Food for thought...or lots of reasons why food should be lusted after

Lying here with my eyes closed. made me wonder how I should spend the next hour or so. While I was waiting till enough monsters had spawned nothing much was happening. Opening my eyes again was sadly not an option─the pain was still the same.

Believe me, it was not due to a lack of trying from my side. After receiving that kind of eye "message" more than once I learned my lesson

As such my eyes were kept shut as tight as possible.

Still, even if the flood of information could not assault me... the attack of boredom would surely start soon. Yes, this vicious enemy was lurking in the dark and waiting for its chance to strike.

Quick, there has to be something to prevent the tragedy from happening. How could I distract my brain so that it may never fall victim to the plotting of boringness?

Could I put my trust in another pointless rant about a random topic? Or should one speak in rhyme until everything was fine? No, all these things have been done before. They were nothing new, nothing exciting.

I needed something which would fire up my neurons.

Or I could, ya know, sleep. But that was just cheating and not very entertaining at all. Besides, I would always crank one out before I hit the sack and this was certainly not the right situation to beat your meat.

Even if it may be appropriate for the age-rating nobody was reading the story for vivid descriptions of what my hand was doing to an unspecified body part. I ain't a dick. The story was full of those already.

Either way, there had to be something to do, which did not involve anything sexual for once. People were hungry for different content...

Wait, hungry? That was it, we never talked about food directly. Best of all, food could also be sexualized...look at that juicy eggplant. That hard, throbbing, purple fruit was totally not an edible penis.

Or look at that peachy, peach. Not only was it a copyrighted princess but also a juicy butt.

Okay, it had taken me 2 examples and I could not find any more food to sexualize. Who could have known that making fun of people's short baguettes or their fruity well-developed melons was this hard?

People, this was the biggest injustice had ever seen. There were so many different kinds of food to lust over, why did we restrict our dirty thoughts for this select group?

I ask you, dear Brothers and Sisters of the horny, since when were we content with objectifying only a few things? We did not reach the year 2022 in order to only let a stupid banana remind us of our wieners.

No, the food in this world was plentiful; it was our god-given duty to sexualize everything equally. What happened to" a hole is a goal" or everything is a dildo if you are brave enough?

Way too few of our brethren have shoved their member into a coconut or a doughnut. Or used a cucumber to have some alone-time. You disappoint me, children. Where was your fire, where was your love?

From this point onward, let me tell you a few things about what the heroes were coming up with.

Did you know that some random people use spaghetti to form hentai images, yes they did just that. You could look up it by yourself if you were over the age of 18....since that was the rating of this story. The point was, that any younger reader seeing this; should never draw inspiration from any of the things I was about to mention to the world.

If one should still decide to do so, even after being warned─then, don't blame me. Blame your parents instead.

Good, with that being said let us enjoy the world of food porn.

Everyone certainly knew that thanks to Japan tentacles were more than represented in regards to sexuality. But nearly next to no one had eaten one of them outside of Japan.

So, hurray to anime and its ability to transcend cultural norms. The horrifying process knew no nationality, it only knew that literally anything could be made into the sexual object it deserved to be.

Therefore, anyone reading this from today on forth, it was your duty to give every food a chance to satisfy you.

Do it for your homies and do it for yourself.

Don't be like a vegan and restrict yourself to one kind of taste in life. Meat might be murder, but ain't nobody should eat it when the creature was still alive─that'd be a tad bit barbaric.

We were brothers and sisters of culture and not uneducated savages. And much like vegans, we knew that we were better than everyone on this planet, of course, we would also tell you that.

How else would someone realize how far superior the food sexualizers truly were?

A food orgasm was the apex of good taste. With it all your secret desires, dirty fantasies "came" to life. Yes, everyone had the time of their life with "good stuff" in their mouth.

It would be selfish to keep the secrets of our holy Church for ourselves alone, because such bliss was best enjoyed in a large group. Only then could one share the happiness with as many people as possible. An orgy of food─that was life as it should be.

There would come a time when nonbelievers would tell you that food should not be used for our great fapping. They would claim that food should only be eaten. To which I say, why was food made so fuckable then, if not for us to sexualize it?

The world needed this kind of fanservice, our love needed to be spread just like butter over the anticipating bread.

Yeah, I do apologize. I went a little overboard right there. There was nothing wrong with loving your food, but not the way I just described. Well, one could still "love" their food like that, yet don't tell others about what exactly you did to that poor thing.

Nobody should know what disturbing story the food had to live through.

But damn, the time certainly did fly when one was talking about absolute nonsense. It was a good way to forget about the whole insanity on the outside. Though introducing said lunacy on the inside might also not be that much of a great idea.

There were not many good alternatives out there. Not many in this case meant literally nothing else. At least, there was nothing I had come up with despite thinking about it.

Writing and thinking about dirty subjects were the only two things I was good at.

Aint nobody would be reading this for the deep characters or the good story. There was nothing else but depravity and weird innuendos to be found here.... maybe also puns, nothing more though.

If anyone was seeing more than these things in this entire story, then congratulations, you can read.

Just a thought, one might actually do the exact opposite of what stupid stuff was suggested here. One could not see a random cucumber as a penis replacement or compare a peach to a butt.

Alas, humans gotta human till the end of time humans would find a way to make even the most innocent of objects into weird innuendos.

Cuz at the end of the day, everybody was a dick sometimes. Some major others small ones.

That was life, an endless pile of dicks.