CHAPTER FIVE

I’ve tried this “like-like “ shit before, and it did not go down well with me.

I guess I’m not made for stuff like that.

He likes me….

I’ve been thinking about this since Maeve made it clear. I stopped crying and we went to the music classes. Not like I could concentrate on what I was being taught anyway.

Why him of all the people in the world??

With the way I am? I won’t be selfish and let him destroy his life by wanting me.

I might even be overreacting. Wait, I’m not.

Nahh. I am not.

Maeve is just great for him... Oh no. Chris would kill me.

There’s Sandra.

There’s Esther.

Abigail…

Just.. not.. me.

We are just.. too different.

I’m broken. He’s perfect.

My life is filthy. His is clean

My parents don’t love each other. His parents’ love story is one of the best.

I cry myself to sleep all night. He plays video games.

I’m terrible. He’s amazing.

There’s no way he’s having his way. I must discourage him and make him change his opinion of me.

I don’t care if he ends up hating me... As long as he’s safe from me.

**************

“He—”, Kyle was about to say something, but I interrupted.

It’s Monday again by the way…

“Hi. Uh... I’ve got to go. Bye!”

"I want t---”

“I have Literature”, I insisted.

“I just want to say th—”

“NO! Leave me alone!”, I shrieked.

Everyone in the hallway turned to face us. Embarrassed, I went away to the girls’ bathroom, leaned on the wall, and began to think…

I shouldn’t have done that to Kyle. To myself too.

I shouldn’t have freaked. He’s the one with the feelings, right?

Rayna.. right??!

The last time I tried this nonsense, I was the victim. I don’t want Kyle to put me through it one more time.

The next time’ll probably be never.

Am I overreacting maybe? Aaron didn’t exactly put it into words that he liked me. I mean, everyone uses emojis.

I could be crying my eyes out while I’m with my phone, but I could send a million laughing emojis to someone who thinks that what he or she said was funny, you know?

But it still hurt that he admitted to me that he had a crush on one of my friends. I was deceived, people!!

And he didn’t use any fucked-up emoji. He typed it, man!

I cried after that confession though. It hurt me. I always fantasized about him. I once fell into a trance that ended up with us nearly kissing before I returned to reality.

So yeah, I cried.

I shouldn’t transfer the aggression to him. I am going to apologize.

But then, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. You all must have heard about Dylan Peters. He’s my older brother. He’s nineteen years old, an amazing sportsman. He’s a beast on the tracks. He’s also great at ball games. And of course, he’s very good-looking. I think my inception got someone mad because I don’t honestly understand why the genes failed me at my turn. See why I am so insecure all the time?

Kamila is so beautiful, and she’s eleven. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not jealous. I’m just sad that I’m not pretty, like her. My brother is also pretty brilliant, he’s in the science department. I am not bothered about that because I am pretty brilliant as well, if not more. I’m very proud of that part of me, but the rest is pretty much a different story.

The only thing I have that I am very happy that I do is my dimples. I know a lot of people wish to have them and I got them without any effort, naturally. Apart from that...

Once upon a time, I let people pick on me. Not that I’m anything out of the usual normal but let’s just say they’re not used to it. I wish I’d had that understanding earlier than now, but the deed’s done.

I’m better at accepting it now, but like I said; Better. Not perfect. There are times I break down and curse my existence.

I guess I also like the colour of my eyes.. Brown, not too light a shade but I like it.

I’ll quit the pity party.

I’m going to apologize…

KYLE’S P.O.V

While I was trying to clear my head, Jack walked up to me. Jack’s my best friend, my most trusted pal. I loved him like a brother.

“Woah. What was that?”, he asked with a raised eyebrow.

“I don’t know either… I just wanted to tell her Maeve said to meet her at the library when it’s lunchtime. Something about girl issues. I did not expect that either”, I replied Jack, as surprised as he was.

While Jack and I were talking, I saw her, coming down to the field, where Jack and I were. It was time for P.E. anyway.

“Excuse me. Uh... Kyle? I’d like to talk to you please”, she asked, her breath hitching.

“Is everything fine?”, Jack asked, concerned.

“Yes. Everything’s fine”, she answered him.

“I’ll just leave now then. Take care”. And with that, he left. He went to get changed into his sportswear.

“Hey, Ray—”

“Listen..”, she cut me short, “About what happened in the hallway, I’m very sorry. I didn’t mean to react like that. I had a lot on my mind, that’s it. I ap—”

“I like you Rayna!”, I blurted, stopping her seemingly heartfelt apology.

She froze.

“Yes, I know. It’s all weird and sudden from me, I apologize. But I can’t keep this in me for long anymore. For a year, Rayna... I began to lose my guard some months ago, I couldn’t control it as much as I once did. I might just be a fifteen-year-old brat, but I’m not confused about how I feel about you. I like you, Rayna, I do”, I went.

My chest suddenly felt lighter and I could breathe better…

Until I saw the tears form in her beautiful brown eyes. Her expression became very distressed, she didn’t look happy.

The tears fell.

The weight on my chest came back, heavier than before. I made her cry.

She took to her heels and ran away.

Ran away from me.

I wanted her nearer and closer so badly, but I’d made her run away from me. The irony of it dealt seriously with me.

Why is she running away?

Why does she always run away?

What is she so afraid of?

I have a feeling I’m not the one that’s responsible. It’s got to be way deeper...

RAYNA’S P.O.V

I went to the girls’ restroom and I cried my eyes out.

Maeve was right. He does like me.

Now what? I don’t want to be hurt, again.

Deceived again.

Besides all that, I am not Kyle-standard.

He deals with the really pretty girls, all sexy and all. Popular as well.

I won’t say I’m unpopular in school per the right benchmarks, but “sensibility” and “being cool” is determined by your social media. Some of us are great at it, [“It” being social media], but some of them let it get to their heads.

But luckily, Kyle isn’t one of them, otherwise, I wouldn’t even be found within five metres of him.

I’m not slim. I dare not say I’m sexy. I don’t have light skin {my skin’s a very light shade of brown}...

I’m not a blondie. Long legs? Nahh.

Social media? Not my area of speciality.

I’m social in school, yeah, but it seems like that kind of social doesn’t count. I’m not even on Instagram or whatever y’all call it {I hate the app}. I feel it’s a platform for people to express their fake selves, yunno? I mean, some are real I guess, but we both know there are a lot of fakes out there.

I’m even tired of listing my flaws. Long story cut short, I’m not for him.

Or anyone even.

Rayna, the typical middle child. The first got lucky, last as well, luck rejected my very being. Sigh.

Kyle, I don’t know what’s going on in me, what I think I feel.

But, before I love you,

I’m going to leave you.

Before I’m someone you leave behind,

I’ll break your heart so you won’t break mine...