Chapter 7

In my distraction at Roy's everything—which was already my usual at this point, I should be used to this by now—I ended up realizing the mistake I'd made a little too late.

I had stood up and away from the corner seat I had specifically reserved for myself.

It was a mistake that only happened because Roy had gotten me flustered with his sudden request to wear his face mask. I had been standing before I could even realize it, shocked as I was when he had grabbed my hands like we were at a fan meeting. Should I blame myself for acting outside of my own expectations, or should I blame Roy for completely destroying my composure?

It didn't matter. Whoever I pinned the blame on, it wouldn't change the consequences of my actions.

MJ, Cheshire cat-smile and all, stole my seat before I could return to it.

Damn it.

"MJ," I said. I tugged the face mask off my face until it was resting against my chin, making it a little easier for me to breathe—and to show just how disappointed I was at her meddling.

She was unfazed. "Mm?"

"That's my seat."

She smiled widely enough that her eyes turned into crescent-like slits. "It doesn't have your name on it, does it?" That small hand of hers patted the round seat right next to her on the counter. "Just sit next to me."

"But—"

A hand settled on my upper back, making me freeze where I was. That definitely wasn't MJ's hand, and it most definitely wasn't auntie's hand when she was still standing behind the counter. It was also way too large to be a woman's hand, and it was warm. It was real. It was firm, yet not forceful.

Keep it cool, Sofia Ronan. It's just a hand. Breathe.

I turned helpless eyes to MJ, hoping she'd understand my predicament. She already knew me the longest, and she knew how averse I was to physical contact like this. On days when I couldn't muster the energy to speak, she was often the one who knew me well enough to speak for me. Surely, she could do the same now?

Her smile, scarily enough, only widened further.

This woman truly was the devil when she wanted to be. It was cruel.

Roy took up the space right next to me and said, "Can't you let your friend have the corner seat? It looks like she prefers it."

He really was an angel. Is that why MJ couldn't get along with him, putting aside the height jokes?

MJ rolled her eyes at Roy. Again, I couldn't help from wondering just how these two even ended up being friends. "You really think I'd listen to you?"

Roy laughed. "No, but don't you care for your friend?"

I would have said something, but I was too busy trying not to feel faint at the hand moving up from my back to lightly squeeze at my shoulder. Ah, damn. How could I forget how touchy this man could get? I hadn't thought it would apply to me, but I was wrong. I was so wrong.

But it's fine. I'm fine. I'm a little happy, even if a part of me is screaming murder that another person is touching me.

But it's Roy Hirsch.

But it's another person touching me.

Ah, shit.

"Never mind," I said, turning to Roy with a polite smile. He dropped his hand from my shoulder and I struggled valiantly to not breath out an audible sigh of relief. "I can just take the seat beside her. I prefer corner seats, but it's not like I can't sit elsewhere sometimes."

The smile on Roy's face swiftly transformed into a frown for no reason I could see. I had just explained that I'd be fine with any seat, so why..?

"You know," Roy said, the smile returning to his face—yet looking oddly mischievous, just enough that I took a slight step back in wariness. "I'm strong enough to carry around 40 kilos?"

I blinked, confused at the non sequitur. "What does that..?"

There was a clatter of wood before I could finish my sentence. When I looked over at MJ, she was already standing up from her seat and shooting dagger-like glares in Roy's direction.

…ah. She was around that weight, wasn't she?

"It's too bad I couldn't see a demonstration of that strength," I teased, taking up the seat she'd just vacated. I could poke fun at her without feeling any guilt; she'd been teasing me all this while, after all. Fair was fair, right? To MJ, I said, "You've always wanted to be princess-carried by a strong guy, haven't you?"

"By someone worthy, obviously," she huffed. She gave me a long, scrutinizing look, before—

Taking the seat away from me, leaving one seat open between the two of us for Roy to take.

That son of a—

"Then, would you mind if I asked why you deleted the dance cover?"

I stared blankly as Roy took the seat beside me, before looking away and at the menu on the counter in front of me. Carefully, I explained, "I didn't really want to be picked, or anything. It was late at night and people don't make the best decisions then, so…"

"You were really good, though?"

A glance over gave me the view of Roy's sincere smile, or at least, what I felt was a sincere smile. I couldn't help myself from smiling back. "Thank you," I said. Even if I didn't believe it, and even if part of me wanted to argue, I didn't want to make Roy feel awkward. "I appreciate that a lot, coming from you."

"Nothing to thank me for when I was just stating an observation. How long have you been dancing?"

