Fanaticism

"So, basically, I have to take precautions against going insane. Good to know, but how do I do that? How can I make my mind stronger than it already is? How do I prevent more locraf from becoming sentient?"

Ty'Bral raised a tentacle brow. "Why prevent it? Insanity is inspiration. Perhaps your declining mental faculties are a blessing. You're being torn in two by a god's will that doesn't align with your own."

Goleil's eyes narrowed. "Who says they don't align? I am merely curious about my past. My devotion to the Flame is absolute."

"Then why do you question its judgment? It had deigned your past life as worthless and is trying to make you into something different. Who are you, a puny mortal, to question a god's will?"

Goleil chuckled as if he were listening to a child. "You godless abomination," he spat, "you know nothing of faith or devotion! Things are as they are meant to be; events occur for a reason! I can't believe you almost fooled me. If I have met you, it was a meeting fated by the Flame. I have developed a curiosity towards my past, so it was likely meant to happen."

Ty'Bral's eyes widened. "Godless? Abomination? So this is the infamous Vrean fanaticism that people whisper about behind your back! Well, listen here, you pathetic mortal! You know nothing of the Elderlings, my people, my culture! And yet you call us godless!" He said, turning to Goleil.

"Who are you to decree such a thing?! You say everything happens for a reason. Then answer me this: why are all your people dead?!"

Goleil was stunned into silence.

"Hmm? Why do you bipedal parasites still plague Annwn?! Was it part of your god's plan for the Krodians and Adal to genocide your people? Was it their plan to leave only you alive?! The arrogance!" He shouted and gestured towards the empty plains in front of them both.

"Look upon your people, Goleil! Watch them as they bow before you! Can you hear them?! All hail, hail the King of Vrea! King Goleil, Ruler of None but Himself!"

Ty'Bral kowtowed to him and prostrated himself before Goleil. The endless fields of dark fog remained silent. The echoes of the eldritch's speech were the only hint that the plains were occupied.

Goleil looked across the fields, trying to envision all the faces he had seen of his comrades. He tried to delude himself into thinking that they might arrive and assist him in teaching this abomination a lesson.

They did not come.

Goleil wanted to say something, to prove to Ty'Bral and himself that his god was all-knowing, worthy of his undying devotion. To prove to Ty'Bral that his people had died for a reason, that the comrades whose names he couldn't remember had been forgotten for a reason, that he mattered. He didn't want to prove it. He needed to.

Faith was all he had left. He couldn't even remember all he had lost.

The sun knight fell to his knees, desperately searching his mind for something, anything. Once again, he wished he could remember.

He looked up at Ty'Bral, who had gotten up.

"It had to be for a reason... or else none of it matters..."

The Eldritch's eyes softened. "You foolish Godling. You act as if gods are infallible, and like those who are unlike you are somehow lesser. The Undying Flame might be an Elder God, but they are still imperfect. Gods are nothing more than mortals so powerful they can not die. Just like you, they make mistakes. They have feelings, emotions, and most important, problems! You must see that now, can't you? Perhaps you can't. You can't accept that now, but eventually, you will. I am, after all, just a set of memories your mind has constructed. In effect, I am you."

Goleil shook his head. As if mocking him would cause him to lose faith. Gods were mortals, and they could make mistakes! How ridiculous. Even if it was true, he had nothing, not even a real name. Without his faith, he was nothing but an empty shell.

"I don't care if I'm talking to an Eldritch or myself. I will not allow my faith to be shaken by just some words. My comrades, my people, they died for a reason. They must have!"

Ty'Bral nodded. He wouldn't be convincing this fool anytime soon.

"To answer your second question, it took a while for me to become sentient after you had ingested my blood. I assume that the soul jelly, which is the best term I can come up with, for now, was already present within the blood."

Goleil nodded, following that logic.

"My memories were imprinted on it at some point after you absorbed my physical power, and I became sentient upon my memories, all making it onto the soul jelly. If you can absorb the soul jelly either before it's been imprinted on by the memories or before sentience develops, you won't have to worry about any more voices in your head."

Goleil sighed and stared off into the distance. He wasn't looking at anything particular, not that there was anything to look at other than dead grass and black fog. Despite his grandiose words, he was having doubts. He knew he had a purpose, some task to complete though he couldn't remember what.

While he remembered his training with the Sun Guard, he hadn't remembered how he had gotten into the Guard itself, his parents, or any of his friends while he was there. And he hadn't cared at all.

Why? What was the point of that? He felt like a tool, a weapon to be used and discarded. Was he really special? Did his people really die for a reason?

Perhaps they did. Maybe it had been the foresight of his god that led him to this point. Alfrun had said to keep his faith, while Ty'Bral ahead questioned it. Both were supposedly born of his mind, but he already had doubts about Alfrun.

Was he being used? Was he nothing more than a weapon? He couldn't answer those questions, and he wasn't sure he wanted to.

Goleil shook his head. Since when had he cared for such cerebral matters? He needed strength right now, for he had a deal with Lord Colm. He needed to defeat Y'trix, and he didn't have much time.

