Nothing Will Change How Much I Love You

Wei Ying felt apprehensive when he woke up on Saturday. Knowing how part of the second half of it might go, he was not looking forward to it.

It wouldn't be the first time, of course. Having dinner at Uncle Jiang's house was like playing a game of Russian Roulette. There was no way of anticipating what would happen or what the general mood would be, especially when it came to Madam Yu. If she was in a terrible one, as she often was, it spoiled everything. She would snap at whoever she was upset with or argue with Uncle Jiang. Sometimes she refused to eat with them altogether.

This would have been slightly more tolerable if only he and his family had to put up with it. However, Lan Zhan was there too, since he ate dinner at Lan Qiren's house on Sundays. Jin Zixuan, Wen Qing, and Wen Ning also joined them, being more than welcome to.

Wei Ying always felt embarrassed whenever Uncle Jiang and Madam Yu yelled at each other in their presence, or if the latter's spot at the table was empty. Lan Zhan sympathized with him, agreeing that it was unbelievably and horrifyingly poor manners. However, he understood that Uncle Jiang - on his part - had no interest in making a spectacle.

The idea of it would have been unthinkable at his own uncle's place. Shufu rarely spoke during meals, and never carried on like that when he did. Neither did Lan Xichen, but then again, he never actually shouted at anyone. He wouldn't at the dinner table either. Even Meng Yao knew better than to do that.

Wei Ying could only imagine what was in store for this evening. Madam Yu was likely still furious with Jiang Cheng and disappointed in Wen Ning. And if she believed that he asked them to beat Wen Chao up, she would be angry with him too. He cringed at the thought of it; he hoped that she wouldn't shout at them.

Besides that, he would be going to the hospital for his STD and STI test. He wasn't sure if he was more nervous about that or incurring Madam Yu's wrath. He prayed that he was clean. Even though Wen Chao had used a condom, it was still possible that it could have broken when...well. He didn't know how he would react if he was positive for anything.

He knew that it wouldn't be his fault if he were. It wasn't as if he had voluntarily slept with him. But what if Lan Zhan was disgusted by it anyhow? What if he was no longer attracted to him because of it? He may have thought he was beautiful for the time being, but that could change in an instant if the results weren't negative.

And worst of all, what if Lan Zhan came to hate him? What if he didn't want him anymore and left him? The thought it was like a knife in his heart. He didn't want to lose him.

Wei Ying sighed as he buried his face in his pillow. He wished to stay home, but he knew that that would only delay the inevitable. It was better to get everything over with, even if it wasn't really his preference.

Lan Zhan could see that something was troubling him as he drove them to the hospital not long after breakfast. It was as if it had been difficult for him to eat, and he wouldn't make eye contact with him since he had said "good morning" to him.

"What is wrong, baobei? Are you anxious about the test?" he queried.

Wei Ying inclined his head, still not looking at him. "Yeah. I'm not exactly thrilled about going to Jiang-shushu's for dinner either," he mumbled.

He pursed his lips. "Mmm. You know that you do not have to. I am sure he will understand if you choose not to today."

"No...no. It's fine. I'll still go. I just don't want Madam Yu to cause any trouble today."

"I hope she doesn't either. But do not worry. I will not let her bother you."

That was a fact. He shut her down the last time she tried to.

"I know. But A-Cheng has more to worry about than I do. Madam Yu is probably still pissed at him for beating Wen Chao up. She might yell at him all through dinner," he noted.

"Mn. Perhaps. It will depend on whether or not she chooses to acknowledge him at all. She won't if she is sulking as she occasionally does."

"Yeah. A-Ning should be all right if he visits, though. She's never hard on him, even though she pretends to be."

"No. I don't believe she could ever be too hard with him, no matter how upset or disappointed she is in him. She spoils him, and she never thought him very strong to begin with."

Wei Ying found himself snorting at this. "Not until this past Wednesday, maybe. Her opinion of him might have changed after seeing the video."

Even Lan Zhan chuckled. "Mn. I would be astounded if it hasn't by now."

Unfortunately, Wei Ying's amusement did not last. He became more nervous than he was earlier when they arrived at the hospital shortly after. His hand trembled as he filled out the medical form he was given, nearly causing him to drop the pen. He sat down in the packed waiting room with Lan Zhan after that.

Because it was Saturday, they were there for quite a while. He was glad that they came before noon. The hospital was almost always busy on the weekends.

A nurse called for Wei Ying more than a half hour later. Lan Zhan stayed in the waiting room as she escorted him to a room. She checked Wei Ying's vitals once they were there, then left to get Doctor Tang.

The latter nodded to him when he came in. "Good afternoon, Mr. Wei. How are you? How is Mr. Lan?" he inquired.

Wei Ying shrugged. "We're fine," he replied.

"That's good. How have you been since Monday? Have you felt feverish at all? Any ailments that I need to know about?"

"No. Nothing so far."

"Excellent. Let me know if or when there is."

"I will."

Doctor Tang began the physical exam first, making sure that there was nothing unusual around his private areas. Wei Ying knew that there wasn't, but he was still relieved when he told him this after a thorough check. Both he and Lan Zhan would have noticed if something was wrong.

Blood and urine samples were collected from him next, and then his mouth was swabbed.

"All right, Mr. Wei. We are done here," Doctor Tang announced once everything had been put away. "Please come back in three weeks for your results and a second testing. Let Mr. Lan know that he is more than welcome to contact me if he would like one too."

"Okay," Wei Ying said.

"How was the prophylactic treatment I gave you on Monday? The side effects were not too strong, I hope?"

He shook his head. "Only a little, but I'm fine."

"Wonderful. If you need anything else before you see me in three weeks, let me know."

"I will."

