Reviews, reviews, reviews part II

In total, I got 4 more stupid reviews. Each of them tried their hardest to surpass the other's stupidity. There was no clear winner, even after my brain had decided to just give up on living entirely.

It was like the worst of the worst nutjobs had come to this stolen novel to share their weird thoughts and ideas with a world, which clearly was not ready for them.

I was equally amazed and dumbfounded by the strange things these monsters in human flesh decided to share.

Ah, let us start with a small update from the previous people that left a review behind.

These monsters were currently using the space as a forum to discuss how to install a certain game on their phones. I was amazed at the sheer level of technical problems these people ran into.

It could not be that hard to install a simple app.

For those that could not press a single button, here a quick tutorial.

Step one: You type in the name of the software you wanna have on your little phone. To do that hit this item called "fingers" on your phone till letters appear:

Step two: Use these fat fingers to type and touch the app you want to download.

Step three: Fat finger your way through to the button that says in big fat letters "DOWNLOAD",

Step four: Now use any finger and gently press down on the Download.

Step five: Great Success, you downloaded an app.

Now back to the stupid reviews I got. Imagine, someone actually claimed he was forced to rate the story…

He said his family was held hostage─funniest sentence I have read all day. They were threatened, with a knife… a knife.

Certainly, it was not knife to meet them. Just to clarify nobody had to rate this story 5 stars… I suppose one might do so if they valued the lives of their loved ones.

I was just kidding, they were dead before the 5 stars review had been posted. Or so I have heard.

Never in all of my life, would I blackmail, or use expensive gifts to get other people to rate my stolen story 5 stars. These powerstones just happened to arrive at their desk… how mysterious.

Dear user Reader, you better stay quiet, or else you would soon join your family.

Then there was this user called Mathepid that decided to write a review as a poem. NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERD.

I was really happy, everyone was still giving me 5 stars for my book, though I did not understand why it was attracting weirdos like horny teenagers were by smut.

The only neuron activation this story truly had was the seductive elf on the cover; why else would they have clicked on the book?

[Your story has received 1 review.]

…another dumb review. What kind of stupid brain fart did a user produce now?

Wait, someone gave this story 1 star? 1 star? Someone might not like me or the story, they would be very stupid not to, but 1 star?

What went wrong during your childhood? Did your parents drop you a few times?

This dude said that the author is a scammer. There is no Harem he said, there is no System he said.

NOT A SINGLE CHAPTER HAS BEEN WRITTEN BY ME SO FAR, WHY DO YOU THINK THERE WAS NO HAREM?

HOW COULD I ADD MORE MEMBERS TO A HAREM? IT DID NOT EXIST IN THE FIRST PLACE. I SWEAR, I WILL FIND THIS DUDE AND DRAG HIM TO THE AFTER-AFTERLIFE WITH ME.

That's it, this dude would get a letter from my lawyer.

This dude needed to be sued for the damage he has done. My 10000 dollar bills were at risk because this son of a gun dared to have his own subjective opinion.

How could he live with himself? Did he not feel shame whenever he looked in the mirror?

He really gave the best story ever written a lousy 1-star review.

I wanted to make a joke about all of this. To somehow cheer myself up. But all my confidence had been shattered into a milion little pieces.

Right at this moment, I had seen the dark abyss. I saw the evil of mankind. I saw him, sitting there embracing his body pillow as he typed the most devilish review he could think of.

Satisfied by causing that much harm, he would go on to the next story to crush yet another dream.

This destroyer of dreams would share his monstrous deeds with all of his weeb friends and they too would leave only the meanest of reviews behind to spread more misery and despair.

These inhuman creatures would stop at nothing.

Many tears ran over my face as I tried my best to tell myself that they were just trying to bring others down.

But it did not help, the damage had been done.

The story had been ruined by this 1-star review, and there was not a single thing that he could do about it.

Okay, I might have been able to delete that. But there would be no fun in that, now would it?

Any good author had his own sworn enemy, a rival that needed to be surpassed. And this was mine… Fearmongering, that name seemed familiar…

Watch me, as I would win 10000 dollars regardless of this meanie review of yours. Once I win that big fat stack of cash, you were the one that was going to cry.

Though there was still a slight problem I had to solve in order to get my own anime adaption on top of it… how exactly did one publish stories from the afterlife?

For starters the PC did not even have a plugged-in keyboard; its Internet connection seemed slow at best and why exactly did I get reviews for a story that others had stolen from me?

Well, I would leave that kind of problem to future-me. Future-me would without a doubt find a way to do all of that.

Present me would take a big fat nap first, I had earned myself that much. Good night afterlife, see you on the other side.

And then I went to sleep, for uh, plot reasons.