Chapter 19: Of lessons and interactions IV

"First, to understand our role, we must look at the origin of the word 'woman'. According to the book of articles and words explanation, 'woman' was derived from the word 'submission'. Thus, the foremost role we must learn to live by is how to submit or how to be obedient. Wan Li, do you agree? what do you think?" Lady Yang asked.

"Teacher, I agree because like me, if I am not obedient to you and e'niang, I would not be able to learn how to be good." Wan Li readily answered.

Teacher Yang smiled with how simple but logical Wan Li's answer was. "Yes, you are correct. However, you must understand that you must not submit just to anyone. Just like all human beings having the three principles as guidance, women also have what we call the three obediences. That is, to be obedient to your father before marriage, your husband after marriage, and your son when your husband dies."

Wan Li tilted her head. What about her?

Noticing Wan Li's expression, Teacher Yang expounded, "The father here represents the head of the household. In most cases, the unmarried woman should obey their elder brother if their father has died."

"Teacher, you said that huang shang is my younger brother, but he called me mei mei and e'niang has not corrected him. So… is he my younger brother or elder brother?" Wan Li asked.

"Huang shang is your younger brother but he is also our sovereign. In that sense, though younger, he might as well be your elder brother. Aside from that, as an elder sister, don't you think that you should be more generous?" the last part, Lady Yang said with her two eyebrows raised.

Wan Li nodded, feeling pleased with the word 'generous'.

"Now, the role of women also directly corresponds to the three obediences and these are, daughter, wife, and mother. To better understand these roles, let us expound on the three obediences. The first obedience is in line with the second principle. That is, all children have the obligation to love, obey, and respect their father or father figure. Moving on, let us look at the second obedience don't you think that it is connected to the third principle?"

Wan Li took a few seconds to think before answering "Obedience to husband after marriage, Harmony between husband and wife… then teacher, does that mean that to have harmony, a woman must be obedient to her husband?"

"You are correct. However, obedience, I believe, is just one criterion for this overall harmony. A woman who becomes a wife must not only be obedient but must also have the knowledge and capacity to fulfill her role. This is where the four virtues come in.

Moral discipline,

proper speech manner,

modest appearance,

and diligence.

These four virtues later renamed as the four disciplines serve as groundwork to prepare a woman not just to become a wife, but a virtuous wife.

Finally, let us look at the third obedience, obey the son after the husband dies. What do you think of this?"

"Teacher Yang, didn't the three character classic say that there is precedence between elders and youngers and that it is part of the ten obligations common to all?"

Teacher Yang chuckled. "That is also correct. However, here we assume that when the husband dies, the son has already become an adult and could take over the position as the head of house. If that were not the case, the mother would temporarily take over until the son comes of age. As I said earlier, obey the father or the father figure. So, in this sense, the mother must respect the position and therefore has to obey the son. Of course, the son must still consider the opinion of the mother if he doesn't want to be branded as an unfilial son. Does that answer your question?"

"Yes, teacher Yang, Wan Li understands."

"Alright. Now, why do you think those roles are important?"

"Because mother takes care of her child, like e'niang does to Wan Li?" Wan Li tried.

"Yes, that's a part of it, but there's more. One must understand that family is like a minimized society and society is like an extended family. If in the family, the woman does not or cannot play her role, then at best it would cause disharmony in the family. But at worst, it could cause the collapse of a society.

The role of women encompasses much more than what it is usually given credit for, but what is important is that we know it for what it is.

A woman's journey to fulfill her roles is arduous. Sometimes, it would even be filled with adversaries. However, as a human being who wants to be and to do good, a woman must live by her roles with devotion and dedication. So, Wan Li gongzhu, as we start learning about the virtues of being a woman, I hope that you will put them not just to mind, but also to heart." Lady Yang finished.

--

TBC