"All right. Good-bye then, Mr. Wei. Enjoy the rest of your day."

"I'll try."

Lan Zhan was reading something on his phone as he approached the waiting room a few minutes later, but got up when he saw him. "Finished?" he asked.

Wei Ying nodded. "Yeah. Everything is okay for now. And Doctor Tang said to contact him if you also want to be tested," he remarked.

"Mn. Good. It is still early. We have time to go back home and eat lunch, and you can rest awhile before we go to Jiang-shushu's. You look tired."

"Only because I am."

"Mn."

Lan Zhan noticed that he was continuing to avoid his gaze, which made him feel worried. He was even more concerned when Wei Ying didn't sit in the kitchen as he prepared lunch after they returned home. He almost always did that. What was going on? Why the sudden change in his demeanor? Did it have to do with the test, or was he even more nervous about having dinner at Uncle Jiang's than he was letting on?

He decided to wait until they were finished with their meal to speak to him. Wei Ying needed to eat since he had given blood earlier. Plus, it wouldn't be a good idea to have this discussion on an empty stomach.

Unfortunately, as it had been the case for days now, Wei Ying didn't seem to be interested in his lunch. He ate it mechanically; his mind was obviously elsewhere. And he still wouldn't even spare him a glance.

Lan Zhan sighed internally. He wished that he could read his thoughts. Then he would know what was the matter sooner.

"Wei Ying," he began as he was collecting their dishes some time later.

He paused as he slid his chair under the table. "Yeah?"

"I need to talk to you. Can you wait for me in the living room, please? Or do you want to go to our room instead?"

"...I'll wait down here."

Lan Zhan nodded. "All right. I will wash these and be there soon."

"Okay."

Wei Ying was uneasy as he left the kitchen. He hoped that he wasn't planning to speak to him about something bad. He was already on edge as it was.

He sat on the couch and twirled his phone around in his hand. Lan Zhan entered the room presently, but he kept his eyes on it. He hadn't been able to face him all day. How could he when there was a possibility that he might hate him or dump him soon?

Before any more chilling questions could run through his mind, he felt Lan Zhan's hand stroking his cheek. He started to relax in spite of himself and leaned into his touch.

"Wei Ying...baobao, look at me," he whispered.

He hesitated for several seconds, then finally managed to turn to him.

Lan Zhan peered at him with concern. "Why do you look so afraid, baobei? Is it me? Have I done something wrong? Did I do anything to hurt you unintentionally?" he queried.

Wei Ying shook his head. "No...it's...it's not you, sweetheart," he assured him in a low voice.

"Are you sure? I could see that something has been bothering you since this morning. If it isn't me, then is it because you are still nervous about visiting Jiang-shushu for dinner? You really do not have to go if you are. Or is it the test? Are you nervous about the results?"

He looked down and nodded after a moment. "Yeah. It's that. Even though he used a condom, I still don't know if..." he faltered, unable to complete his statement.

Lan Zhan rubbed his back. "Mn. I understand. But listen to me." He tipped his chin so that he was facing him again and kissed him. "Even if you test positive for anything, no matter what it is, I will help you get the treatment you need...even if it is for something that cannot be cured. I will still be with you, and I will still love you."

Wei Ying's vision blurred. "How?"

Frowning, Lan Zhan tilted his head in confusion. "What do you mean, 'how'?"

"How would you still be able to love me?" he inquired tearfully. He wanted to believe he would, but he couldn't help but feel dubious about it. "I don't get it. If I do end up with anything, I don't see how you could still want me. Wouldn't I seem...dirty to you? Wouldn't I be unattractive to you?"

"No."

This response shocked Wei Ying even more. "No?!"

"No. And I will tell you why." He brushed his hair away from his face. "It is because no disease...even if it is incurable...would ever change how I feel for you. Especially in this case, when it would be Wen Chao's fault you if you had one, and not yours. You did not cheat on me, so why should I be not be attracted to you?"

"But what if it is an incurable one, sweetheart? We wouldn't be able to have sex anymore...not without me taking medicine to keep it from spreading to you. It would still be risky if we use condoms, and I wouldn't want to transmit it to you by accident. After a while, you would just get tired of all that. And even if you didn't, I wouldn't feel good enough for you anymore. I wouldn't feel attractive either."

Lan Zhan embraced him tightly. "I understand, Wei Ying. I will not pretend that none of that wouldn't upset me. It would, but if anything, I would mostly feel deeply sad that I couldn't be intimate with you in the way we would like. But it would be all right; I love you more than I love sex. Just being with you is more than enough for me. You alone are more enough for me. And you will always be more than good enough.

"So, do not get ahead of yourself. If the condom had remained intact, then you will likely be fine. Besides, Doctor Tang gave you a prophylactic treatment. We just need to be optimistic and hope that the test comes out of negative," he concluded.

Wei Ying hugged him back with a sob. "Y-Yeah, I know. But even if this first one does, the others might not. What then?"

"I still stand by what I said. No matter what happens, you will be all right. I will make sure of that. We will do what we need to do."

"Okay. Thank you. I really don't know what I would do without you sometimes."

Lan Zhan's heart swelled. "Mmm. And I do not know what I would do without Wei Ying."

He buried his face in his neck. "I'm sorry for being like this. I've just been so scared that you'd dump me lately because of...what happened. I don't want you to go. I don't want to lose you."

"Shhhh. Do not apologize for that. I understand how you feel. But you don't need to be scared. I have no intention of going anywhere."

They remained in each other's arms for a while before he kissed Wei Ying on the lips. "Rest now, baobei. Take a little nap if you want. I will wake you up before it's time to leave."

He nodded as he laid on the couch. "Okay. I love you, Airen."

"I love you too."