The Great Candied Adventure, Part 8: Cursed Caramels

Chapter 8: Cursed Caramels

Sunny Day

The Raccoon Pirates sailed away from the savannah as Henrietta and the 7-year-olds boarded her helicopter, which was parked on the top of the deck. "I must go now. It vas fun traveling vith you kids, but zese kids can't wait forever."

"Neither can we, FOR THEM." Haylee stated angrily.

"Hm hm hm!" Heinie beamed. "I vill confirm vith Marine on your progress, Sheila. She vould be proud."

"Aw, shucks, she dun' need to know how I'm doin'!" she brushed off. "Me mum knows me!"

"I'm sure she does. Auf wiedersehen, Raccoon Pirates! Farewell!" She started the copter and flew across the horizon as the kids waved.

"And thus, another adventure is finished." Mason concluded.

"We still have to come back there." Haylee reminded.

"Owuuuuhh." Carol plopped on a pool-chair and slipped her heels off. "My feet hurrrrt after all this walking. I sure wish a sweet boy with gentle hands could give them a rub." Dillon rolled his eyes and walked over. "Not you!" She kicked his face. "I meant Mason! He owes me."

"Siiiigh." Mason sighed and went to do so.

"Since it's nighttime, we should probably get to sleep." Aurora said. "Enjoy a crisp cool day of sailing tomorrow. Right?"

"The whether feels warm, and no clouds, so it should be sunny tomorrow." Haylee smiled hopefully.

"Ahhh, that'll warm up the wounds." Sheila sighed, walking to the cabin. "Let's hit the shutters, pals." Everyone joined her and went inside.

The next day, 12:25am

The sun was high in the heavens as seagulls chirped and soared by, only a few fluffy white clouds in the sky. "Ahhh, this is great!" Haylee smiled, leaning forward on the railing. "We've barely had any sunny days lately, and now the weather's lovely! I can't wait to get to the next island!"

"Heh-hwow, Haylee, you're excited today." Mason chuckled, rubbing sunscreen on Carol's back.

"I dunno what it is. Maybe when Sheila accidentally punched me with a Light Sphere."

"Hehehehe. My bad, eh?" Sheila grinned sheepishly.

"I mean, we've almost found all the Sugary Wonders; sorta, and once we defeat Big Mom, we can just enjoy the cruise!"

"But we still gotta go back to Kids Next Door, right?" Chris asked, once again fishing, while Kirie swam in the ocean.

"Well, even if we do, it wouldn't hurt to relax a little, right?" Aurora asked. "After missions, we can take little mini-vacations like this."

"Yeh, that'd be strewth!" Sheila grinned, lying on the keel. "Even if we're KND, we're still Raccoon Pirates!"

"Yeah… that does sound nice." Mason smiled, relieved Sheila seemed to put any 'treasonous' ideas behind her.

While they sailed freely, several miles above the sky, a 34-year-old woman wore a bright smile as she flew freely on a hang-glider. She wore several equipment over her green shirt and black armored pants, goggles on her eyes as her brown hair blew behind her. She really enjoyed the atmosphere, the fresh air, the cool breeze. The ocean lay miles beyond the horizon, as did the fluffy clouds she soared over. Flying was such a great feeling, the feeling of no weight on your shoulders, the feeling of absolute freedom.

She soared miles away from the Sunny, and took land on another ship. Her glider retracted as she approached the cloaked man on the front, seated cross-legged and his back facing her as he poured cups of tea. "Did you enjoy your flight?" He slid a cup across the deck, to her feet.

"Mm-hm." She nodded, picking it up. "I see you're back from your vacation. …Why did you destroy Tornadus?"

"Place was corrupt." He sipped his own tea. "They needed a new life. Besides, it has more atmosphere now." He opened his single, left red eye.

The woman sipped. "I saw the kids. They're doing pretty well so far. Though Henrietta helped them a little."

"Good enough. The sea's a perfect place to test their strength. With no links to their organization, all they have is each other. And theirs and each other's strength." A cool breeze brushed across the gentle waves as seagulls chirped. "The winds of fate are blowing. And very soon, the tides will be changing. The world… our very reality will be entrusted to that Next Generation. It's our duty as adults to see that they're ready. If they know to support each other… to find their own strengths… and overcome the obstacles ahead… we can trust them to make this world anew."

"But it's such a huge burden for them to bear."

"Ahh, yes… but there's no other way. This world is one I'll surely miss. But we still don't know the potential of this generation. Before you know it…" he closed his eye, "they'll surprise us, yet." And took a sip.

"Mmmm…" the woman smiled and looked to the blue sky. "Just like my friends did…"

Big Ma'am

"OIIIII!" Sir Knightly flailed his arms. "You should've SEEN it, Senpaaai! I was all, rudda-bump rudda-bump, rudda-bump-bump-bump, and then BWAAAAAHH!" He banged his own helmet. "I almost got those kids, but then they pushed me, and… they PUSHED meeeeee…" He wept at the memory.

"Arrrr…" Black John sighed, blowing smoke from his candle cigarette. "So did ye get the Licorice Stalks?"

"We was gonna, but it seems they weren't fully matured, yet." Nickel Joe explained. "The seed was just planted, and hyena blood can only make it grow so much."

"Arrrr, but perhaps skewering the kiddies for their blood may speed the process. Either way, I'm not getting anywhere near those stalks. Ay wish Stewie would hurry up and get those caramels."

"Ya can't get the caramels that easy, ya know. Ya have ta sacrifice what ya value most. And I ain't sacrificin' my smooth 'cent now, no sirree."

"Heh heh hehrrr. Well then, the situation calls fer one solution." John smirked. "We must-"

"OIIII! Senpaaaii!" Sir Knightly startled Black John. "I caught a fiiish right here, see. I caught a FIIIISH!" He held up a tiny little anchovy.

