1. Divergent Household Detergent: A Different Kind of Parody, Chapter 2

“I just wanted to see if everything is alright,” Principal Ciccone said as she entered the room. “You don’t seem to have sustained any injuries,” she said after giving the room and everyone in it a quick inspecting glance.

“No physical ones,” I answered. “I seem to be suffering from some amnesia,” I continued.

“You probably better get treated at a hospital then,” Ciccone said and placed the detergent bottle on the small table next to my bed. I didn’t really know why she was carrying that bottle to begin with. It wasn’t like her to clean stuff. If she wanted something cleaned, she would certainly tell someone to do it. Placing it next to my bed was probably her way of telling me that I had cleaning duty this week. There weren’t many things I hated more than cleaning duty. Unwillingly I stared at the bottle. It seemed to be a generic cleansing agent by the looks of it, but what was strange about it was an unfamiliar, sweet odor that surrounded it. The scent was unusual and almost cloying, it was something I never smelt before.

“Are you his legal guardian?” I heard Ciccone asking Shadowfox.

“Ah...yes. Yes I am,” he answered. Their conversation went on but I didn’t pay any attention. All I could think about was that mysterious smell, and the more I thought about it, the more nauseating it became. Soon after everyone left the room, I wasted no time and poured the entire contents of the bottle into the toilet. And right after I flushed, the smell was gone. It was extremely satisfying, not only because the smell was finally gone, but actually much rather because I was now relieved of performing cleaning duties.

And so the young master returned to his old home, which was now abandoned. Like a spooky haunted mansion it loomed against the gray and gloomy afternoon sky. It looked so frightful he almost didn’t dare enter. His last memories of this place involved bloodthirsty werewolves so it was only natural that he proceeded with caution. Thick mist was covering the grounds in the front yard. It was so thick our young master couldn’t make out the ground below. He imagined all sorts of creatures lurking beyond, ready to attack him any moment. If there was one thing he had experience with, it was being attacked by spectral creatures of unearthly origin. But the fact that he was still very much alive at this moment led to the conclusion that there were no attackers around any longer. Having gained a little confidence from that sentiment, he masterfully overcame his fears and was able to enter the old house. Everything still seemed the same. Except that he had the impression that it was darker than it used to be. This however was probably due to the fact that it was late afternoon and was getting dark outside. Sad and lonely the young master sat down on his bed in his old bedroom. No creature came to attack him. No mother came to bring him milk and cookies. No father came to pat him on the back. There were however people that came. Because you see, even though the young master said he needed time alone, he was in fact truly frightened of the thought of being alone. Luckily this youngster was never alone. He may have lost his parents, his butler and his bodyguard but he was given a new family. A pack of foxes that would never leave his side.

Cassandra, Cody and Sora all gathered in my old bedroom. Naturally it was getting a little cramped.

“I think I remember everything until the moment Cassandra got stabbed by Hitomi. The next thing I remember is waking up in a classroom. Not my classroom,” I explained to them.

“Yes, someone used the Divine Uninstaller. It must have happened at school. It is very hard to use it however, so perhaps the Divinity itself also somehow rejected you. Maybe the spirit didn’t find you worthy,” Shadowfox said.

“How could anyone be worthier than me?” I immediately said.

“Well you are kind of proofing my theory with your statement just now. Do you remember anything else?” Shadowfox asked.

“Why does it matter? I am alive and all is well,” I said.

“If someone was attacking the Chrome-shelled Divinity, they were trying to attack knowledge itself. And someone who wants to remove or control all knowledge is extremely dangerous,” Shadowfox calmly explained.

“The thought of someone controlling all the knowledge sounds pretty scary,” Cody observed.

“Wait, wasn’t the Divinity already doing that?” I asked.

“Yes, but the Divinity wasn’t evil. It just provided information when needed. We don’t know what these attackers are scheming,” Shadowfox then stated. I closed my eyes and tried to remember. All I was able to remember were all these unfamiliar faces in that classroom. Apparently I crashed through the window, or so it had been explained to me. Then all of a sudden I remembered someone speak the word “Committee”. I couldn’t quite remember who it was who spoke the word, or when exactly I heard it. It just somehow popped in my head.

“Committee,” I then softly repeated. For a moment nobody knew what to say. Cassandra however, as usual, knew exactly what to say.

“My father always used to talk about a certain committee he was a member of. I never really knew what kind of committee that actually was,” she said.

“Well, I just remember someone saying committee right before I woke up in that classroom,” I tried to explain, almost certain that Cassandra was talking about a completely different committee.

“Committee is a very generic term for any kind of agency or board. It could be anything,” Cody said. He was right of course.

“Still it wouldn’t hurt to ask your father about this committee,” Shadowfox suggested.

“My father is a lawyer,” Cassandra said in an almost warning tone, as if that would somehow declare the whole operation pointless. But it was however still deemed a good idea by Shadowfox and everyone agreed that Cassandra was best suited for it, even though she apparently didn’t want to talk to her father at all.