eighteen

"What? A little more than just friends?" He chuckled, an eyebrow raised in humour. I gave him a deadpan look, silently begging him to be serious. After all. He was the one that said we needed to talk about this. And there I was, talking. Yet there he was, making a joke of it all.

After a fairly long staring contest, Zhan eventually caved and, thankfully, this time, he was more serious. "Okay, okay fine."

He held his hands up briefly.' "So, maybe I got a little jealous." His shoulders shrugged once again.

"Jealous?" I asked him, confused.

"Don't even act like you weren't checking Meng Ziyi out all day today."

Well, I got what I asked for. Serious Xiao Zhan. I kinda hoped he'd go back to joking around, cause the glare he was shooting my way, well, if looks could kill.

"I wasn't checking her out, Zhan! Can a guy not appreciate-"

"Fuck off, appreciating is just the less common way of saying you were checking someone out! Don't bullshit me Yibo, I know you. And I definitely know when you are eye-fucking someone."

"Oh yeah? And how would you know that?"

"Cause you've done it to me enough times for me to recognise it."

"What the- no I have not! Are you fucking kidding me?" I noticed my throat started getting dry and my cheeks started heating. I was sure if I looked in a mirror, there would be an uncanny resemblance to Pikachu - minus the yellow skin. But you know what? It was completely unrelated to the conversation I was having right now. Completely unrelated.

"Look, whatever, forget it. I just wanna know if you take this thing between us seriously or not?" I squirmed underneath his stare.

"Well, that's just it, Zhan, a thing. That's all this is between us." I gestured between the two of us as I spoke. Zhan took a step back, almost as if in surprise at hearing what I'd said.

"Just a thing. Right, fine, I get it. " He muttered, almost inaudibly, but I caught the words. Just.

"Come on Zhan, you know I didn't mean it like that. But we're not exactly in a relationship either." I took a step forward, but barely noticed. "Guys can't really..be in a relationship. It's not right. I just-I have to figure all this out in my head, Zhan. Honestly, I'm so confused right now. I felt I jumbled up my sentence and what I said was nonsense, but I didn't care, I couldn't give two shits.

"So... what, Yibo? I'm just here to give you a good time, is that it?" The hurt was clear in the break of his voice and the moisture in his eyes. He wasn't crying, but he looked like he was on his way there.

"You're twisting my words now," I attempted in a calm tone, taking another step forward so we were only a few inches apart now.

"No, I'm not, that's what you said. You said guys can't be in a relationship. We're not in a relationship so-"

"I never said I'm just using you for sex though, did I-"

"Just? So what else are you using me for, Yibo? Please tell me."

"Now you're just being stupid. You're twisting my words because you're upset-"

"Upset? Who said I was upset? You know what, just forget it, Yibo, I'm outta here." Before I could get any more words out, Zhan was slamming the door behind him. The thought of chasing after him reverberated inside my head for a while, but I fought against the urge and just collapsed down onto my mattress with a heavy sigh.

That guy is going to be the death of me. I murmured to myself with a groan.

After a couple of hours, Zhan came back with one of those looks. You know, the guilty look, where they know they've stepped out of line and, maybe, been a little over sensitive. The look that clearly says: I know I was a dick, and this is awkward for me but, forgive me? With no one, even having to say a thing.

So, with a nod of the head from me in answer, Zhan breathed a sigh of relief and headed straight for the shower. By the time he was out, I was already dressed in my pajamas, waiting to brush my teeth. Zhan was merely dressed in a pair of briefs, but, thank God, they weren't the tight ones. You know, the ones that leave little or nothing to imagine. Cause fuck, my parents were only down the hall and with the sounds I made last time, they'd have no problem hearing us.

I spat the toothpaste into the sink and swilled my mouth out before heading to bed, flicking off the lights. Zhan had already tucked himself in on his side of the bed, but he had a very disarming grin fitted onto his lips. As I slid under the sheets, I felt our bare arms brush against each other momentarily, but I decided against announcing the fact that tingles skittered through my body from the touch.

We laid there in the silence, darkness surrounding us both. But I could see Zhan's face from the beam of yellow seeping through my curtains, from the outside lights. The grin was no longer there, and he focused his eyes on the ceiling. I watched the covers that were thrown over his chest rise and fall in time with his breathing.

"Yibo," his whisper sounded like a shout during the deafening silence, and his sudden voice made my whole body jolt in surprise.

"Yeah?" I whispered back. I listened to the sound his head made as it moved against the pillow when he turned to face me. Our eyes met, and it felt like the entire world froze for a single second as we gazed at each other. But that's stupid, and something a pansy teenage girl would say, so I brushed the thought aside and made a deal never to think that again.

"I'm sorry." He said, simply, before I felt his fingers run over my stomach and up to curve around the back of my head as he slid closer, rolling fully onto his side now.

"For what?" I could feel the pads of his fingers drawing circles and toying with the hair at the base of my neck. My eyes slid shut from the sensation, and I felt my whole body relax into his touch.

"You know." I'm sure I heard him licking his lips as he moved even closer, and I'm sure I felt the brush of his nose against mine. But I didn't want to open my eyes, I couldn't.

"For throwing a bitch fit. I mean, it's not like one day you're gonna wake up and never look at another girl again." He chuckled lightly, but kept it low. Which somehow made my breathing speed up. I don't know. That chuckle was incredibly sexy.

"It's okay, Zhan." I heard the duvet as he moved underneath it and felt his body pressed up against mine. Chest to chest, with our foreheads resting against each other. "I shouldn't have said some of the things I did." I opened my eyes then, or it was more like they threw themselves open, wanting to watch his expression with my next words.

Licking my lips, I took a deep breath and said, "It's not just a thing to me, Zhan. But you know I'm not good with my feelings and..I don't like, you know, being open. It's hard for me to admit, but I- I don't know. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm willing to..." I could feel the embarrassment building up from the tips of my toes to the hairs on my head.

My cheeks grew hot, and I twiddled my thumbs between our bodies, the backs of my fingers pressed up against Zhan's stomach. So he felt every single movement they made. "Fuck's sake," I said under my breath. But I caught the sight of Zhan smirking, which meant he'd obviously heard it. "Okay, can I ask you a question?" I did this a different way, as discussing the way I felt was clearly too difficult for my lips to even remotely say the words.

"Yeah, what is it?" I took a deep breath, mentally preparing myself for what I was about to ask. It was unbelievable to me that I would do this. What I was about to ask my best friend was beyond my comprehension. I mean, it shouldn't have been that much of a shock to me but, I'd never done this before. It was really fucking nerve-wracking.

"Zhan, " deep breath. "Will you be my boyfriend?" I hadn't realised my eyelids had closed once again until I felt Zhan's lips press against mine in a gentle kiss. They opened just as he was pulling back to find him smiling. I waited for him to say something, but he just bit his bottom lip.

It was then that I knew the kiss was his way of saying yes, and I couldn't stop the grin that broke out onto my lips as I rolled over onto my other side. And I swear, even when I fell asleep, the smile stayed there for the entire night.