04: Misery

I didn't know how I survived without going out often and not seeing Peter for days already, but we kept in touch through chats. I thought about it, and I'll bake a cake for his birthday instead of brownies: maybe he has already gotten fed up with it. During those three days, I think of the possible design for his cake, and I'm going to use the allowance I saved last school year for the materials needed. We also doesn't have any plans to do because he explained that he wants to lay low.

I feel even more excited as I'm teasing him about what he will do on his birthday. And as usual, he doesn't care and keeps saying that celebrating a birthday is just another expense. But as far as I remember my last birthday, Auntie says that he even borrow money from her to buy me gifts in exchange for his allowance for two months.

I look at my phone placed beside my right hand: thinking if I should call Peter to go with me: and help me grab the ingredients I need. But it's a surprise, remember? I should go by myself.

I search first for a blazer inside my cabinet before picking up the wallet and keys to the house. I lock the front door and start strolling down the road to the supermarket since it's just walking distance from us.

I pushed the cart I got and entered through the crowd. I entered every aisle to find every ingredient I needed for my baking later. It will be my first time baking a birthday cake, and I hope this will turn out well, even if it's not perfect. It's the 18th birthday: after all.

I stopped my cart beside the detergents to check the ingredients I listed.

Flour

Eggs

Chocolate (Dark Chocolate and just chocolate)

Butter

Milk

Cream

Mallows and other decoration

Of all of the things I needed, the decoration for the cake is what I missed. But before I move, my forehead crease when my cart is suddenly pushed back to my stomach. It didn't make a huge impact: but my foot got almost stuck in the wheel if I hadn't stepped back.

" What the he-"

I cut my words off when I realize who is in front of me. The stares at me are like my whole existence is being judged. I rushed to hide the toppers I bought underneath: when stared exchanged on the cart: I immediately intervened, hiding what was on my cart.

" Pe-Peter? What are you doing here?" I asked.

He didn't answer: but I looked at the cart: and found the answer. He's also doing some grocery. Shocks, what a big coincidence. How can I get past him if his stares alone made me stuck in between my cart?

" Are you going to the counter already?" he asked.

" No-No, I have something-"

I didn't finish my words when he placed all of the products from his cart on my cart. He pushed back the ones I bought inside from the ones he bought. And he didn't just drop everything on his side: he organized it very well. But: it's just his too many that it looks like mine is covered.

I'm nervous about his every move because he might see the toppers I hid, so I watch him affirmatively, " You're baking another brownie, huh?" he questioned while still organizing my cart.

I even thought about his question but thought this could be a good escape "Ye-yeah, yes!" I answered, which made me relieved a little, " Why? Don't you like my brownies anymore?" I question. But deep inside, I was so relieved. Thank goodness that's what he thought, or else my surprise would just burst.

He left his cart on the other side and started pushing my cart-our cart, " Are we going or not?" he asked.

I hadn't shifted here on the side of the cart when he arrived suddenly. So I stood up properly and went with him to continue grocery.

" What are you doing here? I mean, you're doing shopping but did Auntie ask you?"

" Yeah, she told me to fetch some things needed at our house before she goes home,"

" Looking like that?" I asked, pointing out his damaged face. But unlike yesterday: it's all swollen and open: now it looks like he was injured a week ago. It healed too fast.

" What's wrong with that?"

I leave a sigh and leave him be. He doesn't care about himself even if others look at him. But I do as his friend, though.

" What's on your list?" I asked: he kept looking at the note he got from his pocket.

" Mom's list," he replied without looking at me.

So I peeked at what list was written there: he doesn't share it with me: that's why it's hard for me to take a look: I have to raise my toes to reach him. Some of the writing has tears on it: so I don't understand the letters very well.

" 12 pi-pieces e-eggs, " I can't understand his writing

thoroughly: that's why I sounded like a 1st grader, " Ohh, I know where it is, wait!" I rush out the aisle: but he catches me right before I leave him.

I jumped back at him because he pulled my shirt back!

" Peter! What if you tore my shirt?!"

" There's a lot of people surrounding you, okay? You may lose around here,"

" You think I'm a kid? You already made me a grade 1 when I read your letter whose writing is like a doctor. Don't worry: I memorize this place: as long as you don't leave here, I'll be back."

He pulled me back to him again: so my lips formed a thin smile on him, showing how pissed I was at him, " We'll go together, then."

He started walking ahead of me, and I badly wanted to shoot him on the back of his head: but when he faced me, I ran to his side and helped him push the cart. Even though he holds almost all of the cart hand, I still carry it down the aisle I want.