Black John glared at him aggravatingly. He gripped the knight by the chest and THREW him over the railing. He splashed in the sea, and shortly resurfaced, looking around confused. "Eh… what?" He was yanked back under.

Nickel Joe and John Licorice viewed the bubbling water curiously. In seconds, Beethoven music started playing as Sir Knightly skittered across the surface, running frantically from a giant unagi. He ran around and around at Sonic speed, not slowing for a second as the sea demon chased. "Waaaahhh!" The unagi caught him on his head and shook him around. He tossed the knight above and caught him in his mouth, spitting him far into the distance. "AAAAaaaahh!" He twinkled like a star.

"Hnnn…" John made a light, casual grin, drinking a bottle of soda. "Ahhh… The thing about soda is, it doesn't cause as much damage as alcohol. If other adults only stick with this stuff, they wouldn't be as weak. 'Tis why we candy-lovers are much stronger."

Joe kept his sly grin and glanced to Knightly's direction.

Sunny Day

Hey, guys! There's something coming from the sky! Kirie called.

"WaaaaAAAH!" Like a meteor, Sir Knightly came flying from the heavens, crashing against their sail, and falling to the deck. The knight quickly got to his feet as everyone looked at him. "Hello."

"…" They stared blankly.

"…I'm Sir Knightly."

"…"

"You look familiar." Carol finally spoke, still lying on the chair in her swimsuit.

"Have we seen you somewhere?" Chris asked.

"Hmmm… Well, have we met before?"

"We're the Raccoon Pirates." Sheila simply told him.

"Raccoon Pirates. Hmmmm…" Knightly folded his arms in thought. "Raccoon Pirate, Raccoon Pirate… Oh! My name is Sir Knightly! And… I'm a new member of the Big Mam Ban'!"

"Oh!!" They gasped.

"Then YOU'RE our ENEMY!" Aurora accused.

"Oh-! …I am?"

"Well, weren't you sent here to attack us?" Haruka asked.

"Actually, I just… flew here."

"…"

"WAIT a second! I am supposed to… AHH HA ha haaaa!" He fell to all fours, sobbing as tears flowed from under his helmet. "BU' WE just become FRIEEEENDS!"

"WE DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU!"

Some sniffles as he looked up. "But you guys are so fun. Why do I have to attack you?"

"Hehehe! This guy's a riot, mates!" Sheila perked, walking up. "I say we add him to our crew!"

"He can't join, he's an adult!" Aurora reminded.

"Well, he makes me laugh, so HE'S joinin'!"

"Really? That'd be so GREAT!" Knightly stood joyously as he and Sheila locked arms. "Thank you, Sheila, thank yoooou!" They danced and kicked their feet around. The others stared with disbelief.

"That seemed awfully fast." Haruka said.

"Not my preferred knight in shining armor." Carol said.

"WHOOOAA!" A cannonball pelted the Sunny, causing it to shake.

"Well, Ah'll be CHOKIN' on me own soda!" Black John called from the distance. "Loony bloke done let us ROIGHT to the MUNCHKINS!"

Sir Knightly stood and faced them with a sorrowful look. "Guys… I think it's finally time I told you. I work for the Big Mom Pirates."

"AHHH! YOU DO?!" Sheila, Kirie, and Artie screamed.

"He just told us one minute ago!!" Aurora shouted.

"Kids, it be in yer best interest ta be handing us yer Sugary Wonders." Black John demanded. "The Easter Bunny already be in our possession, and the Stalks and Caramels are good as ours, too. So surrender us yer doubloons, and have a safer farewell."

"YOU think you c'n scare me, come down here and Ah'll show ya a REAL punch through the lollies!" Sheila declared.

"Oiiiii please don't hurt me, Senpaaaaii!" Knightly begged.

"GET BACK on here, ya pack-a overcooked Wonka-Vites!"

"O-? Okay." And Sir Knightly leaped back to their deck.

The Raccoon Pirates stared with worry at the Big Ma'am, which proved a lot more big and terrifying than their ship. Black John merely smirked at the lower pirates and blew his candle-cigar. "So what'll it be, runts? Yer doubloons in exchange fer not bein' squished into a million salvage?"

"Laaa la la, teeny-tiny, laaa la la." sang the Ma'am's face.

"Heh." With a cocky smirk, Sheila spun her fist and threw a Light Sphere at the ship's face.

"Aaaaahhh!" It made a frown, its face bruised.

"ALL hands to the guns! FIRE!" On John's command, the ship turned sideways and started blasting the tinier vessel with its many cannons.

"Eyaaaahhh port to starboard, port to starboard!" Aurora cried.

"What does that meeeaan?" Haruka wobbled.

"I DUNNO, just go right!!"

Haylee quickly steered the ship rightward and tried to speed it away. Chris and Sheila punched their elemental spheres at incoming cannon-jawbreakers, but it became difficult since the ship was so close. "Wait a minute! Where's Dillon??" Aurora questioned, suddenly realizing the spy wasn't there.

I sent him on the ship to look for info! Kirie signed.

"You did??"

Yeah! Don't worry, we shouldn't be far for him to catch up.

As pirates blasted the band of kids, a shadow slithered into one of the cannon's windows, hiding behind a crate before Dillon reemerged. He sat there calmly and closed his eyes, letting Mario go around the cabins and search the ship. He found the empty cabin Nickel Joe was in, sitting at a round table with his usual grin, but depressed eyes, flipping his favorite nickel. "Haaaaye-ay-ay. I feel like such a bigshot… but this nickel's all I have."

