Can't be more embarrassed.

"Mom, please" Juan wailed in a shaky voice, almost breaking into tears, "I can't!"

"No, Juan, not anymore. I'm not falling into your emotional trap! I had enough!" She shoved him off, continuing to smash the avocados on the boul which is securely situated on the kitchen counter.

"Mom, why don't you understand? this isn't a joke!"

"Shut it, Juan!" This time Juan knows how severe his mom is, but he still wanna try one more time, perhaps his mom will save his life by consenting to his wish.

"Mom, just this once, I reall—"

"Save it, Juan. and go, tell your Dad and sister that the breakfast is ready, go." She pointed her finger at the entrance of the kitchen gesturing for him to get out already, maybe she got really tired of Juan's whiny ass.

"This last time, Mom. I'm begging you!" Jaun tangles her hand in his own, squeezing it tightly, looking up at her with his wide honey eyes, fluttering his long lashes.

"Juan, please, don't you have a little bit of shame in you? just a little bit? this is truly disappointing." letting out a weary sigh, she nudges his hands away "This is not the 1st time that you said it was gonna be the last, right? last month, 2nd week you took 4 days off, 4 freaking days, Juan! I let you, didn't I? and you said it's gonna be the last time. I believed, right? but not anymore, so shut it and go get ready for school!" there's a finality in her voice that made Juan tear up, he felt pathetic.

He doesn't wanna go to school, not without Caleb. Yesterday Caleb had called Juan to notify him that he is not going to school today, 'cause he was visiting his grandparents with his family. from that moment, Juan is tormented. he doesn't know how he is gonna make it without Caleb by his side. Being an introvert is awfully hard sometimes.

he looked down at his feet, tears blurring his vision.

"I said I'm not going."

"kid, stop throwing tantrums, you are too old for that." His mother looked up at him, eyes going wide when she spots the tears in his eyes. "You can't be serious! crying 'cause you don't want to go to school? you are 17, Juan!! you didn't even cry when I dropped you to kindergarten years ago!!" she exclaimed.

" 'Cause I had him with me!" Juan almost shouted

Elizabeth's eyebrows turned down, lips pursed, eyes glaring.

"Did Caleb EVER take a day off school 'cause you weren't coming?" she asked, tone hard, eyes pricking on Juan.

"No, 'cause we're not the same! he's really good with people, and I'm not! why don't you understand? " His voice shakes, going to school without Caleb is pure torture to him. He doesn't wanna drown in the ocean of people that he didn't even know, and have a hard time to breath.

"How long will you stay the same, honey? you need to be okay with being alone, otherwise, you need to make more friends, he won't be with you all the time. you can't take a day off school just because he's not coming! this is too childish for your age! pull yourself together!" she explains, reaching out to wipe his tears away, cupping his face softly in her arms. "you'll be okay, honey, I'm sure."

Juan shakes his head, "I did not. " he walks out of the kitchen, his mom's gaze fixed on his disappearing form.

***

it was really suffocating to sit in the class without Caleb by his side, all alone. he kept fidgeting on his sweater paws, running fingers through his hair in an uneasy manner every five minutes, he could also feel the heat of the stares that some students tossing him.

He let out a sigh of relief when the bell finally rang. fixing the bag on his shoulder he walks out of the class, heading to the cafeteria to kill his hunger.

"Juan!"

The voice made Juan stop in his tracks, grinning when his eyes met with Hayden's own. "Heyyy!" Juan greeted, voice soft.

"Missing my man too much already?" He asks, playfully nudging Juan's shoulder with his own. "never thought you'll come today."

"Never missed anyone like this before and yeah I came. 'cause my mom didn't let me stay home," Juan says, smiling when Hyden's hands find their way to his shoulder and settled there comfortably as he nods at him.

"let's have lunch together, yeah?"

"Yep!" Juan returned the smile that Hayden lent him. His mood lifting already, all thanks to his best friend's boyfriend.

