OMG HE DID WHAT? PART 3

"AAAAARRRGH. KILL ME" That is what I would have said if any of this was painful. I was pretty much dead the second any of these savages touched me.

It was like a common man meeting a speeding train, pretty much over in instant. Just that I was a level 1 noob, and the train was a level 100 naked man running at me at Mach 1.

In the beginning, it might have been more than strange, but one quickly got used to these situations.

All these dudes were simple people like you and I. They were just unlucky enough to be born into my story.

"GIVE ME HIS PANTS, I NEED TO EAT"... screamed another copy of mine that seemed a bit too enthusiastic about eating jeans.

Though as I have been saying, these fellas are just misunderstood. They might scream "Eat my Pants", deep down, however, they just wanna be loved for whom they are.

"KILL THE HERETIC; THE GOD OF THE FLOPPY WIENERS DEMANDS IT," said another psycho very calmly as he made his way to end my life.

Coming here was the best decision others took for me. There was so much I could learn about forgiveness when my life was always cut short by these loveable psychos.

I'd be happy to sit down and discuss everything, but sadly any argument boiled down "EAT MY FISTS" and "HE HAS CLOTHES" making communication quite hard.

Therefore using the Talk-no-Jitsu was bound to end up in failure.

I had to find other measures to survive in this green hellhole; if I did not want to spend the foreseeable future as a walking clothing donator.

Bribing was also not an option, because all of these mindless fellas wanted were the clothes I was, unfortunately, wearing at the moment.

And stripping was also not the solution to this problem. Before I even had the chance to be "one of them" a fist was there to ruin my day.

The scent of fresh clothing was apparently very stimulating, causing everyone to be very "excited"… I shall not explain any further on this particular statement.

Of course, excitement referred to their ability to find me in a matter of seconds. How could I have meant anything else?

[Nice save bud.]

Thanks, let's just hope that the readers wouldn't get the wrong impression of this. Not every story of mine was about hard, throbbing… problems.

Was it that hard for me not to reference the male genitalia? It's like no matter what I was trying to say or think about─everything would inadvertently end with dicks.

Getting killed by a clone of mine, the last thing I saw was a glorious manhood moving proudly in the wind.

Thinking about a method to stop these clones of mine, one could guess it by now, it's the peenus again.

I swear, I am not actively trying to think about it, yet they just rise up again. Regardless of how hard they are suppressed, they always come back to terrorise my virgin mind.

Look, dear readers, if you even exist, I know it might seem that I am obsessed with bringing up this topic over and over again… because it's kind of funny, still don't forget I was here to be punished for my sins.

As you know this current setting was practically nothing but dicks.

There was nothing that could be done to make any of this not involve this sort of fleshy device. Apologies, to anyone offended by the number of times, said object has been mentioned.

My skills as an author were indeed lacking.

Let us have a fresh start far removed from any dirty topic.

My name was Author and I was trapped in a special place by a system and now have to beg for forgiveness from all the MCs that I have created…

[Eyyy how touching, not to ruin the mood or anything, but INCOOMING]

[You dead as hell]

[Respawning]

Welp, there goes another short-lived life. What was the cause of that anyhow? I didn't see a single thing before my head exploded like a melon.

[Homeboy, got done in by a pile of dirt that was shot at you]

That was dirt? How in the hell did all of that happen?

[2 clones fought over your sick t-shirt, things got a little heated and they started to battle seriously. That's right homie; that was an accidental kill. ]

[Oh btw you know that…. DODGE YOU FOOL]

As quickly as my body allowed me to I throw myself to the ground, only to see tons of dirt projectiles tearing through the air.

Without the system's warning, my body would have become swiss cheese.

[FYI battles like these happen all over the place, cuz everyone wants a piece of that clothes.]

You are telling me, that I caused people to fight? Great, so much so for bringing peace over the lands. All I got was violence and death. But, at the very least these monsters were now busy fighting each other.

It was now or never it was time to strip. I got rid of my clothes as fast as humanly possible and threw them away as far as possible.

Crawling away was the only thing I could do. Standing up was sadly impossible since deadly dirt projectiles still flew through the air.

What had I been thinking to make the setting this messed up? Comedy, my ass. This was a horror story. I was surrounded by bloodthirsty creatures looking just like me.

There was no escape from them, cuz the only thing that they hated more than themself were the other selves that looked like themselves.

What a good idea to have Author. Luckily, I did not implement the nipple lasers in this story. The mere image of these creatures shooting concentrated lasers from their nips was haunting me.

Better not think what other weird ideas I have been giving them. I had a bad feeling about all of this.

This was merely the tip of the iceberg of weird things they could do and, by the end of all of this, I would regret ever being born.

However, this sort of problem was something future-me had to figure out. Since present-me had to survive here in the first place.

The task might appear very easy on the surface…which it would have been in any other story not including a mob ready to tear each other apart for simple clothing articles.

Dear past-me damn you for writing this story… could you not have done literally anything else?

I would literally kick myself in the nuts for thinking that any of this could be considered a "good" idea to write about.

Just keep on crawling till I reached a safe point... keep on crawling.