Raising a shadowy brow at this, Mario continued to Fat Jack's room. The shadow wore a look of disgust at Fat Jack gobbling a giant cake. "Heheheh. I'm gonna gobble you to wittle nothing, ahhhh."

Mario shook his head and continued to Black John's room. A World Map was on the table, and a certain coordinate was marked on a tiny island south of the Indian Ocean. "Ay, intruder!!" Mario looked back with a gasp, stuffing the map in his throat before returning to his master.

Dillon quickly dodged the pirates' swords until Mario finally returned, and they Shadow Veiled to get out of there. The Sunny had gotten far as Dillon Shadow Veiled across the sea, having to revert as he splashed in the water. "Guys, wait up!"

"Arrrr, wee scallywag got left behind. To the LOCKER with him!" John commanded, and the cannons began to blast the shadowbender.

"Dillon's coming back, slow down!" Aurora ordered.

"We can't!" Haylee yelled. "They'll catch up!"

I'll save him! Kirie dove into the sea and gracefully Torpedo Spun her way to Dillon. She resurfaced in front of him and signed, Hop on my back!

"What??"

Kirie face-palmed and turned, smacking her back. "Oh." He smacked her back, too.

!!!! Gritting her teeth and shaking, Kirie grabbed and forced him against her back, wrapping his arms around her.

"Whoa!!" Dillon stared amazed as Kirie leapt from the water, and began skipping across the surface. The cannons locked on and tried to blast them, but Kirie skipped left and right and avoided, keeping her light feet on the water's surface.

Despite her skill, they ended up splashing in the water after a short while. Ugh, it's hard to do that while carrying someone.

"Look out!" A cannonball was coming at them, but it was bonked away by Sheila's Light Sphere.

"Rejected, you old walrus!" Sheila declared.

Dillon grabbed Kirie in a Shadow Glide and managed to float back to their ship's deck, catching their breath. "Arrrr! Turn the ship starboard and get after them!" John commanded.

"Senpaaaai! I got it, Senpai!" Knightly exclaimed, pushing a cannon over and lighting it on fire. "I'm gonna blast 'em in one shot- eh-eh-eh-EEEHH!" He slipped and pushed it to aim at the mast.

"NOOO!" The cannon fired and destroyed the central mast's base in one shot. The tremendous sails toppled down and splashed in the sea.

"Owwww. Cannons hurt, la la, so so baaaad." the face sang.

"YEEEAAH! We DID IIIIT!" cheered the Raccoon Pirates.

"Or more like they did it." Haylee winked.

"Byyyyeeee, frieeeeeends!" Sir Knightly waved.

"We don't KNOW you!" they yelled back.

"Now we can go ON to the next island!" Sheila cheered.

"Speaking of which, did you learn anything?" Aurora asked.

Mario perked up, then coughed the map out of his throat. Aurora picked it up and unraveled. "Yuck! Shadow saliva." Haylee said.

"That just sounds plain strewth, Mate! I wonder wot it's like inside a shadow?" Sheila spoke.

"We almost found out once." Mason chuckled.

They noticed the marked spot on the map. "This looks about where we're going." Aurora noticed. "Were the Big Moms heading there, too?"

"You don't think it's Candied Island, do you?" Haylee asked in wonder.

"I find it hard to believe that island would be in plain sight." Dillon said. "It could be just a base."

"Well, it's bound to have more clues." Chris said. "I say we head over there."

"Way ahead o' ya!" Sheila smirked and fist-palmed. "Our next adventure lies in the scallywags' domain! Let's shove off, cobbers, and let excitement be found!"

"Do you ever change, Sheila?" Aurora asked with disbelief. The kids set the ship ready for full speed ahead.

On the Big Ma'am, Black John entered his cabin with Sir Knightly, finding the map on his table gone. Black John smirked. "They took the bait."

"Oooohh, a fish! Where?" Knightly looked around.

"Ye'll see, my fair knight. Ye'll see."

Somewhere south of Indian Ocean

The Sunny Day located a lone island infested with jungles. The kids docked and started trekking the jungle. "Feels pretty small for a base." Haylee said.

"An adventurer's fall is lettin' their eyes get the best of them, Mate." Sheila told them seriously. "Never judge a new place by what's in front, it's what me mum said. Adventure can lie anywhere. In the deepest sea, in the highest sky, or-" She stopped, feeling the ground change slightly beneath her feet. "…right under our noses."

Indeed, the grassy ground was actually a trapdoor. They lifted the hatch up and peeked in curiously, stepping down the staircase. Chris and Aurora held flames alit as they quietly trekked the hidden basement. They found a lit area in the deep back, with some monitors and a strange machine with a chamber. A teddybear sat on a wood chair, a machinegun lain beside him. They believed this bear was meant to guard the room, but it wasn't doing a good job.

Artie and Haylee approached the closed machine. "I wonder what it is." Artie said.

"It looks… familiar somehow." Haylee opened the chamber and approached the monitor. "…May 5, 2031, Guatemala? A year ago? Wait…"

"OH!!" They all flinched at Mason's shout. "I just remembered!! When we fought the pirates at Chocobo, that football baby said something about having a time machine!"

"And he's traveling back in time to GET THE CARAMELS!!" Haruka deduced.

"Alright, I'm lost." Carol stated simply. "What are these caramels you keep talking about?"

"Well, on the 5th day of the 5th month of every 5th year, this weird ritual happens at Guatemala where you can make these Magic Caramels that seal your personalities." Haylee explained.

"But apparently that whole thing started one year after the decade…" Harry noticed.

"Yeah, if it's on 2031." Haylee noticed. "But that's the only time you could get the Caramels at their best quality. We have to go after him."

"Whoa-whoa-whoa, I ain't riskin' losin' mah best quality." Harry stated. "Besides, how do we know how this thang works?"

