The unrewarding solution

The more time I spent with my eyes closed, trapped inside my own thoughts, the more I realised how much expectations were placed on the upcoming grinding session. It would be much more extreme, much more shocking and way more unexpected than all the other weird stuff.

Because there was no way a story could turn back time and lower the stakes. Seeing the dude, who saved the world from the demon king struggle against a lowly goblin would appear more than just strange.

One fart of his would most likely suffice to destroy even the atoms of any beginner mob unlucky enough to face the intestinal wind.

"Actually," some random nerd would say " the hero had lost all of his equipment in the fight, he also was on the verge of death, he neither had any mana nor strength left. No fingers could be lifted, also he really needed to pee and poo. Furthermore, the main character was not paying any attention and thinking about all the comrades he lost. The MC was on countless drugs and drunk as well. He was also deaf, blind and lost all his limbs in the fight."

In a desperate attempt to sell bad writing as powerscaling the rant would continue...

"Besides, the goblin was a prodigy not seen in a million years. It was the hidden elite, which had been prepared just for the day to get rid of the overpowered hero through devious trickery. On top of that, it had been reincarnated from Earth and was given some cheat skills. It also had instakill enabled. Clearly, the goblin was a hacker."

At some point, one had to really ask themselves what kind of drugs was the author on at the point of writing? You know you messed up as a writer when the readers of WN began to question the realism behind the plot...

Because just how believable was a situation like this? Instead of killing the hero, the goblin simply should have won the lottery; at least, that would seem far more likely.

Herein laid the problem with the so-called realism─reality was most often severely disappointing.

Beloved characters could die randomly for no reason. Way too many lives were cut short because of stupid circumstances. Which novel would be read when the main character would suddenly slip on a banana peel and break their neck?

Such things as a happy end and a happy ever after were reserved for the world of fiction. The real world was full of villains, heroes, arrogant young masters and best friends and each of them was the hero of their own story.

Yet, there was nothing interesting about any of them. It was just another face from just another person. We all were random NPCs to others.

Only a few would actually care about the normal life of us ordinary people.

But this was a story; this place was special. Something extraordinary must happen, otherwise, it could not entertain the readers. And exactly this "entertainment" had me worried more than anything.

What would happen if everything turned out to be something extremely normal? What would happen if the glitches and bugs were to fail me? What if the Beeg Psycho had to battle each creature one by one?

I had no intention of spending my years commanding my monster to do headbutts. Not one sane person would stay to read thousands of chapters about a naked dude using his head to kill rats.

Once the order to kill the first rat had left my mouth, everyone could see what kind of future awaited the poor, tortured readers and the sexy author trapped in his story.

Until then it was nothing more than pure speculation and wishful thinking.

As long as I kept my eyes closed nothing was about to happen in this world. Wait a god damn minute...was I treating this as a serious story? Did my mind seriously treat this universe as something like that?

Come on, a blind person could see this story was far beyond normal and special. It was doing whatever it wanted whenever it wanted. Searching for logic here did not aid my brain at all.

Regardless of what my mind could think of, the chances were pretty darn high that the story would be far different from what I had been thinking. Even if my readers would leave comments and take a guess themselves... I bet no one would be correct in their prediction.

It took a special kind of crazy to see a pattern in all of this madness. I might not be very normal myself, but clearly not nearly abnormal enough to understand my weird creation.

In the end, there was no need to understand. Keeping my eyes shut and waiting for time to pass was all that needed to be done. Since something would inevitable happen─whether I liked to or not. So far that had been the only rule of this place.

Though that was hella boring. You know life was short why would I spend so much doing literally nothing at all? The people out there needed some action and not another chapter about the main character ranting about weird stuff.

There was a limit to the patience my nonexisting readers had.

Should the story go on for one more chapter without anything happening, they would come to my house and leave a big fat turd in my morning coffee. That way, I could finally see what value my shitake had.

And nobody liked the morning coffee with turds in them, unless you did...then I was truly sorry for generalizing.

Of course, I was not truly sorry, since nobody should be fancying faeces in any kind of liquid. The purpose of that sentence was simply to unnecessary stretch the story out. Someday the readers would complain about all the random stuff they had to read... some distant day they had no choice but to.

Till then, I would enjoy every last moment of blue-balling the readers.

With all the goddamn nonsense I had to endure it was only fair to give some of it back. Suffering was best shared with your friends, riiiight?

If you were still here, after staying with this story through all its weirdness...then, you gotta be one hell of a masochist. Or you were simply interested in how weird the story could become.

Well, whatever the reason... I was glad that you spent your precious time on the rambling of an author trapped in their own novel.

Okay, enough talk for now; the show must go on or else they would surely take a dump in my morning coffee.

And the upcoming event would never be as shitty as that...