“Fears of Infidelity and Failure in Man”

Early morning before the sun even begins to rise, I always wake up to make sure a couple of things around the house are prepared. I check that the laundry is dry and that food is prepared for Daniel. Before we started dating, Daniel would never drink coffee but I like to think because of me, he drinks a cup a day. Two sugar cubes and a ton of coffee creamer, that man has the taste palate of a little kid.

"Goodmorning", I hear behind me. Daniel stumbles into the kitchen, still half asleep.

"Morning", I say to him as I prepare him his cup of coffee.

Yawning, he looks down at the cup on the kitchen table and smiles, "Thank you." He walks to our small living room and turns on the TV to hear the morning weather report. He walks back to the kitchen and sits down. Daniel listens intently to the news.

"Today we are looking at a dry sunny afternoon but it doesn't mean to put away the umbrellas just yet because later in the afternoon we are expecting a downpour", the news anchor says.

"Goddamnit", Daniel says under his breath.

"So expect a delay for public transport later in the day."

Daniel has a frown on his face while he takes a sip of his sugary coffee. The NAC hasn't provided us with one of those independent transporters so whenever we have to go somewhere, we have to rely on the public transport. I guess our faith scores weren't too high for us to be privileged to get one. Our neighbors next door, the one who beats his wife, he has one. I don't know how he has one, he is a very unpleasant man but I guess he has faith in the system. Getting my ass beat is not a fair trade but I do have to admit, I am kind of jealous.

"Hey, what are you doing! How many times do I have to tell you Selma!", Daniel yells at me.

Without knowing, I had accidently poured myself a cup of coffee. Seeing this, I put the cup down on the kitchen counter. "Im sorry, Its out of habit, you know. I haven't had coffee in such a long time and my body wants it so bad", I tell him.

Sighing, Daniel tells me, "I know but you have to watch out with what you're putting into your body, it's not only you living there. Remember, the doctor said you can't be taking in too much caffei-"

"Ok already!", I accidently shout, "… I told you i'm sorry." I don't know why I get so mad, I just don't like when he starts to nag me. Sometimes it feels like he's the wife and I'm the husband. It could be that I'm pregnant but who knows, sometimes the man gets on my nerves.

I go back to fixing him a plate of food, "How much do you want?", I ask him.

Still with a little confusion in his voice, Daniel says, "Just a little bit, I'm not so hungry. My stomach hasn't been feeling alright since yesterday." If I'm being honest, I couldn't sit down and enjoy my meal yesterday either.

I made him the usual for breakfast. Sweetened oatmeal for the morning and synthetic beef with some veggies for his lunch. Oatmeal to me always sounded like a boring way to start a day but Daniel loves it.

"Thank you", he tells me, "How are you feeling?", he asks as I walk away.

"About what?", I ask when I sit down across from him.

"About yesterday. About you know… the TV star you saw yesterday."

"Oh, You're talking about that... I feel ok about it now but I had a weird dream last night."

Looking unsure, Daniel asks, "About him right?"

Huh? How would he know about that?

"No. Why would you say that?"

He puts a spoon full of oatmeal in and his mouth and looks dead into my eyes, "Because you were saying his name in your sleep."

"I was?"

"Yeah", he says while getting another spoonful," You were."

A jolt of electricity courses through my back and out my forehead, an immense amount of guilt overtakes me. I can't even bring myself to lift my head up to look at him, I... I just feel so bad. I can't believe that even when he is dead, he is still bringing problems into my relationship with Daniel. I know he is going to be mad that I am dreaming about him...

"It's ok. You're going through grief. I get it", Daniel says.

Huh? He's not mad at me? I thought forsure he was going to be upset with me.

"You know, I woke up remembering how we first met. That day we all went out together", he continues. I snap out of my perpetual thought loop and lift my head, "Really?", I ask. Instead of anger or a hint of bitterness, Daniel just looks at me with compassion in his eyes and nods.

"I haven't thought about that in a long time… Although, I don't like to think about it as our first time meeting each other", I tell him.

"I do... it's the first time I saw you and knew that I wanted to be with you", he says to me with a smile. I always loved his smile.

Seeing that the mood has changed, I guess I can relax, "Our second date was technically our first date and that was better than our first time meeting each other."

"You're not wrong, but it's more entertaining to tell this one to people."

"You tell this story to other people!", I say in playful surprise.

Chuckling to himself, Daniel says, "well yes, I can't talk about someone I love? Since when was that wrong? Sometimes I find myself only thinking about you. It gives me the need to shit on other people with bad relationships."

"That's not the point Daniel and that's kind of a mean thing to do to people. I didn't know I was with such a terrible person", I say teasingly.

"I'm just playing, I don't really go around telling people about how perfect our love is."

"So you don't tell anyone about me at all? That's just as terrible."

He lets out a hearty chuckle and yet again, shows me his lovely smile. "Of course I do but I have to be careful and not tell everybody because what if someone comes and tries to steal you away from me. That's why I tell them about our first date so they can see how you really are", he teases.

"How I really am? What is that suppose to mean Daniel?", I play along.

"You don't remember how you use to treat me Selma? You use to be so cold to me but... but that only made me want you even more. There was a certain appeal to your coldness."

"My coldness? Even if I beat you with a stick, you wouldn't leave me alone", I laugh and he does so along with me and says, "Yeah that's probably true." I smile at him and he begins to recount our first encounter.

"Let's see... our beautiful love story started like any other great story, with some spicy drama between young ill fated teens", Daniel jokes, " I was 15 or so and I was asked to go out on a double date with some girl I barely even knew. She had asked me to go out and get some coffee with her and her friends and being at that age where I started to get interested in girls, I said sure. Now, this girl was pretty, some would say very pretty but the girl I met there was even more lovely."

"Sorry we're late Ashley, we didn't expect the rain to start pouring so bad. We got stuck in the transit."

"It's alright, we just got here a couple of minutes ago. I guess we were also a little late…", says Ashley.

"I remember you were standing behind Jeremy like a scared little girl, I felt bad for you", Jeremy tells me. To mess with him I tell him, "Did it turn you on?"

"What? You being a little girl, Don't be a pervert!", he embarrassingly shouts. I continued to press his buttons and said, "I thought it was like a male fantasy to want to protect a girl and then eventually get with her?"

Nervously and with shyness in his voice he says," Well yeah, but I didn't think about it then."

"Then?"

"Shut up.

Daniel looks at me with uncomfortableness in his eyes and I decide to stop messing with him. "Continue with your story", I tell him.

"I've been wanting you to meet him, his name is Daniel, Daniel Walsh", said Ashley as she was presenting a 15 year old Daniel. "This is my best friend, Jeremy Hall", Ashley announced as she presented Jeremy to Daniel.

"Hey. It's nice to meet you", says Daniel as he reaches out his hand to shake Jeremy's hand. However, Jeremy just brushes his attempt at a greeting off and insteads introduces the girl that he came with.

"I thought to myself; This fucking guy! But then that's when I saw you entirely", Daniel tells me.

"Hello, Im Selma."

"You were so beautiful that day."