I like him, but he's younger than me

It's Sunday and I almost forgot what happened that day, but what I remembered was I guessed his age and it was nearly correct. Yes, he's younger than me.

I went to the class singing along from the elevator to the class. I was happy because I'm alone in my way today(no one in elevator with me, it's my freedom). Otherwise, maybe it's because I know I'm going to see my favorite person there in the class or because I know I'm going to be playful again. However, I was curious and I wandered around to see other's class.

Nothing to see, only the younger Lao Shi teaching student, ha I go back.

When I entered the room my classmate smile at me, they know I like singing and was the one singing recently. Back to my study, it wasn't going well because it is the exam day. Lao Shi uses the same strategy to teach; he gives us time to see the lessons to prepare for the coming exam, well it was dictation. Why do I care? Yep, not all students are coming to school for absolute study, someone like come for a new experience and excitement; like when I met new people, especially being with people I think I can learn from just like Bong Visal the director of the school. I like him, he was a man with clear mind and vision. Let's not talk about personal interest; he really is a good father for the family because of his education and... Yes, I think maybe just education (I don't know much about him, just knew I like him). I'm attracted to powerful and high educated people. But when I think again; being a good father is depends on your personality not only education. There are many loving father who wasn't even get high educated but still can be the best for their children, and some high educated people though failed to build a family. I was wrong thinking about that high educated people are good parents without seeing the effects side. Maybe he might not.

Lao Shi went out for a while, and I wanted to go to restroom, com'on. Well, can't wait! Let's figure out myself, cuz I don't know where the bathroom is, too. I wandered around again and meet the receptionist (I would call that but they are also a teacher), smiled at them and continue wandered around again without asking for help.

Ah, why is it so hard just to find a bathroom? However, won't give up. And finally I found it. After leaving there, I go straight to my classroom if Lao Shi came back not seeing me I would be in trouble again. Hahaha, just it is, he's in. I quickly ran into my seat and prepare the paper for exam.

He was telling to write down the date and my name, but I was so talkative and forgot it until he said,"I was waiting for you to write down your name, Koemyeng, and we will start the exam!". Eww, he blamed me. Huh, fine.

I followed the instruct and we start dictating. Not fun, I made mistake with dictation and I have to copy for 400 times. Ah, it's not fun! Why the numbers in Chinese are all easy except number 0? "零" are you kidding me? I couldn't keep my mouth closed and asked Lao Shi, "Lao Shi, why the number 0 is so complicated to write? However, you should tell me how to write it in my dictation paper, why not written it for me?" I asked him. He started laughing, hahaha and I just realized that he made mistake and forgot to check it out, "hahaha, sorry I forget! So you have 5 mistakes, please copy for 500 times !". He took it back and I was stunned. Did I have to copy more?

After the exam finished, we reviewed some lessons and it's time to say goodbye. Lao Shi was telling us about Lun Yu, and bring the topic related to the previous teacher. He said, "How did your old (previous) teacher teach you about Lun Yu?". I quickly reply, "Lao Shi, we never had old teacher, all the teachers teaching us are young!". "Well, they are old because they're all in twentieth!" He replied.

I started question myself and continue asking, " What do you mean they're old? Or is it you're just 18?". "Nearly correct! But I'm 19 now." He replied. I stared at him with surprised and also disappointed, so he's 4 years younger than me! Or I would say, maybe 5 years age gaps. Isn't it too much? He's the same age as my younger brother! What a shameless me liking younger man! I thought to myself with disappointing. I sighed and we start saying goodbye between students and Teacher. I said the last words, "幼稚" which means Childish, and I walked to the elevator with other students. I never thought he was that younger than me, and I feel so... Ugh, I can't! I don't want to hear the word "old cow want to eat Young Grass" from other people toward me. I really don't. So what I have to do next, is to make it just like a dream and then completely forget it when I wake up.

Lao Shi was coming with us today, so weird. He never ride in the elevator with the students before, but this time. Even though I'm upset, but let's act like nothing happened. I sang along again without any shame in front of my classmates, because I like singing. And Lao Shi was joking by saying that, " Next time I will let you guys sing one by one in the class, and Koemyeng is the first start". I replied back with smile, Ok. And then he started asking, "Koemyeng, how old are you?". When I heard this question I almost cried out, it was intense for me; I'm old now, not a teen like before. I replied, "23 years old". And he started asking others, they tell their age one by one. The girl next to me was the same age as Lao Shi, I took my hand on her shoulder and said with playful voice, "oh my baby, my only one," that phrase I always use with my younger brother and sister and it became my habit saying it with youngsters. He then asking, " Koemyeng, are you an introvert or an extrovert?". I was smiling and still remains friendly, " actually, I'm an introvert" I replied. " Why always acting like an extrovert one?" He asked. " Yeah, because of my classmates are more introverted than me!" I replied. And then suddenly the elevator's door open, and we all entered. In the way down, the students asked Lao Shi whatever they want to know, I remember he replied one " I am going to 13A floor, that is my dorms, I sleep there.". Heard that and I thought maybe he was just accidentally passed by and come with us, no intention at all. Didn't want to make things awkward, I asked, "Lao Shi, how do you know Introvert and Extrovert differences?". "It's just a simple knowledge!" He replied with his childish words as the same as before: arrogant and proud. I don't mind him because I knew that he must be younger than previous teachers, judging by his appearance and words. And now I realize, yes, he is.

He went out after arriving at his floor and the students continue going down. Among them, there was me. I was thinking about something that even I myself can't say what I'm thinking about, just a little surprised. When I arrive home I still thinking about that. I surfed the internet about the information; is it okay to date a younger guys? Is 5 years a huge age gaps?

Hmm, it's not fun anymore. And I cannot just go for him like I did with others guys I used to. This one is special 💞, he really is special and I don't think I can get it. I can't ask him date directly like I asked VA Sophak and Try Vanna; they're all old but this man is young and even younger than me. He is special because I can't play along with him. He is special because I can't tease him. And he is special because I can't ... I just can't. I don't know what to do next! Maybe, I just have to forgive myself and forget him because this relationship it won't work, in addition, I'm the woman who likes a younger man one side. I can't risk my reputation to play along like this. That kind of relationship it was considered as an unappreciated for a woman to love a younger man, and it's shameful if he doesn't like you back.

Sighed. Let it go.