3. The Divine Parody: Act I Masterfox in the Underworld

I couldn’t see anything for a while. Then when I rubbed my eyes, I found that Cassandra and Ichabod were standing next to me. They seemed just as confused as me. Just when I was about to ask them what was going on, I immediately realized that someone else stood to my other side. It was of course Cody, Shadowfox, Vihaan Singh and Yuki, who was just finishing a chocolate fudge.

“What...Why?” I managed to say, but it didn’t really help the situation.

“How did we get here?” Cassandra said, being a little more articulate than me.

“I have no idea,” was Shadowfox’s answer, which was extremely unsatisfying. Shadowfox not knowing what was going on was a bad sign. Directly in front of us, a gigantic iron gate loomed to the red and violent sky. I could hear vicious thunders and see lighting in the distance, and somehow strange winged creatures, soaring through this uncomfortably red sky. Above the iron gate, I could make out a line of rusty letters, probably made out of cheap metal, judging by the state of their decay. The letters read Abandon all Common Sense, ye who enter here. I didn’t appreciate that sentiment.

“I know where this is,” Ichabod finally said. “It is the underworld. Also known as hell. I knew the day would come,” he continued.

“What the hell? I mean, what the actual hell?” Cassandra responded. Her attempts at jokes stopped being funny a long time ago.

“What are you talking about? Hell isn’t real,” I said, looking at Ichabod. He seemed very serious however.

“I know this place. The Committee made its move. I should have never told you about the Committee’s plans,” he just said, staring at the gate. Then suddenly, the gate opened.

And so, the young master and his friends entered the gates of hell. Traditionally a place you would find yourself after you met your death. Scientifically speaking however, the young master was still very much alive. Which somehow leads to the conclusion that traditions and science just don’t really work together. But you probably all knew that. As the young master entered the gates, he found himself in a place that looked very similar to the city hall of his hometown. But that was just his mind, connecting memories. In fact, the place where he stood now, was much larger, resembling a huge administrative bureau, with thousands of counter windows and millions of people waiting in line for something.

If it wasn’t already clear that we were in hell, it was now.

“Can we not just go home?” I asked, not directing the question at anyone in particular.

“I’m afraid that’s not possible. Yuki had a vision that we would end up here while you were talking to Cassandra’s father. She also had a vision about one of Cassandra’s notebooks, so I brought it with me, ” Shadowfox explained. “But we have to find a way out of here as fast as possible,” he added. I didn’t really understand what he was talking about but was just glad he didn’t say “get the hell out of here”. I was honestly getting tired of bad puns.

“Don’t you understand? We can’t leave this place,” Ichabod then said, in an unseen concerned way. Almost as if he was genuinely concerned about everyone’s well-being. The thought seemed absurd. Everyone looked at him, expecting him to explain further, but that explanation never came. Instead someone else came to greet us. It was the escape artist we met at the diner, only now he was dressed in traditional british hunting attire. It looked like he appeared out of nowhere.

“I see you have finally made it. I think Welcome to Hell would be the appropriate greeting in a situation such as this, but that may sound a little mean spirited, and that is not what I am at all,” he said in a very calm and composed manner. Apparently this guy could just appear and disappear as he pleased.

“Who are you? What is going on?” Shadowfox asked.

“A fox hunt is what is going on. And I am the Master of the Hunt. I believe I already explained this to the honorable Masterfox here, has he not informed you? The Committee shall make the world a better place. But your actions have made this lofty endeavor more and more difficult. You found yourself in hell because deep down, you are all sinners. You will all have to face your sins here,” he replied.

“Well I hate to rain on your parade but we are going home,” I said.

“I admire your cunning, Masterfox, I sincerely do. There might be a place for you amongst our ranks. Perhaps you shall prove worthy, or you might all be hunted down like the feral beasts that you are,” he said before disappearing again. For a while no one said anything.

“I can’t get any signal,” Cody then said while looking at his phone.

