My Head Hurts (Saya)

Saya felt the mat floor beneath her feet as she prepared for tonight's training. She was in the familiar training room.

The solace of the darkroom, the tightly wrapped cloths around her shins and the familiar tight hug of her sarashi wrapped around he breasts down to her waist.

She thought about how today, like the day before, they trained using the low-quality epic weapons at the Academy and her failure to use them yet again.

When she got home the night before, she did not ask Seigen during their training why they taught them in a way that felt wrong at the Academy on a fundamental level.

Part of the reason she had not brought it up was while she was curious, showing as little interest as possible in the way of improving her strength was her go-to attitude.

However, today's failure was different; she noticed as she repeated the training from her War Strategies and Training class the effects seemed to worsen each time she attempted to pour magic into her weapon.

As far as she could remember, Seigen had never mentioned any training guidelines on the matter. All he and her father ever did was an attempt to make her stronger, for better or worse.

She decided she would ask Seigen what was happening to her as much as she hated to give him the satisfaction of knowing that she cared about learning. The possible adverse effects on her mind due to the Academy's fundamentally flawed use of their magic frightened her.

Saya heard light footsteps entering the darkroom training room.

"Have you prepared yourself," Seigen said.

Yes, Sensei!

Seigen told her that today's training would continue her breathing exercises. Stating that for each exhale, she was to visualise unsheathing her katana into a flash-cut, and on every inhale, she was to visualise herself sheathing the blade.

This was quite typical for her training. More often than not, she did not unsheathe her katana very often. Simply holding the epic grade katana as she visualised the various Iaijutsu lightning stances was how Seigen trained her.

She had tried drifting off on many occasions. Still, Seigen always knew when she stopped visualising, even for a brief moment and was always able to correct her form even in her visualisations.

"For a blind man, he seems to see a little too much," She would think.

"You distracted," Seigen said.

Saya told him about the lessons at the Academy and what happened when she tried to pour her magic into the low epic grade weapon. She expressed her concerns and asked him if that was normal.

"The way they teach Mana Manipulation is flawed; however, most people learn that way and do just fine."

He explained to her that she found it challenging to channel her mana because she thought of it as magic like everyone else. While this concept was confusing to Saya, she understood it on some level.

The issue was that because every Ananke is born with compulsion magic, it comes naturally to draw on that magic directly. While to truly master their gifts, they had to learn how to use them as an extension of themselves.

This meant that instead of pouring this magic into weapons to master it truly, one would need to harness the magic from the primordial aspect source within them and manipulate the mana that runs through their bodies.

Wait, why did you not teach me about any of this? Saya asked?

"That is what I have been teaching you every night for the last six months, and no doubt your father has tried to teach you this in his own way."

Saya was confused as she tried to consolidate the information she had.

So, this power I feel is not magic that resides in my body?

"Correct the aspect magic itself is a gift from the primordial, what you feel is the mana that connects you to that power. If you force the mana out of your body, you cannot manipulate it. This is particularly dangerous the less Mana you have."

Wait, does that mean everyone has a different amount of mana?

"Saya, the Kagemitsu family, have the smallest mana pool of all the clans in Ananke. That is why traditional methods will not work for you."

Her toes dug into the floor mat and her eyes closed as she thought about Seigen's words.

"How has the Kagemitsu family held so much power with the least amount of mana among all the clans?" Saya thought to herself.

She considered the concept between the mana that runs through her body and the idea of harnessing Ananke's Primordial Aspect Magic to then manipulate with the mana she has. Compared to what she was taught, which was using your "magic" to empower your weapons and power.

The amount of mana you had in your body would determine your "magic potential" by the traditional structure. However, the way Seigen explains it, one would be able to empower their weapons and freely use aspect magic based on their personal ability to control the mana within them.

"Ahhh, that is too much information," Saya thought.

Saya did not understand everything entirely, but she knew how important what she had just heard was.

"You seem less distracted now; continue your training," Seigen said.

Saya took a deep breath. "He's right, though it will take me a while to wrap my head around this."

She sat on her knees and began her visualisations.

As she visualised, she unconsciously began to feel her mana a little more clearly than ever before. A clear violet mist surrounded her with every exhale, her katana unsheathed to cut the air in front of her while sheathing her katana on every inhale.

After a few hundred repetitions of this, she heard a loud clash of blades coming from the dark training room.

She quickly opened her eyes, startled when she saw Seigen with his cane sword blocking her katana.

Saya quickly withdrew her blade. "Did I unintentionally swing my blade?"

I'm so sorry I didn't mean to—

"Well done!" Seigen said

What I almost cut you, she said franticly.

"Saya, look behind you."

She noticed that she had not unsheathed her blade at all. In fact, she was still seated on the floor mat with her hand on her katana.

After a sudden pull toward her body, Saya opened her eyes.

What happened?

"That was an aspect illusion. You just harnessed primordial magic."

I what?

Saya smiled to herself as she remembered how it felt like a beautiful connection to herself, so beautiful that she got lost in that feeling. It was the first time she was alone without being lonely.

"Remember that feeling and lean more into it as you train. It will serve you well," Seigen said.

How do I participate in school?

"Once you can control your mana sufficiently, you will be able to empower your weapon easily, but until then, you will have to pretend to pour your magic."

So basically, I have to pretend by continuing to be terrible at it, which means I won't be pretending at all, Saya sighed.

Seigen sensei called off the rest of the practice for the night, expressing concern that Saya had released a large amount of mana as she conjured the aspect illusion. However, she could not stop thinking about what had just happened.

As soon as Seigen left the darkroom, Saya wanted to get back to that feeling, and she began to visualise again.

Something felt different this time. She could not quite feel the mana within her as clearly, and the more she tried to reach for it, the more exhausted she became.

As she almost passed out, she decided to stop.

"That felt like the training sessions at the academy…." She thought as she stumbled out of the darkroom toward her prepared bath.

She realised that she felt so horrible in class because her mana was running out, and the more mana she lost, the worse she felt.

"Is it really okay to keep this knowledge a secret from everyone?" she thought as she took off her training clothes to take a bath.

"There must have been a good reason, and who is to say that other people don't have this knowledge."

"The problem with keeping secrets is that you also don't know what secrets everyone else keeps," she thought as she sat in the bath staring at the shadow, dragons proudly carved on a large round piece of wood mounted on the ceiling with red gems in their eyes. She wondered why her family decided to keep this knowledge secret in the first place.

My head hurts, Saya sighed.

There was so much she did not know, and everything seemed more confusing the more she learned.

She suddenly found herself genuinely interested in learning about all of this. Still, she had already made it a point to not get stronger for what were much easier reasons to understand than this new world that seemed to be opening up in front of her.

Time was running out. The draft tournament was only a few months away, and if she were to get stronger, her father would have her join him at the front lines. Even worse than that, she would have to leave Hana behind.