Goleil sighed. 'It's only been two days, and so much has happened already. First, those strange patterns I have yet to figure out, now this. What could be next?!'

Ty'Bral chuckled. "I expect you'll have to do something to regain the favor of Lord Colm. You caused quite a commotion, and all in a public place. You'll have to lay low for a while. Of course, that gives me the time I need to teach you."

"What could you possibly teach me?"

"Keep things civil, Godling. You need to learn how to absorb soul jelly, remember? It's a delicate job that even I don't quite understand, but a master craftsman has melded our souls. With magic, I'm sure we can reverse engineer the process."

"Why do you keep calling me Godling? And I can't use magic. My mana circuits have been destroyed."

"Because you smell like the gods, our oldest enemy. It's a smell deeply ingrained into our brains. And don't be a fool. If I suggest something, then it's probably possible. Eldritch mages don't need mana circuits since we don't have any. However, that doesn't make it any less difficult to manipulate mana. Allow me to teach you." Ty'Bral said, one of his tentacles lashing out and tapping Goleil's forehead.

Broken memories began to flood the knight's brain as he saw glimpses of strange magic he'd never seen.

Eldritch magic involved feeling the primordial mana of Annwn and then bending it to your will. Concepts of magic existed in nature everywhere. Fire was a combination of air and heat, and the heat was merely energy, just like primordial mana.

At the the end of the day, the mages would use mana as an energy source to power a concept or group of concepts.

By bending mana through nature, eldritch mages could learn how to reproduce those concepts independently.

The memories were spotty and full of jumps and blanks, but Goleil got the gist. He didn't know how human magic worked since he wasn't a war mage, but he had used mana to fuel his body before. Across both systems, mana had been an energy source.

As he watched the memories, things seemed surprisingly normal. He was surprised. He had always been under the impression that the Eldritch were just mindless monsters, but what he saw was different.

While they were clearly wild, they had societal rules and culture. They might sleep outside, but it was because they had no use for homes or walls. Some even chose to live in the corpses of great kingdoms as if they were refugees. Children were cared for if only to keep them safe from rival Eldritch, who would kill them and absorb their strength.

Goleil shook his head. Humanizing the enemy was a mistake. He would only try their method of magic because it seemed the easiest way of gaining strength, which he sorely needed.

The first step to eldritch magic was to feel the presence of mana. To do this, one must spread their 'will' and, once perceived, bend it to your 'will.'

Only about 5% of Eldritch could feel primordial mana, a much higher rate than humans. Goleil had once heard it was .5 to 1% of all humans could feel mana, and even less could actually wield it.

Healer Freya and her son were examples of people who could feel it but weren't true mages, while Murdoc was the lucky guy who could do both.

Even the weakest Eldritch mage took at most ten minutes to feel mana. After that, it was pointless to keep trying.

Goleil sat down and focused his mind. He then began to spread his 'will,' as the Elderlings taught.

"What you're doing is wrong. You're just dissociating. Your mind never leaves your body, and you only spread your 'will.'" He heard Ty'Bral say.

"And what in the world does that mean?"

Ty'Bral shrugged. "Figure it out."

Goleil narrowed his eyes. "Fine."

He continued his exercise, and instead of 'expanding' his mind outwards, he tried to envision fingers coming out of his head and feeling around him for the world's primordial mana.

He sat unmoving for a few seconds, then a minute. Then two minutes. Then five. Ten.

' Perhaps I'm doing something wrong. This isn't Annwn, but the Inbetween. I'll have to try again once I've left this place.' He thought and stood up.

"That is a sound theory. However, I'm beginning to wonder whether you can do it or not. Even here, I can feel Annwn's mana, albeit faintly. Try again once you get back, but it may be impossible for humans to learn eldritch magic. Since you had come here before, I thought that you might be an exception."

"Aren't you still a part of me? How can you feel Annwn's mana, but I can't?"

Ty'Bral stroked his chin. "I don't know."

Goleil's eyes narrowed. If he couldn't feel mana, he wouldn't be able to absorb 'soul jelly.' Locraf was a valuable resource. If he couldn't figure this out, then he might need to get some outside help. Murdoc was the first that came to mind, but he wasn't sure if he could trust the mage to keep a secret.

"Why are you so afraid? Now that you've absorbed my soul, you are far stronger than any mortal in this settlement. Y'dra Murdoc may be stronger because of his magic, but he has shown to be trustworthy thus far."

"Never hurts to be cautious."

Ty'Bral scoffed, then turned away.

"There must be a way. After all, you've absorbed mana before. Perhaps it's the markings in your soul." Ty'Bral reasoned.

"Markings?"

"Yes, while I was taking over your body, I found what I thought was a makers mark, but apparently, I was mistaken. Perhaps that has something to do with it."

He rubbed his chin again and stared thoughtfully into the void.

"What is it?" Goleil asked.

"Well, it's those patterns you memorized. I'm sure they're magical, but I've never seen anything like them. I think it's a worthy pursuit."

Goleil nodded. "Those patterns might be my only hope for magic."