twenty-one

"Very true." Was all she said. Her glossy lips glimmering in the lighting as she pouted, looking as if she was chewing the inside of her cheek. She didn't half make it look sexy, though. "We should hang out sometime, you know?" She said just as the teacher entered the room, with a clap of her hands to catch the students' attention. Everyone instantly fell silent and quickly headed for their seats. I leaned in towards her ear, feeling her hair brush gently against my cheek as I whispered, "We definitely should." My hand was beneath the table, tapping my mobile against her knee. She caught the hint and took it, deftly typing on her number before handing me my phone back. I could see her smiling from behind her hair that fell over her shoulders and shielded half her face from view, either side.

We sat in silence for most of the lesson, listening to Miss Lucy on at the front of the class as we took notes on what she was saying. Occasionally, me and Meng would mutter something to each other, usually it involved mocking Miss Lucy in some form or other. Even though I was enjoying myself. Meng isn't actually a boring company. I was grateful to hear the bell go for the end of the lesson.

I gathered all my stuff and shoved it into my bag, threw it over my shoulder and said a quick goodbye to Meng, who then joined her group of friends. It was just my luck that I'd pretty much literally bump into Yu Bin as I tried to run for the entrance. I don't know why I was in a hurry, but I soon wished I'd have slowed down a little, so I didn't have to endure the awkwardness of a silent, staring contest in the hall outside the classroom door. Well, it wasn't completely silent as the banter of our classmates filled up the small space we stood in as they wandered past us without even glancing in our direction. It was as if we were invisible, but that's just how I liked to be in situations like this, so I had no complaints.Yu Bin was just watching me though. I couldn't read his expression properly, but I could tell he was panicking a little. I don't blame him. What exactly do you say after discovering two of your best friends are gay?

"Look, Yu Bin," I was the first to start conversation. "I can explain everyth-" I cut myself off when Yu Bin stumbled a few steps backwards, his eyes flitting to and from passerby. His head was shaking as he spun on his heels, turning to leave just as he had at the corner where he'd caught us. "Yu Bin! Can we just talk?" I shouted after him, but he just kept on walking, not faltering for a second. I was dreading school already.

Yu Bin avoided me for the rest of the day. He didn't return my calls or answer my texts. So, in layman's terms, I was officially screwed. I told Zhan this as we walked towards the car after school. I argued with him in muffled whispers in the back seat about it, and I even told him to go fuck a cow at some point. However, he still insisted on thinking he could sort it out. You know what? I wish him luck.

Yu Bin didn't seem to be 'coming around' soon, that's for sure. Yet I continued to whine and bitch and moan to him as I slammed my bedroom door shut and threw myself, face first, into my mattress. My words were muffled, "My life sucks ass." I realised how ironic that sentence was after I'd heard Zhan try to stifle a laugh. I turned to face him with my eyebrows low.

"Sucks ass..." he churned out between the giggles.

"What? We're back in primary school now, are we?" I grabbed one of my pillows and launched it at him. He just stood there as it hit him in the face before succumbing to gravity and falling to the floor. His expression barely changed, except for becoming less amused and more playful. "Oh no, no. I know that look, and just no, Zhan." I held my index finger out toward him, fuck I don't know, maybe I expected myself to have magic freezing powers or something. Anything to keep him from doing what I knew he was going to do.

"Primary school, hey?" He cocked a golden eyebrow, taking agonisingly slow steps. I shuffled further up the bed, a feeble attempt to put some distance between us. Then, as sudden as the change in English weather, he pounced on the bed and pinned me down. He left no moment for me to breathe before he began the most cruel torture anyone could ever have to endure.

He started tickling me. I giggled, high-pitched and girly - yep. I went the whole nine yards of being a complete and utter chick when I was tickled. I tried to push his hands away from my sides, where his fingers were incessantly jabbing me in a way that made my body shiver. My stomach was hurting from all the laughing, but it wasn't a joyful laugh. It was a 'oh my fucking God, get the fuck off me before I kill you' laugh. See, back in primary, me and Zhan used to have tickle wars. I don't know how it started. It was one of those things that just were.

"Okay, okay!" I breathed.

"I give up, you win, or whatever. Just stop." I heard him laugh before collapsing down by my side and releasing a content sigh. The room settled into silence as I caught my breath.

"I always win." I turned my head to glare at him, but found myself just staring. Taking in the way, his skin glowed in the yellow lighting of my room. The way he closed his eyes, his eyelashes curved against his cheek. And, when they opened, how they just seemed to watch the view above him as if he weren't seeing a plain white ceiling; but as though he was looking out into the stars, into the universe. And I swear, if I watched closely, I could see the world glimmering inside his eyes. Then he looked at me. And my breath caught in the back of my throat. I felt like I was watching us from above when my hand slid across the space between us, grabbing onto his shirt and pulling him towards me, holding on tightly. His forehead pressed against mine, our noses touching, our eyes staring. The only sound was of our breathing, mingling together between us each time we exhaled in perfect sync. I briefly imagined the world spinning to a stop, everyone else freezing in time, leaving only us, only our moment still in motion. The thought sent a shiver down my spine.

"I know it hasn't been long since we started this, Yibo." His voice sounded husky, a noticeable tremble as he spoke. "But I know when I'm sure about something." I stayed silent, waiting for

him to make sense of what he was saying. I don't know if it was just me being stupid, but I wasn't quite catching on. "And I'm sure about this."

"What do you mean?" Our lips were so close, if I shuffled the slightest bit forward they'd be touching. Until this point, that was the only thing I could think about, but now I wanted to pull away. Put some distance between us. Because I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Most people would feel eager in anticipation for the next words, but me, no. I wasn't. Do I know why? I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I can't handle all this emotional shit. It's too overwhelming, too deep. But you know something that surprised me? I didn't run away. I stayed long enough to hear.

"I love you, Yibo." Being whispered through his lips. I stayed long enough to watch as his eyes slid shut, expecting the worst reaction. Expecting me to shove him away and dive for the door. I know this, because I know Zhan. I know that look on his face, where he presses his eyes closed so tightly in dread, where he wishes he could just sink away into the ground and never have to face reality. Where he wishes everything could just be a dream. I stayed long enough to tilt his chin up, give him a cocky one-sided grin, and say,