"I built my own." Haylee reminded. "He's got the time marked at 9:55, so we'll set it at 9:50 and have a chance to ambush."

"I still don't wanna take a chance with those caramels. I mean, what if-"

"You CAN'T go through life with 'what ifs', Mate, you have to live for the moment!" Sheila beamed. "Or in this case, ONE YEAR AGO!" She shoved them all in.

"Whoooa-WHOOOAA!" The button was pushed, and they were all warped to that time.

Guatemala, May 5, 2031

The kids all reappeared at the base of a vast canyon. They ended up in a pile, with Sheila at the bottom. "WOOHOOO!" Sheila jumped to her feet, throwing them all off. "Guatemala, get ready for SHEILA FRAN-" She took notice of the deep canyon. "Blimey, who broke the earth?"

Everyone recovered and stood beside her. "This doesn't look like the Caramel Altar." Haylee said.

"Football Head musta set the dropping point far away in case we tried to follow." Harry assumed.

"Well, it's a good thing we came earlier."

"But that baby might have our only means of getting back." Aurora said. "We'll have to stop him fast."

"Fast be my middle name!" Sheila fist-palmed. "I'll show this whole canyon the bottom of me sandals! HEAR THAT, CANYOOON!" Her voice echoed across the land. "GET READY TA EAT SHEILA FRANTIIIIC!" (Play "Oasis Speedway" from Spyro: Enter the Dragonfly.)

Stage 10: Caramel Canyon

Mission: Race across the canyon and ambush Stewie!

The 11 pirates ventured down a wide slope as Shy Guys came speeding up, inside dark, rolling crystal spheres. A Roll Guy ran over Sheila while the others dodged aside, and when it about-faced, Chris attempted to throw flames at it, but they barely did anything as Chris was forced to dodge. Carol wagged her money in the air and threw it on a far spot, making the Roll Guys roll at it and bump each other. Sheila recovered and spun her fist, sending a Light Sphere at one of the Guys and making him bounce against the others. She and Chris threw a few more light and fireballs to push the rolling crystals down the hill, over a ledge at the bottom.

At the ledge's bottom, they used their Licoropes to swing a series of branches along the left cliffside. They landed on a walkway where a squad of Spy Guys started pelting them with slingshots. Haylee tossed her wrench at one's head and knocked him out while Dillon blew Shadow Breath over the rest of them. They couldn't find a way out of the fog before Haruka tossed a gas cloud that Aurora burned with her fire. They reached a large gap that was too far to jump, but a stalagmite rose from below with a large caramel on its perch. "Hey, that's a Sunshine Caramel!" Haylee explained. "You shine light on it and it makes solid illusions! 'Course, the light needs to be strong enough."

"Say no more." Sheila spun her fist and punched a Light Sphere at the caramel, causing it to glow and create a yellow, see-through glowing path. They crossed the bridge quickly before it vanished, making it to the next path. The path was fairly short, having a Fudgepuffsicle bushel as they overlooked a vast, open chasm. A chasm that wasn't dark and had miles of ground underneath, but was still a fairly long drop. Before they ate the popsicle, several Sunshine Caramels were stationed around the chasm, so Sheila threw Light Spheres to make them alight and reveal giant fans. The fans blew multiple directions, into each other, so they each ate a Fudgepuffsicle and floated to the closest one, letting the breeze take them before the fans disappeared.

They landed on another cliffside ledge and jumped a short gap to another cliff. An Arrow Guy shot arrows at them from ahead, spiking Sheila, Chris, and Aurora as Haylee jumped and tossed her wrench to knock him out as well. Behind his vantage point was a grabbable wall over the chasm, so they climbed across as the cliff went left around. Flames were flying at them from that direction, but came slowly so they were easy to avoid. A Pyro Guy stood on a ledge at the end, producing these flames, so Sheila didn't hesitate to punch a Light Sphere and send him falling. From there, they could climb on top of the cliff, and soon overlooked a great, steep slope leading to a ramp. Across the following chasm appeared to be a series of sloped mounts.

At the top of this slope was a group of black crystals. "Hey, it's Rock Candy!" Haylee beamed. "It's really fun! You eat it, drop the piece at your feet, and it encases you in a crystal ball! Then you can go WICKED fast!"

"Just the kinda speed I need!" Sheila munched the crystal and threw the severed piece at her feet. In an instant, her whole body was sealed inside a crystal ball. "WHOA! I feel like a HAMSTER!"

"Yeah, but a hamster doesn't have this much fun." Haylee smirked. "Captains first!"

"WHOOOAA!" Haylee shoved Sheila down the hill, her ball rolling at whipping fast speeds as Sheila ran inside it like a hamster. With her Mobian speed, it moved incredibly fast, zipping down the hill and up the ramp. "WOOHOOOO!" She landed on a track that curved right, which launched her to a rightward curve, then a track that slid up and down and up and down, then sent her flying via ramp. It launched her to a series of flat platforms that Sheila had to carefully jump while her ball rolled. She made it across, reaching a longer path that turned left around a wall, then across a wide bridge as Bob-ombs tried to get in her way, but Sheila jumped them. The road made a right turn until Sheila rammed in a ledge and broke the crystal, then climbed onto the short ledge.

"WOOHOOOO!" she cheered once more. "That was the funnest candy EVER! Let's hope the other blokes agree with me." She waited for the others. "I hope they aren't dead."

