was heavy.

Heavy in fact, her life might as well be threatened.

And forget heavy, the balance isn't even there.

Originally, no person alive can see their face without any reflection but I saw the shape of my lips curving wryly.

"Do you think you should be consuming this quantity over lunch?" I had to point it out.

The quantities quadrupled from my usual breakfast's amount.

Seeing it would make anyone feel amazed and worried, both at the same time.

Straight out of comics, I daresay.

"This? Are you retarded, Shiro?"

"No," I retorted softly in a non-comedic straight man act.

I didn't get any logic in her reply but, well, someone once said dialogues are about passion─not logic.

Again, she pointed her fork at me, now skewering an omelet cut. "Simple enough, Shiro. I need nutrients."

I suppose there's no action left but to feel pity over the person.

I've been looking at her the whole time. I feel like there's so much about her that I'd missed. Including how she became a hideous stress eater.

"More like you need oil: are you an engine or what?" I continued on my retort.

Truthfully, I wanted to sigh.

Apparently, she'd never been a fan of people thinking she's hopeless. Trust me, I didn't want to think of her that way. I'm not one to be scared, but her eyes made the Strongest Mage flinch before she even retorted.

Man, they were sharp!

"Would the answer, 'I need to eat,' suffice?"

"Shouldn't you be eating, with, y'know, more vegetables on the side?" I tried to lecture her, politely.

But she candidly spat, "I hate vegetables."

This is minimally unrelated but I felt like a real life plunderer offering a slice of pumpkin to his invisible girlfriend. "You should mind your health, Naru," I spat out, not thinking of a witty reply that would actually convince her.

And that realization for myself got fueled when she spurred, "Why do you care about what I eat? I eat what I want, and that's it!"

"How stubborn."

Reaching her hands to the lunchbox, she started eating again.

"Now I see the reason why the violet titan wanted to erase half of life."

"The idealist's sense of balance got nothing to do with my lunch!"

"Wait until your scale collapses."

We stared at each other.

"You'll get fat."

"I know! You're too blunt! At least censor that with a better word," she lashed, as if an idea to trample over her table crossed her mind. "You're making my stress grow larger!"

"Then you're gonna get plump?"

She swiftly turned her sight away showing disgust, "That doesn't help…"

"Madame teacher, you might get rounder?"

"Don't take me for a fool! Why the hell are you addressing me madame for? I'm not an old hag!"

Her face now showed both disgust and madness.

Her eyes took this devilish stance meant to have me undergo the meat-to-bone process.

Any idea what to alternatively tell?

It's not that I'm affected by her stupidly arranged threats.

She might have been glaring at me, but her pouts contradicted the very terror.

That second time, I received an unsettling stupid threat.

An utterly stupid admonition, but still a threat.

"Wowzers, you'll look like that Doraemon balloon floating in front of Ani-mate!"

"What the hell? That looks festive!" she stood from her seat, slamming the table in all her excitement. I'll leave it to your imagination how such excitement works. "Like hell, it is!"

It was the dawn of our comedy slapstick duo.

I supposed from hereon, we let everything happen on their own.

We will strive for the Wara-1 Grand Prix and become the number one Manzai standup duo in all of Japan.

No, her lunchbox instead dropped into the unsentimental tiled floor.

Mana fluctuated from her distraught eminence: the prickly, ironically well-liked female teacher stood up and before I knew it, silk strings started to pass across my face. Spiders sprawled into the room, her right arm pulled onto her victim's necktie. Stainless steel fork and countless spider legs locked onto a left eyeball prompted for dissection.

A wild wonderland for spiders─has to be an icky setting for death, and even a hundredfold ickier for the full-blown arachnophobic.

Shan't any imaginations developed, for I'm not scared of such malicious intent.

Schrodinger's Spiders: it concerns harm, but it does not at the same time.

Taking someone from the situation, I can only feel the nostalgia.

I've been baptized by the Class Arachnida for a long time: they'll forever be plot devices strengthening mental fortitude.

True, I don't like them but I'm not afraid.

It's not even something to mind for, because I schemed our escape from what could become controversial. Impromptu for the most part─she didn't ask to be criticized for eating a tantamount. So, I apologize for being a menace without any defense issued.

It was already noon.

What else transpired in such time other than lunchtime?

While the other teachers savored their lunch out the cafeteria, there were ten more others left inside enjoying their times alone─either eating or relaxing their minds out from another day of mage school endeavors. If we were to talk about something controversial, there's no way we needed them overhearing things.

Calling the spiders in was a setup to have them leave.

She could have done so at the start, but we needed to make it believable.

Thus, the painstaking show of concern when I don't even care if she gained weight or not.

I only picked on her weakest point.

"If you're gonna be depressed over reality, then you should check on your diet from now on."

I received a glare.

"I can manage myself, Shiro."

"Hmm, I doubt that," I said in nonchalance, hence a pointed spider leg flashed out to nearly cut the left eye's protective filament.