They walk to the cafeteria, Hayden whining about his classes and how he miss Caleb. once they enter the cafeteria it was almost filled with students. they shuffled through the packed space, finally finding an empty corner to sit down.

Both of them ate the lunch with their never-ending chatters.

"Thanks, Man. I would have been a complete loner if it wasn't for you," Juan says, walking back to their classes.

"I had fun and friends will always have lunch together, no?"

"Yeah." he smiles.

"Then I'm heading back to my class, later maybe." Hayden waved at him as he walks to his classroom, Juan mirroring the gesture.

***

Juan sat on the bench, alone. eyes fixed on the book in front of him, fidgeting with the pen in his hands. that uneasy feeling bubbling on the bit of his stomach, again. he just wanna go home.

The maths teacher didn't arrive in the class yet, and most of the students too. now he's wondering if the bell did ring or not, probably not. he didn't remember.

The sound of footsteps approaching his bench urged Juan to look up from his book, Eyes widening when they locked with the delightful blue ones gazing down at him. Juan's breath caught in his chest, the grip he had on the pen tightening.

"Hey! didn't get to talk to you, last day." Alex smiled, a smile so beautiful.

there is it again, that flip-flop feeling on Juan's belly.

"Yeah, you seem really busy." Juan can't help the way his voice stiffened.

Alex arched his perfectly sculpted eyebrows, a little amused by the words that come out of Juan's mouth. "sitting alone?"

Juan could feel how Alex didn't want to talk about the incident in the parking lot, so he didn't dig into it more. "Yep"

"Can I sit here?" Juan wants to scream, the way Alex sounded made his heart twitch. how could he ever say no to him?

"I don't see why not." Juan looked up at Alex, smiling softly.

Alex plopped next to him, their knees brushing each other. "you looked like you saw a ghost when you saw me in the last maths class. am I that terrible to look at, though?" Alex joked, fingers threading through his locks as he leaned back on the bench.

"Ah, that— I didn't know we go to the same school, well, I didn't know anything about you other than your name," Juan says, chewing on his lips. "that makes sense," Alex says, chuckling. straightening his form as he takes the books out of his backpack.

Juan let his eyes wander to Alex's face. He had dark circles under his eyes and looked like he needed a good amount of sleep. his blond hair a mess under his black hoodie. lips all red from the way he chewing on it. even tho he's a little mess, Jaun never felt like drooling over anyone but him. Alex is Fascinating.

Juan flinched and tear off his gaze from Alex when the students screamed a 'Good afternoon' as the maths teacher enter the class. He cursed under his breath.

The teacher starts the class and Juan's mind drifted to Caleb. "lucky bustard" he thought to himself. they both hated maths with a passion and they didn't despise anything more than having to sit in the math class. he let out an audible groan making Alex turn to look at him, "you okay? you are not taking the notes, though?"

"I hate this"

"Cool," Alex chuckled. "Here write this down before he kicks you out of the class."

Juan mumbled a "thanks" before writing it down. after squirming in his seat for a while, he let his gaze fall onto Alex again. He's really immersed in the class, unlike Juan. taking notes of what the teacher says now and then, lips caught in between his teeth. How can a person be so effortlessly handsome like this? Juan didn't know.

Even the mole on the side of his jaw looks stunning, or maybe Juan has gone crazy. dazed, Juan let his finger trace the mole. feeling the soft skin under his fingertips. The way Alex flinched away from his touch made Juan conscious of what he really did. 'Fuck!fuck!fuck!' he cursed under his breath.

"i—fuck— sorry, it's just that— you had a mole right there. I mean, fuck— I'm sorry." he babbled. heart beating out of his chest, cheek reddening out of embarrassment. he made himself small on the chair, he was terrified that the teacher would see him.

Alex laughed, shaking his head, "No, it's alright. it's not like you slapped me or anything. it's just you admiring my mole.", he joked but Juan wanna cry.

He wish the ground would open up and swallow him.