But there's no you, expect in my dreams tonight.

ZIAN

The wetness of his lips wetting my own. the continuous rasping of 'everything's fine' on my skin makes me go limb under Deik's touch, making my knees buckle at every single peck that is offered to my lips.

I don't want this to end, I never did actually. Grasping on to Deik ever so tightly, trying to open my mouth to say that I need him, by taking every ounce of strength in me, I can't.
Panic rose in my throat by the fading of Deik's touch.

The throbbing of my heart invades my ears. All I could hear are these loud thuds. Something in me is yelling at me that this is all some kind of illusion, that I'm so painfully familiar with.

I open my eyes to the dark ceiling. I look around even though I could barely see anything. I took two, or three deep breaths trying to be as calm as possible. My hand already hurt from how much I wrote today. I don't really want to stumble across my desk to write again and make my hand paralyze. I run a hurried hand through my already messed bed hair as I groan out loud before slumping into the softness of my bed again.

Every time I closed my eyes, all I could see is him.

I can still feel the lingering touch of Deik's, ghosting over my skin. It feels so real as if I almost got him back in my arms but then again, I don't. There's no him except for my dreams tonight. But nothing can do justice to the love I had for that man, nothing else. How can I ever stop loving the only man who made me feel loved?

...

It's pouring outside, making it even darker for the barely lighted room. Daring to dart the sheets away from my body, I lifted my limbs into a sitting position, Eyeing the timepiece, my left, on the nightstand

Five past five, but it doesn't seem like it, it's somewhat dark outside. Something in this weather drew me to the window.
Pulling it open slightly, I slid my hand through the slit to let the rain kiss my palm. Breathing in the earthy aroma.

Two years, it's been two years since I'd been living alone in the house which felt like home.
Now it scarcely feels like one. Lots had happened in these past two years. And now I let my soul heal. Even though it's not the same, it's alright.
I feel grounded. The sound of my phone going off retracted me from my trance. Eyes scanning through the room for the source, my gaze fixated on the nightstand.

The moment I take a glance at the phone, my palms started to sweat, and my legs felt like jelly. Ain't it funny that this woman has this effect on me still? A twenty-two-year-old grown-ass man?

Shame.

I take in that unknown number which happened to be very known to me in many ways. And I hate it, but at the same time I feel relieved, 'cause it evaded any odds of hearing the unpleasant voice of the woman I despise the most.

Unfortunately, it's being the one who gave birth to me.
And I hate that too.