Diary Entries 6 and 7

Diary Entry 6

The worst part of my training I had to go through in order to become a druid had to be the priest segment. Being a priest is one of the most difficult jobs out there. Living in poverty, no problem. Tending plague victims, a walk in the park. Fighting demons and undead, easy as pie! The truly difficult part is trying to give sermons that make the gods look good. Just look at the story of Jié Xióng and Teigra!

Jié Xióng was king of the gods for five minutes. Originally a mortal man, he ascended to divinity in quite the unusual way I am told, which later became known as cultivation. As soon as he ascended he was crowned king (the gods refuse to give details on how he was crowned) and ordered the largest party ever seen in heaven. However, the party had barely started and the newly crowned king had just started flirting with the scantily clad (we're told) goddesses when the heavens shook, the skies darkened and the God of War showed up with his goddaughter and Jié Xióng's mortal wife, Teigra who had been waiting for her husband to ascend before she did (she didn't want to wait in the heavens for him to ascend). As soon as Jié Xióng saw his wife's red coiled pigtails, he fled to earth and continued running for a thousand years.

Teigra, of course, ran down to earth after her wayward husband and finally managed to capture him in a jungle on another continent when he became distracted by the "scent" of a rafflesia. While Jié Xióng was reeling from the stench, she tied him up with her prized whip and dragged him back to the heavens after thanking the flower and promising it a huge reward. After being dragged back to the divine palace, many of Jié Xióng's supporters saw which way the wind was blowing and immediately crowned Teigra as Queen of the Gods and she made the helpful rafflesia her divine symbol. Although Jié Xióng was still technically "King", all the other gods referred to him as Prince Consort as Teigra often overrules him or so the god of gossip/messengers reports (although he does tend to get a large variety of the other gods and goddesses to help verify his authenticity).

Diary Entry 7

Usually dungeons are very ordinary. A regular location with an unchanging layout, unless done manually, such as a cavern, forest, or citadel. They can sometimes be empty if a lunatic, group of bandits, or group of monsters haven't moved in post-raid.

The Labyrinth of the Goblin King is not a usual dungeon as I discovered. It all started in a tavern (when does it not start in a tavern) in a village known as Hensonville. A girl comes running in very excited and yelling that her baby brother was kidnapped. All the females seemed very frantic at this statement. They all started forming parties with each other although some males were subject to impressment (the boyfriends, husbands or brothers?). As I sat there wondering what the Nine Circles and Seven Planes was going on, I was approached by her.

She was a lizard woman and a beautiful one by any specie's standard. Her scales were cyan with a hint of emerald with the dorsal scutes being a darker shade. Judging by her gear, she appeared to be a Shield Maiden, a rare occupation. Countless theories exist for as to why Shield Maidens wear armor plated bikinis, ranging from exchanging protective coverage for maximum agility to perverted armor smiths. In her case, I'm guessing it's because of the ruby red dorsal spines running down her back. Lizard people almost never wear anything tougher than chainmail, so anything tougher is usually custom made which is expensive. Her shield was a little on the fancy side but the scratches and such showed it was battle tested and her weapon was a glaive with a shortened handle.

"You're coming with us" she said. Then she dragged me to her group. They were mostly females but there was one other guy besides me and for some reason he kept giving me a sympathetic look. My beautiful conscriptor then started introducing everyone. "This is Josie, our ranger (a human), over there is Sandy, a fighter (a groundhog beastwoman, I think, but I can't say for sure), the elf (the guy who was giving me a sympathetic look earlier) by her is MacIntyre, a rogue, and I am Zilla, a Shield Maiden. Oh yeah, what's your name?"

"You can just call me An Daghda," I gave them a pseudonym to try and sound cool, although later, as I am writing this, I really wish I hadn't. I'm young and trying to impress a lady here, give me a break damnit!

The other parties started to leave the tavern so we got up to join them. The girl with the missing brother lead us to a bridge where a Dimensional Rift had appeared. The females in the parties charged into the rift with such fervor that us guys had to keep pace or risk being trampled to death.

The dungeon turned out to be a labyrinth which are always fun. But there was something strange. All the other parties have disappeared but none of my party members seemed to mind this, and then there was the noise. Although faint, it sounded somebody was singing. As we traveled further in, the girls became more excited as the singing got louder and louder. What is going on with this dungeon?

When we were attacked by goblins, I received another surprise. Everyone was trying to incapacitate the opponent instead of killing it. What's more, when I tried to slay my opponent, everyone dog piled on top of me, including the goblins! Zilla started yelling at me, "The Labyrinth of the Goblin King isn't a dungeon where you kill things you idiot! You just have to navigate the labyrinth within 13 hours to the center where the Goblin King, Bow is performing!"

"But the abducted child?"

"Is just the King's way of announcing a concert, the baby is always returned safe and sound."

"Oh good that is a relie- Wait a minute! Did you just say concert? You mean this isn't a rescue?"

"Looks like he's new around here," said MacIntyre. "You see, The Labyrinth of the Goblin King is a dungeon within a space. The Goblin King known as Bow opens up a rift in a random location and has his goblins "kidnap" a baby boy with an older sister. While the rescue parties try to reach him and the babe, he sings. After trial and error was used to figure out the rules of the dungeon, and the fact that all the female adventurers like his music, everyone treats this as going to a concert."

"The best part is that he writes his own material!" Josie squealed.

"Then why did you drag me along?"

"Oh... that. We needed a fifth team member in order for us to enter the dungeon. The Labyrinth likes to spread out the parties in groups of five. If a party has fewer people then they can't enter but if the party has more, then it picks five people at random," Sandy explained.

Eventually, we made it to the middle of the dungeon with an hour to spare. I saw the Goblin King dancing and singing on the stage and the girls went to join the other parties that were already there.

After the last song, we were transported out back to the bridge and the rift was gone. Looking around, I saw the girl who brought us hugging a little boy who turned out to be the missing brother. People started leaving in small groups talking about the performance. I turned around to leave and Zilla was there standing in front of me.

"Thanks for helping us out."

"Uh...no problem. Let me know with a rune message if you ever need need someone to make up the numbers again..." I stammered. 'Or perhaps for a cup of coffee' is what I wanted to finish with but I bit my tongue as I was handing here slip of parchment with my contact information.

Zilla winked at me and said "I'll be sure to take you up on that."

I think I have shot with her.