But before long, the others caught up with Sheila in their Rock Candies. Before continuing, Kirie returned along the path and found an enclosing with a Wonka Bar just in the last turn. With that, the crew continued along a path between close trench walls, where the teddybear soldiers called Tediz floated down on parachutes. They bombarded the crew with machineguns, so they quickly hid behind jagged rocks. Chris and Aurora sent flames out to burn the Tediz's legs, and Kirie threw petal shurikens to slice the strings of their parachutes. Haylee ran in to bat the Tediz around with her wrench while Dillon ran in the center of some, conjured a Shadow Shockwave, and had Mario maul all the teddybears.

They passed the trench and came above a cliff overlooking another chasm. A bushel of Ringtrots was beside them, but no path to run on. That is, until Sheila punched the Sunshine Caramel near them, creating a hilly up-and-down track. The others (minus Sheila) started sucking on the sour rings and racing across the track. Sheila ran ahead to throw her Light Spheres at other incoming caramels to add more to the track. As expected, it started to make several snaky turns, and they had to jump bumps along the way. Behind one of the caramels on their left was a hidden caramel, which Sheila punched to make a side-road leading down to a Wonka Bar. Once again, Kirie rushed down to grab it before regrouping with the others.

The glowing roads eventually brought them between another trench, the route made up of several ledges between gaps which they had to jump. Fly Guys hovered above and fired slingshots, but they were a minor nuisance as Kirie could toss shurikens and send them falling to the abyss. At the route's end, there was a Sunshine Caramel lodged in the wall, and when Sheila punched it, a road of floating parallel walls lay in their wake. The crew had to Wall Jump over the chasm, kicking the walls with good timing as they listed upward and downward, while some even moved. The usual difficult Wall Jumps. At one point, they landed on an ice cream cone platform that threatened to topple, so Sheila quickly punched a Light Sphere at a Sun Caramel to make the next set of Wall Jumps.

The distorted magic walls eventually brought them to a safe foothold with a Rock Candy bushel. However, the slope going down had many gaps, and there wasn't any road afterward. Sheila punched the Sunshine Caramels in the walls to make those gaps cover with glowing ground. "That works, but she can't punch through the rocks." Mason said.

"Then Ah'll ride on one o' YOU blokes!" Sheila fist-pumped. "Ah'll do Chris just because."

"No argument, Captain." Chris nodded.

"Argument." Aurora glared.

"Adjourned." Sheila said.

Chris ate the Rock Candy and got in a sphere, and Sheila jumped on and began to run backwards, while Chris ran forward so the ball stayed forward. The others followed quickly, letting Sheila and Chris stay ahead so the former could punch distant caramels with her Light Spheres. The path kept appearing as a result, so Sheila kept up the pace and kept balance when Chris had to make turns. "Whoooaa!" At one point, the magic path was divided in parallel sets of slanted platforms, and Sheila nearly lost balance when Chris had to jump back-and-forth. She still maintained her footing, but the path swerved left and forced Chris to roll up when the path turned vertical along a left wall, and then along a right wall, in which Sheila still had to punch caramels to make these parts appear. A Wonka Bar was placed at the bottom of a vertical part, but they assumed Kirie would grab it.

The path began soaring over a wide, empty part of the canyon. Sunshine Caramels were still stationed, but they didn't know what shapes the paths would take until Sheila punched them. They either had to swerve left or right, or jump some scattered platforms. A hidden side path to the left led to another Wonka Bar, but Sheila and Chris had already sped rightward. Either way, the route led directly to a cliffside with a distant field above it, so they were nearing the end. Chris finally crashed his rock against the bottom stair of a staircase, flinging Sheila on top of it. Once all the others caught up, they headed up the stairs and out of the canyon. A few meters ahead was the ruined Caramel Altar. They hurried over to see if anyone was around. (End song.)

The ruin appeared deserted, but several empty sacks of flour were lain around, the flour spread around in a certain pattern. "Hey, the ritual's already going on!" Haylee observed.

"But I thought we came 5 minutes before Stewie did?" Aurora said.

"Oh no, you're right on time." They faced right with a start, as Stewie suddenly shot them with an electric gun. The kids furiously shook before falling down. With that, a squad of Shy Guys set generators up around the altar, sealing the crew in a barrier.

"You had one of your henchmen change the time to mislead us!" Haruka deduced.

"Oooh, the goth one figured it out, how impressive." Stewie remarked smugly.

"But you won't be able to get the caramels if we're SEALED in here!" Haylee informed.

"What do you think I am, an imbecile? I'll collect the caramels as soon as you've been reduced to your lesser selves. After all, you don't think I'll be stupid enough to get cursed myself, do you? Granted, I was going to use some of these duncenoggins, but one-dimensional characters taste bland, says Big Mom. Bitch. SO, I decided to wait for you here, since you were obviously going to come. I would say that I'm late for reporting to Big Mom, BUT WE'RE IN THE PAST now, aren't we? Which means there's no time like the now. Aaaaand the curse should kick in right… now."

"AAAAAHHH!" The scattered flour started glowing as the crew was trapped in a beam of light. Their souls emerged from their bodies, scattering into glowing, delicious caramels which bore their images.

Stewie disabled the barrier and approached the Raccoon Pirates in their new bodies. Dillon wore a school jersey and a grumpy look, throwing darts at a picture of his father, on a dartboard that appeared outta nowhere. Stewie ate one of Dillon's caramels. "Yuck! The way you idolize your father disgusts me. I'll have no more of that." He stuffed the rest into a sack, then approached Haylee, who began smashing a birdhouse as much as she could. "I say, Haylee, fix that 'tude of yours! AH HA HA ha ha!" He tasted Haylee's caramel, then approached Artie, who appeared less than intelligent, as a big, buff caveman. "Hmmm, not a taste that dazzles me, since I already have it. BAZING!" Stewie approached Carol, once again in her poor-girl appearance as she searched her dusty pockets. "Mmm, and they said money couldn't buy happiness! And I begged to differ. HA!"