" So, when will Auntie come back?"

He shrugged his shoulders, " She isn't sure," he answered while looking into the noodles he was holding.

I helped him grab the stuff on the list as I found the items, and he didn't notice. Whenever he takes hold of something, he stares at it for a long time as if he was judging it while I was taking it when I know it's part of the groceries. But I let go of the cart when we reach the snacks aisle.

" I'll just look for something," I said: before leaving his side without hearing him saying another word.

I squat down to fetch the mallows and choose what snack is be better to decorate on top. I picked the mallows over the stick-o and got back to our cart, but nowhere to be found! What a traitor! He leaves me all by myself here?!

My eyes look around for him while I stand where I left him. The place feels like it's spinning around as I look for him, and I look like a lost child because I want to cry out of displeased to him. I decided to leave this aisle and go straight to the cashier.

But I stopped when I met a cart coming on my way, and it was our cart. He looked worried when he saw me.

" Where have you been?" he ask when he let go of the cart and approach me.

" You're annoying, I thought you left me!"

" I didn't! You were nowhere to be found beside me,"

" You didn't even hear me?! Gosh!" I scoffed.

I walk pass through him and make way to the counter. I could feel him following me from behind because of the creak of the cart. I place the food done with anger on the counter.

I turn my back on him and ask about my stuff, " Give me my stuff!" I frustratedly ordered.

He placed what I bought on the counter: but I didn't mind looking at him. After scanning the food, the cashier told me the bill, and I handed her the money I only had in my wallet.

" Mam, you still need 5."

I looked up at the cashier when she said then my wallet. The money left is to pay for my way back home because it seems hefty carrying all the stuff in my arms.

" I'm on it," I heard a clanked of a coin when Pete handed it onto the metal counter.

The cashier looks confused, but I nod at her and let him. But that doesn't mean I already forgave you, Peter Pan.

The cashier handed me the three paper bags in my arms. It was the right decision that I did not use the money for the fare. It's exhausting for me to carry it even when I didn't make my way out yet in the store.

I was about to attack the guy who snatched my things when I realized it was just Peter. I could barely see because I placed the other bag on top of me that blocks my way. He took the heavy one.

While Peter is already carrying two plastic bags in his right hand and another bag in his left, now he has my paper bag. Who wouldn't have a hard time with that?

" No need, I can handle it," I declined.

" Here, take this small plastic: it's just light to carry."

He gave it to me and accepted it eventually. And it's truly weightless, but he's the one who's having a hard time now carrying both of our pieces of stuff in his arms.

I stop where we could have a ride home: but he continues on his own way, "Pete!" I called him.

I move my head to gesture for him to come and hop in. He soon stepped inside beside me and dropped off the groceries. I know how he's exhausted from his rustle. I said Pete's address first before mine. He even argues with me: but I insist. We were both quiet until our way back home. I also paid for both of us.

When we arrived on the porch of their house, he first lowered the bags in his hands to open the door. After a while, we caught up with Peter's parents in the living room.

It's like he drops everything from her hand when she sees him. That's why he hides behind the bags. But Auntie came rushing to where Peter was standing. She searched for Peter behind the bags and held his face while checking on it.

" What happened to you? Why do you have so many wounds on your face? Who did this to you, Peter, hmm?" then her stare turned on me, " Sue, what happened?"

I felt trapped in the door as they stared at me, even Pete's father. Their looks judge me except for Pete's: his eyes are begging and he steadily shakes his head at me. I don't know what to say!

" Umm-Auntie..."

" Sue, what happened? Why does he have a cut on his lips? His eyebrows?"

" Sue..." Peter called.

I keep on looking back and forth on them, it's like I'm being torn between the edges. Pete's father is also killing me: the way he stares acts innocent, and I loathe him for Pete, " Your husband did this to your son, Auntie!" I answered as I shut my eyes close: that was most likely what I said by rapping.

" Peter?" she turns back on him.

It even took minutes before he nodded, and when our eyes met, I looked in the other direction.

She leaves Pete alone with a gap on her lips, " You did this to our son?!!" Auntie shouted: which shut the silence around the house.

" She's lying; they're lying. What does she know about what happened? You know our son is-is a troublemaker, and Susan has been a bad influence on him!" he defended.

" Don't talk anything like that about Susan!" Peter steps forward.

I hold him back when he's about to attack his father.

" What?! It's true!" he stressed, "... Where were you yesterday, huh? Maybe you got into a fight, and Sue is just protecting you!" then he slightly push my shoulders back.

