A jaded heart

"Actually… she looks kind of angry with me too. When I asked about you, she said there's nothing like that! I really don't know what's wrong with her."

"Such a thing–"

"Yeah, so maybe her family still had some trouble going on for them? I didn't ask her any further…"

Yang Jian didn't really understand why he lied to Yu Min in this manner. Was it because he was afraid of hurting her with the truth or was it something else? Honestly, he didn't know and didn't want to know.

[Ugh! My head hurt!]

Maybe he should just wait a bit and clarify things before telling anything to Yu Min, right? After all, if she heard what that girl said, won't she be heartbroken? That's right! He was hiding this only for her sake– he just didn't want her to be hurt by the actions of someone she considered a friend.

[That Xu Jiao… She's so damn troublesome! First made me lose the chance to earn some quick bucks, and now she's picking a fight with Min'er!]

He'll first try to convince the other girl that Yu Min won't do something like making use of her friends and then– and then what? The most troublesome thing is that he has to keep Xu Jiao placated during this period; or else who'll help him in dealing with that project?

[Crap! I forgot to give the book to Yu Min… If I run back quickly, I'll be able to catch up with her–]

Yang Jian turned around and ran back the way he came from and made his way towards the library building direction; she had said something about borrowing a book from the library before going home. His physical strength was not very good, and by the time he reached the library premises, he was panting harshly while rivulets of sweat poured down his face and body.

Seeing the state he was in, Yang Jian felt embarrassed; how can he meet Yu Min like this? Deciding to make himself more presentable and hoping that the chilly wind would dry off the sweat, he concealed himself within a cluster of trees nearby while eagerly staring at the building's front door.

After waiting a few minutes -just when he was starting to feel more composed-, he spotted the familiar, slender figure appearing in the distance. His face breaking out into a gentle smile, Yang Jian moved forward and opened his mouth to call out to the other, but what he saw next made him stop right on the tracks.

Today, Yu Min looked quite sexy wearing a pair of dark blue denim jeans paired with a peach pink off-shoulder top that somehow managed to give off a hint of cleavage; when he saw her in this getup today, he thought it looked very tempting.

But, now she was standing on the side of the road leading to the library while chatting with a handsome guy who approached her and who currently looked like he couldn't tear his eyes away from her. And Yu Min– Yu min looked coquettish, tucking a strand of stray hair behind her ear and smiling shyly at the other person.

The other man was not only someone who looked pretty handsome and was quite buff and healthy, but his whole bearing seemed to scream of money as well. Yang Jian looked down at the worn-out book in his hands and quietly slinked back into the shade. He turned around to walk away woodenly when he suddenly remembered something Xu Jiao told him that day on this very library grounds.

'Tang Xuan– even her boyfriend, big brother Song is rich…"

[That person… wasn't that Tang Xuan's boyfriend– something Song?]

Yang Jian's felt his ears ringing while inside his head, a voice seemed to be screaming the word 'impossible' again and again. But unbeknown to him, his hands hanging slackly by his sides fisted tightly as his nails sank into his palms, without him even realizing it.

***.

Xu Jiao slowly sampled the slice of sticky gooey butter cake, which tasted just as delightful as it looked. She luxuriated in the taste of the exterior garnished with powdered sugar combined with the sticky, gooey yet mellow interior of the cake, tasting it up to the very last crumb, and heaved a satisfied sigh; so good!

[If only there was more…]

Wu man chuckled seeing the half-satisfied and half-unsatisfied look on her friend's face. While eating the cake earlier, little Jiao had reminded her of a kitten Wu Man once saw in a relative's place; it had lapped at the milk with so much enthusiasm that it nearly plunged its tiny body inside the milk bowl. She nearly expected her roommate to act in such a manner– but except for the degree of enthusiasm and the level of adorableness, there really is nothing similar between the cat and the human after all.

[So cute… Now I wanna sketch a kitten drinking milk!]

"Why are you laughing?"

"You really like cakes, right?" Wu man had bought this cake from a shop to the north of K city; she had gone to the magazine office there to submit next month's work and accidentally heard the editors discussing which shop has the best cakes. This shop was located near the office and she suddenly remembered her roommate, so…

"I like sweets in general… not just cakes!" Xu Jiao looked dignified while wiping her mouth with a tissue, but her twinkling eyes betrayed her composure.

"Little Jiao." Wu Man suddenly spoke after keeping quiet for a minute or two. "I have something to tell you."

Seeing the unusually serious look in the other person's eyes, Xu Jiao also unconsciously straightened her back– she had a vague suspicion of what was about to come, but…

"It's about your book… Actually, your book cover."

"Wha-" Xu Jiao cleared her throat before speaking again. "What do you mean?"

"Just– I read your book and it's really good even if you uploaded only twenty-something chapters. But the cover is not very good… I didn't mean anything bad!" Wu Man waved her hand around trying to find words to explain better. "What I mean is… Your book might attract more readers if you have a good cover. Since I do illustrations– I thought why not make you one?"

Xu Jiao stared at how the other was scratching her head awkwardly for a few more seconds and fell silent. It had been nearly a week since she showed her roommate the novel she was writing; honestly, by now, she had all but given up her hope on Wu Man accepting to prepare a book cover for it–

"But I don't have enough money to pay you for a book cover ne."

"Ah– little Jiao, don't get me wrong. You don't need to pay me ah! We're friends after all!"

"How can it be like this? I can't make use of your good intentions like this!"

Trying to push back the niggling guilt to the back of her mind, Xu Jiao continued speaking tentatively. She honestly doesn't want to accept it for free ah! Won't that be like taking advantage of this child's kindness and naivety?

"It's fine… This can be considered an investment for me too. When your book becomes famous in the future, I'll also get a lot of exposure. Besides, the current magazine I'm working for only has a limited number of readers and housewives at that… There's not much of a fan base in it actually. Making a cover for your novel can be considered as hanging on your coattails to ride higher… hehe"

Seeing the other laugh aloud in a rather foolish manner, Xu Jiao felt a slightly funny ache in the region of her heart; did this kid perhaps believe that she's as silly as her to be hoodwinked by such a flimsy excuse? Is it that easy for an illustration artist to be famous, merely by making a good book cover?

She of all people knew how difficult it was for a novelist to reach such heights of fame and recognition; even in her last life, she wasn't able to achieve such levels of popularity. So, what more of an illustrator who was simply making a book cover for a novel?

[This child– she's as naive as I thought her to be, right?]

Or not, Xu Jiao thought as she absentmindedly listened to Wu Man's explanation of how she was going about this matter. She felt the sourness in her heart increase even more; in her last life– no in both of her lives, this had been the first time someone treated her with this much sincerity and kindness.

The Xu Jiao at present was not some innocent and dewy-eyed young girl, despite how she looked from the outside– in truth, she was a jaded, hard-hearted old lady who has a battered and bruised heart hidden inside a seemingly innocent exterior. What little artlessness, gentleness, and kindness she possessed had been beaten into a shape so unrecognizable by the cruelties of the world so much so that she wasn't even sure that this unidentifiable mess in her heart was what she really thought it to be or something darker and sinister.

Or… this was what she had been thinking all along after her rebirth at the time when she was only nineteen years old. But, it appears that this wasn't the case– she still seemed to have some of her conscience remaining in her numbed heart.

Of course, this wasn't to say that she wasn't above going to any lengths to achieve her goals, but all the same, she would repay whoever treated her with a sincere heart with ten times more sincere and genuine feelings.