Raid-Boss Wishomoppu (1)

OMG. Crying emoji, WHAT TO DO?!?!? AND A FACE LOOKING LIKE I JUST SHAT MYSELF....

Sorry for behaving like one of those reaction channels that throw around clickbait titles to get kids to click on their creative videos about whichever topic was currently popular. Most certain I have always loved insert generic Boyband, scary Indie horror game or any other thing you peasants seem to enjoy.

Now, watch me as I watch your favourite video and barely react to it.

My presence alone enriches this video by a whopping 1000%. With my shitty bass-boosted intro and outros the experience became as pleasant as possible.

But, come on man or system, ya just can't drop this bigass monster onto the map and call it a day. Seriously, this thing's healthbar was the size of the penis some shooter kids promised to have given to my Mom.

Whole thing was so ridiculous; it could not be taken seriously.

Sure lemme just go up against this colossal ancient devil with the power of friendship on my side. Nothing could go wrong if I just believed in myself.

For those that need me to spell it out... this was a monster, whose body literally pierced the heavens and then there was me who could do 50 pushups in a row.

The battle seemed to lack a bit of fairness. While we were on the topic of fairness, I could not help but notice a certain other thing.

At least where I came from, mops were not capable of shooting out lasers.

Look, this was a fantasy novel─nothing wrong with that. Giving an evil mop access to firing highly concentrated lasers still felt a bit morally wrong. I have nothing against sentient cleaning tools out there, they were all very dear to me, yet shooting lasters was very inappropriate.

Appropriating droid's culture just as a mere gimmick was insulting to their entire history. Their ancestors have been shooting lasers for millennia and no wooden mop should fire them, just because they think its cool.

You will be held accountable for misrepresenting the values and virtues of this esteemed community. Now, please end your life for committing this heinous crime.

This novel did not need an insensitive cleaning tool borrowing a different cultural identity, because it lacked the creativity to come up with something new on its own.

You gigantic mops were all the same. Every one of your race was just a selfish, xenophobic racist.

It was up to people like me to speak on their behalf. I spoke for those that could only say "Roger, Roger" as they missed every shot. We both might not give a shit about what they think about this issue, but I am still gonna get offended on their behalf.

Of course, the now-cancelled laser-shooting mop did not care about this very important topic and simply continued to destroy everything in its way.

Some unfortunates clones came too close to it and found even their bones vaporized in an instant. After approximately 2 seconds they would respawn and once again get the laser treatment.

This cycle of needless violence raged on since immortal people could not die.

In other news, a totally balanced game design with absolutely no exploits whatsoever. Pissing off these bastards was quite the poor choice too make. Therefore, I literally did not have to move a finger as the mop had started to dig its own grave.

So, as a responsible adult, I wished them good luck and grabbed myself a wooden chair from the bar. There was no way I would miss the chance and not watch this spectacle.

The other patrons of the bar followed suit and carried their seats to the outside as well. The bartender brought a popcorn machine and some ice cream along. The crafty businessman saw his chance to make more money.

An inhumane tactic, the smell alone caused my mouth to water in anticipation of tasting this buttery treat. The popcorn was hard to resist as it sexily popped up right in front of our eyes.

I must have literally been eyefucking that golden delicious popcorn because the crafty bartender waved the golden kernels directly in front of my face.

Stay strong brain! Stay strong!

"Thank you, Sir, enjoy your warm popcorn," said the greedy business after exploiting me from the precious few powerstones I stole from the people that had stolen from everyone else.

It was sad that making a quick buck was more important to some than watching the world burn. Well, different people had different priorities during the apocalypse. Though I could not find the use of collecting stones with the word power on them; they must hold some kind of meaning or value.

Alas, logical thinking seemed a bit misplaced when a laser-shooting cleaning tool was bringing upon the cataclysm. One could be thinking that, or they could not be thinking at all─the latter option was much more appealing to me.

Scenes of such epic proportions are best enjoyed with a critical lack of logical thought process.

The inner cavemen would know the true value of "things" going boom. Who cared about the fate of the world, this was a movie and it should simply be enjoyed.

It did not even phase me that all the grave inhabitants and had freed themselves from their earthy prison and returned to the surface. The rising of the living"dead" was just another strange thing in this circus of insanity.

Well, what can I say? Nobody wanted to miss out on the battle of suicidal ants versus the cruel Ancient Demon Wishmoppu.

The light show in the distance continued and the Endless Grasslands became a land of untold destruction. Seeing my own creation going up in a literal sea of flames was quite the horrible feeling.

....but I had popcorn so I quickly forgot about feeling sad again.

There was so much beauty in seeing these naked crazy bastards becoming charcoal, only to rise up again in hopes of defeating the raid boss threatening the safety of their home.

It was like a heroic charge into certain demise with inspiring music playing in the background. There might not be a heroic speech or a valiant hero leading the pack of angry nudists or a good final boss... but I had my popcorn, my juicy popcorn.

The audience yelled and clapped their hands fervently as another wave of clones began to attack the Bringer of the clean End with all their might.

Results were nonexistent─though they had given it their all.

The colossal mop was still making its way closer and closer to our current location...