He then approached Kirie's caramels, and- "Oh my GOOOD, didjuseethatlightshow?? ItremindedmeofthisreallyawesomepartyIwentto wheretheguyswereall singin' and dancing youeverbeentoapartylikethat 'causeI'dsureliketogo, butonlyifmymomtakesme 'causeshegetsreallyangrywhenIgooutand-"

Stewie gritted his teeth in aggravation, tasting one of Kirie's caramels. "Haaaa, never has silence tasted so sweet. Alright, I'll taste the rest of them later, grab the rest and let's get going." Kirie continued chattering in the background.

After the minions did so, Stewie dropped the return pad and got on. "Errrr how're we all gonna fit?" a Tediz asked.

"Siiigh, alright, I guess a few of us will go, and one will have to go back to pick up others." Stewie sighed. "Okay, you two, get on."

Two Shy Guys flinched and got on the return pad, warping to the present. "Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-What are we gonna DO, guys??" Chris questioned, shuddering like a little baby.

"I dunno, but like, who CARES, ya know?" Aurora proclaimed, in a very fashionable dress-up. "I just wanna go out and buy ALL the latest things, you know!"

"You're wasting your money." Carol stated. "I just wanna go out and dance with all the pretty birdies! All that stuff with money is just a big hassle, why don't we all just be like the animals?"

"Uck, it's so DARK here, when is the sun gonna come up?" Haruka asked, dressed in a pretty pink dress with bright blonde hair.

"Maybe when ya STOP YACKING, ya dumb girl!" Mason shouted.

Present time

Stewie and the Shy Guys reappeared as he ordered one, "Alright, go back and bring the others, I wanna get out of here as soon as we can." The minion nodded and warped back to that point. "And Rupert, I thought I told you to guard the machine! Ugh, didn't even try to bring up the courage to pick up that gun, did you?"

"…" The teddybear on the chair remained still and motionless.

"Siiigh, ho well, might as well try out these other caramels." He grabbed and tossed a Chris caramel in his mouth. "Mmmm, leadership- oooh, spicy, wanna get involved with him!" He perked. He then ate Mason's. "Okay, kind of caring- OOK, it's gas!" Stewie gripped his stomach as it rumbled. He ate Haruka's. "Blech, goth, never any flavor in that." Ate Aurora's. "Stronger leadership, faith in her friends, yadda-yadda- wait, why does it taste so cold all of a sudden?" He ate Harry's. "Siiigh, great, more of that Black stuff, thought I had enough from Rallo. Aaaand last but not least is…" He pulled out Sheila's caramel, which bore the image of Sheila ready to punch. Stewie munched the treat. "…Hmm… well, that's different… It tastes good… like…like a… eeeYAAAAH!" Everything around him turned bright white.

"Nnnnuh, nnnrrruh, nnnnRRUH!" Sheila Frantic broke free of her caramel prison, appearing in a glowing yellowish-brown space.

"Nnnnuh, where am I? … …Mmmmmommy?" Stewie echoed.

"NnnnnAAAH!" Sheila ran forth with a punch.

"UWAH!" Stewie went flying back. "Ow, what the hell?!"

"GIVE US BACK our CARAMELS, you DUNCE!"

"Well, someone doesn't have their personal thesaurus." Stewie stood and brushed off. "Strange, what the deuce is this?" He viewed around at all the floating caramels of the Raccoon Crew's images. "It appears to be some internal, spiritual reality based around their souls."

"Smart little baby." Stewie looked as Haylee was fixing a doghouse. "Each person's caramel contains a small fraction of their personality or trait. Eat too many and they might just get to you. Like Sheila's fighting spirit!"

"EeeeEEYUH!" Sheila ran to throw another punch.

"DOW!" Stewie went flying again. He got up to see Sheila running at him, so he whipped out his shock ray to stun her in place.

"EEE HA HA HA HA!" He looked over confusedly as Carol was trying to smooch Mason. "Ohhh, my Maseyfairy, I love you so MUCH! Let me buy you stuff with my buhmillions of dollars!"

"Gyaaaah, you have a creepy personality, Carol! Nnnnn I'M gettin' outta here, UWAAAAHH!" He ran away as Carol chased.

That's when a beat reached Stewie's ears, and he looked to see Harry dancing to rap music, with large stereos booming at his sides. "Y'all y'all, baby be trappin' us in a CARAMEL 'mension, all these voices in 'is head gonna BUILD up with tension, he gonna scatter up all our souls, huh, well after he eat us, we gonna eat 'im up."

While Stewie was distracted, Kirie was very quietly painting his clothes black, with a flame on his chest. "What the deuce?" Stewie turned around, but Kirie slipped behind and placed a black wig on his head. With a happy smile, she ran away before Stewie noticed.

"Maaasoooon? MAAASOOON?" Carol searched wanderingly for her boyfriend. Her eyes widened when she spotted Stewie, dressed exactly like Mason. "THERE'S my Masoooon!"

"Hmm?" Stewie looked with fright as Carol dashed over. "DAAH!" He was immediately tackled and pelted with smooches. "D'oh, what are you blind?! I'm NOT Mason! Our heights don't match at all!"

"EEEYUH!" Sheila ran and punched Stewie in the face again.

"DAAH! Get away from me, you monstrosi-" Stewie tried to run, but bumped into the foot of a giant robot. He looked up and gasped at the robot of Nolan York in his Sandman outfit.

"Hey guys, check it out!" Dillon perked. "I had Artie build me a Dad robot! You think my dad'll love it? I love my dad so much!"

"You poor, poor fool…" Stewie shook his head.

"Yeah, but it gets the job done." Artie said. "Check this out." He pressed a button, revealing a bunch of missiles that aimed at Stewie.