" Don't touch her!" he pushed him back.

His eyes are starting to build a fire inside. I can't find the Peter I know: he's a different person. His emotion is devouring him.

" Peter? Peter! Stop! "

" Shut up! Before I lose respect to you!" he pointed out. I keep on pulling him back before they could start a fight.

" Enough Peter! Nikolai! Enough! " I heard Auntie trying to interfere as I tried to call Peter back to his senses between them: but they're fighting with words as their swords.

My eyes widened when he didn't hesitate to push aside his wife and he made Auntie land on the floor.

" What?! You're just a coward. "

In a second, Pete was push down on the floor that opened his wound in the eyebrow. His father was on top then he held his collar up. I tried to push his shoulder to pull them apart: but I end up hitting my back on the wall.

" And a disappointment—"

He was about to take another blow punch when all of our eyes turned to Auntie. I held my back and groaned in pain: but I didn't let that stop me from going near Auntie.

On the other hand, Peter hastily sweeps down his knees next to me and carries his mother in his arms.

" Mom? Mom! Wake up!" he said, shaking his mother's shoulders as he lay her on his lap.

My body seems to weaken from all that's happening, and now I just saw Auntie unconscious. Only Pete's voice made me go back to my senses.

" Susan! Call for help, please!"

When I heard Pete's voice, I stood up and skipped his father after he rocked his ass down the floor and couldn't even move a single muscle.

My hands are agitated while picking up their telephone and dialing for an ambulance. And I couldn't stop cutting my words as I could see blood washed on my hands every time I looked at it.

I WAS LOST IN MY HEAD even after we took Auntie to the hospital. She was brought to the emergency room after arriving. Everything that happened a while ago: every single thing, every single word exchanged, it all coming back in a flash.

I comb my hair back and leave a sigh, " Peter, sit down here please, " I tap the seat beside me. He kept on roaming around in a circle since the moment his mother was transferred to ICU.

" I can't calm down, Sue. I can't..." he said after shoving his wet hair back.

" I'm not asking you to calm down, Pete. Just sit down here, please: let's wait for the doctor. "

He sits back: but his feet can't stop from moving up and down.

" Is your back still hurts? Do you need a doctor?"

" I'm fine I'll pass a cold compress later. "

We all stood up from our seats when the doctor came in with Auntie in the room appear.

" Whose the relative of the patient?" the doctor ask after removing his mask.

" I'm her son." he presents himself.

" Your mother had a mild heart attack: and thankfully, she was brought immediately to the hospital before something worse could happen to her. I suggest she should have some rest and lessen the work duties at home and if she's working."

" And we can change her room for monitoring tomorrow. She needs days to be monitored, just in case,"

We both agreed at the doctor, and he excuse himself. Peter seemed relieved right after the doctor told the news when I could feel his chest-beating beats till it was normal during our tight hug to each other.

Thus, I gave a pat on his back. " She's alright. Auntie's alright, " I comfort him.

I let Peter in first in the ICU since the number of visitors inside is limited. I watch them outside the window but still Auntie's unconscious.

Then, my phone rang, and see Mom's name calling. I walk away from there before answering the call.

" Hey, Mom."

[" Are you alright? Is Pete's mom alright?"]

" We're alright, Mom. Auntie isn't still awake but the doctor said she's fine, she just has to stay at the hospital for days." I answered.

[" That's great, Sue."]

" I know, Mom. I'll go home in a while. I'll say goodbye to Peter first,"

[" Take care, Sue, it's also getting late."] she reminded

She's the one who hanged up the call, so I left saying nothing else. I place my phone back in my pocket and go back. I watch Pete leave the ICU, with no sign of Auntie waking up.

I met him outside the ICU, " Do you want to rest? I can take of Auntie." I present.

" I can take care of her, Sue. Besides, I don't want to go home, but you have someone waiting for you at home,"

I pulled him closer to mine and wrapped my arms around his neck, which made me tip over, " Call me if you need something,"

" Text me if you already get home,"

I wink at him while walking away from him. I looked for a ride home, and within minutes I made it home. The first thing I saw as I opened the door, was Mom, she was sleeping on the couch, and the lamp beside her just gave brightness to her surrounding.

After I paid for the taxi, I woke her up to carry her upstairs. She smiled when she saw me in my arms, she continued her sleep when I dropped her on the bed. I went downstairs to do some rounds, instead, I saw the bags I bought a while ago.

So I tied my hair in a low bun: but some of my hair is messed up on the sides and also tied up an apron around my waist before starting to bake.