Digging a hole

For a change of pace, let us dig a hole. Yes, no more rants about the futility of life we gotta go dig for treasures. Sike, I was digging a grave for myself to throw my worthless body into. If I say I was about to bury this story, then you better take it very literally.

Directly in front of the moaning park bench with the decapitated head, I called my best friend, and Forrest Dump would I make my own burial ground. Enjoying their company was certainly a great thing to have when one was buried alive.

Deprived of oxygen, I could once and for all proudly proclaim: This story was not a waste of air anymore!!!

The shovels we used to dig said crevice in the ground appeared magically, I ain't giving you a deep backstory. That stuff was not needed anymore.

Through the power of magic, plot, higher beings or whatever explanation would help you to sleep better at night─they were suddenly just there. What a miracle brought forth by the power of lazy writing.

Hurray, now let us not dwell on matters of the past, there was a hole that needed to be dug.

Well, while we both do this wonderful task, what should I tell the audience? There had to be something, I could do to make the passage of time feel like a breeze. Wait, lemme tell you about the perks of being dead.

For example, did you know that the biggest perk of being dead lay in you not being alive anymore? Might seem like an easy fruit to pick, but the more you considered it, the more it made sense.

You see if one was dead, one could finally stop with all the bs people with a life had to deal with.

Anything involving dealing with other fellow human beings was a nonissue then. Biting the dust never had seemed more appealing than it did at this very moment. Mind you, I still had to move much soil until we had reached that point...yet one could hope that everything was over soonish.

The sooner I was in a coffin, the sooner this whole story could be put to eternal rest. Boi, could I hardly wait for nonexistence to claim my soul.

Perishing was a-okay provided one could actually truly die as the main character of a novel. My future did not look all too rosy if I could be revived in any random fanfiction that continued to just inflict more and more horrible writing on my poor astral body.

I wanted nothing of your "He suddenly remembered something important and stumbled out of his coffin to explore the wide world again"

Nah, leave me here to rot and forget me. I did not want to be part of whatever fanfiction you wanted to write about my pale white bum.

Cuz, if I got lucky that would spell doom for a parallel self of me that would have to act as a stand-in and suffer the wrath of awfully uninspired other authors or if I got unlucky it would totally be me, who has to live through all of that madness.

In short, just don't create anything with me as a character and we were good.

The stuff here was already enough for me to bear, don't add to the pile of regrets and countless worries I already had to endure for the sake of humouring the audience of this novel.

Less complaining more shovelling a hole into the Endless Grasslands.

I do apologize for the lack of coherent descriptions or funny anecdotes to insinuate that all of this was part of a great ploy. Hell nawh, these would be one of the last words you would ever hear from me and I had no intention to act as your plaything any longer.

Good riddance, be glad that some bones were still thrown to the future readers that might have been invested as to what happened to the main guy of this weird story.

I simply could stop speaking to ye all and drop dead on the spot. How would that be for an ending to this story of pure sadness? Woopsie daisy, another dropped story without a proper closure...what a surprising turn of events nobody could have come to expect.

We could have had so much in here, all you needed would have been a comment or two and I would have added those ideas and concepts to produce a unique product.

But, it was pointless─no use spilling tears over the lack of crowd activity. While the concept certainly was quite an interesting take for WN; it was not well suited for this hivemind of special individuals.

How inconceivable that mindless regurgitated content would attract a crowd sharing those attributes. Truly, something to be called a most shocking development.

Luckily said audience was also capable of ignoring the most obvious plot holes, thus my little grave here might never be truly found by them. Hurray, to their low standards and thank you to all the other authors out there.

Thanks to you, I could finally succumb to the mortal coil.

Ain't that too precious? It was time to celebrate the momentous occasion, which would soon enrich my short-lived life. Yes, the happy end was upon me.

The party head from the 100th chapter could still be recycled and used again. And you must admit, there could never be a single thing more fitting than the MC being buried with a party head. I mean it, this needed to be the biggest event. The people ought to be happy that the nuisance was gone.

But for that to happen, we still had to dig the hole. Heave and ho─make it quick Forrest Dump. I ain't got all day to die today.

Seriously, was it hard to act like a proper character for once?

You make it sound like burying the main character alive was an impossible act of defying the heavens. What about just digging a hole and not being so overtly dramatic with your quotes Forrest? No, I STILL do not want to cook SIMPS

Digging resumed and we dug to our hearts' content.

Some earth and soil were moved until we reached the required depth for my death in the deafening silence. Soon I would be 6 feet under and could finally kiss all these things goodbye.

Until then, see you never until in the next chapter.