"Yuh-oh. AAAAAHHH!" The baby quickly ran as the missiles launched, but- "MMP!" Sheila punched him away again. "Oh damn it aaaaaaall!" The missiles exploded on Stewie and flung him around. "Oof! Huh?" He landed on an operating table as Haylee hammered wooden cuffs to pin him down.

"Call me Haylee Gilligan, construction worker." Haylee said proudly, holding the hammer over her shoulder. "And call Haruka, Doctor."

Stewie looked with fear as Haruka raised a syringe, smirking evilly. "This baby's late for vaccination. Blood-veins up."

"Nonono-NAAAHH," Haruka stuck him, "ohhhhhhh…" He felt very woozy.

"I think he's getting pretty tuckered out." Aurora smiled.

"Any ideas how to get us outta here?" Chris asked.

"We could try to mind-trick him!" Haylee perked. "We'll make him return the caramels to us, then our normal bodies can share them and we'll be back to normal! We only have to share one to get all our personalities back."

"Alright." Chris fist-palmed. "Aurora, let's-"

"UUUUHHH-" Sheila once again ran to punch him.

"STOP IT, Sheila!" Haruka and Mason held her back.

"Sheesh, what's got into her??" Mason questioned.

"AH'M GONNA KICK HIS LITTLE BABY BUM!!"

"Yo yo yo, the true is ob', tha's Sheila's dark side doin' it all." Harry sang.

"So her dark side is her really destructive personality." Aurora observed.

"Hu-hu-hu, it's scary-y." Mason shuddered.

"Big coward." Haruka said, disbelieved.

"Just keep her back, let's try this." Aurora said as she and Chris approached Stewie. The baby still wore tired eyes as Aurora moaned in a spooky voice. "Oooooohhh. Steeeewwwiiieee. We are ghoooooosts and we are going to haaaaunt yoooouu."

"Yeah, real original." Chris said.

"Just do it."

"Ooooohh. I'm a spooky ghooooost. Do what I saaaay and we will leave you alooooone until you antagonize us again. Returrrrn the carameeeels. Returrrrrn the carameeeels. Or diiiiiee the same way we killed Eustaaaace."

"That episode was freaking creepy." Harry said.

Back in the real world, the Shy Guys stared confusedly at Stewie's unconscious form. "Waaah? Wah-waaaah?" One poked him.

The creatures jumped when Stewie finally woke up, dizzy and zombie-like. "Iiii like… jump-rope." He wobbled to the time machine. "And CAKES and… jellybeeeans. Ohhhh… how I want… Jeremy Irons." He entered the date and warped back.

Guatemala, Past

Stewie returned to the transformed Raccoon Pirates and tossed their respective caramels beside each of them. "WAAAH!" The terrified Chris shuddered when Stewie spilled his caramels. "Wh-Wh-Wh-Wh-What are these???"

"I dunno, but like, you think this dress makes me look fat, 'cause being skinny is ALL the rage right now!" Aurora perked.

"Oh, I know right, these clothes are so colorful!" Haruka beamed. She picked up one of her caramels. "Ooooh prettyyyy! Whaddyou DO with theeese?"

"You're supposed to SHARE THEM WITH EACH OTHER, ya tool-brained SLOB!" Mason shouted.

"Uh! Huffy-PUFFY."

"Awwww they're so shiny!" Carol beamed, dancing lovingly. "I wanna share them with ALL the townspeople, and throw a PARADE for them, ALL at my cost!"

"Hmph. I wonder if these're good enough to choke a man." Dillon said, glaring at his father's picture.

"Ugh… ugh-ugh." Artie said.

"Your sense is most erroneous." Everyone looked at Harry, dressed like a complete dork and speaking with a nerdy tone. "It's unblemished that the will of our very souls has subjugated Stewie's very mind and indoctrinated him into delivering us our pieces so that we may distribute and revert to our original well-being."

"Heythatremindsmeofthisreallyawesomestory whereliketheSandmanorsomethingputeveryonetosleep butthenthesekidsinvadedhisdreamsandliketotallyscaredhim sothenhewokeeverybodyupbutthenhewastooterrifiedtosleep Ican'trememberwhatshowthatwasIthinkitwasPowerpuffGirlsorsomething theyusedtohavereallyawesomeshowsonCartoonNetwork Idunnowhatcaused'emtoslumpsobadmaybeit's'causeofratings Ireallywishtheywouldgobacktowhen-"

Harry gave Kirie his caramel, and in a flash, he was back to normal. "HO, thank whatever god made music! I ain't understand what I was sayin'-"

"OOOOOH pretty caramel, didjuknowtherewasastoryaboutaguywhoateacaramel Idun'rememberhisname, buthehadthisreallyfunny-"

"Kirie, gimme one o' yours."

"OKAY!" Kirie excitedly did so, and her body flashed. Nothing changed about her, but she was silent as a stone.

"Ahhhh… peace." Harry sighed in relief, the pain in his ears gone.

"Masoooon you're so BLEAK, why-don'tchu liven UP more, try on some fancy clothes! You ever heard that bright colors make you a nicer person?" Haruka bragged to her brother.

Fuming in aggravation, Mason readied to punch her. "Here, give 'er this, it's poison." Harry said, giving him a caramel.

Mason perked and handed Haruka the delicacy. "Here, Haruka. Eat this." he spoke psychotically.

"Oooh, thank you, Mas-" She was surprised when Mason flashed and turned back to normal.

"I'M BACK! Haruka, gimme one o' yours!"

"Sheesh, make up your mind-" Haruka gave him hers, and changed back. "…Oh!"

"Uh…uh-uh." Artie looked when Harry gestured to give him a caramel. The caveboy confusedly did so, and changed back. "Excelsior."