“And there is no wifi either,” Cassandra added, equally staring at her phone. The Hunt Master’s words meant nothing to them. They also had little significance to me, but somehow I felt like this hunt was something we had to deal with, he was threatening to kill me after all. It was something we couldn’t just walk away from. Even though I just wanted to go home.

The words may have sounded more like the words of an escapist than an escape artist, but this magical fox hunt was the reality the young master had to face. Soon after the Master of the Hunt disappeared, all the people waiting in line also began to slowly move away. And suddenly another figure appeared from the shadows. He seemed like a shadow himself, as if his entire being was made out of a shadow. Presumably he appeared from behind of one of the counters. What was the most disturbing about this occurrence however, was the strange familiarity of the eerie countenance this shadowy figure sported. It was none other than the visage of the young master.

“Your greatest enemy is your own self,” the shadow said. “Welcome to limbo,” he then added. It was astonishing what kind of nonsense I had to deal with everyday. But at this point I had gotten so used to it that nothing really surprised me anymore. It was a shadowy version of myself, wearing the exact same school uniform and the same hairstyle. He basically looked exactly like me. The only difference being that his whole appearance was somehow a shadow that took the shape of my body and his eyes were bright red. It was a rather ghost-like appearance, it was in fact more like looking at thick fog than an actual person. Additionally, instead of my Glove of Contradiction, he wore a pair of mittens.

“You are just a confused child. And your childish behavior has caused a lot of trouble. The child in you is your greatest enemy. It is your own self,” the shadow said.

“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I said, not really hoping for additional explanation.

“I think everyone here knows of your impulsive ways,” the shadow said.

“Yes we know,” Cassandra remarked. I knew that that was probably true, but it didn’t really help the situation.

“You can’t be a child forever. At some point, we all have to grow up,” the shadow further explained.

“Well you certainly didn’t grow up,” I said, as I was starting to get annoyed.

“I represent the child in you. You have to fight me, Masterfox. Fight the child in you that keeps letting you make stupid decisions. Or rather encourages you to make said decisions. You can’t always listen to your impulses. You can’t always listen to the Id. That is why we have the Ego and the Superego to fight those impulses. To suppress them,” the shadow went on.

It appears to be time to talk about the idea of the Freudian Excuse. When Sigmund Freud once fell asleep during a presentation on neurology held in Paris, then abruptly woke up in a cold sweat and couldn’t remember if his dream was about a penis or a vagina, he came up with the idea of psychoanalysis. A concept out of which he formulated various theories, which all linked every neurosis and mental health issue to abuse in childhood and repressed sexual desires. An explanation so easy that it rather resembled an excuse than an actual explanation. Thus the idea of the Freudian Excuse was born. A concept so easy that even filmmakers understand it. But perhaps not every key appearing in a dream symbolizes a penis and not every keyhole a vagina. And perhaps not every villain was hit as a child.

“I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about but if it’s a fight you want, you’ve got it!” I yelled.

“Don’t let him provoke you, that’s exactly what he wants,” Cassandra said.

“How could they possibly know what you are talking about. They don’t have psychology classes in high school,” Ichabod then intervened.

“Not everything can be taught at school. As a parent, you should know that,” the shadow simply answered. I really had enough of this shadow and luckily the fact that he wasn’t actually made of solid matter made him completely vanish after only one wave of my glove hit him. Everyone was surprised by the ease with which it happened. There was no trace of the shadow left.

“Well, that was easy,” I had to say.

“Too easy,” Shadowfox stated and was of course proven right.

Soon after the shadow had vanished into thin air (which was probably what he was composed of to begin with. Or perhaps it was just hot air, which seemed more likely in this case), the counter windows opened up once again, and frolocking the people started to wait in line again. The group of foxes was then advised by a nearby official to wait in line at counter eight, which they obediently did. Then, after two hours passed, they were finally standing in front of the counter. There they had to fill out several forms, most of which demanded the same information to be filled out and then to be handed back to the person at the counter. It was a dreadful experience for everyone involved, not to mention that it was completely pointless. But once they had finally handed back all the correctly filled out forms, they were guided to an elevator that took them down to the next floor.