Diary Entry 34

I had decided to have breakfast at the inn I was staying at, The Lucky Albatross, before I left. While sipping some akasan, I used a spell to put all my purchased souvenirs from yesterday into my Dimensional Carpet Bag, I just wish I knew why the items always danced into the bag when I used this spell. But if I used a different spell, I would have to keep all my attention on the spell itself, and by then my akasan would be room temperature. With this spell however, all I had to do is make sure I didn't accidentally pack up the entire room. After I finished packing and eating breakfast, I went downstairs to check out. I thought about carving a review on a review plaque, but I tend to do such things as professionally as an amateur can, which takes time, and I don't have a very large buffer in my schedule.

Leaving the inn, I made my way through the streets down to the pier, where The Sailor's Love Letter lay waiting. I boarded about fifteen minutes before they pulled up the gangplank and set sail. There were a lot more passengers on this trip than last time, so I decided to mingle with them as we left port. There were all sorts of passengers onboard, a snakekin couple from Feng Long, a foxkin family from Sakura, an elven tycoon, a famous dwarven painter, the list just goes on and on. I ended up having a nice chat with a female siren, a half-human half-songbird, about something or the other (I forgot what exactly due to the following events) when we were suddenly interrupted. A hand gripped my shoulder and spun me around so I was face-to-face with an Orc.

"Just what do you think you are doing with my girl?" he demanded. The guy was dressed up in a cultivator's robes and had his hair in a topknot. Both of us tried to explain to him that there was nothing going on between us, but that only seemed to make things worse. Finally Ug'glub, that was his name, said, "Enough! I challenge you to a Wūshī zhī zhàn!"

[I pause in this entry to provide some very important advice to any potential readers. There are three races that are sensitive about themselves in a rather violent way. There are Hobgoblins who are born from either Hobgoblin parents or a union between a goblin and a human. Next are the Orcs who originally come from the union of a goblin and an elf. Last are gnomes which are a combination of dwarves and goblins. All three races are sensitive about their looks and origins, they just never drop the tough guy routine in front of strangers. Which is a real shame because they can do amazing things with their hands. Anyway, some of them can be very paranoid, especially if you aren't direct, which could lead to a fight if you fail to make things clear, just like what just happened.]

After figuring out what Wūshī zhī zhàn was (Wizards' Battle according to my Bugle Translate spell), we quickly set up the rules, which was fairly quick since we didn't share a single proficiency, we quickly set the deck of the ship as the boundary for the fight.

Just as we were about to start our battle, everything went dark for a brief second and pain erupted from the back of my head. I looked up at my opponent, Ug'glub and saw he had a rather large lump rising from the back of his head. I looked around and found the ship's captain towering over the two of us with an angry look on his face. The captain had given both of us some sort of overhand rabbit punch.

"There be no fighting on me ship, especially if magic be involved. You two hotheads wanna fight, do it over yonder atoll or else you can swim home. Do I make myself clear?"

Both of us nodded our heads furiously and the captain had a sailor row us to the atoll the captain had pointed out.

Ug'glub wasted no time as he shouted out, "Buddha's Water Wheel!" while flinging something from his sleeve. The object grew in size until it was a giant water wheel that appeared to be made of some sort of blue crystal. The wheel started to row towards me at a speed that I was able to dodge since I saw it coming. To my dismay, it seems to have had a mind of its own since it turned and rolled along the waterline of the atoll. This meant only one thing, Ug'glub had a Mana Instrument, a tool that can be controlled by the owner's Mana. Ug'glub took advantage of my momentary distraction as he attacked me with his "Hǎiwáng zhī quán" technique which envelopes his fists in water magic. I managed to parry one fist with Tear-jerker but the second fist hit my stomach.

I managed to stop myself being sent flying too far. I stabbed the top of Tear-jerker into the sand, injected my Mana into the sand, and pulled out my thyrsus which now had a blade of crystallized sand held together my magic (yes I made a spear, albeit a shorter one than I what have used before), I may not be a cultivator or a mystic warrior, but I most was, and still am, not as the Madtouched say, a Rearguard, if Ug'glub wanted to fight with magic in close combat, I was more than happy to oblige. I wish I could say I had the advantage with my Tear-jerker Spear, but Ug'glub's Mana Instrument was proving to be a problem as it made lap after lap on the atoll.

Now non-magic users would be going on and on about how we should make with the spell flinging and such. Like I should throw dust devils to blind Ug'glub before attacking with Tear-jerker {Spear-Mode} (ooh, I like the sound of that, must remember that for future entries), or Ug'glub should have been using the sea to was me away with a big wave. Magic users, however, understand the need to concentrate our focus on what we were doing. Maintaining a broadleaf spear tip out of something like sand takes a lot of concentration and Mana that I wasn't going to drop unless I absolutely had to; and Ug'glub, I found out afterwards, was at his limit controlling the water wheel and maintaining his "Hǎiwáng zhī quán" technique.

At some point, however, both of our awareness of our surroundings had dimmed though. Next thing we both knew, that blasted water wheel was bearing down us and we couldn't get out of the way in time. Next thing either of us knew we were inside the wheel. Ug'glub was running on the bottom like some sort of Elemental Hamster while I hung on to one of the spikes and stood on the hub (axle). I was able to keep fighting, though barely (it's not easy trying fight while inside a moving wheel), but Ug'glub's had trouble in terms of reach.

The fight didn't last much longer though, both of us had gotten tired and so Ug'glub's concentration was faltering. Pretty soon, the wheel rolled into the ocean, with both of us in it! Ug'glub at least had enough juice to pull his Buddha's Water Wheel back into his sleeve so we could both swim to the surface. Breaching the surface, we both gasped for air and heard the applause from the passengers and crew. I guess we put on a good show even though it ended up as a draw when both of us ended up in the sea (out of bounds). The sailor who had taken us to the atoll rowed up besides and helped us out of the water.

Back on The Sailor's Love Letter, the captain looked at us and said, "Now that you two hotheads have cooled off, I don't want anymore fighting aboard my ship, understand?" We barely had time to agree before a merman jumped out of the water on to the deck and approached us.

"Fantastic fight boys, especially when you got trapped inside the wheel. I'm Origin Al, of the T.E. and T.R. Playwrights Guild. Of course your fight would have been even more fantastic if there had been a third fighter, and maybe if you were fighting over something, like a small treasure chest."

We just rolled our eyes, playwrights are always trying to improve on reality. Anyway, Al wanted to know if sign a waiver to use our fight, which he had apparently recorded on a Viewing Crystal, for reference material in future plays. We didn't see the harm, it wasn't like he was asking us to repeat it in front of his guild, rolling around once in that wheel was enough for both of us. Anyway, after our dip, I was finally able to set things straight with Ug'glub.