Haylee was furiously smashing the ruins with her wrench, until Kirie chucked a caramel at her head. She gave a happy wave, and Haylee angrily tossed it back. In a flash, she was back to normal. She frantically began fixing the ruins with her hammer.

While Dillon was tossing darts at his dad's picture, Haruka slipped a caramel in his stack, then jumped in his way when he tossed it, catching the treat. Once again, Dillon was back.

"Aurora Dear, would YOU like one of my caramels?" Carol asked graciously.

"Thank you, Car-" The moment she took it, Carol was back in her rich dress.

"GIMME THAT!" she demanded.

"Okaaaay!" Aurora gave it back, changed to normal, and Carol greedily ate her caramel.

The kids then approached Chris, who was still shuddering in fear. "It's okay, Chris." Aurora assured caringly. "Just give us a caramel. It'll be all right."

Chris picked up a caramel and reached for Aurora with the greatest hesitation. Finally, he dropped it in her hand, and was back to normal. "WOOHOOOO! I'm not a SCAREDY anymore!" he fist-pumped.

"Sigh, glad that's over." Aurora said. "Let's hurry and warp back."

But Mason felt something was missing. "Um… where's Sheila?" (Play "Gate of Time" from Zelda: Skyward Sword.)

They looked behind a ruin and saw Sheila's feet sticking out. Mason curiously approached, and there Sheila sat. In total gloom and misery, wearing bland gray clothes. The vibrance she once bore, the endless enthusiasm, was all gone. Just an empty husk of what she once was. …And don't be confused, I'm not saying she's dead. :P

"Um… Sheila?" Mason reached to touch her. She stabbed his hand with a knife. "Ow!"

"What's the point anymore… nothin' even matters. We play… we live… we die… and whaddo we do? Life's just a big… nothin'. And it's hardly even worth it… there's so much pain… so much heartbreak. No one even cares… I just wanna die."

Mason couldn't believe he was hearing this from her mouth. It really struck him. She was always so full of life… always excited to see new things. The way this curse changes people… it was terrible.

Mason looked at Sheila's caramels. They contained what she was. One had her joyous smile, the smile that made him forget his worries. One had her confident smirk, ready to take on a new challenge. One with her mouth wide and arms in the air, feeling the rush of excitement. To think that everything that made her so vibrant… could vanish in a second.

Mason picked up one of her caramels and tried to put it in her hand. "Sheila, please… share this caramel with me. Come on…"

"What's the point… it'll be gone soon enough."

"Come on, can't you do this one thing??"

"What's one thing… in this empty world."

"…Siiigh. You're right, Sheila." Mason sat beside her, having finally given in. "Things really don't matter. I thought I could have fun with you forever… but I guess that's impossible. Things always change in the end… life ends too short. Sometimes it's easier just to… do it now. …Can you at least take one of those caramels and shove it down my throat so I choke?"

"Siiigh… okay then." And with no enthusiasm, Sheila weakly placed a caramel in his mouth, not even trying to see that he choked. Before they knew it, Sheila started shaking as well. Her body lit up the sky as her color returned, and she was on her feet.

"OW!!" She immediately punched Mason's noggin.

"Don't EVUH let me hear you say that AGAIN!"

"Heh heh heh, no sirree!" Never was he more happy to rub his noggin.

"Well, now we got the Magic Caramels!" Aurora beamed, throwing the rest in a bag.

"STREWTH!" Sheila cheered. "Let's throw 'em in the fryer and see 'ow they taste COOKED!"

Mason looked at Stewie's unconscious body with the utmost disgust. "What's with you?" Haruka asked.

"…Anyone who'd try to activate this curse is just terrible. Why would you wanna sacrifice what makes a person who they are just for some dumb candy??"

"Henrietta, apparently." Haylee said.

"Why you so hung up on it?" Aurora asked.

Mason sighed. "Never mind. …Let's go."

They threw Stewie's return pad on the ground, having to go in pairs of three to warp back, then sending one of the three back to get others. It was soon Aurora, Mason, and Dillon left. "Wait! We can't just leave him." Aurora indicated Stewie.

"So what, he's one of the bad guys." Mason said.

"Leave no kid behind." Dillon said. "We may be pirates, but we're still KND at heart. Besides… it's what Dad would do."

"Siiigh. Fine." Mason begrudgingly grabbed the baby and warped back with him.

Present time

They left Stewie at the island and sailed away on their ship, the sun beginning to set. "Well, that's 4 Wonders out of 8." Aurora recapped. "The Big Moms have one, Licorice Stalks are up for grabs, that's just two to find."

"Blimey, then le's get some shuteye." Sheila said. "I feel like I just exerted all me strength beatin' a baby." She walked into the cabin.

Mason looked out at the sunset with a hateful look. "Big Mom… first you threaten to eat people… but you're the one who wanted that ritual set in motion. The Annoyingly Cute Triplets were actually the same… that's how they always got their cake. Can't imagine how many people they destroyed just to make it. And it's not just them… the rabbit…. drawing blood for the licorice… it's hardly even worth it to find some of these Wonders. That's just how bad you people are, though. But just wait, Big Mom… when we find you… Sheila's gonna repay you for all that badness… right in your slobbering teeth." Mason went in to go to bed with the others.

The Big Ma'am sailed by Stewie's island to find the baby dizzy. Black John sighed in annoyance, figuring he'd failed. "Waaaahhh… that baby looks kinda cuddly." Sir Knightly said.

"…" With no hesitation, John grabbed the knight, shoved him in a cannon, and aimed at the sky. "…Oh-" Sir Knightly flew like a rocket to the red heavens. "Yaaaa-haaaaaa." Twinkle.