He was leaning in when he spoke, arms folded on the counter to support himself. His body language seemed to be telling me that he was genuinely interested, even if my mind couldn't reconcile the very idea with my reality. This was the man I've idolized for five years; it was difficult, trying to digest the idea that he could be interested enough to know even just a bit about me.

But Roy Hirsch was human, and sociable. Even if he was my idol, it didn't change the fact that he was just a friendly person in general. He was real, and right in front of me, and he wasn't some alien being I could put on a pedestal.

It would be disrespectful for me to keep distrusting his interest just because of my personal feelings for him.

"Around a decade already, maybe? I've been dancing for fun since I was a kid, but I really only started taking it seriously with classes recently," I admitted. It was taking all of my self-control to not lean back when he leaned in, but I was managing somehow. It was just for one day. I could take it.

"A decade's a long time," he said, nodding with an awed smile. His eyes glittered as though filled with starlight, and my chest throbbed with the realization that I could look at him from up close.

Did I deserve this?

I didn't.

But I could have it anyway, just for a moment. I could allow myself this.

"It is, yeah," I agreed, laughing under my breath as I returned my gaze to the menu in front of me. "What would you recommend for breakfast?"

"Oh, meat and rice is the best in the morning. Here," he said, then reached over to flip the pages on the menu I'd been holding on to. "They have a breakfast menu, I usually pick Set B. Everything's great, but a little spice in the morning is the best, for me!"

His enthusiasm was so cute.

I bit back a smile as I nodded. "Then I'll get Set B too, since you recommended it. For drinks," I looked up at auntie, "is there any milk, auntie?"

"You're just like Roy," she laughed. I tried not to flinch at her innocent words; I'd liked having milk in the morning and whenever I was eating spicy food even before I got interested in Roy, but it wouldn't be too odd for anyone to assume I'd gotten into the habit because of my idolization of the man. It wasn't that good a feeling regardless, but she wouldn't know that. "Of course we have milk. Warm?"

I smiled. "Cold, please."

"Me too!"

A laugh escaped me before I could stop it. Roy was unfazed at my laughter, hand still up in the air as he wiggled his fingers happily.

He was like a kid even off-camera, it seemed. It was a cute sight to see, and a view made even more precious with my vague knowledge of how cruel the entertainment industry could be.

That this man could keep his pure smile for this long was a treasure. Maybe it was weird of me to think of wanting to protect it when we weren't even that close, but that was how I felt.

The moment auntie was done taking our orders, he turned to me and said, "I'm happy to see someone who understands how important milk is in the morning." His smile was so warm, it was a wonder that I hadn't melted yet. "MJ thinks I'm like a kid, but does she tell you that too?"

"Ah," I laughed behind my hand, looking over at MJ as she shared her order with auntie. There was a prickly feeling inside my stomach even when I smiled, a cautious part of me that felt wary if he was just prodding for the truth, if he just wanted to know how obsessed I was with him that I'd like the same things he did just because he liked them.

Roy didn't need to know my own (unnecessary) negative thoughts. Maybe my wariness was in the right place, or maybe it wasn't, but there was no room for them right now.

I said, "No, she doesn't. I guess you're just special."

"Hey now, what's with that preferential treatment?"

"I guess you're closer, since she can be that honest with you?"

He laughed. The smile on his face, plus his raised brow, told me that he didn't believe me. "Is that really honesty, or is it just that she doesn't like me all that much?"

Well. Maybe he was right on the mark, but it wasn't my place to say anything. "I won't be answering that," I said, smiling. "She'd know her own feelings best."

"Aren't you best friends, though?"

I paused for a moment. Not out of hesitation, but because I took a glance over at MJ, who was now watching us with an amused smile. She had her chin resting on her palm as she leaned into the counter, and her gaze was…warm. Like it was only natural, like there was something to feel affection for while watching Roy and I talk.

"Yes, we are," I said, looking away to smile down at my hands. I felt itchy in my skin, and ended up scratching at my arm nervously. "She's the person I'm closest to, in fact." Then, with a laugh, I added, "That doesn't mean I can speak for her, though."

"You can just ask me to my face," MJ said, finally speaking up so I wouldn't be hogging all of Roy's attention.

Roy looked over at her. I wondered what kind of face he was making, but I didn't want to be too weird by peering over. He asked, "Do you or do you not like me?"

Expression blank, MJ answered:

"You disgust me."

"Wow, so cruel—"

I ended up laughing. Roy laughed too when he looked over at me, and even MJ couldn't resist when she snickered while kicking a foot out at him.

Even if it was only for one day, I'd remember this for the rest of my life. No negative thinking, no catastrophizing would ever take this day away from me.

I was sure of it. I wanted to be sure of it.

This was a memory I wouldn't allow to be tainted with any of my own poisonous thoughts.