Maybe I'd follow my fake little sister's advice, passionately utter 'No More Spiders!', and call it a day?

I would like to try for the sake of innovation.

"No more…"

"Don't try to utter a word, Shiro." So, I didn't continue─she does like her tyranny being fulfilled and I'm more than willing to pay respect. "You remember the job you accepted, right?"

Taking care of Nayami Ayanami's welfare.

"Yet you chose to sleep through the day and push Amaterasu for it."

"Hmm, if you'd be unreasonable, I burn all your spiders to the smithereens."

Only problem though, I have minuscule respect for her.

"I think I already explained to you why I assigned her in your care."

Unfazed, she pressed on, her sharp eyes felt like nibs trying to get me blind.

The spiders' legs are different stories, too.

If it comes for the eyes being gouged, I prefer the orthodox Russian self-defense method. She's clearly not taking inspiration from a human method, thus─I breezed myself out of her clutch. I only sparked her hand afire, much to her girlish behavior I wouldn't dare to expand on words.

"Grrr! That's cheating, Shiro!"

I got hold of my disheveled necktie, fixed it to prevent strangling myself, then looked at her straight.

"So why was the meek psychic assigned to another problem child's supervision?"

We're not new to the pizzazz, hence a swift shift to what the procedure needed. If not, she would have failed as a professional─teacher or otherwise, an agent who both works for the government and the opposition.

"That girl has some kind of an unknown designation in the world."

"I feel like you're not even going to tell me anything about it."

"A mercenary doesn't ask for the background, but executes the objective."

"Except I'm not a hired gun."

"I know it keeps a lot from you," Naru assented, which is but a whitewashed sentiment, as she continued, "I want you to protect her, because well, you're someone who won't turn us down."

So, I was supposed to offer her protection.

I do think it's easy work to handle─but Naru has been mixing her perspective on all the events.

Unlike the one she's trying to protect, she can't easily be forgiven.

"Let's not forget you failed at it, though," she gnarly pressed. "You should have protected her earlier from Ayase."

How come, I don't understand.

Fairly unreliable for the thought I'm protecting myself, but I moved when I was supposed to take action. I did something that would endanger myself once the day is over. I prevented their secret leaking out, and that must matter the most. If she wanted to play it safe, she should have been the one who attended to the mysterious transfer student's welfare.

And.

"No, she wasn't the one who needed protection."

Narumi Narukami, the injurious witch, indignant in her position, stopped directing someone she always found belligerent. Whether she knew what I meant or not, I don't know: the only thing I can comprehend is that she realized we won't meet each other's expectations. We're only left to play with our personal vendetta, and that's underneath our inherent involvement in Nayami Ayanami's case.

I definitely left her in obscurity, but she can think all she wants yet I won't bother an explanation.

Naru left her seat.

She walked in front of me, but not for the business of confronting me or something.

It was a more trivial approach, as it was having her fix my necktie.

"It's slightly crooked. I'm sorry for earlier. There, all done!"

Naru showed a satisfied smile by fixing my crooked necktie.

"Thanks."

I don't have the most definite answer for what spiraled on her mind.

Her weight plunged to the extension of her arms over the shoulders. Our chests crashed onto each other. I felt as if I was pushed and pulled, both at the same time.

Then and there, I was attacked.

Static─for one emotionless person being grappled. No, the gentleness didn't hide a dagger underneath the cloak. Narumi Narukami, the tyrannical injurious witch, hugged the person most unlikely for her to show her softness. Color the emotionless his unbridled surprise─because as it stands, there hasn't been an occasion where she leaped forward in the drama.

Not once in the timetable.

"Are you being seriously hopeless right now?"

"Yes."

Rhetorical question was answered as true to its objective.

Plainly one word which said all that needs to be done. I'd be heartless towards the heartless, but Naru is not as equivocal as I thought she was. Hmm, should I have hugged her back?

I'd have done well if I degenerately felt her warmth.

Instead.

"Your effort is worthless, though." I regarded, untouched by her surprising behavior.

"I know," she replied softly─and, as soon as I said it to her.

"Hmm, you're not supposed to think fast. I didn't say I wouldn't protect her. It's just that I won't be catering to your command."

As awkward as was making of herself, she slowly dropped her hands and moved herself aback. Cascade of tears on her eyes about to drip down the floor, she almost cried. I wouldn't have wanted to see her in such a situation.

I could only thank myself for not being an active contrarian.

"That's… enough, I think?"

"Well, sure, but I might as well prompt for your help since we share the same objective. Pay for the heart attack you almost incurred."

She swerved her look on the side, now rendered shy for her own misery.

Cumbersome, I hate her.

"What do I want you to do, yes, that's the base question. I'd save you the trouble of asking, Miss Narukami."

I stared at her for a while, bringing our time in an awkward stalemate─leaving her no choice but to look ahead. Much obliged, she trembled to the pressure. She suppressed a gasp from leaking out: the Shiro as a child she knew came back to haunt her.

"Naru, I need to sleep…And the exact same time as Nayami Ayanami."